An Imperfect Circle

by R. J. Sable

  I told him no intimate stuff but maybe he doesn’t consider neck kissing that intimate. It might be unfair but I still feel slightly violated.

  “I like kissing these,” he reaches over and brushes my lips with a feather-light touch of his thumb.

  I just sit silently because I’m still reeling slightly and I feel embarrassed, angry, and confused. After a while, I tell Karl this but he just grins at me.

  “I think that’s called being a teenager. We’re entitled to a bit of that, free of charge.”

  I roll my eyes at him but it makes it a lot easier that he’s not making this into a big deal. I shuffle closer to him as a sign of my appreciation.

  He cautiously puts his arm around my shoulder and I let him because I appreciate that he’s cautious. When something like that happens, I tend to be a little bit like a trapped badger and I’d hate to have to bite him.

  “Elise, the intimate stuff… It doesn’t bother me, you need to know that.”

  “Karl, I-” I start but the cheeky beggar cuts me off.

  “Shut up,” he grins. “You always feel like you need to get the last word but you don’t need to say anything about this. I only kissed you because it felt right. I wasn’t going to take it any further.

  If I never get anything more than kissing you then I’ll be happy because, I’m sure you’ve noticed, we’re very good at the kissing thing.”

  “We are,” I smirk because it’s true. I know how bad kissing can be and this is definitely on a whole new scale of awesome.

  “It tingles,” he breathes, looking at me in earnest. “You feel it too, right?”

  “I always have,” I nod, surprised that he still feels it. I was convinced we were making it up as kids but it’s still there. We still spark off of each other.

  “Static,” he smirks.

  “Static,” I grin, relaxing slightly.

  He stands up, unfolding his large frame from the bed, and turns back to face me. “I need to go or I’ll end up sleeping in here.”

  “I know you don’t want that,” he adds when I glare at him. “But I want a good night kiss and I’m getting one or else.”

  “Oh really?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “Really,” he nods, holding his hands out to pull me up from the bed.

  I let him pull me up to standing and before I even get chance to come out with a sarcastic reply or threat of bodily harm, he plants another tender kiss on my lips.

  It’s brief but the buzz is still there and I feel him sigh as he pulls away. His cinnamon breath warms my cheeks and I immediately want him to kiss me again.

  “Good night, Elise,” he whispers almost sadly.

  “Good night, Karl,” I whisper back.

  I’m sad too but I’m also confused. I don’t want him to go but I need to sleep and I can’t sleep with him in the room.

  I settle for squeezing his hand as he pulls away and flopping back down onto his bed with a sigh.

  Once I’ve locked the door, stripped my jeans off, and hopped into his bed, I breathe in deeply. Thankfully, his smell seems to have permeated the mattress and hangs in the air all around me.

  It’s like he’s here without actually needing to be here so I smile to myself and snuggle deeper into Karl’s bed.

  My boyfriend’s bed.

  I’m fairly sure I’m already dreaming because that was something I never, ever thought would happen. I’d already made plans to die as a crazy cat lady. Only it wouldn’t be cats, it’d be hamsters because they’re far cuter and won’t eat me quite as quickly if I die.

  The sun isn’t even up when I wake up. I wouldn’t say I slept as well as I do at home but I didn’t have nightmares or wake up with a cold sweat so I’d say it was a fairly successful night.

  I can hear people moving downstairs so I figure that must be what woke me up. I pull my clothes back on and wander downstairs.

  All of the Carters appear to be awake – far too awake if you ask me – and they’re bustling around doing things.

  Craig is sweeping the kitchen floor and I can see the twins raking leaves in the back garden. It’s still dark out so they’ve had to turn the patio lights on.

  I don’t know where the others are but they’re probably all doing their chores as well. Nobody could ever call these boys spoilt; they earn their keep in the house and help their dad out. I guess that’s even more important now they don’t have Helen.

