by Noelle Adams
“Is that what you want?” He wasn’t sure what he would do if she said yes. He would probably have to drink himself into a stupor.
“No. Not really.”
He let out a breath. “Me either. So let’s just see what happens.” Finally able to relax, he got into bed beside her and stretched out.
She rolled over to look at him. “I don’t want anything to get in the way of our friendship, Peter. You mean too much to me.”
“You mean too much to me too. We’ll just agree that our friendship has to survive, no matter what else happens.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She trusted him. He could see it in her face. “Okay. Then we’ll definitely stay friends and the rest we’ll just play by ear.”
It was as good as he could hope for. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, relieved when she nestled against him.
He enjoyed holding her that way until both of them dozed off. When he woke up again, it was still dark in the room, but he had the strongest feeling that Kelly was awake.
He blinked a few times and felt her moving beside him.
“You okay?” he asked, wondering if the hours that had passed had changed her mind, made her pull away from him.
“Yeah. What about you?”
“I’m good.” He wished he could see her face more clearly, but it was too dark in the room.
She hesitated for a minute before she finally asked, “Are you sure this is going to work out?”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t know. It scares me when things change. I just…don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Kelly. I’ll never let that happen.”
“Okay.”
She sounded so small and worried that he pulled her into his arms, and he let out a sigh of relief when she wrapped her arms around in him response.
He found her lips in the dark and kissed her until she was soft and eager against him. Whatever her worries—and those were natural and expected—she obviously still wanted him as much as she had that evening.
Peter’s body was responding to her as helplessly as it always did, and soon he was hard, hot, breathless.
“Again?” Kelly asked.
“Why not?”
“No reason, I guess. But I’m a little sore from before, so you’ll have to be gentle.”
He rolled her over onto her back and moved over her, thrilled and amazed that he was finally able to do it, after wanting it for so long. He murmured, “I can be as gentle as you want.”
***
Peter was almost high on the excitement of the change in their relationship for most of the day—until they got back to Savannah.
Kelly had been soft and sweet the whole time, letting him kiss her, giving him slanting little looks, but her manner changed as soon as they walked into the old Beaufort house and she greeted her grandmother.
Mrs. Beaufort gave him a sharp look, as if she suspected he’d been up to no good, but she didn’t say much. Fortunately, it was already after dinnertime, so they didn’t have to spend much time making small talk.
But Peter knew something had changed, and his heart sank as he kept searching Kelly’s face.
She was going to pull away from him, now that she’d come home, now that she was back to her normal self.
He told himself not to overreact. It was to be expected. Coming back from a trip often felt like a letdown. It didn’t mean she didn’t want him anymore.
They went through their normal evening rituals, and Kelly was reading in bed when Peter came out of the bathroom, after taking his shower.
He got into bed beside her, rolling on his side so he was facing her.
“What?” Kelly asked, her eyes still on her textbook.
“I didn’t say anything.”
She turned her head toward him. “But I could feel you thinking.”
“And what was I thinking?” He tried to sound light and teasing, but he wasn’t sure he was very successful.
Kelly sighed and lowered her book. “Peter, it’s just too weird for me to have sex here, with my grandmother just upstairs.”
Okay. That was clear enough.
He tried not to convey his disappointment. “She wouldn’t hear anything.”
“I know. It’s just the idea of it. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. We agreed we’d just play it by ear, and we’re definitely not going to have sex if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you to be upset.” She was eying him worriedly.
He obviously needed to work more on his expression. He smiled at her. “I’m not upset.”
“Yes, you are. You always get all bland and nonchalant when you’re upset. You think I don’t know you?”
He relaxed against his pillow, a fond resignation washing over him. Of course, she knew him. Better than anyone else. “Okay. I’m a little disappointed, since I was hoping to keep having sex with you. But I get it. There’s no pressure. I mean it.”
She nodded. “Thanks.” She scooted over toward him and wrapped an arm around his chest. “I can feel Grandmama up there, shaking her head in disapproval.”
Peter could almost feel her too. “But I don’t get why she’d be disapproving. We’re married. Surely she’s not against sex between married people.”
“I don’t know. There’s no telling. But she’s definitely disapproving.”
“She doesn’t seem to like me.”
“She doesn’t like anyone.”
“But she was all excited about your sisters getting married. I don’t get why she doesn’t think I’m a good option. I’m a decent guy, and I’m a Blake. I would have thought that would mean something to her.”
“Yeah,” Kelly admitted, idly stroking his chest. “I would have thought so too. I don’t know. I think she never expected me to get married at all. I’m the one who stays home.”
“That’s not fair to you.”
“It’s not about being fair. It’s about who she’s always thought I was.”
“But who she always thought you were isn’t really who you are. You can’t let that shape the course of your life.”
“I know. I’m not.”
