Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  Chapter 22

  jealousy

  it was a perfect sunny day. I dried my hair naturally and placed it on one side of my shoulders. I wore a beautiful shirt that sometimes dropped down on one shoulder. I also wore Eric’s favorite jeans on me. I had manicured my toes and fingernails with red nail polish. I put a reddish lipstick on and some beautiful sunglasses. I used one of my favorite perfumes and stepped down the stairs.

  “Somebody’s looking gorgeous today,” said Chester.

  “You think?” I frowned.

  “But I think you’re late for the walk so let me drop you today.”

  “No need.” I took an apple from the basket of fruits on the table in the corridor. “Robert’s here to give me a ride.”

  “Robert?” he asked with an exaggerated surprised tone.

  “Yeah.”

  “Who is Robert?”

  “A friend from the university.” I took a bite of the apple. I chewed it slowly, looking at Chester and wondering if he was going to tell Eric about it. In fact hoping that.

  “Well, where is Eric?” He sounded serious and worried.

  “Chester, leave the girl alone,” Donna said as she handed me my lunch in a plastic zipped bag. I took it from her and placed it in my huge purse.

  “Thank you, Donna.” I kissed her cheek and tapped Chester on the shoulder. “See you later.”

  I stepped into Robert’s sports car. He was smiling underneath his shades. He nodded and took off without saying a word.

  “I feel better,” I said, and he smiled silently, chewing gum that smelled minty.

  “Do you want one?” He handed me the chewing gum packet. I was correct; it was a mint flavor.

  “No, I’m having an apple.”

  “No thanks, I don’t like apples,” he joked.

  I laughed. “Well, that’s good because I didn’t want to share.”

  We were thirty minutes early to classes. We made use of it by lying on the green in the sun.

  “Stop looking around; he’ll think you’re doing this to bother him. If I look around it wouldn’t possibly come to his mind that I would actually help you do this.” He laughed, shaking his head and looking around. “Even I can’t believe it.”

  “Is he around?” I asked, fixing my eyes on his long eyelashes.

  “Yeah, but keep your eyes on me.” He took my purse and went through it.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Keep smiling when you talk to me, trust me. This will really bother him. Do you have an apple here?”

  “Yeah, in the zipped bag,”

  He got it out and gave it to me, raising his hand a little higher than what one would naturally do. “Here, take it slowly and eat it.”

  “All right.” I smiled and took a bite of it. I chewed slowly, noticing with the edge of my sight Eric looking in my direction with too much interest.

  “If I were him I’d kick my ass.” Robert smiled. “I’m going to kick my own ass anyways.”

  I laughed. He seemed to be amused; I think he was happy that he was making me happy. It could also be possible that this was his only way to approach me. His eyelashes lit under the sunrays; his smile was totally gorgeous although not perfect.

  “That’s great, keep laughing.”

  “Robert, why are you doing this?”

  “You should be with one of us. I know he is a good man.” He looked around at the far distance.

  “How do you know that?” How could he not hate Eric?

  “From your eyes, Julie. The way you look at him; you bring the best out in him…you make him good.” He spoke through his reddish lips as if he tasted his own words as he spoke them. “I know because it’s how I am when I’m around you. I want to be good when you look at me, to deserve your love. It’s how you look through me, innocent but daring…fearless.”

  I blinked several times to stop my eyes from generating tears. Luckily the sunglasses I had picked for today were totally black, and it was hard to see through them.

  “Take another bite, he’s back,” he said now in a more serious tone. I wondered how he was able to handle the situation so perfectly; he looked relaxed and calm. I took another bite, looking at him constantly as he opened my drawing book and glanced at the pages. “Since when do you draw?”

  “What? I can draw.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “I don’t know, I guess I have so many feelings and just…”

  “You’re letting them out by drawing.” He finished my sentence by staring at more of my drawings. “Is this me?”

  “What? This is really personal. Give it to me!”

  He closed the book and handed it to me. When I tried to take it away he didn’t let go. “Is it me?”

  “No, he just looks like you.”

  “Yeah, it’s me.” He smiled, nodding, while chewing the minty gum. “Oh my God…”

  “What?”

  “When did you draw that?” He pulled himself toward me.

  “I don’t know, at the beginning of the semester I guess.”

  He laughed joyfully; he then suddenly stood up and started running around me in circles.

  “What is it?”

  “It means you remembered me. Long before I sang for you.”

  “No, it’s impossible. I told you it’s not you…”

  “That’s me,” he assured smilingly. “You remembered me.”

  “If it makes you happy.” I shrugged my shoulders carelessly, hoping it was enough to convince him.

  “Yes, it does.” He laughed loudly. “Come on, it’s time to go to class.”

  Robert was right, making Eric jealous did bother him a lot…but not enough to speak to me. During drawing class he seemed so nervous that he dropped his pens more than five times. He was even on the verge of talking to me, but he restrained himself from doing so. I think it bothered me even more how successfully he restrained himself. At the end of the lesson he was the first to get out of class.

