Melancholy

by Bella Jewel

  “Don’t leave me, Tanie. I will never be the same without you.”

  “I won’t leave you. I love you,” I murmur, closing my eyes and letting the drug-induced haze take over my mind and body.

  “And I love you. One day, when you’re old enough, I’ll show you how much.”

  “Will you make love to me, Kennedy?”

  He chuckles softly. “Yes, sweetheart. And I’ll make it amazing.”

  Hmmmm. I know he will. He loves me. He tells me every day. He looks after me and Pippa, keeping us safe when no one else will. I don’t know what my life would be like without him. I let my eyes open and I stare up at him.

  “Can you kiss me? I’m not too young for that.”

  His eyes flicker. “You want me to kiss you, Tanie?”

  I nod eagerly, pushing myself up until our mouths are close. “Yes.”

  “If I kiss you, I may not be able to stop.”

  “I trust you, Kennedy,” I say, tangling my fingers into his shirt and pulling him forward.

  He kisses me, softly. His lips move over mine, but he doesn’t press to slide his tongue into my mouth like I’ve seen in the movies. He just moves his lips over mine, sending little tingles throughout my body. I whimper, clinging to him, my mind spinning.

  “That’s enough, sweetheart,” he says, his voice husky and low. “I won’t stop.”

  He tucks me back against his chest and I close my eyes again, feeling content, feeling safe, and feeling loved.

  “Are those men in the black going to come back and take you from me?” I ask as sleep creeps up to take over.

  “No, I won’t let anyone take you from me, Tanie. No one.”

  I hope he’s right.

  ~*~*~*~

  2014 – Santana

  I’m curled up on the couch; Alec is sitting by my side. I’ve been at Mack’s house now for three nights, and not once has Maddox come by. He’s still angry at me, and he won’t take my calls or answer my texts. I know he’s checking in with Mack, but he’s refusing to speak to me.

  Alec called yesterday, asking if we could hang out. I asked Mack and he was fine with it; he was heading in to the club to see Maddox and said he wouldn’t be here. Of course Rhyder, Zaid and the new prospect Austin are outside watching. I couldn't be left alone.

  Alec brought movies and popcorn, so we’ve spent the last few hours watching them. I’m enjoying being tucked into Alec’s arm, but for some, strange reason, being tucked into him like this brings back old memories of Kennedy. I don’t think about Kennedy much these days, figuring he’s probably dead.

  He was the first man I loved, but I know it was for all the wrong reasons. He was light in a dark time; only he was somewhat of a mirage. He wasn’t what I thought he was, but he still meant something to me. He took care of Pippa and I, always making sure we were safe.

  At least until that horrible night that changed my life, and took my sister with it.

  I shudder thinking about it, and tuck myself further into Alec’s arms. He squeezes my shoulder, clearly having felt my trembling. “Are you okay?” he asks, shifting so he can stare down at me. I look up and smile. “Sure.”

  He leans down then, capturing my mouth in a soft, gentle kiss. His mouth isn’t rough like Maddox’s—instead it caresses mine as if I’m made of silk. Maddox took me like we were the last two people on earth, and he needed me to breathe. I shake thoughts of Maddox from my mind and kiss Alec back, equally as gentle, running my hands over his chest and squeezing.

  That’s when the front door swings open. I leap backwards, stumbling and falling off the couch. I look up to see Mack, Maddox, Krypt and Ash standing at the door, staring at me. Then their eyes all turn to Alec. My cheeks burn as I look over to Alec, who has a pillow pressed to his . . . oh my God. He’s got a boner.

  With a squeak, I get to my feet. Maddox is glaring at Alec so hard I’m surprised the man hasn’t lit on fire and burned to the ground. Mack is smothering a laugh alongside Krypt, who is doing the same. Ash is grinning at me, clearly proud.

  “I . . . ah . . .” I begin, but there’s nothing to say. They came in and busted us right in the middle of a make-out session. It wasn’t hot and heavy, sure, but it was a make-out session all the same.

  I reach for Alec. “Let’s go to my room.”

  “I don’t fuckin’ think so,” Maddox growls.

  God help me.

