Marks on My Skin (Love & Ink #1)

by J. A. Howell

  “I’m not very good. You know that.”

  He took another swig of beer and grinned into his pint. “Oh, ya’ve just not done it in a while. C’mere.” He waved me over to him. Conceding, I put my drink on a nearby table and walked over to him. Liam gave me a warm smile, whether it was from a couple beers or from us hanging out again I wasn’t sure. Still, it lifted my mood, if only a little.

  “Alright, stand here.” Liam grabbed my hips, turning me so that I was facing the dartboard. He plucked three darts from the board and placed one in my hand. I held it up and he shook his head. “No, yer grippin’ it too hard. Hold it like this.” He adjusted my grip on the dart so I held it nice and loose then came around behind me, placing a gentle hand on my elbow, and another on my hip.

  I looked over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow at him. “Okay, now what?”

  “Well, first ya keep yer eye on the target.” He teased. “Concentrate on a spot and aim fer it. Keep as little of yer hand touchin’ the dart so ya get a clean release and only move yer arm. Not yer shoulder, or yer hips.”

  I nodded, took a few breaths, and let the dart fly. It stuck itself in the wall a foot away and Liam let out an amused grunt behind me.

  I gave him a light jab with my elbow that only made him giggle.

  “Don’t laugh at me! I told you I’m bad.”

  “Oh come on. Just try again.” He snorted and attempted to wipe the amused look from his face. I spun back around, not letting him see my own amusement, and picked up another dart. That one barely hit the board.

  “See? Much better. One more.” He nudged me. I smiled to myself and grabbed the other dart. For the first time in a week I wasn’t thinking about Kieran and enjoying the company of my best friend once more. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, then threw the last dart. It landed right on the bull’s eye. I spun around, eyes wide in amazement, and let out a squeal.

  “See, yer not so bad. Just needed a little help. Try a few more throws?” He plucked the darts from the board and brought them back to me. “I’ll even stand over here. So ya better not miss the board again.” Liam leaned against the wall with a coy grin.

  “Fine, but if you end up with a dart in your arm, don’t blame me. And where the hell did Niall go? I thought he was bringing more drinks.

  Liam glanced past me and shook his head. “Talkin’ ta some chick. Figures. Throw yer darts and I’ll grab us some beers since that arsehole is slackin’.”

  “Deal.” I lifted one of the darts up and concentrated on the target, aware of the way Liam was watching me. One after the other, each dart stuck into the target. Not in the bull’s eye, but not too far off either. Feeling rather pleased with myself I strode toward the dartboard to pluck them back out and Liam came up behind me, putting an arm around my shoulder.

  “See yer not so bad at it.”

  “Yeah, well you’re a pretty good teacher. I guess.”

  Liam let out a grunt and I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and relaxing against him. I was glad to have my friend back. Things felt almost normal.

  “Shayne.” Liam’s voice lowered and his fingers brushed my cheek. Alarms went off in my head and I opened my eyes to see that yearning look in his eyes again.

  “Liam,” I put a hand on his chest to stop him, but he backed me against the wall and kissed me. For a moment, I didn’t want to fight it. Liam cared about me, Liam wanted to be with me. Things would be easier, being with someone like him. I kissed him back, wanting to feel something, hoping to feel that spark. But there was nothing. Slowly, I pulled away.

  “Liam, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t. Please don’t.” His lips pressed against mine once more but it was no use. I pulled out of his grasp, unable to look at him.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated, knowing it didn’t soften the blow at all. Liam’s posture stiffened and his jaw jutted out, angry and hurt.

  “Why not? I actually care about you.”

  His words slammed me in the gut. Or rather the words he didn’t say did. He actually cared about me…and Kieran didn’t.

  “I need to go.”

  “Shayne, I didn’t mean it like that.” He grabbed my arm but I wrenched free and started for the door.

