by Linda Maran
The barn grew quiet.
Kristen looked up.
Katie Mast had walked in.
~*~
This wasn’t the first time John had seen the hush-hush reaction from the congregation toward a penitent who would be meeting with the bishop at a member meeting after the service to confess his or her transgressions. Word got around fast about such matters. According to Daed, public confession was a gut thing. The person is made right with Gott, the church, and the community again. Poor Katie Mast. She needed all three in a big way.
Despite the busy morgen and afternoon of worship and communal mingling, John hoped for an opportune time to talk with Kristen. He couldn’t help notice how lovely she looked in her light green dress and the green bandana. Her attire was more in the Mennonite fashion than in the Amish, still, he respected her efforts to go out of her way to get something modest to wear while going through her identity crisis.
How could he hope for a chance to speak with her during the common meal being at the table with all the men? Maybe Kristen would be one of the maidles who brought out the food to them. After eating half his meal, he knew she wouldn’t be. When he and the other men finished eating, the women and children ate.
John busied himself with small talk to the other men about the upcoming opening of the Wagler store.
Finally, the women began clearing the tables.
Katie was among them, looking relaxed now.
Then Kristen came out to help.
He made his way over to her as she approached one of the tables to help clear it of leftovers. But the moment he drew near, Katie had approached her, too.
Then Jacob appeared with Aenti Miriam, and at one point, Bishop Ebersol and his frau were among them.
Judging by Kristen’s smile, she was happy and felt at ease, despite her changed apparel from one church service to the other.
John was relieved. He’d been worried that a few staunch old timers might let Kristen know in their own subtle way that they did not approve of her change of dress.
But if the bishop and his frau stopped to chat with her, that was a big deal, an outward gesture to the others that Kristen was to be treated as one of them.
The bishop was a wise man, and John figured that he had a gut sense of the struggles within Kristen’s heart and soul just now. He didn’t want to lead her away from the faith and fold by being too hard on her, but toward it, with kindness. John was grateful.
Shortly before they were to leave, Kristen stepped onto the Ebersols’ porch with a glass of lemonade in her hand. For the moment, no one else was around.
John made wide strides from under the shade tree to the porch and ran up the six wooden steps two at a time.
“John! Where did you come from? I haven’t seen you all day.”
“I know. The menfolk were interested in hearing about the opening of the store tomorrow, and I noticed you were busy after the meal.” If only she knew how he’d been waiting for a chance to be with her all afternoon.
“Yeah. It was so nice of Jacob’s sister to talk with me, especially after her ordeal following the service. And then to have the bishop and his wife come over to say hello. I’d thought since no one sat next to me at Preaching, well, it doesn’t matter. ”
“You thought you’d gotten the cold shoulder for not wearing Plain clothes like you wore at the last church service?”
“Hmm. I shouldn’t be surprised at how you pick up on things, but I always am.”
“I pick up on things, as you call it, about you, because I want to see you happy and at peace here.” He looked around. They were still alone, so he took a step closer to her. “Kristen, no one sat next to you because you sat in the very last bench and most folks want to sit up front to hear the sermons better. Families with kinner avoid the last bench if it’s near the opened barn doors because the outside sounds distract the little ones. And that’s the truth of it.”
Kristen looked up at him. He could smell the slightest scent of honeysuckle on her, probably the Edna Lucille soap Mamm and Mary were so excited about. He wished he could remove her bandana and bury his face in her soft dark hair. He shook the thought from his mind.
“I hope I acted all right with Katie. I tried my best to be nice to her, but a part of me is so angry about what she did to Jacob and my mother. I would’ve been raised here from the very start had she not done that. I wouldn’t have these mixed up feelings about who I am.”
“Vell, Katie had to answer to Gott and the church for her mistakes, and once that’s done, we don’t speak on it further. It’s forgiven. Try to keep in mind that her actions were borne of loneliness. Not that I condone any of it, but you understand about loneliness, jah?”
Kristen nodded. She looked into her glass of lemonade, put it down on the step next to her, and then fixed her eyes on his. “John Wagler. I know I’ve said this once before, but I’m convinced that one day you’ll be a deacon or even the bishop around here. Wait and see.”
“If that’s what Gott ordains, Kristen, then I hope you are here by my side.” John could hardly believe his thought surfaced right out of his mouth that way. But there it was, hanging in the air between them.
A smile began to claim Kristen’s lips. Then as quick as a flash of lightening, it vanished, and so did she.
~*~
Kristen wished she hadn’t let her emotions get the best of her. But had she stayed on the porch in John’s presence another second longer, she’d have burst into tears. No sense in talking about a future with him. He was so wise and had such a deep faith. Compared to him she was a scared child full of doubt, anger, and confusion.
Even though they were born of parents from the same background, they came from different worlds. How could she become all that she had never been here in Stone Arabia?
“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow at the store, then?” Jacob’s voice startled her.
She didn’t expect anyone to come behind the barn.
Aunt Miriam was beside him. Again. Smiling.
“Uh, yes, I’ll be there. I’m looking forward to when Anna puts the ‘open’ sign on the door. She’s been talking about it for days,” Kristen said.