  I turn to him, my face tight. “It’s not up to you.”

  “It is up to me, considerin’ I was in your bed only a week ago with my mouth on your—”

  “Fuck you!” I bellow, charging towards him, and shoving at his chest. “How dare you!”

  “Whoa,” Ash says, pulling me back. “Let’s calm this down. Poor Alec looks super angry.”

  I turn back to Alec, who is now standing and gathering his things. He gives me a look, and it burns right through me. “Alec . . .”

  “It’s fine,” he grates out. “I’ll call.”

  No he won’t; not if I don’t stop him.

  “Please . . .”

  He gives me a hard stare. “It’s clear you’ve made a joke of me.”

  “No!” I cry. “That’s not true.”

  Maddox snorts. Alec glares at him, and then walks out the front door. I go to chase after him, but all the bikers stand in front of the opening, not letting me through. Tears burn in my eyes and I turn to Maddox. “How could you do something like that to him?”

  “I don’t fuckin’ care about him,” Maddox barks.

  “No,” I say, letting the tears fall. “But you’re supposed to care about me.”

  I turn and rush off down the hall, slipping into my room. I try to ring Alec, but he doesn’t answer. I can’t let him go thinking that I was using him. I wasn’t; I like him a lot. I don’t want to stop dating him, because I know we could be good together. He could be what gets me out of here. He could be real for me.

  After tonight, it’s clear Maddox and I will never change.

  I stuff my phone in my pocket and stare out my window. I’ve climbed out of Maddox’s window many times, but this one is different. I stare at the apartments across from us. There would be a way out, but it certainly won’t be easy. It’s worth the risk. I shove the window up, staring down.

  It’s only a one-story home, so it’s not far to go. I throw my leg over the side and slip out unnoticed. I run through the backyard, not looking back at the lights coming from the house. I find a large fence, blocking our house from the apartments next door. I could get over it, not easily...but I could. After five failed attempts, one harsh drop to my ass and a sore wrist, I get over. I rush out to the street.

  I stop a cab and slip in.

  “Where to, miss?”

  I give him Alec’s address and sit back in the seat, fumbling around with my fingers as I nervously pray I haven’t been followed. Halfway there, my phone rings. I glance down to see Maddox’s number. He’s figured out I’ve gone. My heart hammers.

  Another moment later, it rings again. Ash this time. This goes on until I’ve got more than eight missed calls. Finally, a text message flicks through. I stare at the words and my heart clenches. I know Maddox will be filled with rage over this, but I had to do it. He was cruel to Alec, and Alec didn’t deserve that.

  M – Get the fuck back here, right now. So help me God, Santana, if you don’t do as I’m tellin’ you, you’ll regret it.

  Anger swells inside my chest and I angrily type out my response.

  S – Here’s something for you. Go fuck yourself.

  I turn the phone off before he can reply. I stare out the window in silence as we drive, and when we arrive at Alec’s I pay the driver before slipping out. I stand in the front yard, checking to see if I’ve been followed before walking up to the front door. Hesitantly, I knock.

  Alec answers nearly immediately, and when he sees me, his eyes widen and then harden. “Why are you here?”

  “Can I come in, please?” I whisper. “Please, Alec.”

&n
bsp; With a grunt, he shoves the door open and lets me in. His house is huge, and perfectly arranged. It has polished wooden floors, stark white walls and expensive furniture. He points to the couch and I sit down, staring over at him when he sits over from me.

  “What Maddox said . . .”

  “Was he lying?”

  I bite my bottom lip, shaking my head. “No, but you need to understand something about Maddox and I . . . We . . . we have a bond. He saved my life. What he did back there was wrong, and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to do that.”

  “I don’t have time for games, Santana.”

  I jerk my head up. “I’d never do that.”

  “Do you love him?”

  I hesitate, and it scares the shit out of me. I shake my head quickly, hoping he didn’t notice my pause. “No, but I do care about him. I kissed him, yes, I won’t lie. It meant nothing.”

  God, I’m lying. I can feel it with everything I am. But I care about Alec; I have to give this a chance. I have to. Maddox and I can never be.

  “How do I know that’s the truth?”