  “Shayne, where ya goin’?” Niall tried to stop me as I passed the bar but I didn’t answer him either. I didn’t look back as I barreled out of the pub. Tears burned my eyes and I wiped at my face, not paying attention to where I was going. I just wanted to get away from that pub. Away from anyone with the last name Donovan. He was right. Kieran didn’t care about me. But I cared about him.

  “Such an idiot. God, I’m such an idiot!” More tears blurred my vision. I tried to blink them away and crashed into someone, knocking them down. I wiped my face to see a man pulling himself off the ground. No, not just a man. My client, Ian.

  “Shayne, fancy bumping into you?” He joked, but the amusement quickly drained from his face as he took in my distraught appearance. “You alright?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded, even as a few more tears escaped.

  Ian frowned and nodded toward Finley’s. “Want to grab a drink? Talk about it?”

  “No. That’s the last place I want to be right now.”

  “Well, where do you want to go? I can take you.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll just get a cab.” I shook my head and backed toward the curb, but he grabbed my wrist.

  “Please? I’m going to worry about you all night if you don’t let me at least see that you get somewhere safe.”

  Against my own good sense, I met his worried gaze. “Okay.” I mumbled. A sweet smile crossed his lips and he slid his hand over mine, gently leading me around the corner to a small black hatchback. He opened the passenger side door for me then climbed in the driver’s seat.

  “Where to?” One hazel eye peered at me from the other side of the car.

  “Just back to the Knotted Needle. I left my Thunderbird there.”

  He nodded and started the car without any further questions. We drove in comfortable silence back to the shop. With as much as Ian always flirted with me, I expected more, at least a couple questions, but maybe he really did just wanted to make sure I got home safe. He pulled into the alley and parked the car next to mine, then turned to me. My grip on the door handle tightened but he didn’t move closer.

  “Look, whatever’s going on, you don’t have to talk to me about it. But you could if you wanted to. I don’t have any appointments earlier in the day tomorrow…you know, if you wanted to come in for that back piece you always talk about letting me do. Maybe a little you time would help.”

  I studied him and my hand relaxed some. “Maybe I will. I think I need a break from this place. Even just for a day.” I sighed and looked up at the building. Mine and Liam’s shop. We’d bought this place together. No, I didn’t want to see it tomorrow. Or Liam. He probably didn’t want to see me either after what happened tonight.

  “Come by my shop around noon?” Ian gave me a hopeful look. I nodded.

  “See you tomorrow, Ian. Thanks for driving me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

  Fresh Wounds, Fresh Ink

  I left a message for Liam on the shop’s answering machine before he would be there. No way was I going to try talking to him. I didn’t want to deal with any of that right now. A day off was just what I needed. Snatching a half-smoked joint off the glass ashtray by my bed, I lit it and took a long, slow inhale. I sauntered over to my stereo and put on a Gorillaz album just loud enough that my neighbors wouldn’t feel the need to come over and complain again. Fuck them. Assholes. My neighbors, Kieran, Liam—all of them as far as I was concerned.

  It was only ten in the morning so I had plenty of time before going to Ian’s shop. It was about damn time I did something just for me and I’d been wanting a tattoo from him for a while. Flirations aside, he was a good artist, and if Liam wanted him to come over to our shop, spending some time with the guy didn’t seem lik
e such a bad idea. More than pleased with my plans for the day, I started a warm bath and pulled off the oversized t-shirt I’d slept in. The phone rang as I slipped into the bath but I ignored it, settling myself into the soothing warmth of water and bubbles.

  “Shayne, it’s Liam. Please pick up. We need ta talk. I’m sorry about last night. I—”

  My answering machine cut off with a well-aimed boot that sent it toppling off its stand. I grinned to myself and laid back against the tub. Nope. Me time. Kindly fuck off, Liam. I finished the joint and discarded it in the trash bin then dunked my head underwater, letting my body completely relax. Once the water started to cool I pulled myself out of the bath and toweled off. Staring at myself in the mirror, I touched a finger to the cut on my cheek. It was nearly healed, just a pink line, but the memory of it was still raw. If I ever got my hands on Kendall again, she’d be sorry she did that, pregnant or not.