“Jah, she’s so excited. I think we all are.” Aunt Miriam clasped her hands to emphasize the point.
Jacob smiled and nodded. Then he turned his attention back to Kristen. “It’s gut that we were all able to attend Preaching together. Best we get some rest before the big opening in the morgen.”
“Uh-huh. I’ll go see if Uncle Jonas is ready to go home. I was back here looking at the mountains.” Not entirely a lie. She’d noticed them as soon as she ended up behind the barn in her attempt to spare John her trauma. And in noticing them, she thought of him all the more.
He’d been trying to show her the beauty of this place, and she’d just now seen what he meant for her to see. She’d felt what he’d felt. She was tempted to run off to tell him, to let him know that maybe there was hope for her after all.
~*~
For supper, Aunt Elizabeth served hamburger noodle casserole, the Wagler family favorite.
Kristen never thought that hamburger meat mixed with brown sugar, tomato soup and cream of celery soup baked with noodles could taste so good. She held out her plate for seconds.
“Kristen, would you be interested in a part time job at the Farm Style Diner?” Mary asked.
“A job? Where you work?”
“Jah, I gave up my morgen hours there so I could help out at the store. I was thinking that maybe you would like to take those hours, and then when I go to work at the diner in the afternoon, you can come to the store.”
“I’ve never worked as a waitress before.”
“Ach, breakfast is an easy shift. Folks order eggs, pie, or a doughnut with kaffee or tea. And Mrs. Kraus, the owner, is very nice. The morgen shift starts at 7:30.”
“I guess I could give it a try. But how will I get there?”
“I could take you when I take Mary to the store with me eac
h morgen,” John was quick to say. “The diner is only a few minutes away. We open at 8:00 AM, so after we drop you off, we’ll have some time to get things ready at the store for the day.” His offer was kind but his expression didn’t match it, as he scooped up the last of his casserole with a slice of bread.
“OK, thanks. When would I start, Mary?”
“I took tomorrow off for our opening, and I begin my part-time hours on Tuesday. I told Mrs. Kraus that I’d bring you with me to meet her then if you were interested.”
“When did you come up with the idea of me working there?”
“Only yesterday. I took a walk to the diner from the store to pick up my pay. I was in such a rush on Friday that I forgot all about it. When Mrs. Kraus said she’d be putting a Help Wanted notice up, I thought of you. Ach, I hope you don’t mind me telling her that you might be interested. If you’re really not, it’s fine, you know.”
“It’s OK, Mary. I could use some job experience. Thanks for thinking of me.”
John pushed his plate away and stood. “I’ll start milking the cows for you, Daniel.”
Now Kristen was sure she wasn’t imagining John’s irritation.
It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Mary either.
“Did I say something to bother you, brudder?”
“Nee, nothing you said. It’s what you went ahead and done.” The screen door opened and then closed again. He’d vanished as fast as vapor.
~*~
John heard the screen door as he got to the barn. He should have known that Kristen wouldn’t let his comment go. And she had every right not to. He immediately regretted it.
Mary was only doing what she thought was a favor to Kristen. His sister was a kind and gentle person, and he could only imagine the sting she felt from his words. He’d have to apologize before going to bed.
And as soon as Kristen entered the barn to confront him, he’d apologize to her, too. He had no right to be angry about which direction her life would go. It was in Gott’s hands. Not his. Although he’d hoped his input might sway her to stay in Stone Arabia. Near him. If she got some job experience here, she could up and work in another diner or restaurant somewhere else. Even back in New Jersey.
Kristen should have been here by now.
John turned and looked out the barn door toward the haus.
Kristen stood halfway to the barn on her cell phone. Had she come out to speak to him and then gotten a call? Or had she come out to make a call and not for him at all?
Her back was turned to him so he continued to watch her. She listened intently, and to his surprise, jumped up and down and raised her free arm up to the sky. Then she began to pace back and forth as she continued to talk until she hung up. He couldn’t move and she spied him standing there watching her. She ran over.
“John. John. I can’t believe the news I just got from Riley Gallagher. I really can’t believe it!” She was breathless and unable to stand still.
“What news, Kristen?” Did he really want to know?
“Mattie Cook wants to transfer the title of Ross’s house over to me. She said that Ross had always wanted me to have the house, and she could never feel right about taking it, especially after what her son had done. So, I’ll have a home back in New Jersey! Can you believe it?”
John was sure his knees would buckle. He forced a smile. “That is gut news, Kristen. Will you be moving back there then?” He had to know. Now.
Kristen’s smile disappeared. “I…I haven’t even thought of that. I was so happy to hear that the house I grew up in will be mine. My room, the ocean, and the memory of my mom are all part of that house. I need to think about this. Yeah, I’ll think about it for a while. The house isn’t going anywhere, right?”
John shook his head. “And neither am I, Kristen.”
~*~
Kristen looked into John’s deep blue eyes. What was he trying to tell her? That he’d always be there for her? As a friend? Or that he’d wait for her to settle down in Stone Arabia. With him?
