“I don’t want you to believe anyone, Eric. Just believe me.” I tried to hint at the possibility that someone might tell him I wasn’t Julie.
“You know I believe you.”
I smiled silently.
“Umm, Julie. On Monday it’s going to be our first day at the university,” he lied. “We’re going to start together.”
Why would he lie? Was he afraid I knew that he was at the university while I was in a coma? I mean when Julie was. That he went on with his life while his love lay half dead in her bed?
“University?” I asked, trying to sound surprised.
“We had started together two years ago. I was three years ahead of you. After the accident, it wasn’t worth it.”
“How old are you?” I smiled.
“Twenty-four.” He fought a smile.
“I’m…” I tried to guess. “Nineteen?” He nodded.
I was glad I wasn’t older than what I really was. It would have been a mess to think that a part of my life just vanished within time. “What would I wear?” I asked.
“Hmm…let’s see.” He stood up and walked toward my closet. I followed his movement with my head as back and forth he went into the closet and out of it.
“That’s an obstacle,” he murmured.
I started walking toward him. I was very curious to know what he was doing with all these noises of slamming drawers and closet doors. He walked out slowly holding some clothes over his arms.
“Are you ready?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Enlighten me.”
He went to the loveseat in front of my bed and placed the blue jeans on its lower side.
“This pair is tight and form-fitting.” His eyes twinkled.
“What? What is this nonsense?”
“A gray cashmere sweater.” He placed it on top of the jeans. “That awesome red jacket with fur.”
The sleeveless red jacket had gray fur around the hood. The combination was indeed nice, although it was hard to imagine myself in these clothes.
He walked toward me vigorously and picked me up. “My gorgeous is back!”
“You’re full of energy today.” I slipped my hands into his brownish hair that was cut shorter now. “What happened to your hair?”
“You woke up on a sleepwalking night and gave me a haircut,” he joked, and I smiled shyly.
“Well, I like it.” I tried to scatter the connection that was building between us. “What should I wear for shoes?”
“Do you want me to pick your shoes?”
“Something comfortable please,” I teased.
A knock on the door made me so nervous that I pulled myself from his arms and walked backwards a few steps. Eric was surprised at my reaction.
“Yes,” I said loudly.
Amy came in with a perfect smile.
“How is the spoiled girl feeling?”
“Well, I’m better,” I said honestly. “Eric was trying to help me pick out my clothes for Monday. First day at university.”
“Oh well, I tend to be the fashion stylist.” She looked at the clothing placed on the loveseat. “That’s a good option though.”
Eric’s face expressed content.
“What about the shoes?” She turned to me.
“We haven’t decided on that yet.” I blushed.
Amy disappeared into the closet and came out with a pair of long black boots.
“Monday might be slightly rainy.” She placed them next to the clothing.
“I like them!” I agreed.
On the next day Eric and I went for a walk in a nearby forest. I liked the fact that he loved to take such walks. He hinted that he was taking me to a beautiful site I’d never seen before. Donna gave me a snack before we departed; Chester had left early that morning for some business trip.
“You know it’s the first time Chester has traveled since your coma.” He pressed his lips together. “Maybe we should stop mentioning that period.”
“It’s all right, I really don’t remember anything.” I placed my hand on my head, feeling the scab from the injury between my hairs. “If I didn’t have this I wouldn’t have known.”
We reached a beautiful site of yellow grass in a valley between two mountains. A few trees were dispersed on the left side of the valley. It was becoming very cold, with gray clouds floating over our heads. The deeper we went into the valley the tighter it became until we reached a little wooden tree house hidden inside the tall trees.
The moment I laid eyes on that house, flashes of Julie’s memories came to me. She and Eric walked toward the house in laughter, talking about nonsense; I was becoming a little nervous. Strangely, he opened the door with a key. He took one step inside the darkness of the little house and turned toward me. I stood indecisive, wondering if I had to be Julie or Cassandra at this moment.
“Where are you going?” I placed my hands in my jacket pockets.
He laughed, giving me a stupid look. “You’re not afraid of me?”
“Of course not.” I regained my strength and followed him inside.
The wooden house was a total beauty. As he lit the candles I could see that it was barely one room, a huge room though. It had a sofa in the middle on a white carpet, a little gas heater, and a table. There was a built-in bookshelf holding about fifty books.
“What is this, your office?” I teased.
“Only recently.”
I started walking around and observing the small wooden house from the inside. There was nothing really to see besides the bookshelf. I went precisely looking for the book titled Long Sleeping. I found it there, the first book on the third shelf.
“Where did you steal these books from?” I looked into his eyes suspiciously.
“Seems you’ve forgotten that I own a library.”
“Oh, I don’t remember that,” I said, doubting the truth of his words. If that were true, why hadn’t I heard about it at the university from someone? Everyone seemed to mention Eric in every conversation. How could they have missed that?
“So I have a geek boyfriend,” I said, shaking my head.
“Boyfriend?” He seemed surprised.
He walked toward one of the big circular trunks that the house was made of. He put his hands on it as if trying to extract some secret wonders from it. His muscular shoulders showed slightly from underneath his long-sleeved shirt.