  By the time I finished getting dressed and dried my hair it was closing in on a quarter ‘til noon. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs to my car. When I got to Trinity, Ian was lounging on one of the couches watching cartoons. His face lit up when he saw me and he pulled himself up.

  “You came! Come on, I already drew up the design for you.” He grabbed my hand and led me toward a room in the back of the shop.

  “Really?”

  He flashed me a bashful grin, looking rather adorable as he did. “Yeah. Call me an optimist, but I hoped you’d show up.”

  “I figured it was time I took a day off. Thanks for driving me to my car last night.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged and turned around, grabbing a stencil off of the counter and holding it out for me. “What do you think?”

  I took the stencil from him and looked over the design, completely speechless. It was gorgeous…and quite huge.

  “I tried to make it so it flows down your back…it would probably reach down onto your, um…”

  I grinned, watching his cheeks grow red. “My ass?”

  “I can make it a little smaller if you want!”

  I shook my head, rather amused at his sudden bout of shyness.

  “No, the size is good. But do you actually have time to do this all today?”

  He beamed at me, recovering quickly. “If you’re up for it, I am.”

  “Fine then. Let’s get this stencil on me and see who taps out first.” I winked and pulled my shirt off. I’d worn a bikini top underneath, but I caught Ian’s momentarily stunned expression.

  “Oh…that’s clever.” His cheeks flushed red once more and I was aware of his gaze on my hands as I tugged down the back of my shorts. I had to admit I was enjoying this just a little too much.

  His gaze sprung up to meet mine as I peered over my shoulder. “That low enough?”

  “Um, yeah, that should be good.” Ian swallowed hard behind me, tugging at the bottom string of my top and I found myself grinning again. At least Ian was amusing me. He fumbled with the disinfectant bottle, cursed under his breath, then with a tentative touch, rubbed the liquid down my back. I relaxed at the scent of the disinfectant. I always liked the smell of it. He took his time placing the stencil, gently pressing it against my skin.

  He peeled it away and nudged me toward the mirror. “Go on, take a look. Let me know if you like the placement.”

  I turned my back to the mirror and peered over my shoulder at it, shifting around to watch its movement.

  “I love it.” I looked back at him and he relaxed some.

  “Now it’s my turn to torture you, I suppose.” He waggled his eyebrows and wiped down his table.

  “I never torture you.” I stuck my tongue out at him and climbed onto the table, still holding my bikini top in place. A mischievous flicker moved through his eyes and I shook my head at him. “It’s not my fault if you have a low pain tolerance.”

  He let out a snort, slipped on gloves, and set up his needles and ink. I closed my eyes and laid my head against the headrest, comforted by the sound of him testing his machine. “Ready?” He asked, and I gave him a nod, relaxing against the table. I didn’t even flinch when he pressed the needles to my skin. The dull sting and familiar buzzing lulled me into a haze. Ian hummed softly to the music and my breathing grew heavier.

  “Were you seriously sleeping?”

  I peered my eye open to find him watching me with an amused grin. I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep until then.

  “How long was I asleep?”

  “A good thirty minutes. Had a little grin on your face so I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Tattooing relaxes me. Both doing them and getting them.”

  He continued his work, one hazel eye peering over at me. “After last night, it seemed you could probably use that.”

  “It’s been a rough week.”

  “That cut on your face have anything to do with it?” My back tensed at his question and I tried to hide the frown that crossed over my lips.

  Ian ducked his head back down and turned his eyes back to the tattoo. “I shouldn’t have asked. Sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay. I just had a minor lapse in judgement…about someone.”

  I wasn’t sure why I added that last part, perhaps the need just to say what happened without really saying it. Ian nodded, not asking anything more and we settled back into silence, the buzzing of his machine and the low hum of music filling the void. My mind wandered to Kieran again, wondering if he was happy now, back with Kendall. Must be, I thought, closing my eyes from the threat of tears. I certainly haven’t heard from him.

