Melancholy

by Bella Jewel

  “What?”

  He crosses his big arms across his chest. “I said, you want this fuckin’ man to respect you?”

  “He already does.”

  “Not in that fuckin’ dress he doesn’t.”

  “You don’t know him!”

  “Alec Ramas. Twenty-eight. Works for a massive chain of clubs. Married once. No kids.”

  I gape, seriously gape. “You checked him out?”

  “Of course I fuckin’ did. There ain’t no way I was lettin’ you out with a fucker I hadn’t checked out.”

  He gives me a “ah derr” look. I splutter, before storming forward and getting in his face. “What gives you the right to do that?”

  “You in my house?”

  “That is beside the point.”

  He leans in closer. “Are. You. In. My. House?”

  “Yes!” I cry.

  “Then it’s my fuckin’ rules. You want Alec to respect you? Then you don’t wear slutty dresses. You wear something so fuckin’ ugly he’s forced to see you and only you.”

  “We don’t live in the fifties, Maddox.”

  He smirks. “No, but men are still men.”

  “Not all men are pigs like you. Not all men are after a bit of cheap pussy.”

  “How will you know if you wear that dress? After all, he’ll be seein’ every part of you before you choose to show it to him. Just bend over and he’ll get a good view of what you-”

  I shove him. “Don’t!”

  He takes my hands and brings me close, so I’m flush against him. “Then go and get fuckin’ changed, now.”

  We have a staring contest. He wins. I growl and shove back. “Fine, but I’m only doing it to prove to you that Alec is twenty times the man you are.”

  He winks at me. “We’ll see, baby.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Again, anytime.”

  With another exasperated sound, I storm up the stairs.

  Fucking bikers.

  CHAPTER SIX

  2014 – Santana

  A knock sounds out, and my heart clenches. I’ve changed into a nicer halter dress that flows around my knees, and binds up a little tighter around my breasts. It’s dark blue with small white spots. It seems ugly on the rack, but when I’m wearing it, it’s lovely. I’ve left my hair down and kept the makeup.

  I hurry as quickly as I can out of the room when I hear another knock. I already know Maddox will get it before me no matter what, but I can save poor Alec. I skid to a stop at the bottom of the stairs when I see Maddox standing, his large body filling the doorframe as he stares at Alec. God, he’s huge; he makes Alec look like a toy doll next to him.

  Alec’s face is pale as Maddox squeezes his hand so hard his fingers are bunched together. Great, he’s going to break my date’s fingers before we even get two steps out the front door. “Alec,” I say quickly, shoving Maddox out of the way and forcing them to part. “I see you’ve met Maddox.”

  Alec is rubbing his hand, his face twisted in pain. Maddox is grinning. I ignore him as I lean in and kiss Alec on the cheek. Maddox growls and I turn, giving him a sardonic smile. “I’ll see you later. Don’t wait up.”

  “One thing before you go,” Maddox rumbles, his eyes pinning Alec. “You so much as lay a harmful hand on her, I’ll cut your balls off and shove them—”

  “Maddox!” I protest.

  “It’s okay,” Alec says, taking my hand and squeezing it. “Let him speak.”

  “Smart man,” Maddox grunts. “As I was sayin’, you hurt her, I’ll make it hurt for you. She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself real good, but it don’t mean I won’t be there to back her up if I need to. And let me tell you somethin’, fucker—you don’t wanna see what I’ll do if that girl so much as comes home with a scratch.”

  I stare at Maddox, surprised he’s actually admitted that I can take care of myself. I give him a half smile, and he throws one back at me. The way it changes his face from gorgeous to stunning slams into me. I turn away, cheeks pink. “Are you ready?” I ask Alec.

  “I’m ready.”

  I give Maddox one last stare and turn, following Alec to his car. He opens the door for me and I slide onto the brown leather seats. When he gets in, I turn and give him a smile. Alec is a good looking man—not the same kind of good looking that Maddox is, but very appealing. He’s got messy blond hair and big hazel eyes. His body is well-built but lean, and he’s always impeccably dressed.