  Wednesday and Friday Robert and I did pretty much the same plan. Wednesday Robert bought me ice cream and we had them in the cafeteria around everyone else while it rained outside. During drawing class, I broke the rules of our plan and stared at Eric for a while. He glanced at me for barely a second and then looked away. Sarah killed me with blame; she said I never should have done that. I was happy; this meant the plan was working even if he hadn’t decided yet to talk to me.

  On Friday Robert caressed my hair and placed a strand behind my ear as Eric watched. That day Eric didn’t show up for drawing class. That Friday was the last day of the semester. I was very nervous because I didn’t know what classes Eric was going to pick for the next one, and I wanted to be with him in at least one. It was two weeks before the next semester would start; I didn’t want to be away from him that long.

  In the evening as I lay in my bed wondering what to do next, Donna knocked on my door.

  “Someone’s here to see you.” She smiled.

  “Who is it?” I jumped up hoping it was Eric.

  “It’s Amy,” she said with less of a smile, knowing that her answer wasn’t what I hoped for.

  “Amy! Okay.” It was my second best hope.

  I ran down the stairs. “Amy! When did you come back?”

  “Today.” She smiled, basking in her own beauty.

  “You look amazing. Would you like to go out a little? I need to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” She turned around and followed me as we left the house. Luna followed us quickly.

  I was silent for the first few minutes of the walk; we went toward a nearby park whose trees were extremely large and old. The smell of the newborn greenery was so strong; it accumulated to bring together the scent of all Denver’s nature.

  “So Julie.” She sort of laughed as she said my name, turning her face toward the pond. “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, what did he tell you?” I walked a few steps ahead of her. It was easier hearing her side of the story first in order to know how much she k
new.

  “He’s not saying much.” She shook her head.

  “I don’t feel like I’m myself lately. I’m really confused and I’m having so many different memories.” I looked down at my shoes and started massaging my eyebrows. “I swear it’s like I’m going crazy. I’ve made a mistake.”

  “So?” She kicked a small rock with her shoe and walked in a semicircle. “We all make mistakes.”

  “You don’t understand—I saw Robert. I even kissed him.”

  She sighed. “And you told him that.”

  “Of course.” I dropped my hands.

  “And what do you feel now?”

  “Like I’ve made a mistake,” I repeated sadly.

  “You should tell Eric that.”

  “You think I didn’t try? He just doesn’t listen, doesn’t look at me.”

  “Yeah, he sometimes does that. He used to do that when you were in a coma.”

  “I need to talk to him. I will need a place where he can’t run away.”

  “Camping.” She had an uneven smile.

  “What camping?”

  “A small group. They will depart tomorrow morning from the bus station for four days to the Rocky Mountains.”

  “What time? Can I still register?”

  “I can handle that part.”

  “Swear?”

  “Just be there at eight, and stay invisible until departure.” She hugged me warmly. “It’s not easy what you’ve been through.”

  I felt like I wanted to cry. Maybe I didn’t deserve this kindness; maybe I didn’t deserve this body to start with. Somehow I couldn’t fight some tears from falling. Amy started laughing when she saw my tears.

  “Thank you, Amy.”

  “For nothing.” She smiled.

  Once back home I called Sarah for advice concerning what one should pack for a camping trip. It must have been both our first times, mine and Julie’s, because she didn’t have any of the mentioned equipment. In the late evening Sarah dropped by to give me her own equipment, her tent which was folded into a very heavy backpack and some other stuff too. She said it had a tutorial brochure that would teach me how to pitch it once on site. I hoped it wasn’t too hard.

  Just before I went to bed I told Donna about the camping trip and asked her not to tell Chester, at least not before I had already departed. For the first time I noticed that she was a little worried for me. She asked me to be careful several times. She walked into her empty bedroom a little too worried.

  I pushed open her bedroom door with two fingers. “Hey, Donna, don’t worry okay? I’ll be careful this time.”

  “Yeah.” She smiled although her nervous expression didn’t fade.

  “Where’s Chester by the way?”

  “He’s sleeping.” That implied that he was sleeping somewhere not in the same room she was occupying.

  I nodded. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight,” she said, looking tired.

  This night was like the last day of the world. Every minute was countable and sleepless. All sorts of insects, snakes, and scorpions moved inside my tummy biting and poisoning me. I rolled in bed from one side to the other, feeling both chilly and sweaty. When the first light of dawn appeared I worried even more because I hadn’t yet had one moment of sleep. I remembered suddenly that I had set my alarm for seven, which meant that I still had a few hours to recover. I pulled a pillow over my eyes, but soon it started suffocating me so I pulled it off and turned my back to the light that began peeking through the curtains. I rubbed my feet together, and it seemed to help as it took the tension away bit by bit, curing my stomach pain. I can’t remember exactly when I fell asleep, but it must have been somewhere as I started dreaming of Eric.