  I swallow past the lump in my throat as I remember her. Honestly, I can’t even begin to imagine it. I had months to try and prepare for the loss when I thought mum was dying and I never really managed it. Their mum was snatched away without any warning.

  How do you learn to go on without the woman who brought you into the world?

  Karl wanders in from the lounge and puts the dusting cloth back in the cupboard before looking up at me, even though I know he saw me when he walked in.

  “Morning,” he grins, brushing the back of my hand with his finger as he passes.

  There’s still a jolt of energy at his touch but its presence is reassuring rather than disturbing.

  “It’s still night time,” I yawn.

  “It’s after six, Elise,” he chuckles, grabbing a huge pack of eggs from the pantry.

  “Exactly,” I frown.

  He just laughs and I slap his arm because it’s dark outside so he doesn’t get to laugh at me.

  “Omelettes?” Ian’s voice makes me jump.

  Craig has disappeared to brush the bathroom floor so it’s just the three of us.

  “Yup,” Karl nods. I don’t understand why he never jumps when Ian appears out of nowhere. It doesn’t seem fair.

  “Ace,” Ian grins. “Extra onions.”

  “E, I know how you like your omelette,” Karl drawls.

  “I know but Elise needs to learn for when it’s her turn,” he winks at me.

  “I’m not cooking for you,” I scoff.

  “We’ll see,” he smirks.

  No we fudging well won’t.

  “So,” he starts, lifting himself up to sit on the edge of the kitchen island. “You two finally got together.”

  It’s not a question so I don’t answer and neither does Karl. We both know he already knows.

  “You going to stop trying to pull his nipples off now?” Ian looks at me questioningly.

  “Depends if he annoys me,” I shrug.

  “And what if you annoy me?” Karl frowns but there’s humour in his eyes and I know he knows I’m just messing with him.

  “I’m not annoying,” I shrug.

  His eyes widen and he looks at me like I’m insane. “You’re possibly the most annoying girl I’ve ever met.”

  “Wow. How did you ever get girls before? Is this what I can expect on the romance front because I want a refund.”

  Ian bursts out laughing and Karl punches him in the arm and tells him to shut up. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was blushing and he refuses to meet my eyes afterwards.

  “I was kidding, Karl,” I reassure him. I didn’t mean to make him look bad in front of Ian. “I don’t want the cheesy romantic crap.”

  He just grumbles and goes back to slicing onions so I grab an extra cutting board and knife so I can slice the mushrooms. Actions speak louder than words and I’m sorry for badmouthing him so I figure I might as well give him a hand.

  “Well,” Ian sighs, helping himself to the coffee pot. “We all knew it was going to happen eventually.”

  “Here, here,” Andrew appears with a smile. He’s wearing his painting overalls and it looks like he’s already been busy as well.

  I smile politely but I’m inwardly wondering how in the hell he knows but then I remember being caught by Peter the night before and I cringe. Mortifying.

  “We should probably tell Becky and Matt,” Karl looks at me sideways.

  “Blossom,” I correct him but I agree.

  As soon as Shelly leaves, we might as well fill them all in. They don’t necessarily need to know but neit
her of us wants to lie to our best friends and I doubt either of them will feel the need to spread it round school.

  Chapter 25

  When Karl initially informed me I was his girlfriend, I was worried it would ruin everything. I’d only just come to terms with the idea of being friends with him. Boyfriend-Girlfriend seemed like a massive leap.

  However, nothing really changed. At least not in public. We still give each other a hard time and muck around with Matt. I’ve had to punch him a few times for stealing my Wagon Wheels and disturbing my study time by flashing that stupidly attractive strip.

  I swear that strip of stomach is the bane of my existence.

  I almost got expelled when Annie tried to sit in Karl’s lap and he almost let her. I shoved her over hard enough that she fell down.

  Ms Stoner came in just in time to witness the aftermath.

  “There was a wasp on my knee, Miss Stoner,” Karl insists.

  “It’s almost December, Mr Carter,” the Stoner raises a disbelieving eyebrow.

