Finding Love the Hard Way

by Vickery, Rebecca J.

  Noelle welcomed his hands as they slid around her back and held her closer, and their kiss changed. He hungrily devoured her soft mouth, and then slipped his tongue inside. She moaned low in her throat and passionately responded.

  Nick's lips never left hers as he backed her toward the bedroom. When he pulled away and attempted to scoop her up into his arms, sanity returned; she made a sound of protest, and broke free.

  "I can't... Nick, I'm sorry. I..." She inched by him and hurried down the stairs.

  He gave her a few minutes, while he regained his own control, and then found her in the kitchen cleaning the popcorn popper and the bowls they'd used. "I don't want you to think I— Well, I don't expect anything extra for you to stay here. But I won't say I'm sorry, either. We are both unattached, and I'm attracted to you. If you don't want me to be, then you'll have to push me away..." He rubbed one hand through his hair and stuffed the other in his pocket. "I'll never force you into anything you don't want. I do remember how to take no for an answer on some things." Nick laid it out for her the best way he could.

  Noelle stopped drying a bowl and said, "I'm not unattached, Nick. I have two children. I can't let myself be attracted to you...or anybody. After Christmas, I have to find a serious job and a place for us to live. You've been so nice to let us stay—"

  "Nice? I haven't been nice!" Nick interrupted, in a louder than normal tone. "I've been damn selfish! Do you know what it's like to live in a house that's not a home anymore? To not have anyone to come home to? To plan activities with other people's kids, just so you can get past the loneliness?" He took a deep breath, shocked at what he admitted to her.

  In a lower tone, he continued, "I need you even more than you need me, Noelle. And the really sad thing is, I didn't even realize it until I met you and the kids. I think I'd better take a walk." He grabbed his coat and hat, but then stopped as he opened the back door. "Promise me... You won't leave, at least not until after Christmas – for Rachael and Kenny?"

  At her nod, he went out into the darkness and closed the door.

  Noelle fought back tears again. She'd never cried so much in her life as during this last year. Leaning against the sink, she began laughing about crying so much. Oh Lord, I'm such a mess... I'm in such a mess...

  She left the rest of the dishes to air dry. She needed a shower and bed. No way could she face Nick when he came back. She might just jump on the man and take advantage of him, and she doubted she would accept no for an answer.

  * * * * *

  Nick walked swiftly through the cold night air at first then slowed as his lungs began to burn. Looking around, he realized he'd come almost two miles at a fast walk in less than freezing temps. Turning, he began the walk back at a slower pace. Noelle affected him much more than he wanted to admit. Just the thought of her moving out caused a pain in his mid-section. He'd just gotten used to having her there, and those kids...

  They weren't angels by any means – outspoken, in trouble often, and curious about everything – just as well-adjusted, healthy kids should be. He loved them already and would do anything for them, he realized. And he was so close to the edge of falling in love with Noelle; likely one more of her sweet smiles would send him over the cliff.

  Now, how was he going to shift their mom around to his way of thinking? Maybe some old fashioned wooing is called for...

  Chapter Eight

  Noelle woke to bright sunshine streaming between the drapes in her bedroom. She rolled over and tossed aside the covers, thinking she was late getting the kids ready for school. Realizing today was Sunday, and this was Christmas vacation, she sank back and relaxed.

  A giggle and a thump heralded the arrival of Rachael and Kenny. They burst into her bedroom and jumped on the bed to hug her.

  "We got a surprise for you," Kenny told her, tightly squeezing her neck.

  "A super nice surprise – ta-da!" Rachael hurried to open the door wider with a flourish of one hand.

  Nick appeared in the door carrying a tray, complete with a yellow flower in a small vase. He walked carefully to the bedside. "Where would you like this, madam?"

  Noelle adjusted her pillows and propped up against them, trying to remember the last time she'd had breakfast in bed. After giving birth to Kenny, if memory served. Deeply touched, she helped settle the tray across her legs, steadied the artificial daisy bud vase, and waited while Kenny uncovered her plate. A cinnamon roll, two slices of bacon, and a bowl of oatmeal awaited her. A mug full of coffee smelled delicious and she took a cautious sip. Her eyes met Nick's over the tilted cup. "Perfect... Just what I wanted for breakfast. What's the special occasion?"