He couldn’t help but wonder if that was actually true.
He suddenly realized he was never going to win Kelly’s heart until he could first win her grandmother’s approval. At the moment, it seemed like an impossible task.
He cleared his throat. “If you have any advice, for getting your grandmother to like me, I’d be very glad to hear it.”
“Seriously?” She lifted her head to look down at him.
“Yeah. What should I do?”
“I don’t really know. Maybe you could ask her about the family and about the house and her treasures and the Pride and everything. She loves to talk about all that, and she loves when people are interested. But you’ll have to be convincing. She knows when people are faking.”
“Okay. I’ll do my best.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Kelly said. “I mean, you don’t have to turn yourself inside out for her. She’s stubborn and strange and hard to get along with. We’re only going to be married for five more weeks, so it’s probably not worth the effort.”
“It’s worth it. I’ll do my best.”
He wasn’t sure exactly what Kelly thought about his declaration, but she stayed snuggled up against him as she relaxed into sleep.
He stayed awake for a long time, holding her and thinking. Wondering if Kelly could ever get to the point of loving him enough to leave her grandmother.
Eight
On Saturday, Kelly stood in front of the mirror, wondering if the woman in the reflection was really her.
They were getting ready for the fancy wedding reception that her grandmother had planned with Mrs. Blake for her and Peter, and her grandmother had insisted she wear something that looked like a wedding dress.
So she’d gone out shopping wit
h Rose and Deanna a few days ago, and they’d bought the dress she wore right now. It was sleek and fitted in white silk, with beautiful embroidery and beading at the neckline and at the waist. It could have been a wedding dress. Or a cocktail dress. Either way, it wasn’t anything that Kelly normally wore.
She’d already done her makeup, and her hair was loose as she decided what to do with it. She couldn’t help but recognize how pretty she looked—and nothing like her regular self at all.
The week had gone quickly, as she and Peter had fallen back into their regular class and work schedule. He hadn’t brought up sex again, which was both a relief and a disappointment. She kept remembering what the weekend away had felt like with him, but it now seemed more like a pleasant fantasy. Not like something that was part of her real life.
Besides, she needed to be careful, or she’d never be satisfied with her normal life, when they both went their own ways again.
Peter had been taking a shower, but he came out now, wearing just his underwear.
She vigilantly kept her eyes up on his face.
He stopped when he saw her, so abruptly it confused her.
“What?” she asked, turning around to face him.
He blinked a few times, his eyes running up and down her body in a way she couldn’t possibly misinterpret. “You look gorgeous.”
“Thanks.” She was smiling as she turned back to face the mirror, reminding herself not to sneak a peek at Peter’s body in the reflection.
“Are you going to keep your hair like that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Braids might look a little strange with the dress.”
Of course, they would. She’d gone back to wearing her braids, since they made her feel more like herself, but she no longer really liked how she looked in them. She definitely shouldn’t wear them to the reception. “Yeah. I know.”
Peter walked over until he was standing directly behind her, looking at her through the mirror. His face was sober as he wrapped one arm around her, pulling her back against him. “What are you afraid of, Kelly?”
She couldn’t look away from his eyes, although she was strangely bewildered by the sight of them together, him mostly naked, her in this dress. “I don’t know. It felt different when we were in Vegas, or when we were on our honeymoon. I could be someone different there. But I’m not sure…I’m not sure I can be someone different here.”
“You can. You can, if you want to be.”
“I don’t know what I want.” She felt almost helpless as she admitted the truth to him.
He nodded, his eyes still holding hers with that same sober intensity. “I know you don’t.”
Neither of them spoke for a long moment, as they gazed at themselves together in the mirror. Then Kelly finally cleared her throat and pulled away from him gently. “You better get dressed. We don’t want to be late.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh, releasing her and walking over to where he’d laid out a black suit. “I’m already making little enough progress with your grandmother. She’d never forgive me if I made us late to this party.”
He’d evidently been serious about trying to get her grandmother to like him. All week, he’d been meticulously polite, asking about the Beaufort history and all the collectibles she’d filled this house with and even asking about the names of the Pride. Grandmama’s manner hadn’t changed with him, though.
Peter was right. For some reason, she didn’t like him—her disapproval stronger toward him than toward almost anyone else in their social circle.
It didn’t make any sense. Peter had never been a prude, but he was thoroughly decent—kind and intelligent and gentle at his heart. He was much more of a gentleman than Mitchell had been when Deanna had married him, and Grandmama had been so absolutely set on that marriage.
Kelly just couldn’t understand it. She wanted everyone to love Peter as much as she did.
She pulled the top part of her hair back with a silver clip and studied the result in the mirror. It looked really nice, so she left it that way.
Her ring had slipped down as she’d done her hair, so she slid it back up on her ring finger. “Everyone keeps asking when you’re going to get this ring resized for me,” she said, trying to get them back into normal conversation.
