From Out of the Blue

by Nadia Nichols

  “Catch any fish?” he asked, eyes closed now. In a few breaths he’d probably fall asleep the same way she had. She studied his profile. Just the sight of him restored her vitality and kick-started her heart.

  “Four. I let them all go.”

  “Your mother said you would. She said you loved to eat ’em, hated to kill ’em, so you turned ’em loose and fed the family on your fishing stories.”

  “So, McCray, what brings you to Montana?”

  He laced his fingers together across his lean belly. “Thor wanted to visit Hayden,” he muttered, eyes still closed. “I thought it’d make a good birthday present for him.”

  “Well, I’m glad you came. I’ll write you a check for your travel expenses.”

  “All taken care of.” He shifted again, settling more deeply into the hollow. “I gotta tell you, Kate, I’m not sure I have the strength to walk back.”

  “Bonnie can carry us both,” Kate said. “She’s sturdy, and it’s all downhill.”

  He opened his eyes and gazed up at her. “I flew the Porter here. I’m returning it. Wally and I bought another plane, so we don’t need yours.”

  Kate felt a hot jolt of anger. “If you insist on returning it, I can assume you want me to just store the plane and pay for it’s upkeep until Hayden’s old enough to fly.”

  Mitch worked himself onto his elbows. “At the rate he’s progressing, that’ll be only another five or six years. Surely you can manage that.”

  “Mitch, I—”

  “I know,” he interrupted. “You want me to fly it, but I can’t. For the same reason you threw my letter off the flight deck, I can’t fly that plane. I’m just as stubborn, prideful and independent as you are. That’s all there is to it.”

  “You have no idea why I flung that letter off the flight deck,” Kate shot back. “Besides, how I felt then has nothing to do with what I feel now. I was stupid then, and I spent nearly five years of my life paying for that one rash moment. Don’t make the same mistake I did, Mitch. You have a chance to make a good life for yourself and for Hayden, too. Don’t let your foolish pride hurt Hayden the way mine did.”

  “I would never hurt Hayden.”

  “Then prove it! Take that plane and put Arctic Air on the map. Build your son a legacy that the both of us would be proud of. Do this for me, Mitch. Do this for Hayden.” Kate was near tears and her voice tightened up until she could barely get the last word out. “Please.”

  “Kate…”

  Digging her fingernails into her palms helped push back the flood. “And while you’re at it, build that addition onto your cabin, and put in a bathroom. Set it up like the park supervisor’s cabin. You’ve got a great place, Mitch, a wonderful place. I’ve changed my will since I got back. You’ll have the money to do all those things and more.”

  “What?” Mitch sat up and riveted her with those damnably keen eyes. “Don’t talk like that.”

  “I have to face the fact that things don’t look so good for me,” she said. “I have to plan for the worst-case scenario, so that’s what I’ve done. I’ve set up a trust fund for Hayden. Try to understand that this isn’t about you and me. It’s about our son’s future.”

  “I get that part, loud and clear, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re going to beat this thing. There isn’t going to be a worst-case scenario.”

  “Fine. I’m all for that. Build the addition anyway. Fly the Porter. Make a lot of money. Kids are expensive.”

  “I know that, but I don’t need your financial help to be a good father to Hayden. I’m leaving that plane here with you, and as for Hayden, I hope you’ll let him visit me from time to time. I hope you’ll let me take him camping again. Show him wolves and bears. Teach him how to fish and how to use his grandfather’s compass and let him pal around with Thor. That’s all I’m asking. And, Kate, I’m too tired to fight.” He pushed to his feet. “Your mother told me to make sure you got home in time for supper. We better get going.”

  She ignored his offered hand, still churning with unspoken thoughts, wanting to forge onward with this discussion until they found some common ground. “I’m not ready to leave just yet.”

  “And I’m not ready to ride a horse, but your mother wants you home for supper and whatever she was cooking sure smelled good.”