  “You look beautiful tonight, Santana,” he murmurs, leaning over and kissing me softly.

  “You look pretty good yourself,” I say back.

  “Are you ready?”

  I nod, beaming. “I’m ready.”

  Neither of us says anything about the rumble of Harley Davidsons that roar to life behind us. He knows they’re following me, I know they’re following me, and we both know there’s nothing that can be done about it. He pulls out and drives away from the house. I turn to him as we’re heading off down the road. “I’m sorry about Maddox.”

  He shrugs. “He cares about you. It’s fine.”

  “Things are strained between us right now, but we’re getting there.”

  He smiles, but it seems slightly tight. He quickly changes the subject. “How are you going finding a job?”

  I frown. “I haven’t found one, but I’m still actively looking.”

  That was mostly a lie. I’ve been shot at and shuffled around too much for me to have a good chance at getting a job.

  “I think I might have something for you,” he says.

  My eyes widen. “You have?”

  He nods. “My sister owns a café just a few blocks down. You've probably heard of it—Moxie’s.”

  “Oh yeah.” I smile. “They make great coffee.”

  “Well, she has an opening. It’s only casual for now, but it’s something.”

  “I’m all for it. Can I go and speak to her?”

  He smiles. “I’ll set it up for tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” I grin.

  Alec takes me down to the wharf and my smile widens when I see the yacht that’s docked, waiting for us. “Is that . . .”

  “For us.” He winks, stopping the car and getting out. He comes around to my door and opens it. “My Lady.”

  I giggle stupidly and climb out, taking his hand. He leads me down to the gorgeous yacht and we climb on board. I hear the bikes come to a stop; they won’t leave from that spot. I turn my focus back to the yacht. It isn’t a big yacht, but it’s got a big enough deck space that we can move around freely. Enough that a gorgeous table is set in the middle of the space, lit with candles and roses.

  “Oh Alec, it’s beautiful.”

  He smiles and leads me over, pulling my chair out. “Wine?”

  “Please.”

  He sits down and a man in a tux comes out, bottle of wine in hand. I laugh softly as he leans over and pours us a glass. Then he announces, “First course will be served momentarily.”

  I take my glass, smiling as the man disappears. I’ve had a hell of a time lately, and this is exactly what I need.

  Alec sips his wine, studying me with appreciation. I can see it in his eyes, the way they sparkle as they run over me.

  “How is your leg healing?”

  I’ve been home three days, and while my leg is starting to itch as it heals, it’s mostly feeling okay.

  “It’s doing great, thanks.”

  He beams. “I’m glad. Tell me something about yourself, Santana.”

  I pout and say, “What do you want to know?”

  “Where did you grow up?”

  I frown. I’ve told Alec basics about my life, but I’m not ready to get into great detail so I give him a basic answer.

  “My parents died in an accident when I was young. I spent my life in foster homes until Maddox took me in – which you already know most of.”

  His face softens. “It must have been awful.”

  I shrug. “There are worse things.”

 
I don’t tell him the rest; that’s a conversation for another day.

  “What about you?” I ask, sipping the cool wine.

  “I grew up here with my family. Just your normal life, you know? I don’t really have anything to tell.”

  “We’re terribly boring,” I point out and he laughs.

  “Okay how about ten questions?” He winks.

  “I’m all up for that.”

  “What’s your favorite color?” he asks.

  “White.”

  He chuckles. “White isn’t a color.”

  I grin. “Exactly.”

  The waiter brings out our first course of seafood. I stare down at the display, and my stomach grumbles.

  “I hope you eat seafood?”

  “I eat everything,” I say, “It looks amazing.”

  We talk through dinner, asking random questions and laughing a lot. By the time we’re finished dessert, I feel amazing, and my entire body is thrumming with happiness. Alec even gets me up to dance, holding me close as we move around the deck to a soft song. He leans down to kiss me midway through, and it’s a nice kiss.

  Soft. Sweet. Perfect.