  "No special occasion. Just a thank you for all you do for us," Nick said.

  Rachael and Kenny sang out, "Thank you to you, thank you to you," to the tune of Happy Birthday and danced around the room.

  "If you'll trust me with the children, you can have the day off. I figure you want to have a word with Santa and run some errands. Maybe get a haircut or manicure, or whatever ladies do when they have a day off."

  "Yeah, Mom, Nick says we can go with him to the Y and play. There are other kids, some from our school maybe. What's a Y?" Kenny wanted to know.

  "It's short for YMCA, the one where you took swimming lessons. And I don't know..." Noelle munched on a strip of bacon while wondering what Nick was up to. But, she really did need to do some Christmas shopping without Rachael and Kenny tagging along.

  "Come on, Mom. He's a cop." Rachael put her seven-year-old hands on her hips and gave her mother one of her looks.

  "Yeah, come on, Mom. Don't you trust the police?" Nick chimed in.

  Noelle laughed. "Okay, you win. I want to know where you're going and when you'll be back. If you're late, I'll call out the National Guard," she warned. She doubted they heard her as they hurried down the hall to get dressed.

  * * * * *

  Nick, Rachael, and Kenny were gone by the time Noelle finished breakfast and dressed. On the kitchen table, she found a note and a credit card.

  Leave the dishes – will do them later. It's your day off, remember? Bringing pizza for supper. Card is prepaid for two hundred dollars in your name. I expect to see bunches of presents under the tree by Christmas morning. Could you please get a football for Kenny, a dress-up doll for Rachael, and a pretty blue sweater for yourself, and put 'from Nick' on the gift cards? Nick

  She had to wipe away tears yet again, and then she almost put the credit card back on the table. Pride and her determination to be self-reliant and independent said she should. But then she thought of the horrible Christmas they'd had last year – all the unhappy tears they shed – the grief over Ken, worry over the debts, and not knowing what would happen next.

  Noelle pushed her pride down and ground it beneath her heel as she tucked the card into her wallet and grabbed her keys. She would make sure not only Rachael and Kenny enjoyed the holidays, but so would Nick.

  * * * * *

  Noelle was still wrapping presents when Nick called and said they were on the way back. Glad of the warning, she hid the unwrapped gifts and packages on the top shelf in the closet in her room and in the top of the linen closet. The tree looked even more beautiful and cheerful with several small gaily-wrapped presents beneath it.

  Rachael and Kenny led the way in, each carrying a bag, followed by Nick with two large pizza boxes. "To the table, gang." he ordered. "The pizzas are hot, and I'm a hungry man after all that exercise." After placing the boxes on the counter, Nick handed Rachael paper plates and asked her to set the table. "Kenny, forks, my man – and napkins. I'll get the drinks."

  Noelle sat down when they refused to let her help. Nick had also thought of a family-size salad and large chocolate chip cookies for dessert. She did manage to fill salad bowls and add dressing without being stopped, while Nick poured milk for the kids, soda for Noelle, and a beer for himself.

  They laughed and chatted as the food disappeared. Noelle felt her cheeks heat up every time she caught N
ick watching her. Was it possible to fall in love so quickly? What was it about this man that sent her heart racing – made her feel safe, but fluttery and giddy at the same time? She'd never felt this way with Ken. Their relationship had been...convenient.

  Noelle closed her eyes as she realized what they'd shared hadn't really been love at all. Not like what she already felt for Nick. There had been no urgency for Ken's kisses, just an acceptance – sex was part of marriage – and necessary, if one wanted babies. After Kenny was born, the sex too, diminished. She'd actually enjoyed the nights when Ken worked late or went out with his buddies. She accepted without protest when he began falling asleep on the sofa in front of the TV and eventually moved his things to the guest room under the pretext of not bothering her when he was so restless.