  Kate looked up at him, filled with helpless frustration. Was this it? Was this the deepest conversation they were ever going to have? She heaved a frustrated sigh. “You are so pigheaded for letting your pride stand in the way of your success.”

  “If I’m so pigheaded, what does that make you?” he shot back.

  Kate stood, her heart pounding, a little dizzy from the surge of emotion that overwhelmed her. “That makes me an idiot who’s in love with an idiot, and if it matters to you at all, I’d like to go camping again, too.”

  Her words clearly took him by surprise. “What did you just say?”

  “I said, I’d like to go camping again, too.”

  “No. The part about being in love.”

  “I said, I’m in love with an idiot!”

  “You’re in love with me?”

  Campy was right. Sometimes a man needed to be hit over the head with a baseball bat to clue him in. “Yes! I want to go camping lots of times, with you!”

  He was staring at her with a dumbfounded expression, as if he couldn’t believe she’d ever say something like that. “If you feel that way about me, why didn’t you tell me that before you left?”

  She took his hand. “Because I couldn’t, and I shouldn’t be saying it now, but if things work out for me, I’d really like for us to go camping again, if that’s all right.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  MITCH TRIED TO REMEMBER that he was supposed to keep his distance and stay clear of this dangerous emotional entanglement. That was the logical thing to do. Run far and run fast. He’d brought back the plane. His debt to Kate was discharged. He owed her nothing. He could leave after supper, catch the red-eye out of Bozeman and be back to work first thing Tuesday morning. That was the plan. That had always been the plan.

  Until she spoke those words.

  Those words about being in love with him.

  Damn it, she was throwing a monkey wrench into his plans.

  “Let me get this straight. You’re in love with me, and you’ll come visit me in Alaska if you get the transplant then get better and we’ll go camping and have a happy family-style time together, but if things don’t work out for you, I’ll be hearing from your lawyer.”

  Kate hesitated. “I’ll keep in touch when I’m in the hospital, so you’ll know what’s going on. Hayden would love it if you called him from time to time, and it would be especially nice if you could stay until his birthday.”

  Mitch turned away from her and walked down to the edge of the creek. He stared into the dark swirling eddies that laced the pool and wondered if he was going crazy. He wanted to grab hold of her and shake some sense into that stubborn head of hers. He wanted to hold her in his arms every night and keep her nightmares at bay. He wanted to find the courage to allow himself to fall in love with her the way she’d fallen in love with him. He wanted to teach Hayden how to throw a ball. Ride a bike. Drive a car. Fly a plane. He wanted to go camping with Kate and Hayden. Build an addition on his cabin big enough for all three of them. Stand on the porch and watch Kate out in the garden, tending her flowers.

  There was still a part of him that knew it would be far easier for him to run far and run fast and never look back, but he knew he couldn’t and never would, no matter what, so he turned around and walked back to where she stood. “Let me try to explain something to you. I’ll try to keep it simple, since it appears we’re both idiots. You don’t have to go it alone anymore, Kate. I’m in this, too. What you’re going through now and what you’re about to go through, like it or not, I’m a part of it.”

  He saw the shine of tears in her eyes before she glanced away. “I appreciate what you’re trying to say, Mitch, I really do, but
you can’t do anything to help. This is my fight.”

  “You are so wrong.” He reached out and closed his hands on her shoulders. “This is our fight, and by God, Kate, we’re going to fight it together, and you’re going to let me because I’m Hayden’s father and I have a big stake in this, but mostly you’re going to let me because I fell pretty hard for you the first time you flew into my life, and I’m not letting you fly out of it again without a battle bigger than this one we’re facing. You got that?”

  She stared up at him while the tears made silent tracks down her cheeks.

  “And,” he continued, “I think we should get married right away, before Hayden’s birthday.” He shook his head to silence her, though from her expression she was too dazed by his words to speak. “I know what you’re going to say. We’ve only been seeing each other for less than a month. Well, that’s long enough for me to know we could make a go of it. Then maybe you’re going to argue that marriage is all about compromising, and you aren’t ready to compromise your goals and ambitions. I’m right on track with that one, aren’t I, Captain Independence? Don’t worry. You won’t have to compromise anything. You can have your career and I’ll back you all the way to Mars, if that’s where you really want to go, just so long as you’re home in time for supper.