  “Kieran, honey? You still working? I thought we could go out for lunch.” I cringed at the sound of Kendall’s voice as she came up the stairs. “Honey?” She poked her head into my office but I didn’t look up from my computer.

  “Still working. Not really hungry.”

  She let out a heavy sigh, came up behind me, and I slammed my laptop shut before she could see the words on the screen. “What? I can’t read?”

  My back tensed and I shrugged out from under her grip. I couldn’t stand for her to touch me. Putting distance between us, I strode toward the window, looking out at nothing in particular.

  “You know I don’t let anyone read what I’m working on. Maybe we can go grab something for dinner later, okay? I just need to get some writing done.”

  “Fine. I’ll leave you to your work.” She turned for the door with a saddened look, adding “I love you, Kier.”

  I hesitated. I once loved Kendall. At least, I thought I had.

  “You too.” I mumbled, not looking away from the window. Her footsteps faded back down the stairs and I closed the door and locked it. After a moment, I went back to my laptop, flipped open the screen once more, and stared at the words. They were all about Shayne.

  I still didn’t know why I’d come back here. Because she was pregnant? We didn’t have to be together for the child, but then part of me had felt obligated. After losing my parents at a young age, part of me wanted my child to have both his parents around. But it was obvious now that Kendall and I didn’t have a future. Not anymore. Before, I would have begged her to come back. I would have bent over backwards trying to make this marriage work. Now? Maybe she had gotten it right before…there was no fixing this.

  I closed my eyes, thinking about the time I’d spent with Shayne. However brief it was, her memory stuck with me, invading my thoughts at will. Without warning or mercy. Maybe if I hadn’t met her, I would still be that guy that would do anything to be with Kendall. The one that despite how she hurt him, would take her back without hesitation, because he loved her. Even if she didn’t love him back.

  Now, however, I only wanted Shayne. Was that why I couldn’t bring myself to reconcile with Kendall? Why I was keeping my distance from her? If the words staring back at me from the screen were any indication, yes, it was because of her. I’d heard people talk about falling out of love with someone, and I always thought it was just a bad excuse, a reason for them to try and
find greener pastures without looking like an asshole. Maybe they were telling the truth after all. I had loved Kendall at one point, with all my heart. But now, I felt nothing for her.

  Maybe Shayne and I wouldn’t have had a future either. After all, she’d told me she never wanted that. But there had still been a small chance. At least up until I left. With a sigh, I glanced at my phone. I wanted to call her, to hear her voice. But what would I say? That I was a feckin’ idjit? That I still cared about her and I was sorry for leaving? No, she was better off not hearing from me.

  The buzz of the tattoo machine cut off and I opened my eyes, glancing over my shoulder. Ian placed the machine on the counter, stretched out, and reached for the bottle of disinfectant

  “I’m done?” I asked, blinking a couple of times. My body was pleasantly sore from my shoulder all the way down to the meatier part of my bum. I must have dozed off again. Ian shook his head at me with a disbelieving look.

  “I still don’t understand how you can just sleep like that. I can take the pain…but fall asleep during it?”

  “Guess I’m just tougher than you.” I smirked at him and arched my back in a much needed stretch.

  He let out a soft laugh and started wiping off my back, taking noticeable care as his hand moved over my ass. “Nine hours? I’d say you are.” His hand ran up my back and I noticed the sudden bashfulness move over his features once more. “You want to take a look at it?”

  I nodded and he helped me up. I kept one arm over my chest, holding the bikini top in place, and waddled over to the mirror, holding my bottoms up with my other hand. Bright wings of orange, yellow, blue, and purple ran over my shoulder and down my back, the colorful tail feathers following the curve of my bottom. It was stunning, beautiful, a true work of art. For the first time that day, a real smile spread across my lips.

  “Ian, it’s beautiful. I love it. I absolutely love it.” I turned and hugged him, catching him by surprise.

  “Oh! I’m glad.” He gently patted my other shoulder and backed away, flushing deeply. I backed up, realizing it was only triangles of fabric separating my naked breasts from him.