  I look at him. “I care about you, Alec, and I want to get to know you better. That’s the truth.”

  “Prove it.”

  “P-p-prove it?” I whisper.

  “You push me away every time we get to more than a kiss. You tell me he means nothing, so prove it.”

  I want to show him I want to try. I need to try, for my sake and Maddox’s. We can’t keep hanging onto this nonsense and treating each other the way we do. He needs to move on and so do I, because there is no future for us. There never has been.

  I lean forward and press my lips to Alec’s mouth, knowing what to do, knowing what I want. It’s time. He kisses me back, moving his mouth over mine. His hands slide up and down my back, almost soothingly. I kiss him harder, closing my eyes, shoving everything else from my mind.

  Just here and now, Santana. Here and now.

  Alec groans throatily when my fingers slide up his shirt, feeling his firm muscle. He doesn’t even hesitate. His hands move over my body, fondling my breasts and clutching my ass. It’s slightly rough, but I’m trying to go along with it. I’ve never done this before; I don’t know how it’s meant to feel. I’m letting him take the lead.

  He makes light work of my clothes and lays me down over the couch. He throws his shirt off until he’s in only his jeans. He looks good, really well-built and handsome. I smile up at him, and he strokes a thumb over my chin before leaning down and kissing me again.

  His fingers trail down between my legs and I flinch upon first contact. I whimper as he slides his finger over my clit, stroking it softly. It feels nice, really good. He slips down further, pushing a finger inside my depths. My mouth opens and a ragged cry comes out, because God, it burns.

  He doesn’t notice. His mouth is now on my breasts, and his fingers are sliding in and out of my unprepared body. Oh God. Oh God, it hurts so badly. I didn’t expect the first time to be pleasurable, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad, either. I close my eyes, trying to relax my body, trying to feel his mouth on me.

  He finally pulls his fingers away and pushes back, reaching into his jeans to pull out a condom. This bothers me, because I don’t understand why he would have it in there to begin with. Did Alec plan on taking this tonight? I swallow it down, knowing I’m over-reacting. I need to be calm, I need to enjoy this.

  Stop thinking, start feeling.

  I watch as Alec rolls the condom over his cock. I’ve never seen a man like this, and finally laying my eyes on what makes them male has my cheeks growing pink. It’s sexy, in its own special way. Alec strokes his hand over it as he leans over me with a sultry look.

  “Are you ready?” he murmurs.

  “Yes.”

  I close my eyes when his mouth finds my neck, and he presses his length to my entrance. I bite my bottom lip; waiting for him to just ease in and . . . he shoves in without hesitation. A burning fire courses through my body, causing a strangled cry to leave my lips. He doesn’t even notice—he just grunts out a few words about how good it feels, and begins thrusting.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as pain rips through my body. Oh God, it hurts, it hurts so bad. I whimper, but he doesn’t even realize it’s out of pain. He keeps his head in my shoulder as he thrusts, hard and fast. My sex is dry, and it feels like someone has put a piece of sandpaper inside me.

  “God, you feel so fucking good,” he groans. “So tight.”

  Make it stop, please.

  It’ll get better. It will. They all say it will. It’s just the first time. That’s all.

  I tell myself this over and over as tears stream down my face, but when the burning gets too intense, I know I can’t take it any longer. I shove at his chest, rapidly, over and over. “Stop,” I croak. “Alec, stop. It hurts.”

  “I can’t,” he grinds out. “I’m so close.”

  “Please,” I whimper. “Stop.”

  He thrusts quicker. “Nearly . . . there . . . oh God.”

  “Stop!” I wail, shoving harder. “I said stop, stop, stop!”

  “Oh fuck,” he bellows, and I can feel every pulse as he releases into the condom.

  I hiccup angrily, hurt and used. He pulls out of me and stares down, a lazy smirk on his face. He notices my tears and narrows his eyes. “Why are you crying?”

  “Why?” I screech, shoving his chest.

  He moves off me quickly, and watches as I pull on my clothes. I hiccup, stumble and sob, horrified that I gave something I protected for so long to an asshole who was more concerned about getting his rocks off.