Her heart swelled with love. Yes, she loved John Wagler. She also loved her Amish family and always having them around. She enjoyed eating meals with them, going to church together, and now helping out in their store. Coming here had helped Kristen forget the long lonely times. Had her mother foreseen all of this?
If she moved back to the house at the Jersey Shore she’d be alone again. Sure, she’d see Cindy, but things had changed between them, and in September, Cindy was going off to college at Princeton. As far as Derick was concerned, she didn’t even consider him a friend. He’d abandoned and betrayed her in her greatest time of need.
Other than the house itself, what did she have to go back to? Modern conveniences? Things? Her beloved ocean was all she really missed there.
“John, if…if… I stay here. Would it be a problem if I went back to the ocean a few times each summer?”
“The ocean?”
“Yes, the ocean. Can I go see the ocean a few times each summer if I live here?”
“I see no problem with that, so long as you are accompanied by a familye member.”
“I might ask Jacob to come with me to the house, so he can see where I grew up and the area where I lived. It might help him to know me better. What do you think?”
“I think he would be very pleased.”
“Then I’ll ask him tomorrow. I have to go back soon to meet with Riley and Mattie Cook to sign the title for the house. I’ll announce this to the family before I go, of course. If it’s not a church Sunday in Lowville and Jacob can come next weekend, would you like to come too?”
“Ach, Kristen. You know I would. But I have to tend to the store each Saturday and I think you and your daed need some time alone together.”
She nodded. “OK. Well, I came out here to say that I’m sorry if Mary trying to get me the job at the diner upset you. Although, I can’t understand why?”
“I felt threatened that you’d learn how to do a job that you can also do away from here.”
“You mean, you really want me to stay?”
“Jah, I do. I guess I kept throwing hints but never came right out and said it to you. I didn’t think the timing was right for me to be asking you to think of me. Daed said…Ach, never mind.”
“Your daed? What did he say?”
“He figures you have enough to think about without adding me to the mix. I tried to respect his wishes the best I could.”
“John, is it because I’m all confused about being Plain? Because of my mixed up background? Maybe your daed feels you and me should always be like cousins, even though we aren’t related. Most likely you’d be better off that way. I’m not in your league in the Plain world.”
“My league? Kristen, there aren’t any leagues in the Plain world. We all strive for the same gut life: service to the Lord and to one another, but no one is viewed better than anyone else. Putting people in leagues is the complete opposite of our beliefs.” He moved closer to her. “But I wouldn’t mind having you in my corner of the world.”
Kristen smiled, and then crooked her pointer finger and motioned for him to bend forward as if she were going to tell him a secret.
He leaned down close.
With her breath warm in his ear, she whispered, “I’m already in your corner, John. I just need to get better at being me.” She quickly planted a kiss on his cheek, light and soft, and walked off toward the house.
A peek over her shoulder had John still standing there with his hand to his cheek where her lips had been.
22
On the morning of the store’s opening day, Kristen hurried along with Mary and Aunt Elizabeth to get fresh fruit, corn mush, and buttered sliced grain bread on the table.
Anna had the coffee ready minutes after, and by the time they all sat down to eat, Kristen was revved up from all the rush. She’d skip the coffee and have milk instead.
After the silent prayer, John looked over at her with a smile. A reminder in the midst of this new busy day, that
the words spoken between them the night before were not imagined. She smiled back.
Uncle Jonas looked up right at that very moment and caught their exchange. If he disapproved, he didn’t show it as he spooned fresh berries over his corn mush.
At least no one looked at her with disapproval for another day not dressed Plain. Today she wore a blue version of the long green dress and matching bandana that she’d worn for Preaching.
“Ach, I’m so excited to get to the store. I wonder who will stop by?” Aunt Elizabeth spoke with widened eyes as she sprinkled sugar on her berries.
“Calm down, Lizzie. As long as we are there, that’s all that matters,” Uncle Jonas said with a chuckle. “Word gets around right quick about these things. I figure that the same folks who come to Preaching will show up to wish us well.”
“I hope you’re right, Daed. I made a lot of fudge,” Anna said, stirring her mush. “And we have the cookies that Aenti Miriam baked for the customers who want kaffee or tea.”
“Don’t go worrying about the fudge or cookies, Anna. I think John and me can finish them off if not enough folks take to them,” Daniel assured her with a laugh.
“That’s for sure and for certain.” John gave Anna a gentle poke to the nose.
Everyone laughed.
So far, it looked like it would be a good day.
~*~
When they arrived at the store, Aunt Elizabeth recruited Kristen to figure out a way to get the small price sign for the Edna Lucille soaps to stand up.
Kristen went to the supply drawer near the cash register and got a roll of tape. While she taped the sign to the basket of soaps, Mary and Aunt Elizabeth refolded the pretty hand embroidered handkerchiefs that Mary had made, and set them on the same table with the scented soaps.
“Vell, I best go check to be sure John and Daniel didn’t move my canned preserves from the shelf I put them on to make room for more of their manly things.” Aunt Elizabeth walked off while Mary folded the last of the handkerchiefs.
“I wish I had something I’d made to sell. Everyone brought something except me.” Kristen’s comment was louder than she’d planned, and Aunt Elizabeth turned around and walked back to her.