An Imperfect Circle

by R. J. Sable

  That wood worker is lucky enough to have everything he needs, right at his feet.

  That’s true love. When the person you meet ticks every box, meets every need.

  I’ve loved many women, glowbug. But I’ve never loved one in as many ways as I love Corinne.”

  I smile at this because I know exactly what he means. I also know he means every word about the way he feels about my mum.

  As I give Bear a hug of appreciation, I think about what his words mean for me. Karl drives me insane. I mean really insane. We argue and bicker all the time but it’s always fun. No matter what. We always smile at the end of it and we make each other happy through it all.

  He can bring my body to life with a gentle finger to the back of my hand. He can make me smile from the other side of the room just by meeting my eyes and he can sense when I’m feeling down.

  He knows me and I know him.

  He ticks all the boxes.

  My footsteps halt as I realise the truth.

  I’m in love with Karl Carter.

  Luckily for me, his upper body is buried under the kitchen sink so he doesn’t see me almost fall over with the realisation upon entering the kitchen.

  He hears us come in and sticks his head out with a grin on his face and a wrench in his hand.

  He winks at me and then looks up at my mum. “Try it again, Ms Belrose.”

  She turns the tap on and Karl sticks his head back under just in time for a massive load of water to hit him in the head.

  “May have forgotten to tighten it properly,” he grumbles as he sheepishly sticks his wet head out of the cupboard.

  Bear tosses him a towel and I resist the urge to laugh at him because he may do stupid things but I’m in love with a man that does stupid things so what does that make me?

  Chapter 29

  Christmas passes in a festive blur and, before we know it, we’re crammed into sterile exam halls trying to remember the masses of rubbish we’ve stuffed into our brains and will never need again after this week.

  In one particularly boring Business Studies exam, I grin to myself as I remember the Christmas gift exchange.

  We didn’t spend Christmas Day with each other, because that’s family time, but we did spend at least an hour on the phone that evening so we could listen whilst we opened each other’s gifts.

  Karl made me go first because he’s stubborn and wouldn’t budge when I said we should open our gifts at the same time.

  “This sounds suspiciously like jewellery,” I say as I shake the box.

  “Don’t shake it, woman,” he groans. “What sort of a lunatic shakes a gift box?”

  “The lunatic you can’t live without,” I grin down the phone at him.

  He grumbles in response and I set about shredding the paper.

  I’m right. It’s definitely jewellery. But it’s not quite what I was expecting. It’s… it’s just perfect.

  The chain is made of hundreds of tiny silver circles, not ovals as they might usually be but circles. They link into one another to form a beautiful length of perfection.

  What’s really mind-blowing about the necklace though, is what’s on it.

  A single, silver, ring.

  With a single, circular, aquamarine gem.

  It looks suspiciously like a ring with meaning.

  “You’ve been quiet for ages,” Karl laughs nervously. “Does that mean you hate it or you love it?”

  “I love it,” I whisper but I’m not sure I’m convincing because I’m still trying to figure out the ring.

  Luckily, I don’t have to figure it out for myself.

  “That’s an engagement ring,” Karl explains. “We’re too young to get married but I’m not too young to know what I want.”

  “An engagement ring?” I choke because there doesn’t seem to be much else I’m capable of.

  “I told you I knew I was going to marry you when I was six, Elise. My mind never changed.”

  “But…” I don’t really have anything good to answer back with because my brain has turned off.

  “I just want you to wear it round your neck until we’re ready. Because we will be ready one day, darlin’, and then you’re going to marry me.”

  My brain resets at this.

  “You realise you’re supposed to ask me, not tell me.” I smirk because this is so typically Karl and he must have known he wouldn’t get away with it.

  “I’m not asking you,” he retorts and I know he’s smirking. “I’m telling you that I’m not going to ask.”

  “What?” I frown.

  “I’m not going to ask,” he repeats determinedly. “When you’re ready to get engaged, you put the ring on. But until then, you keep it with you to remind you that it’s going to happen.”

  “Karl-”

  “The discussion is over, Elise,” he says in the voice he uses on Jamie when he wants her to do something without arguing.

  Problem is, I’m not Jamie.

  “We haven’t had a discussion, Karl,” I purse my lips. “You’ve just told me what to do.”

  “You love it when I tell you what to do,” he grins.

  “If you were here right now, I’d be hurting you,” I warn him.

  “Good job I’m not then,” he laughs.

  The sound of him happy almost makes me forget that he just told me I was going to marry him.

  He told me.

  I try not to read too much into the fact that I was putting the necklace on even as he bossed me around.

  I love that it’s not a traditional engagement ring, it’s a similar shade of blue to his eyes and I’ll have it against my chest, close to my heart.

  The fact that he’s a commandeering weasel aside, I know that he must have exhausted his savings to get me this present, and that’s sweet, but what really rocks is that he’s given me himself.

  Forever.

  I can keep him forever if I want to and, whilst I haven’t really thought about marriage, I know I’ll always want him with me.

  Let’s be honest; he’s Karl Carter.

  “Can I open mine now?” He asks excitedly.