  Nick interrupted her memories. "Noelle? Are you all right? You've gone a little pale and don't seem to be with us."

  "Hey, Mom!" Kenny had no problem yelling to gain her attention.

  "What? Sorry, just thinking... What did I miss?" Noelle shook off the disturbing thoughts and rejoined her family. They were planning the menu for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. She definitely needed to make sure it wasn't all sweets and snacks.

  "On Christmas Eve, there's a Nativity and play at First Baptist Church," Nick said. "Would y'all like to go with me? We could have our meal a little early. It starts at seven."

  "Could we, Mom?" Rachael asked quietly. "I've been wanting to go to church. I miss it."

  Noelle and the children regularly attended a small church in their neighborhood, until Ken died. Somehow, she just hadn't made the effort since then.

  "I think that's a good idea. I haven't seen a Christmas play in quite a while," she agreed.

  "Yay!" Kenny clapped his hands in agreement.

  "Great, it's settled. On Christmas Eve, we'll have an early supper, and then church, with hot chocolate and snacks afterward. We need to go grocery shopping when I get off work tomorrow. Let's make a list. Tuesday, you guys will have to help your mom cook, and I'll help when I get home. Sound like a plan?"

  They all high-fived over the table, and then kept chattering about Christmas as they cleaned the kitchen.

  * * * * *

  Noelle stretched her bare toes out toward the fire. The kids were finally in bed and sound asleep.

  Nick handed her a mug of hot chocolate and dropped down on the sofa beside her.

  "Thanks." She took a careful sip and found he'd added just a splash of amaretto. "Mm-mm, this is good."

  "I thought we needed it. Those two are a handful, aren't they?" He pushed off his shoes and copied Noelle, extending his sock-covered feet.

  "Nick – I wanted to thank you – for giving the kids a chance at a happy Christmas. I don't know what we might face later, but they will always remember being here this year...and how – special – you made it." She took another sip from her mug, and then looked up at Nick.

  "This is the way things are supposed to be for kids, especially at Christmas. I'm having a blast watching them. It brings back so many memories from when I grew up... And what it would be like to have a family." He drew in his legs and sat forward, holding his large cup between both hands. He didn't want to reach for Noelle, to scare her away. "So, I should be thanking you – for staying – for sharing your family with me. Christmas is not a great time to be alone."

  "No – it's not. Well," she swallowed the last of the chocolate and stood, "let me take this to the kitchen and get to bed. Those two wild things will be up with the chickens." Noelle felt awkward being alone with Nick, for the first time. She yearned to have him hold her and kiss her again. But she didn't want to start something, which might hurt both of them, and her children, when they left.

  "Noelle, stay – please." Nick wracked his brain for a reason to keep her with him longer. "We need to go over the grocery list once more, to make sure we have everything. And I wanted to ask if you— Did you have enough money for the kids' presents?"

  "Yes, thank you, I bought some really nice things for them. And I'll go back over the grocery list in the morning, when my mind is not so tired." Noelle was unconsciously twisting the mug in her hands and backing away toward the kitchen.

  Nick stood and approached her, lifting the cup from her hands. He saw her eyes widen and wondered at the confusion he saw there. "I'll take this for you." He hooked his thumb through the handles of both mugs. With his free hand, he reached out and touched her high on the cheek, letting his fingers drift gently down her jaw-line to her chin. He wanted to kiss her, but changed his mind when she tensed. "Sleep well. I'll see you when I get home tomorrow. I've never looked forward to grocery shopping more."

  * * * * *

  Noelle didn't know if she felt more disappointed or relieved when he stepped past her and headed for the kitchen. Darn! Why did life have to be so complicated?

  Chapter Nine

  Noelle and the children passed the time on Monday with laundry and cleaning, last minute decorating, going over the grocery list again, and wrapping presents from each of them for Nick. Rachael and Kenny drew a special combination Thank You/Christmas card from each of them for Nick, sealed them in envelopes, and hung them on the tree with ribbon.