  Karl just shrugs.

  “Elise?” She looks at me expectantly.

  “I didn’t want her to sit on him,” I reply, hoping she thinks I decided the supposed wasp was a boy. I know Karl hates lying with a passion and I’m not sure how I feel about him doing it on my behalf.

  “Are you alright, Annie?” Ms Stoner asks.

  Karl offers his hand to help pull her up from the floor and winks at her. I almost kick him in his special parts, despite my advice to Jamie, but I know he’s doing it to try and save me.

  “Fine,” she sulks, glaring at me.

  None of the girls at school know that Karl and I are together except for Becky, and they don’t need to know, but I wish they’d stay the chuff away from him.

  I’ve already had to listen to the lot of them talking about the size of his junk on one of my free periods and gossip about which way he’s rumoured to like it.

  It. The thing I’ll never be able to give him. I may have massacred a piece of wood in the cellar after having to listen to that particular conversation.

  I didn’t mention it to Karl because we so don’t need to go there. I can’t change it and neither can he so there’s no point discussing it.

  Although things are much the same in public, they’re quite different in private. He hasn’t tried to kiss my neck and he hasn’t made me freak out again since the first time and I’m quite relaxed with having him close when we’re alone.

  My favourite moments are the nights we spend at each other’s houses. When I’m at his, I get his bed and he sleeps in Matt’s room on an airbed. When he sleeps at mine, he gets the sofa in the lounge.

  When we spend the night, we always get at least an hour where it’s just the two of us. Alone. Just like it used to be. Except there’s a good deal more kissing and I don’t think the younger version of myself ever wished it was summer so he’d take his shirt off.

  Usually, we’ll get home from school, do our chores, and then catch up on homework. Karl get’s frustrated with the reading but I’ve been making him colourful flashcards based off his notes because I’m quite good with a pencil and he finds it easier to remember things from visual cues. Matt and Ian help him as well and, to be honest, I think we all learn from it but we’d do it anyway.

  Tonight, it’s just the two of us because Matt’s at work and Ian’s out with a girl he’s seeing. I’ve been researching dyslexia as much as I can in my spare time and I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve to help him study for the tests in January.

  “Elise,” he groans when I tell him this. “Don’t you think I haven’t tried everything?”

  “This is new research, darling,” I grin. He hates me calling him that but, because he made the mistake of complaining about it the first two times, it’s become permanent.

  Serves him right for never remembering to call me Ellie when we first reconnected. Besides, he’s always calling me darling.

  He scowls and slumps down onto the table. Grabbing his textbook out of his bag.

  “Okay, firstly, try reading the text through through this sheet.” I bought some coloured plastic sheets from a craft shop because I read online that it might help.

  He looks at me pleadingly and I know he hates failing so I kiss his forehead gently and gesture to the page. He won’t know if it works unless he tries.

  I stroke the tops of his shoulders as he reads because I’ve learnt that it seems to sooth him and I know he likes it. I can tell when he’s getting frustrated because his muscles bunch up.

  “I think it makes a bit of difference but honestly not that much,” he groans after five minutes of trying to read the same paragraph with no luck. Even when we tried a few different colours.

  He looks like he sort of wants to punch himself in the face and we can’t have that. Not when he’s so nice to look at.

  “One more thing I want to try, okay?”

  “It’s Friday night, darlin’. Can’t we just go chill?”

  Tempting but I’m not done yet. “Just try this first then we’ll finish up.”

  He grumbles but he doesn’t protest further so I rip out a blank sheet of paper from my notebook and place it over the page.

  “Really? That’s your big plan? You’re just going to rip pages out of your book?” He grins cheekily and I slap him playfully as I smile back. I like that he’s still joking around even though I know he’s upset with himself.

  “Just put the paper over the next word and focus on one word at a time. Don’t look at the word before or after. Once you’ve finished with that word, move onto the next until you get to the end of the sentence or paragraph, then go back and read it again.”