  I give him permission and I actually hear the paper being torn away before the words are fully out of my mouth.

  “Did you make this?” He asks, a hint of awe in his voice.

  I did. It’s a wooden apple that I carved for him – by hand of course. It’s one of the more intricate designs I’ve done because the core of the apple slots out but you can’t tell unless you twist the leaf at the top at just the right angle.

  I walk him through the process and wait in nervous anticipation for him to see the three small words engraved in the apple’s core.

  I love you.

  After my talk with Bear, I knew how I felt. I’d probably known all along but I’m learning that, no matter how honest you are, it’s always hardest to be honest with yourself.

  “This doesn’t count,” he says after a while.

  “How does it not count?” I sigh with irritation.

  So not the reaction I was hoping for.

  “I want to hear you say it,” he prompts and despite the fact that he’s goading me, I can hear how thoroughly overjoyed he is.

  “I’m not saying it over the phone,” I grumble.

  “Chicken,” he clucks.

  If he was here, he’d have two bruised nipples.

  We go back and forth for a bit but eventually we stop laughing and simmer down.

  “This is the best Christmas present you could have given me, Elise. Thank you.”

  “Thank you for mine,” I smile because I really do love it. I kind of love its meaning as well. And the guy that gave it to me. I may not be thinking about marriage but, to me, this gift means Karl doesn’t care about the limitations I put on the relationship, he’s willing to put up with me forever.

  “You should be thanking me. I gave you jewellery. All you gave me was an apple. And I can’t even eat it.”

  I almost laugh out loud to myself when I remembe
r this part of the discussion from when we became friends. He always makes me smile. No matter what.

  A teacher walks past me with a stern expression and I sober, shake off the memories, and go back to staring at the exam paper that I’ve already filled in, despite the fact there are thirty minutes left of the exam.

  When the last exam is over, a collective sigh of relief breaks out amongst the students. Nobody likes exams.

  Except Becky. She definitely enjoyed them.

  Honestly, I don’t think I would have been able to pass my Maths exam without her. She helped all of us study and, if she noticed anything about Karl’s reading difficulties, she didn’t say anything.

  I don’t think Karl realised but Blossom always waited for his eyes to stop moving before she moved onto the next paragraph. Ian definitely saw though and I know he appreciated it in his own silent fashion.

  It’s Matt’s birthday just after exam period. I only know because Karl was ribbing Matt about it in passing whilst I was at their house.

  I wanted to throw a party for him but Karl didn’t think it was a good idea. For the first, the Carters only really celebrate their major birthdays. Ian said it made sense since there are so many of them. For the second, Matt hates his birthdays. They didn’t find out when his birthday was until he was fifteen and then it was only because Andrew had to help him with some legal paperwork.

  I sulk when he tells me this because I like Matt. I like that he and Karl share a friendship that means so much to each of them. Everybody deserves a friend they can turn to with absolutely anything. Matt is that for Karl and, although he comes off as a bit of an irate primate, I know he cares.

  “I did have an idea for Matt though,” Karl lounges back on his bed as we discuss it. “And he wouldn’t be able to complain because technically it would benefit us all.”

  “Okay?” I prompt distractedly because he’s crossed his hands behind his head again and his stomach is on display.

  He knows what that does to me. “Up here, Elise,” he grins and I know he did it on purpose.

  I keep my eyes where they are and wait for him to elaborate.

  “We should all get a car together,” he nods.

  “A car?” I look up at him for a second before my eyes flick down to his stomach. Looking at it just isn't enough so I scoot closer and put my hand on his stomach, safely under the hem of his t-shirt.

  His previous smirk turns into a small smile and I know that he likes that I'm comfortable touching him and, since his hand is automatically placed on my thigh, I'm obviously okay with him touching me too.

  Mostly.

  “We could all learn to drive in it,” he explains. “But the car would be in Matt's name.”

  “He'd be okay with getting that as a present?”

  “That's the point, we'd be able to convince him it wasn't a present because it would benefit us all.”

  “He's really that funny about birthdays?” I raise an eyebrow in disbelief because, seriously, who hates birthdays?

  “Only his own. They piss him off something rotten,” Karl grimaces. “With good reason,” he adds as an afterthought and a look that tells me he can't say any more without betraying Matt's trust.

  I nod contemplatively. I hope Matt will feel comfortable enough opening up with me one day. I sometimes get the impression there's a lot weighing on his mind but he never seems to want to lighten the load.

  “Besides,” he continues. “We should all learn to drive so we can help you out with deliveries.”

  “Deliveries?”

  “Yeah, for your business.”

  I grin because I love that he thought of that. We've only talked about me running my own business selling my work a couple of times.

  “You'd be my delivery man?” I grin, lying down next to him so I can slide my hand higher up, onto his chest, and snuggle up into him.

  “Depends,” he smirks. “How are you going to pay me?”

  “Wagon Wheels?” I offer. This is pretty generous of me; he knows how I love my Wagon Wheels.