  Nick rushed in after work, changed from his uniform, scooped them into his SUV, and they all sang to the familiar Christmas carols belted out from the local radio station. He insisted on two carts; he pushed one with Kenny riding shotgun, and Noelle and Rachael followed as they pushed one together. Noelle kept them on course by calling out items they needed and checking them off while Rachael helped steer the cart down the grocery aisles. Nick kept Kenny entertained by asking his opinion on quality and quantity of foods such as 'possum innards, frog lips, and hen's teeth.

  Their progress was slow as other shoppers spoke to Nick or stopped him to shake hands. He introduced Noelle as a good friend and her children as Christmas elves to so many people she lost count. When they headed up the last aisle, she was amazed to see both carts full and everything on the list crossed off. She did not want to see how much they'd spent.

  It turned out Nick's two carts had been a wise decision and kept the foods which needed refrigeration separated. They only had to put those away and were able to leave again. He'd convinced Noelle to let him take them out to dinner since they would be cooking for Christmas on Tuesday evening and Christmas Eve day.

  "You know we aren't dressed for anywhere fancy, right?" she reminded Nick as he drove through downtown.

  "Sure, I know. This is a family place. I think you and the kids will like it." Just west of town, he turned into a crowded parking lot. The brick building was old, but Christmas lights hung from every gutter and window and a live decorated tree at the outside corner added a cheerful and welcoming appearance.

  Rachael's nose pressed to her window, and she pointed, "There's Maria from my class, and her brother Rico."

  Once Nick parked and they climbed out of the large vehicle, Noelle stopped to let the children exchange greetings. Then Nick ushered them inside. The tangy aroma of Italian sauce greeted them at the door and an old-style jukebox played soft Christmas music. He led them to a booth and negotiated the kids so he and Noelle sat on the same side.

  A chalkboard served as the menu and contained only one dish written on it – Spaghetti & Meatballs, family style. As Noelle looked around, she saw huge platters of spaghetti covered in red sauce topped with aggie-sized meatballs sprinkled with grated parmesan and large bowls of salad on other tables.

  A young man wearing a white apron came by. "Ciao, Nick. Ma'am, I'm Antonio. What may I get you to drink? You are number seven." He placed a stand-up plastic placard on the table. "I will bring your drinks and your food will be here soon."

  "The kids will have milk, and I'll have a water and coffee, please," Noelle requested.

  "Water and coffee for me," Nick echoed.

  "You can have a beer or wine, if you'd rather," Noelle whispered. She'd noticed other people around them having both with
their food.

  "Nope, I'm driving precious cargo. I'll have a beer after we get home, if I want one," he replied.

  Noelle felt warmth spread through her once more. She'd never known such a simple gesture of consideration could make her toasty all over. But Nick seemed to have a habit of kindness and consideration, which let her family know they were cared for and safe.

  Antonio brought their drinks, along with a stack of plates and silverware. After setting them down, he shook out what looked like two lobster bibs, except they were red and white gingham with a dancing pizza character in the center. He proceeded to put one on each child.

  "Too bad you don't have one of those for me, Tony. Last time I was here, I ruined a white shirt. Notice I wore black this evening?"

  Antonio laughed. "Papa has been asked for these in large many times. I will show you the answer." He reached for a cloth napkin and tucked a corner beneath Nick's chin into the neck of his sweatshirt. Then he draped the napkin down across Nick's chest. "Voila!"

  Kenny and Rachael giggled, but seemed happy with their bibs.

  A few minutes later, another server brought a large bowl of salad, a rack of dressings, and a basket of breadsticks. Noelle served the kids, and then laughed when Nick held out his salad plate for her to serve him too. They made short work of the first course.

  "Hot dish," Antonio warned as he placed a huge platter of spaghetti on the table and whisked away the empty salad dishes.

  Noelle laughed until her sides hurt as they twirled their forks, or in the case of the kids, she chopped and they scooped with their spoons, until the platter of food was gone. When she thought none of them could eat another bite, Antonio brought out small dishes of blueberry Italian ice for dessert.