  Soon though the alarm rang and I was pulled out of the first moments of a deep sleep. It felt like the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. I forced myself out of bed and tried to steady my zombie walking, but it brought a horrible morning sickness. I went to the bathroom and threw up with so much pain. I couldn’t give up now; I hurried back to bed and covered myself for a few minutes until the ceiling wasn’t spinning much anymore. I counted to fifteen and jumped out again; I was okay. My eyes were a little heavy, and sure I would have enjoyed a few additional hours of sleep, but at least I wasn’t feeling too sick anymore. I dressed quickly and brushed my teeth like five times until I finally convinced myself that I was now clean. When I came down Donna was awake already and had prepared my breakfast. I explained that I wasn’t feeling so well and vomited only half an hour earlier. She gave me all sorts of medicines that I might need during my trip and wrote over each box what to use it for and the dosage.

  “How do you know all that?” I grabbed the first aid kit and the huge plastic bag of medicines and tried to stuff it in Sarah’s heavy bag.

  “I used to be a nurse, remember?” She helped me put the medicine bag inside the stuffed backpack, turning me around and unzipping it.

  “Really?” I asked with surprise.

  “Well, not anymore since we moved back to Denver. Chester wanted to pamper me. He said I could only go shopping and travel around if I wanted.”

  “Do you want that?”

  “There are a lot of things I don’t want, but even in the most undesirable place you will start to find things that might actually interest you.” Once she finished she turned me back toward her. “Now have fun there, keep your eyes opened. These are five external batteries to recharge your phone. If you need anything just call me.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I smiled.

  “Have fun.” She kissed my cheek.

  At the bus station I spotted Eric at a distance. He looked depressed and quiet. I couldn’t deny that it actually made me feel happy. I let my hair loose, hiding myself underneath my hat. I sneaked behind the crowd hoping that no one was going to call me by my name as it could alert him. I went to the man in charge of roll call and told him quietly that I was present. I explained that I was too tired and was going to sleep inside the bus so he didn’t need to call my name out loud. I was a little surprised to notice that this guy was actually Jeffrey, Sarah’s friend that transported me to the hospital, the same who took me and Sarah to the site of my accident. I was speechless for some time as I saw his face. It brought back nightmarish memories of all the pain, of his panicked voice, of my death…I mumbled as I said the last words. He thought I was strange as he looked at me with a weird expression.

  “All right, go ahead. Got you,” he said in a serious tone.

  It seemed as if he’d lost his sense of humor and the happiness he used to have in exploring nature and organizing that kind of thing. I felt sorry for him, and I stood silently for a few moments contemplating the changes he’d gone through, obviously because of me.

  “Anything else?” he said with some rudeness.

  “No.” I started walking away toward the half-full mini-bus, realizing that my death actually distorted the hearts of many others than only that of my dad.

  Mostly the girls were in the bus reserving their favorite seats. I walked toward almost the end of it where I found an empty seat near the window. I quickly occupied it and hid myself well with my hat, keeping an eye on Eric. One girl called me by my name saying that she didn’t think I would be up to such a trip; of course I didn’t know her name. I smiled at her and explained that I was too tired to respond and needed to sleep, that I was feeling sick. She offered to cover me with her jacket too. I quickly agreed for additional disguise. A few minutes later I was perfectly warm, and involuntarily I fell asleep. I forced my eyes opened a few times and realized that the bus was already moving. Two hours later I woke up noticing that I was laying my head on that girl’s shoulder. She must have been motionless for quite some time, afraid to wake me up.

  “I’m really sorry.” I lifted myself quickly aside, suddenly realizing an extremely strong head and neck pain.

  “Are you all right?” she asked with a sweet voice.

  “Yeah, I think, just that headache.”


  “It’s probably because of everyone’s talking so loudly.” She offered me her water bottle.

  “Oh thanks.” I took it and quickly poured some water into my mouth without touching it with my lips. I closed the bottle and returned it to her. “How long have we been moving?”

  “About two hours.” She dropped the bottle back in the little cup holder between the seats.

  “Is everyone here?”

  “Well, it’s the mini-bus and the 4-by-4 leading the way.”

  I pushed myself up and saw a yellow vehicle driving ahead of the bus. “Who’s in the yellow vehicle?”

  She curled her lips and frowned a little. “Eric’s in between them if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Oh, no I don’t…well, thank you.” I stared at her with an admiring look. I had no idea where she came from, but she was so much help at this instance. “Who are you by the way?”

  “Oh, I’m Angela.” She smiled, offering her hand.

  “Nice meeting you.” I shook her hand.

  “Well, it’s not the first time, but I know what you mean.” She laughed with exaggeration.

  “Have we met before?” I sounded sorry for not remembering.

  “Well, you lost your memory.” She coughed a little. “I mean, I used to work at the Italian restaurant. You used to call me always for a nice table. Now I manage the place.”

  “Oh, congratulations. You should give me your number so we can resume the usual I guess.”

  “Yeah, sure.” She seemed content that I proposed that.

  I took my phone, inserted her number, and saved it. “Um…did you see if anyone noticed me here?”

  “You mean Eric.” She curled her lips again. “He didn’t.”

  “Thanks.” I laughed.