  “Sounds like a lot of work,” he scowls.

  “It is,” I admit. “But you say the words sort of jump around when you try and read them and studies have shown this will help you concentrate on the word. It should also help you remember the text better so you don’t have to keep coming back and rereading it.”

  He looks sceptical but he places the paper into place regardless and I smile because I know he’s doing it for me.

  It takes him a couple of attempts but eventually the words start flowing and I can see the look of triumph on his face when he reads a whole paragraph aloud without a single stutter.

  “It helps,” he grins happily, pulling me from my perch on the table and into his lap.

  He knows I hate sitting in his lap but he looks so happy so I let him have it.

  “I’m glad,” I smile genuinely, looping my arms around his neck.

  He gazes at me lovingly, lifting one hand to brush my fiery curls behind my ear. He cups my cheek with his hand and slowly drags his thumb from my temple to my ear.

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  Did he seriously just say that?

  My mouth falls open slightly because I totally wasn’t expecting it. He seems shocked himself but he also seems completely okay with the fact that he just professed his love for me.

  This is not okay.

  I spent the first few months of our relationship trying to convince myself I hated him. Love didn’t factor into that in any way, shape, or form.

  He smirks and uses his thumb to gently close my mouth. “I’m not asking for you to reciprocate, darlin’,” he grins. “Just needed you to know. I’ve loved you since the first time you wrestled with me in the mud.”

  “I was six,” I manage weakly.

  “You were amazing. Still are, maybe more so.”

  “Karl-”

  “Shut up,” he cuts me off with a smirk. “Just accept it and kiss me.”

  “No,” I grumble, irritated at being bossed about.

  “What if I say please?” He raises an eyebrow in question.

  “Maybe,” I shrug, feigning disinterest. In the meanwhile I’m stroking my fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. He’s recently shaved it and it’s so soft it’s like stroking a kitten.

  “Alright, scratch that plan.” He scoops me up an
d carries me out of the dining room and towards the back door, yelling an instruction for Danny to open the door for us.

  “Karl, it’s cold out here,” I protest.

  “True,” he agrees, swinging me up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes so he can grab some blankets from the ottoman.

  “Put me down or I will make you pay,” I threaten, squeezing my arms around his waist in case he drops me.

  It means my hands blindly find their way to that little strip. It’s warm against my touch and the band of hair brushes the sensitive insides of my arms as I cling to his firm stomach.

  I’m still reeling from those three small words at the same time I’m being hung upside down so I can’t be blamed for accidentally putting my hands inside his t-shirt.

  Thankfully, he doesn’t complain, he just laughs light-heartedly at my threats and trots along down the garden like he isn’t carrying the weight of another human being.

  “Here,” he lets me slide down the front of his body as he places me down on the grass.

  I haven’t got any shoes on so my socks immediately soak though but I don’t notice because I’m too busy looking at where’s he’s brought me.

  That’s our apple tree. The apple tree where it all began. My first, proper, private kiss. The place where we sat in silence and held hands. The place where I fully felt like Elise for the last time.

  It’s the same but oh so very different. Small jars are scattered around the tree with tea lights. There’s a thermos of hot chocolate and two extremely chunky sleeping bags.

  “What’s this?” I ask.

  “What does it look like?” He smirks, lifting me onto one of the sleeping bags and removing my wet socks. He tucks my feet under a blanket and then wraps another one around me.

  “Looks like your garden’s been visited by faeries,” I answer honestly.

  He cracks up at this and I wait patiently for an explanation.

  “I paid the twins to do it,” he chuckles. “Not sure how pleased they’d be at being called faeries.”

  I laugh too because I don’t think they’d be that pleased at all.

  “Why though?” I prompt.

  “We’ve been together a month now,” he smirks smugly. I can tell he thinks he’s won by remembering this when I haven’t but a month is an arbitrary length of time. You could be with somebody for a year and it could mean nothing, or know somebody for a day and know them better than you know yourself.