  “So this is how it feels.” I laugh bitterly. “This is what it’s like to be played.”

  He stares at me. “You asked for that. Don't turn around and act like it’s on me now.”

  Seriously?

  “I thought you were a good guy,” I sob. “When a girl asks you to stop, you fucking stop.”

  He shakes his head. “I should have known you were one of them, one of those girls that tease and then cry when it happens.”

  I gape at him. “Excuse me?”

  “You wanted that, Santana. And if you didn’t want it, why come here? Don’t you blame this on me. You've been playing around like a two-dollar hooker with both Maddox and me . . .”

  I shake my head, turning sharply, and fetching my purse and phone. My sex aches and burns as I move, and my tears well and fall even heavier with each step towards the door.

  “Where are you going?” he yells behind me.

  “I’m calling Maddox and . . .”

  “Hell no,” he barks, charging towards me. Fear courses through my veins as I take two steps back. “You’re not callin’ him making up stories about what I did . . . I did fucking nothing.”

  My hands tremble as I turn, shoving his front door open. He curses, but has to pull his clothes on before he can follow me. It gives me a minute, if I’m lucky. I dial Maddox quickly.

  “Where the fuck are—”

  “Maddox,” I croak, my voice weak.

  “What’s happened?” he barks.

  “I . . . I need you to come and get me, please.”

  He must hear something in my voice, because his softens. “Where are you? Are you hurt?”

  “Don’t call that bastard!” Alec barks. “Don’t you lie to him, Santana.”

  “What the fuck is goin’ on?” Maddox demands.

  “Please,” I croak. “Come and get me.”

  I rattle off the address and hang up. I turn to Alec, who has just reached the door. “Don’t come near me,” I warn, my voice weak. “You touch me, you’re dead.”

  “I knew it.” He laughs bitterly. “I knew you were just looking for a good time, using me and playing with my head.”

  “Me?” I snap. “You had a condom in your pocket when you came over with your fake ‘let’s watch movies’ bullshit tonight. You just wanted to fuck me; you’re the true definition of a player, Alec, and here I was thinking you were a nic
e guy.”

  He snorts. “I am a nice guy, when the girl isn’t a cheap whore. You dare tell Maddox I hurt you, there’ll be problems.”

  “What are you going to do?” I laugh hoarsely. “Huh?”

  He steps into the house, slamming the door in my face. I turn and go to sit down, but the moment I do, pain shoots up through my body. I stand again, my eyes filling with more hopeless tears. The rumble of a Harley Davidson fills my ears only twenty minutes later. Thank God Maddox is alone.

  He stops the bike and gets off, striding towards me with a ferocity that’s frightening. His black hair swishes around his face, and his blue eyes are fierce. He stops in front of me, his fists clenched. His eyes rake over me, stopping on my tousled hair.

  “Where the fuck is that dirty, stinkin’ cunt. I’ll fuckin’—”

  “It’s not like that,” I croak. “He didn’t . . . I . . .”

  He flicks his eyes to me, and grates out, “Tell. Me. What. Happened?”

  I swallow. “I . . . We . . . were . . .” I drop my head.

  Maddox takes my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Now, Santana.”

  “I slept with him!” I screech. “I told him to stop, and . . .”

  Maddox has let me go before I’ve even finished my sentence. He goes to the door and he pounds on it, roaring Alec’s name. Alec doesn’t answer. I stare in horror as Maddox turns and charges towards the window, lifting his boot and kicking it so hard it shatters. Glass bursts out and goes everywhere.

  “Maddox!” I scream.

  He kicks the remaining glass in, and then he’s gone. I hear the roaring sound of his voice in the house, and then the clear sounds of fists hitting skin, and bones crunching. Alec’s pained bellows trail out the broken window. I rush towards the front door, shaking and rattling it. “Maddox!”

  It swings open and he steps out, holding a bleeding, battered Alec by the back of the shirt. “You fuckin’ apologize,” he roars.

  “I’m sorry, Santana,” Alec croaks, blood dribbling from his mouth.

  Maddox turns and throws Alec into the house. “You ever fuckin’ come near her again, I’ll blow your fuckin’ brains right out your skull.”