by R. J. Sable
He smiles and I know he’s pleased. He demonstrates this by helping me remove his waistcoat, tie, and shirt so he’s stood half-naked before me.
It’s been a long time. Far too long. Last time I saw him shirtless was before he tried to end it.
We’ve stuck to hugs and kisses and we’ve not slept in the same bed since that last, painful time. I know from feeling him up semi-discretely during his hugs, and the way he fills his clothes, that he has grown.
Big style.
He was always built with broad shoulders and a fair amount of muscle but basic training has ensured there’s not an ounce of fat on him.
He’s the definition of defined and it’s making that delicious stomach-tightening borderline unbearable.
“I’m beating the Wagon Wheels, right?” He smirks.
“A little bit,” I nod, taking a step closer to him so I can trace my fingers over his muscles.
I can’t help it. I physically need to touch them.
“Damn. I missed you touching me,” he groans, letting out a deep, dragging breath and relaxing into my touch.
I smile and kiss just underneath his collarbone and rest my face against his chest as he encircles me with his strong, reliable arms.
“I’m having a bit of a dilemma,” he informs me.
“Oh?” I prompt.
“I love seeing you in this dress but at the same time I kind of want to rip it off you so I can see what’s underneath.”
I laugh at the slight growl in his voice that tells me he’s serious.
“How about you undress me slowly instead?” I offer. “I’d quite like to keep this dress.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he agrees, his fingers already deftly untying the ribbon of the corset which criss-crosses down my back.
He spends the next ten minutes paying acute attention to every hook and eye, bow, and millimetre of my body as he carefully slides the complicated dress from my skin.
“Fuck,” he breaths out a slow breath as the material falls to the floor. “Are you trying to kill me, Elise?”
“What?” I ask coyly. I have a fairly good idea what he’s referring to but I find myself feeling slightly shy considering he hasn’t seen me naked for a long time and this is our first night as a married couple.
Shy isn’t me so I shake it off and stand proud.
“Lingerie? Why did it have to be lingerie?” He grumbles, dragging his hands over his face and sitting down on the chair on the opposite side of the room as though he needs distance.
“Don’t you like it?” I pout, knowing full well he does because the general is saluting.
He groans again and closes his eyes. I think he’s scared to look at me.
“Because I could take it off?” I goad him.
“Elise, your killing me, darlin’,” he groans. “Can we take five?”
“Why?” I tease, coming closer so I can sit in his lap. It’s just too much fun teasing him.
“Elise, I’ve barely seen you for months and I’ve been surrounded by guys the whole time. My control is wearing thin and I don’t want to scare you off. I’m at the end of my tether and seeing you… in that,” he gestures at my cream lace bridal lingerie and then locks his fingers behind his head and looks at me in his lap. “It’s a dream come true and a nightmare all at once.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” I prompt quietly, leaning forwards to nibble at his neck gently.
“Elise,” he groans. “Please, darlin’.”
“I want you, Karl,” I whisper. “I want this.”
“What?” He recoils slightly, the stunned expression on his face almost laughable.
“We’ll have to take it slow,” I continue. “And I can’t promise I won’t freak out a bit,” I bit my lip because I can’t deny I’m nervous but I know I’m right about this.
“But I want to consummate this. Me and You.”
I won’t let what was done to me affect my life anymore. It robbed me years of friendship with Karl, years of closeness with my mother, and years of time I could have spent growing up normally.
I wont let it take this night as well. I won’t let it define my future. I’m better than that. My future is mine to define.
“I don’t want to ruin today by pushing you too far, Elise,” Karl says cautiously.
I can tell that the idea absolutely terrifies him. He’s been overly cautious with me because he’s so scared he’ll say something stupid and lose me again.
I pointed out he never really lost me. I was just waiting for him to realise that.
“This is important to me, Karl,” I say earnestly, taking his face in both hands. His face is smooth shaven against my palms.
His eyes zone in on mine, scanning my emotions, trying to judge just how serious I am.
Very. The answer is very.
“Don’t you want this?” I ask because I don’t want to force this on him.
“Of course I do, darlin’,” he answers immediately. “I want you more than I want my next breath but not at the cost of losing you.”
“You’ll never lose me, Karl. That’s a promise.”
He knows I would never make a promise I don’t intend to keep.
“If you say stop, we stop,” he says hesitantly.
I beam brightly because I’ve won.
“I mean it, Elise,” he urges seriously. “If you’re even the tiniest bit uncomfortable, you tell me. This only works if we communicate.”