Peter had been pulling up his pants, but he glanced over at her words. “Oh, yeah. I really should get it resized for you soon.”
“It’s probably not worth it. In another four weeks, you’ll be getting it back, so you’d have to get it resized again.”
Something flickered on his face, so briefly she barely registered it. “Yeah, but people will think it’s strange if I let you go around wearing a ring that’s way too big for you.”
“I guess.” She gazed down at the big ring. She liked the look of it now—far more than she would have liked a regular wedding band and diamond engagement ring. The signet ring had the Blake crest on it. It felt like it was really a part of Peter. He’d given her something that was truly his. “Although it’s better than the cheap ring you have to wear.”
“I like the cheap ring,” he said with a smile, turning his wedding band on his finger.
“Don’t you dare say it reminds you of me.”
He chuckled. “I won’t, although it does. Not because it’s cheap, though.”
She wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, and she was too nervous to pursue it. She watched as he pulled on his shirt and buttoned it. He was still looking down with a smile on his face, as if he was thinking of something that made him happy.
She wondered what it was.
***
Two hours later, Peter was trying to hold back a wave of pleased possessiveness as he and Kelly circulated through the large, ornate ballroom, which was full of well-dressed people chatting and drinking champagne.
There would be some formal toasts later, but most of the party was simply going to be this kind of mingling. Peter was relieved. At least this way, he and Kelly could have a little freedom and not be trapped at a table for hours.
He wondered if it was normal to be this proud of one’s wife. She was beautiful and smart and funny and generous and sexy and generally amazing, and she was here on his arm, wearing his ring, with all these people to witness the fact that she was his wife.
No amount of mental lecturing could bring him back down to earth. Maybe it was partly the champagne.
They were talking to his mother, who was looking happier than he could remember seeing it. That was another reason for him to feel good. He’d disappointed her in a lot of ways, but at least she was pleased by this, by Kelly.
Of course, she assumed it was a marriage that would last, but Peter hadn’t yet given up his hope of that happening. Kelly had pulled away after their honeymoon, but she wasn’t completely settled in that. He saw her watching him sometimes. He was pretty sure she still wanted him.
Kelly wasn’t the kind of person who liked things to change. She’d been upset when her sisters had married, although she’d refused to admit it to him. She liked the security of her world as it had always been. But he was hopeful that she would slowly see the benefit of allowing their relationship to keep changing. He just needed to make her feel safe enough to let go again, even here in Savannah.
When they moved on from his mother, Peter saw that Kelly’s face was slightly strained.
“What is it?” he murmured, easing her aside before they could be greeted by anyone else.
She shook her head and smiled. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me. What’s wrong? Was it something with my mother?”
“No, no. It’s just that sometimes I feel kind of…kind of…guilty. Like we’re lying to all these people who are here to celebrate our marriage.”
His heart jumped painfully. “It isn’t a lie. We really are married.”
“I know. I know. But it’s not what they’re all thinking.”
“Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter what they’re all
thinking. It only matters what’s right for us.”
“Yeah. I guess so.” Her eyes had moved so they were resting on her grandmother across the room, who was talking to that pompous ass who was named Morris Alfred Something-or-other III.
“Kelly—”
“I know,” she interrupted, her face clearing back into a natural expression. “It’s silly to feel guilty.”
He knew she wasn’t yet over her concerns, no matter how casual she was pretending to be. He cupped her face with one hand. “We can be anyone we want to be, Kelly.”
She nodded, her eyes wide and open. “I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I didn’t mean to mess up the party. We were having a good time.”
They went back to mingling, but Peter didn’t enjoy it as much as he had before. He kept reminding himself that they still had another month, and there was no reason to feel hopeless.
After another month, maybe she wouldn’t be so eager to take off his ring.
***
Kelly needed a little break.
The party was better than she’d expected it to be, and she loved the way other women looked at Peter, like he was something impressive, a husband they’d like to have. But her feelings were in an uproar after the little conversation with Peter, and she needed to get some space to breathe and pull herself together.
So, after another fifteen minutes, she said she had to go to the bathroom. After she had, she slipped into a small side room off the main ballroom so she could sit down and relax for a minute.
She was startled, after she sat down on an antique sofa, to discover she wasn’t alone in the room.
The other person was a pretty blonde who was standing near the window. She looked elegant and expensive in a gown with a vintage looking ivory top and a sleek black skirt, but her expression when she turned around wasn’t cool or pretentious at all.
She gave Kelly a sincere, sunny smile. “Oh, hi. I didn’t hear you come in.” She spoke with a slight accent—maybe French.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone was in here.”
“Don’t be sorry. I just had to get away from the ballroom for a while. There was beer, and I…I don’t do well around beer.”