“The trunks of the trees hold memories. This one in particular is very old. You can tell the age of the tree through the rings on its trunk. If the color is dark, it means the memories were created in the far previous years; if it is light, it means it’s fresh. Most of the trunk pieces and branches of this house originally belonged to a tree that was found on top of the right mountain of this valley. This tree registered just here a memory of what we did underneath it, three days before it died.” He pointed with his finger at a light-colored ring imprinted on the trunk.
“What did we do?” I asked, concerned, but he remained silent. “Eric, what did we do?”
“Three days after, it was struck by lightning and cut in half. I took it as a bad sign and became superstitious. Half the tree remained living, but I was afraid it was going to die. The part that was cut off was pushing it down. The next morning I cut the broken parts and pulled them down to the valley. I searched for ways to save the remains of the tree split in half. Luckily the uppermost branch had survived, although a little piece of it was torn down. I tied the broken parts that were still fresh to it, and it survived. I somehow believed that this tree was a symbol of our love, so I made of the broken branches a small wooden house. I looked for broken branches in the forest to complete the project. You just loved the house, but you never knew the branches came from our tree.”
Flashes of memories of my drawing came to mind—how Eric was peeking behind my back and observing my drawing. His expression had changed in this moment of silence. Was he thinking of Cassandra’s drawing? I knew exactly what he was thinking about, how peculiar it was that I was d
rawing this half alive, half dead tree. Was that why he was nice to me and not too violent and angry as he was with the others? I suddenly realized that my facial expression was starting to resemble his own. As Julie I shouldn’t be aware of Cassandra’s drawing. I shook my head and diverted my thinking from this awkward situation.
“Eric,” I called, “what is this memory that the tree has marked over its trunk?”
“You said yes,” he whispered. His frown had disappeared.
“What?” I was struggling to understand.
I covered my eyes with Julie’s slim long fingers, trying to straighten my thoughts in assuming the conclusion of this conversation. My head was heavy, my legs were light. I sat on the sofa. What did this all mean?
“So you are not my boyfriend? What are you, my…you’re my fiancé?”
He walked toward me and kneeled before the sofa. “Yes,” he said, looking so charming and adorable.
“But aren’t we too young for that?” I tried to look for obstacles, tried to sound like the doctor didn’t fill me up with this information.
“Yes, but…we love each other.” His eyes blinked only once, but the tenderness they expressed was overwhelming. I wasn’t too afraid to look at what he was feeling, kneeling down beside my feet. How could “we love each other” sound so strong and so simple at once? His charming confidence was sparkling, and I was like a weak bird in love.
“Well, I don’t remember it.” I had to say that, I had to remember I was not his real fiancée.
“You will.” He stretched himself slowly toward my face and brought his lips closer to mine.
I blinked, wondering if I was able to kiss him like Juliette. Would it be fair and rational to steal more of her life? I leaned my forehead against his in an attempt to stop the kiss, but he stretched even further until our lips were touching. I closed my eyes, saying a few sorry words for Julie through my thoughts; his kiss was soft and tender, impossibly pleasing. I reached for his face and ran my fingers through his hair, pulling myself toward him and satisfying my thirst for love. Then it was over before I realized it. A moment of silence wavered between us, and I heard nothing but our breathing echoing a stronger temptation for more love. I didn’t know how to break it…I didn’t know if I wanted to.
“My heart vowed to keep fighting,” he said.
I looked at him with so much admiration that I think my face blushed. His hair was a perfect mess, his eyebrows were darker than his hair, and his nose was sharp and perfectly aligned with his chin. How come I never noticed all these details before? He stretched his arms around my waist and I brought his head over my heart, hugging him gently. What is this warm wonderful feeling?
A cracking sound came from outside the wooden house. I turned toward it frightened. Eric stood up confidently and went to the door. A smile ran over his face.
“It’s time for your second real love.” He kept that sly smile on his face.
“What is this smile?”
“See for yourself.”
I followed the sound outside the little house. It was Luna; she had tracked us. Upon seeing me the dog started wagging her tail.
“You’re a little late, Luna.” Eric ran his fingers over the dog’s head between her ears. “Mr. Eric broke the trust of your conspiracy.”
I couldn’t help laughing; our laughter caused Luna to wag her tail faster.
“Luna, take us home!” Eric said as if he were addressing a baby.
Instantly she started leading the way home, stopping every once in a while and taking a look behind to make sure we were following. We walked slowly, again talking about nonsense, until Eric mentioned tomorrow’s first day at the university campus. Suddenly I remembered Sarah. I wanted so badly to tell her everything I was going through, but I needed first to make sure she was able to handle it. I thought secretly to myself of telling her the truth while Eric was talking about inconsequential things. I could imagine the shock on her face when I told her that I was actually Cassandra. As much as it was scary, it somehow amused me.