  By the time he pulls back, I’m panting and staring up at him. He strokes my cheek, staring down at me. “I’m glad I met you, Santana, and I hope I get to see more of you.”

  He kisses me again, his hands slowly going down to graze over my backside. I let him do this for a while, but quickly stop it. I like Alec, a lot, but I’m not ready for things to move so quickly. He stiffens when I shift the direction of his hand, but he says nothing. We keep dancing, our bodies moving together.

  A hand grazes my ass.

  Okay, it’s a romantic situation, but seriously?

  “Hands off,” I say lightly.

  “You’re no fun,” he complains.

  “It’s our first official date. You’re not seriously expecting anything, are you?”

  He pulls back and stares down at me. “Of course not.”

  But I can see something else behind his eyes—disappointment, frustration? Is that what he wanted?

  I hope not.

  ~*~*~*~

  Alec takes me home as the night gets on, and waits until the bikes trailing us pull up before leaving me—he doesn’t kiss me again, and I try not to think too much about it. I watch him go, walking straight past the angry glares being shot his way. I roll my eyes and walk down to the three members, Mack being one of them.

  “Chief, since when did you become a babysitter?”

  He grins. “Since you decided to date that douchebag.”

  “He’s not a douchebag,” I say, poking his chest with my finger.

  “He is a douchebag.” He smirks. “The man probably has never done anything but stroke his own—”

  “Mack,” I warn.

  He flashes a sexy grin at me.

  “Take me to the club. I want to see Maddox.”

  His eyes grow serious. “Why? Did that fucker hurt you?”

  I roll my eyes again, and climb onto the back of his bike.

  “Get moving, oh mighty one.”

  He laughs and pulls out, patting my hand with amusement. We arrive at the clubhouse and the moment the bike stops, I leap off. “Save me a drink,” I yell as I hurry into the space.

  The moment I step inside, a party is in full swing. Bikers are lazed about drinking beer, girls are walking around, slinking all over them, and old ladies are laughing and chatting in the corner. I wave to them as I pass and walk off down the hall.

  I reach Maddox’s room, and swing the door open, I don’t care if he’s occupied or not. He is. He’s got the club whore, Cacey, dancing for him. Her naked body slinks about seductively. He swings his eyes to me, and a smirk appears on his face. God he looks good, damn him. Damn him to hell.

  “You and I are going to talk,” I say, stepping in. I turn to Cacey. “Shoo.”

  She glares at me. “Fuck off, Santana.”

  I laugh. “Out.”

  “Get out,” Maddox grumbles.

  Cacey takes her clothes, and glares at me once more before leaving. Aw, I took her cock for the night. I turn back to Maddox and he reaches over, taking a cigarette and lighting it.

  “Have a good time?” He smirks, taking a drag.

  “It was great, except for the trail of bikes. How long do I have to let them follow me, Maddox?”

  He snorts. “For as long as I say.”

  “Really? Alec can take care of me. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. Besides, he couldn’t even kiss me comfortably without those guys glaring at him.”

  Maddox snorts, taking another long drag. “Alec . . . what sort of name is that anyway?”

  “What sort of name is Maddox?” I throw back.

  He grins, unperturbed by my comment. “A very sexy one.”

  “Oh, dream on.”

  “I’m surprised Alec even knows how to kiss.” He snorts.

  “He kisses very well, thank you,” I argue, throwing my hands on my hips.

  “Does he now? And what have you got to compare it to?”

  I flush, and shift from one foot to the other. I am a virgin. Which is a small miracle, considering the life I lived. I was lucky, truly blessed, that no one took what was mine before I wanted to give it. That also means kissing men is a big thing for me, I’ve only kissed two in my life: Kennedy and Alec. Kennedy is one that has lodged itself into a part of my brain I try not to access.

  “He’s the first one, ain’t he, baby?”

  “Stop calling me that,” I snap. “And he isn’t the first. Even if he were, it wouldn’t matter. It felt amazing.”

  “Make your panties wet?”

  “Maddox!” I snap.