  “So now you’ll probably throw out the grim statistics about chemotherapy and sterility and no more babies, but you already killed that argument yourself by giving me Hayden. The only argument you could possibly make that I’d take seriously is if you told me you really didn’t give a damn about me, but you’ve already tipped your hand on that one so I’m hoping you’ll say yes. And for the record, this isn’t all about Hayden. This part here is all about you and me.”

  She was still for a long moment, then she lifted her chin and said, “Mitch, do you have any idea what you’d face if I said yes?”

  Until that very moment, he hadn’t known how much he wanted her to say that word. A part of him had believed that his offer of marriage would be enough. She’d refuse, cut him loose, let him leave with dignity, let him live his life without guilt. She wouldn’t want marriage, not even for Hayden’s sake. She wasn’t the type. She was a go-it-alone gal, tough to the core.

  But the truth of it was, Campy was right. He needed Kate more than she needed him. His homestead on the banks of Pike’s Creek used to be enough. The bush pilot job flying that junker for Wally Gleason used to be enough. Playing pool at Brock’s Bar and Grill used to be enough…until Kate came back into his life from out of the blue and turned him inside out and upside down. Now, nothing of his old life was enough.

  He wanted more. A lot more. He wanted Kate and he wanted Hayden and he wanted them to be a real family.

  Not just any family.

  He wanted them to be his family.

  Because that’s what they were. They were his family. He knew what Kate was facing, and he knew that walking that path with her would be the hardest thing the both of them would ever do, but he also knew he wanted to do it, and this shocked him almost as much as his marriage proposal had shocked Kate. The truth was, he no longer wanted to run far and run fast. He no longer wanted to escape Kate’s struggle with the most feared and deadly of foes.

  Leukemia wasn’t just Kate’s enemy. It had become his, as well.

  This battle had become personal. Cancer was threatening the life of the woman he loved, and he was going to do everything in his power to fight it with her, and defeat it. Together, they would win this war. He believed this to the depths of his soul.

  “I know what we’re up against,” he said. “And I know I don’t have all that much to offer, just a wolf-dog that you won’t be able to pat for a year and a rustic cabin on a wild creek with some forget-me-nots blooming in a neglected garden, but what do you say, K. C. Jones? You wanna get hitched? And don’t quote me the odds. I don’t want to hear them. There are no guarantees. I know that. But if all I get is one day, one hour, one minute as your husband, I’ll take it, and as your husband, no doctor can keep me out of any hospital room that has you in it and nobody can keep me from making sure they take damn good care of you.” He got down on one knee and took both her hands in his. “I’m not asking you out of pity. I’m asking it because I love you, I’m crazy about you and I want you to be my wife. Say yes, Kate, and make us a real family.”

  She was silent for so long that he began to have serious doubts, then her eyes flooded with tears again, and she said, in a voice that trembled with emotion, “Oh, Mitch, if I were sure about tomorrow, I wouldn’t hesitate, but I need to talk to Hayden first. Can you give me a little time?”

  KATE WOULD NEVER forget the ride back to the ranch house: that spectacular sunset coloring the western sky with vermilion streaks; Bonnie’s slow, careful descent of the mountain trail and the smell of summer’s warmth edged with the chill hint of the mountains as the twilight gathered up the cold from the high places and settled with it into the low-lying valleys. The distant, plaintive bawl of a cow and the evensong of the birds as they settled for the night were poignant reminders that all too soon her world would shrink to the size of a hospital room again, but she’d remember every one of these precious moments, and the feel of Mitch’s strong, comforting arms around her was burned into her memory for all eternity.

  All the way back to the ranch she thought about his proposal. She knew she couldn’t accept it, she knew she wouldn’t say yes because to accept would be the most selfish thing she ever did, but for a while she liked to think it would all work out. She liked to think he really did love her, that they really could be a family and that the future really did exist for the three of them together.