During the walk the weather suddenly became very cold. The clouds darkened and stacked one upon another. Waves of fog ran through the forest and turned it into a haunted site for ghosts. Shades of my frightened imagination raced from one tree to another behind the thick fog. Luna walked slower and barked every half a minute signaling the way. Without warning the fog disappeared and flakes of snow started falling. Eric removed his jacket and placed it over my shoulders. I felt a little guilty but didn’t negotiate; my freezing toes and fingertips forbade me to. By the time we reached the house, it had become a snowstorm. Donna was waiting by the door; she said she wasn’t worried but I knew that she was. Her facial expressions were not hard to read. I didn’t notice how strong the wind was until I was inside hearing it clash against the walls of the house.
Donna prepared hot tea and cookies as we sat by the fire consuming its heat. Luna lay down by the door, probably waiting for Chester to come home.
“He’s not coming back today,” Donna said to Luna as she walked in holding the tray. I took it from her and placed it on the table. She looked surprised; now I was sure it must have meant that Julie wasn’t so kind before. She sat on a sofa as I served the tea. Eric placed the plate of cookies near Donna, smiling at her.
“Tomorrow’s the first day on campus,” he said.
“Are you ready for that, Julie?” Her voice held both fear and happiness.
“Yes.” I swallowed a bite of cookie. “I can’t wait to start.”
It was hard to think of Donna as a mother. Even when I tried to pretend that, I didn’t know how to behave with her. In fact I didn’t remember what it was like to have a mother. I tried to be sweet and not talk too much to her since that’s how I used to be with Dad. I couldn’t learn from Eric; he was an orphan since forever.
“What courses will you pick?” Donna asked.
“Well, I was hoping we could take a sport together. That should keep up with the physical therapy,” Eric said.
“Together?” I didn’t like the idea. I liked sports in general but I wasn’t sure how strong I was in this body, and I wasn’t planning on looking so weak in front of Eric.
“Yeah, like dance.” He smiled charmingly.
“That’s nice.” Donna took a bite of a chocolate cookie. “That should go in parallel with your piano skills.”
“What piano skills?” I asked, dazed.
“Do you think she still has it?” he asked.
I had nothing to do with music, and I hoped I wasn’t into piano playing. There was nothing more boring than that, and I didn’t feel like trying. My fingers were too stiff on the keys and my heart found no pleasure in anything but very loud music. But that was me, Cassandra. What this other girl might possess I had no knowledge of. Her fingers were slim and long. I should escape their curiosity.
“The only way to be sure,” she said, giving me a look I really hated, “is by trying.”
No! I screamed inside. Why do most wealthy people spend their valuable time learning things they will never make use of in their lives?
“I’m…it’s not a good idea.” I looked at Eric with pleading eyes.
“I’ll show you,” he said.
We walked toward the salon; a white grand piano was displayed in the dark corner. Eric sat quickly and opened his hands, pausing for a second just above the keys as though he was blessing it, or regaining memory. He closed his eyes, inhaling.
“I’m not half as good as you are, but I’ll show you.” He placed his fingers on the keys, his eyes still closed, and opened them slowly as he played.
I never really liked the sound of music played on the piano, but I must say this melody sounded so perfect and beyond words. The music soared so beautifully that everything around me suddenly looked more beautiful. The house was transformed into a large ship floating over clouds as fog sneaked behind Eric outside the windows. Donna sat at a short distance on a chair listening, smoking a very thin cigarette. Surprisingly, I w
as sad as Eric stopped playing. He stared at me as I took his place facing the keyboard; a terrible fear hunted me.
“You’re too close,” I said nervously.
Eric walked toward Donna and sat on a chair fronting hers as I shrank in my seat to avoid their faces. I made the same gesture that Eric did just before he started playing, but no feeling of familiarity came to my mind. I dropped one finger on a black key and it sounded awful. I tried another, a third one, and each sounded worse than the last—until my playing sounded like a cat walking on the keys. I placed my hands on my face and felt like I was hiding in plain sight. Something was familiar about the piano, but the music was not. I tried one last time but nothing made sense; there were too many keys and I didn’t have the logic of the rhythmic pattern.
I stood up. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember.”
“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter anyways,” Eric said. “Look, it stopped snowing.”
“Probably to the sound of my playing,” I said. They both laughed.
“Well, it saved me. Else now I would be trapped here for the night.” He walked toward me, but when he was close to Donna, he picked up the cigarette from the ashtray and stubbed it out. “Excuse me, Donna, I shouldn’t have done that.”
I stared at Donna as she kept calm and became so serious.
“I’m sorry, I must go now.” He walked toward the main door.
“Eric,” Donna called. She picked up an umbrella and handed it to him. “It’s a long way and it might rain.”
“That’s kind of you.” He disappeared inside the fog.
Shortly afterwards the physical therapist arrived. She apologized for being late and explained that she wasn’t prepared for the snow. She’d had to chain her wheels to be able to continue. Therapy wasn’t so hard now. I just had to run on the treadmill and walk up and down on an artificial stair that she had carried with her. My feet were stronger and so were my arms. In fact I realized that perhaps I was stronger than when I used to be Cassandra. It scared me as I made the comparison in my mind, but it was hard not to think this way.
Adriana was kind to me and encouraging, although she was tough and non-merciful most of the time. I liked however the efforts she believed I was able to make, and she was right—it went exactly as she thought.
Different Minds Page 14