I nod, pulling myself into the nook of his neck and hugging him tightly because I love that he wants to do this with me and that his main concern is me. It’s his virginity on the line and he doesn’t seem to have even thought of that.
But I’m his wife. And it’s my job to care about him.
“Are you sure you want me to be your first?” I prompt.
“Ask any more stupid questions and I’m sleeping fully clothed,” he threatens.
I literally growl. There’s no way that’s happening.
He smirks and I relax knowing that we both want this and it’s right for us.
Chapter 40
We undress each other without any hurried frenzy. It’s patience, control, and keen exploration all over again. Karl runs us a bath in the whirlpool tub big enough to fit an entire family in.
But it’s just the two of us. Naked.
He steps in first to test the bubble-filled water before offering me his hand to help me step in.
I have to concede, this was a fantastic idea on his behalf. The long moments spent tenderly studying skin we’ve never before touched is beyond anything I’ve previously known.
It’s a sensuous experience which brings us impossibly closer. I mentally prepared myself for meeting the general by telling myself it’d be nothing like my horrifying childhood experience. I promised myself I would turn my brain off and not make comparisons.
But it isn’t a problem because there are no comparisons to be made.
Karl even makes me laugh as we explore each other intimately and I relax into his touch. Until relaxing is the last thing I can do and he brings me a level of pleasure I’ve only ever imagined in my most steamy dreams.
I’ve never touched myself but I’ve woken up from climaxing after erotic dreams I never remember.
Even that is nothing to compare to the way Karl makes me come apart in his hand. Literally.
His calloused hands are unexpectedly gentle as they part my intimate flesh and I shiver with the overwhelming power of his touch. My centre clenches around the first gentle probe of his digit.
I’ve always associated anything entering me with an act of intrusion, force, or violence. Karl’s actions are so far removed from that notion that I practically beg him for more. His caresses are welcome, invited, and it feels as though I need him to continue or I’ll loose grip on my sanity.
By the time he carries me onto the bed, all apprehension is gone. I’d regret putting this off for so long if it wasn’t for the fact I know it was right. I wasn’t ready before. I hadn’t
healed and moved past it.
But I’m more than ready now
“Do you want to go on top?” Karl asks, brushing my hair out of my face once he’s lovingly towel dried it and combed through my fiery locks.
“I don’t know,” I frown slightly. “I’ve never considered it.”
“I thought it might be easier for you,” he suggests with a semi-shy shrug.
“I think I’d rather do it that way first,” I nod.
“First?” He smirks. “Are you planning on doing this multiple times?”
“Only if you can keep up,” I tease light-heartedly.
“I don’t think that’s a problem, Elise,” he answers dryly, gesturing down to the enduring general who’s pressed flat against his tight stomach despite the fact that he just fired off a round in the tub.
“One step at a time though, right?” He prompts and I nod as he gently props my head up with two of the luxuriously plump cushions.
He hovers over me as a delicious example of male physique and captures my mouth with his, gently teasing my lips.
The hot heat of his mouth is addictive. It’s like my drug and I need more to the point that I almost whimper when his mouth drifts away.
“Patience, Elise,” he chuckles lightly against my skin. His lips barely graze my flesh as he moves lower, down to my breasts.
My chest is heaving, causing a slight movement of my breasts as he palms one in each hand. My rosy nipples tighten as a thumb passes over each and I gasp as he takes each in turn in his mouth.
“Karl,” I gasp unsure what I want from him, I just know I want something, anything… just… more.
“You are so beautiful, Elise,” he smiles. “But I don’t know how much longer I can keep my head straight if you keep saying my name like that.”
He looks at me with a cheeky grin but I can see the battle of lust taking place behind those wonderful lips.
“Change of plan,” he decides, switching places with me as he lifts me to straddle his lap.
His fingers gently probe once more and I dip my head to kiss him, basking in the pleasure of intimacy with somebody I love so dearly.
There is nothing impure or unclean in my thoughts as I enjoy the touch of my husband.
My husband.
That thought brings a smile to my lips as I gently break away from Karl to give him the look. The look that says “it’s time.”
We separate only for a brief second to locate the large packet of condoms Matt gave Karl as a sort of gag wedding present he never thought he’d use.
It’s wondrous watching Karl slide the silicon over himself with ease as though it were a practiced gesture rather than a first time move.
I can see that he’s nervous as we move into position once more and I kiss the tip of his nose.
“Don’t,” I tell him. “We have plenty of time to work on this. It doesn’t have to be perfect first time. There’s no pressure here because we can learn together.”
He swallows thickly but nods and slides his hands down to my hips, squeezes once, and then lets go. Relinquishing the power to me.