  He grins. “Did it, honey?”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Answer the question.”

  “No it did not. It was a kiss, not a fondle.”

  His grin widens. “When a man kisses you, and he really means it, and you really feel it, then you will ache for him. Everywhere.”

  My cheeks flame, and I turn away. “We are not having this conversation.”

  “Alec is too good for you, Tana. He’s a perfect man who will bore the shit out of you in a month.”

  “You’re wrong, Maddox. He’s much more than boring—he’s sweet and kind, and he treats me how I want to be treated.”

  “You sure about that?”

  I don’t look at him as I walk towards the door. “Yes.”

  At least, I think I am.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  2009 – Santana

  My body aches. It hurts so badly I want to scream. I can’t get the drugs I need, the drugs I so desperately want. Kennedy has been away for three days and without him, I can’t get them. I rock in the corner, backwards and forwards, trying to keep calm. Pippa has come in a few times, offering water, but at my third refusal she left me alone.

  Now I’m by myself, cold and terrified, desperate for something to take away this knowing pain in my soul. I scratch at my arms, my nails biting into the skin as it peels back, revealing crimson blood. I yell, but I can’t stop. It’s the only relief I can find. I wish he would come back. I wish he would hurry.

  “Tanie, oh, sweet Tanie.”

  I look up through my haze and see Kennedy at the door. I lunge at him, my fingers scratching at his pants. “Please,” I beg. “Make it go away.”

  “I’m going to make it go away, sweetheart.”

  He drops to his knees, tightening that yellow cord around my arm before plunging the needle in. Warmth floods me, and I whimper in relief as the drugs take over. “It’s okay now, I’m sorry. I had to go away. I’m sorry, Tanie.”

  It doesn’t matter now. He’s here, that’s all that matters.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Get out!” Alyce screams, throwing a large saucepan at my head.

  My legs tremble as I take Pippa’s hand, pulling her towards the door. Kennedy convulses on the ground, vomit rising up and dribbling out of his mouth. I stare at him, wanting t
o help but this woman . . . his mother . . . won’t let us near him. She doesn’t understand what he’s taken.

  Why did he take so much?

  “This is all your fault, you little sluts!” she bellows, sending a knife soaring across the room. Pippa screams, and clutches me tighter.

  Kennedy brought us over for dinner tonight, telling us it was time to meet his family. He was acting strangely on the way here, slurring his words, and groaning about a pain in his stomach. I didn’t know he’d taken anything; he seemed fine before we left. Midway through dinner he excused himself, and fell to the ground in a fit.

  His mother blamed us. Her precious son would have never taken drugs if it weren't for us.

  “What did you give him?” she screams. “What did you poison my baby with?”

  “I . . . I . . . I didn’t give him anything. He took them himself.”

  “Liar,” she roars, charging towards me. I throw Pippa out of the way just as she reaches me, and her fingers curl into my hair. She drags me towards Kennedy, shoving my face down until I’m so close to him I can smell his vomit. “Tell me, Puta, what did you give my son?”

  “I didn’t, I swear. He gives it to me, he—”

  She shoves my face into the tiles so hard my nose splits. My entire mind fogs over as pain radiates through my face, like a thousand pins being punched into my head. I can faintly hear Pippa screaming. Alyce spits words at me in a language I don’t understand.

  She lifts my head, my face covered in my own blood and Kennedy’s vomit. “Tell me,” she screams. “What did you give him?”

  Denying this is clearly not working, and I’m scared for my life, and my sisters. So, I do the only thing I can. “H-h-h-heroine.”

  “You stupid, filthy, dirty little . . .”

  Sirens blare in the distance. She pulls me to my feet, with incredible strength for a woman her age. She shoves me towards the door, blood still flowing down my face. “Get out of here, and never, never come back, or I’ll make good on my threats.”

  I turn, rushing towards my sobbing sister. “Come on.”

  I take her hand and we run from the chaos, terrified and not knowing if Kennedy will ever come back.

  Where will that leave us?