  He scoffs. “I was thinking something more like these.” He captures my chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently lowers his face to mine. He holds my gaze until the last second, his lips hovering with the promise of a tender treat and the hint of mutual desire.

  When our lips meet, he rolls his body over mine but, as usual, he's still careful to keep his weight off of me and I've stopped feeling guilty about it now. I know he genuinely doesn't mind and it's actually kind of hot to see the muscles tensing in his arm as he does it. I trace my finger over the vein in his forearm as he kisses me. I've done it so many times that I could accurately draw a map from memory of the lines that carry his life force around his body.

  “I've forgotten why I'm kissing you,” he grins. “But I liked it.”

  “You were trying to get me to pay you in kisses,” I remind him, doing my best to hide how breathless he makes me.

  “Oh yeah,” he winks, lifting himself up slightly. “I was just kidding. I'd do it for free, you know that right?”

  I nod and lean up to kiss the little cleft in his chin. He grins and I know that he loves when I do it.

  He kisses me again and my hands move from his arms to trace the corded grooves on top of his shoulder blades. I stroke them gently, wondering at the feel of his muscles of steel and the ease with which he holds what must be an uncomfortable position.

  “We need to talk about cars again,” he groans, rolling off me and onto his back.

  “Why?” I frown. I was quite enjoying our kissing and my free ticket to explore his body.

  “Because I don't want to have to take another cold shower. I'm going to catch pneumonia.” He grins to let me know he's joking. He's right though, he has been taking a lot of cold showers recently.

  “Joke, darlin',” he kisses me on the cheek and offers his bicep as a pillow.

  “Not funny,” I grumble, accepting his offer.

  “Dad's going to put in three-hundred quid. He did the same for Ian,” Karl continues, ignoring my grumbling. “So we just need to scrape together whatever we can on top of that so we don't have to get a rubbish old banger.”

  “I can match that,” I offer. The car is a good investment for my business and it would be good if we could get a nice car for Matt.

  “Seriously?” He raises his eye at me.

  I nod. “Why? How much are you putting in?” I ask.

  “Hundred and fifty,” he frowns. “And only because I've done extra chores for the last two months.”

  “You work too hard,” I scowl because if he's not doing homework or studying, he's usually working out with Ian and Matt or doing chores.

  “I don't mind helping dad out,” he shrugs as best he can with me lying on him. “He's always working on something. If we help him out, he can spend more time with the kids.”

  I nod solemnly because I know that, at the very least, Jamie and Jake wish they got more time with their dad. He'll be shipping to Iraq in a couple of months and I can't imagine how the family will cope without Andrew there. They'll have their grandparents but Grandma Carter is getting worse by the day.

  The military provide assistance and their aunties and uncles help out but, even then, a lot of the responsibility seems to fall on Ian, Karl, and Matt.

  It can't be easy.

  “You must have earnt more than £150 though?” I prompt. I know Andrew pays them appropriately for any work they do.

  “Obviously,” he grins. “I have six brothers and sisters, Elise. Christmas cleans me out.”

  “Oh yeah,” I grin sheepishly, playing idly with the ring hanging from my neck.

  “Not that,” he smirks, nodding his head towards my new favourite habit. “That I’ve been saving for as long as I can remember.”

  “You seriously always knew you wanted to marry me?” I ask tentatively.

  “There was never any doubt, Elise. You set the bar too high when you made Ian face plant in the mud the first time we ran an as
sault course.”

  “He tried to trip me up,” I point out because it was only fair.

  Karl grins. “It was always going to be you. I just didn’t realise I’d find you again so soon.”

  “I didn’t want to be found,” I sober, uncomfortable with the sick feeling in my stomach. I resent the way I treated Karl in the beginning. He hadn’t done anything wrong and I treated him badly.

  “I don’t hold it against you, Elise,” he insists. “I understand. I’m just glad you let me in again. I need you in my life and I always will.”

  I think this is the moment that I decide that one day, no matter how long it takes me to be ready, that ring will be on my finger.

  Chapter 30

  I wanted to name the car but the boys mocked me relentlessly when I suggested it so I just ignored them for a couple of hours and conceded.

  We found a great little blue Mustang GT with some numbers and letters added on the end that mean nothing to me. It was in great condition and had been looked after. Ian approves so that must mean something.

  It’s blue and nifty so I wanted to call it the dolphin but the boys were not impressed and Matt looked at me like I was insane.

  I suppose it is Matt’s car.

  He’s been squeezing in driving lessons on top of his part-time job, training, and chores. I feel like I barely see him at the minute so when Karl disappears off with his Dad to drop some things off at his cousins’ house, I stay at the house and let myself into Matt’s room after a couple of knocks.

  He’s lying face down on his bed and I’m fairly sure he’s asleep fully clothed.

  “Matt,” I nudge him gently.

  He jolts awake and I see his eyes widen with panic before he realises where he is and who has rudely awoken him.

  Maybe I should have let him sleep.

  “What the fuck, demongirl?” He groans, burying his face in the cover once more.

  “You were sleeping,” I shrug.

  “Exactly,” he scowls, shoving up to sitting so I feel the full force of his scowl.