I take a deep breath before seizing his base gently and positioning myself over him. I’m awed by the ease with which I do so, feeling nothing but desire for the man beneath me.
I’ll admit that there’s a little discomfort as I bravely manoeuvre us closer, further, and deeper. But the discomfort is in the background of the lust-fuelled need to feel him.
He’s barely holding back as my body sinks onto him. He whispers words of encouragement and tells me he loves me and it all seems so perfect. So right.
“Give me your hands,” he requests, stroking my thighs gently as I come to rest on his lap, his length fully inside me.
His voice is thick with need but I know he’s controlling it as best he can.
He places my hands on his shoulders for support and then gently presses one thumb over my core, applying the slightest of pressure with a gentle rotation.
The effect is immediate and my body responds with a previously unknown rhythm, gyrating against him as if of its own accord.
Our combined moans of ecstasy are music to my ears as we find our rhythm. I know what I told Karl; this is pretty much new to both of us and we have plenty or time to practice.
But holy Earth Mother. How can it get better than this?
Our bodies are singing the same tune, working in symphony to provide the perfect melody to our love and it plays on repeat in my mind as I fall against him, sated, happy, and complete.
“Are you alright?” Are the first words out of his mouth as we get our breath back. “Please, tell me you’re alright.”
“More than alright,” I giggle back. “I don’t have words to describe how happy I am right now.”
“Me too,” he smiles, pressing butterfly kisses to my crown.
“I’m so glad I waited. There’s not a doubt in my mind that this experience couldn’t have been any better. You’re everything a man could ask for and I am so lucky to have you as my wife.”
“Very lucky,” I agree with a grin. “But not nearly as lucky as I am to have you as a husband.”
“You always have to win don’t you?” He chuckles.
“I won the jackpot with you,” I smirk, knowing I just beat him again but still meaning every word.
He laughs and rolls us onto our sides so he can remove the condom. We get safely snuggled into the duvet, our naked bodies entangled together.
“I can’t wait to sleep with you again,” he whispers into my hair.
“Give a girl a chance to recover,” I slap his arm playfully. Honestly? I’m pretty much ready to go again. But I might need some water first.
“That too, but that’s not what I meant,” he grins. “I feel like my body has rejected the notion of sleeping well ever since that night under the apple tree.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” I sigh. “But now we can sleep together every night you’re home.”
Our smiles match as we lay on the bed and talk. Just talk the way only best friends can. We both know things might be hard at times if he gets deployed or moved to a different base, further away, but we’ll manage because we can overcome anything.
We’ve just proven that.
We both know it won’t be smooth sailing. We’ll probably fight and bicker and I’ll probably have to turnip him every now and then. We’ll have to pinch pennies at times and we’ll have bills, responsibilities and commitments. Everyone has problems and hardships, it’s what you do about them that matters.
I love him and he loves me. We’re perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.
***
“True love should be lived like an imperfect circle that has its bumps but never ends.” - Unknown
Acknowledgments
Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. I love writing but you guys keep me going when things get tough and life gets in the way.
A big thank you to authors Glenda Horsfall and Eva Bielby for keeping me company and getting me motivated with our sprints. This book would have taken twice as long without you lovely ladies.
About the Author
RJ Sable is an author from the UK. She is a lover of language of all kinds and has a degree in linguistics and phonetics. Unfortunately, despite her best efforts she is only fluent in English and Swedish after having lived in Sweden for three years.
When she’s not writing, RJ can be found with an impossibly large cup of tea, a crochet hook, and a mess of tangled yarn. Alternatively, she might be on her beloved racing bike “Mary” or mountain bike “Bumble”, annoying car drivers everywhere.
Follow RJ via the following links for more updates from the ‘Contradictions’ series:
http://www.facebook.com/RJSable
http://www.twitter.com/rj_sable
http://www.rjsable.com
[email protected]
Playlist: An Imperfect Circle
Also on Spotify: An Imperfect Circle - R.J. Sable
> I don’t want paradise – Rubylux
Here we go – Matt Kearney
Runaway car – Matt Kearney
Don’t you worry child – Swedish House Mafia
Three Lions – Badiel & Skinner
Angels – Robbie Williams
Sitting, waiting, wishing – Jack Johnson
Roots – [Spunge]
Hands all over – Maroon 5
White blank page – Mumford & Sons
Powerpuff girls – The Kids Beat Band
Wagon wheel – Darius Rucker
Weak and powerless – A Perfect Circle
Som jag hade dig förut – Melissa Horn
Counting stars - OneRepublic