  The trail flattened out and the lights of the ranch house beckoned. A dog barked and the screen door squeaked open then banged shut. Kate could see her father standing beside Ruth on the porch, his pipe in hand, the two of them waiting for her to come home. She was tired, but it was a bittersweet weariness. Mitch helped her down from the mare and she leaned into him for a moment longer, relishing his closeness and the feel of his arms around her, while Hayden came out of the house with the black dog in tow and cried, “Mumma, look, Thor’s here!”

  And then her mother descended the porch steps and as she approached, Kate saw the shine of tears in her eyes and a look of barely suppressed joy.

  “The hospital in Seattle called an hour ago,” Ruth said in a voice tight with emotion. “They found a donor match, Kate. They said it’s a good one, as good as they get, a young woman from right here in Montana. They want you in Seattle right after Hayden’s birthday. Your doctor wants you to call him. The number’s by the phone.”

  As Kate heard the words, a feeling of disbelief washed over her. “Are you sure?”

  Ruth nodded, the tears spilling over. “The doctor said something about an extra pair of antigen markers giving you a perfect match. He said on a scale of one to ten, your donor was a twelve. Oh, honey.” Ruth broke down and embraced her fiercely.

  “I never thought it would happen,” Kate said, hugging her back in a daze. “I’d given up hope.” She turned to Mitch, brushing tears from her own cheeks, and wrapped her arms around him tightly, clinging to his solid strength. “I owe you one, Mitch. I owe you my life. But something along the lines of a Porter airplane is a start.”

  Mitch held her close. “Hold it—let’s take a step back to you owing me your life. Consider the debt repaid if you’d just spend it with me. That’s all I ask.”

  Kate felt her heart twist with pain. If she said yes, Mitch would be trapped on the same uncertain road she was heading down. If she said yes, he’d be engaged in the same fierce battle. It would take all his time, all his energy, endless hours and days and weeks and months of watching her struggle through the hospitalized hell of the marrow transplant procedure, and in the end, if she didn’t make it…?

  No. She couldn’t do that to him. Wouldn’t. The kindest thing she could do would be to let him go. If she died, he’d take Hayden and be a good father
to him. A great father. If she lived through the transplant and the cancer went into remission, and if he still wanted to marry her, then they could take up this conversation where they’d left off. Meanwhile, he’d be free to live his own life. She drew a deep breath, pushed out of his arms and was about to tell him no when she felt Hayden’s arms clamp around her knees.

  “Will you get better now, Mumma?” he said.

  “It’s very good news,” Kate murmured, fearing to say any more. She knelt to hold him close, then rose to her feet at her father’s approach. “Dad, this is Mitchell McCray.”

  The two men shook hands. “Good to meet you, sir,” Mitch said, “and I know this is a little abrupt, but with your permission, I’d like to marry your daughter. That is, if she’d get beyond that stubborn, independent mind-set of hers and consent.”

  If Mitch’s announcement surprised her father, he didn’t show it. He puffed on his pipe calmly for a few moments, studying Mitch, then he glanced at Kate, and finally at Ruth. “What do you think, Mother Jones?”

  Ruth just smiled. “That’s up to Kate, isn’t it? Come on, let’s go put supper on the table.”

  After her parents had returned to the house, Kate gave her full attention to Mitch. “Are you sure? Really sure?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t.”

  “I have to go back to Seattle right after Hayden’s birthday.”

  “As I recall, weddings don’t take all that long. A few minutes of official mumbo jumbo and a few signatures. We can have the big celebration afterward, after you’re out of the hospital and we’re back in Alaska. It’ll give your parents a chance to see Montana magnified.”

  “What about your job? You can’t just abandon Wally and Campy.”

  “They can hold the fort for as long as this takes. They’re survivors, just like you and me.”

  Kate felt an electrical tingle shiver through her as he reached out and took her hands in his. “But it could take a while,” she said. “I don’t think you understand how long or how hard—”