The Girl He Used to Love

by Amy Vastine

  Sawyer opened the door and gave Duchess a pat. “Let’s see how things go. Rebecca isn’t saying we have to put her down.”

  “I can’t put her down, Sawyer. I can’t lose her so soon after Dad.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. The emotions hit her like waves that were trying to knock her over.

  “I know.”

  “I can’t lose you, either.” The words tumbled out. She’d been holding them back since the last time they’d talked about Dean’s proposition. “I’m barely holding it together. You realize that, right?”

  Sawyer sighed and dropped his head. With his hands on his hips, he stared at the ground. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “I hear you. I hear you in your room, playing the guitar, writing new songs, practicing old ones. I hear you all the time. I know why you’re doing it, too. I know it’s not to play at the Sundown.”

  Sawyer’s head came up and he looked his sister directly in the eye. “What do you want me to say, Faith? You want me to promise you that I’m going to work on this farm until the day I die? Is that what you need to hear right now?”

  The frustration in his voice took her aback. Faith wasn’t trying to pick a fight. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry Duchess is sick. I’m sorry Dad died. Don’t make me feel guilty for sitting in my room playing guitar. It’s how I de-stress. It’s how I unwind. Maybe all that’s going on is hard on me, too.”

  Guilt created another pit in her stomach. “I know it has been. That’s why we have to stick together. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m just so sad.”

  He wrapped his arms around his big sister and held her tight like their dad used to do when she was having a bad day. “Come inside with me and let’s find something to take our minds off all the negative stuff.”

  “Maybe you can play me one of your new songs,” Faith suggested, trying to show her support. He could enjoy playing music. It didn’t mean he was going to run off to Nashville with Dean.

  Sawyer agreed and they went back to the house. Faith popped some popcorn while her brother went upstairs to get his guitar. He returned with Scout following behind him and his phone in his hand, texting up a storm.

  “You got a secret girlfriend I should know about?” she asked when he smiled at something he read.

  “That’s one thing you for sure don’t have to worry about. You’re the only woman I am willing to put up with and that’s because we share the same blood. If you tell me I’m adopted, I’m out of here.”

  Sawyer sounded like a guy who had had his heart broken by someone he had been madly in love with. The truth was he rarely dated. All through high school, he hung out with girls, but no one stuck around for very long and he was never really sad to see them go.

  Faith suspected that the heartbreaker was their mother. When Faith was ten and Sawyer was four, their mom had decided that Grass Lake wasn’t right for her. Being a mother and wife was too much responsibility. She had tried. She had put in ten years’ worth of effort, but the world had been calling and she’d needed to get out there and see what it had to offer.

  “Who has you giggling like a girl over there, then?” she asked, pouring the popcorn into a big bowl.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” Not telling her made her that much more curious. She was ready to grab his phone and steal a look.

  “It’s Dean. But I swear I’m not plotting my escape to Nashville, okay?”

  The man was going to drive her insane. He disappeared for years and years only to come home and flip her world upside down, all the while making it very clear that they could never have any sort of relationship because they either didn’t deserve to be happy—at least not happy with one another—or because Faith deserved better than him. She couldn’t be sure which it was anymore. He was more than confusing.

  “I trust you,” she said, trying her best to sound convincing.

  “What’s your deal with him, anyway?” Sawyer asked, setting his phone aside and sitting down with his guitar. “I thought you and him were close. I remember you guys getting along when Addison was alive.”

  Faith hadn’t told Sawyer anything about her relationship with Dean. He had been twelve when it had happened and she’d had no desire to share her personal heartbreak with an adolescent. Harriet had been the only one she’d confided in.

  There wasn’t a good reason not to tell him now. “Remember how Dean worked here the summer Addison died?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We kind of dated.” She hadn’t expected it to be so embarrassing to say out loud.

  Sawyer’s face scrunched up in disbelief. “No, you didn’t.”

  “In secret. We dated in secret so Addison wouldn’t know.”

  “Are you kidding me? You and Dean Presley snuck around behind Addison’s back? Did you make out in the stables while he was working or sneak out in the middle of night for a secret rendezvous?”

  Faith said nothing because both were true.

  “No way,” Sawyer said with a shake of his head. “No. Way. Dad would have killed you if he’d caught you sneaking out of the house to meet a boy.”

  “Dad never caught me. It was only for a couple months, and it ended the night Addison died.”

  Sawyer thought it all over for a second or two. “Because Addison died?”

  “Yes.”

  “I am so confused right now.” Sawyer set his guitar down and grabbed a handful of popcorn, and tossed a piece to the dog at his feet. “But this is more interesting than any movie we could have found on TV.”

  “He blames me. He blames both of us, but mostly me.”

  The popcorn in Sawyer’s hand fell back into the bowl. “Blames you for what?”

  “For Addison going to that party. For her getting in that car.”

  “How is that your fault?”

  “I told her the truth. I told her I was going to a concert with Dean and we were in love with each other.” Faith shuddered at the memory of the hurt emanating from Addison’s eyes. She had never seen her friend so angry, so disappointed. Faith had told her because she’d thought maybe, just maybe, Addison would be happy for her. “Dean had warned me that she wouldn’t take it well. He told me over and over again that we should wait until we went away to school. I thought I knew her better than he did. But I was wrong.”

  Sawyer’s face hardened. His lips fell into a straight line. “It was not your fault, Faith.”

  She shrugged, unwilling to give up the blame.

  “It was not your fault.”

  “She wouldn’t have gone to that party if I hadn’t told her and made her so mad.” That was the truth and something no one could convince her wasn’t the reason for the tragic events that occurred that night.

  “Faith, listen to me.” He stood in front of her and put both his hands on her shoulders like he was going to shake some sense into her. “It was not your fault. Aaron Evans drank a case of beer, got in his car, let Addison get in with him and hit that tree. Aaron Evans killed her. Not you.”

  “I know.”

  “No, say it. Say you didn’t kill her.” The intensity of his stare made her look away. “Tell me whose fault it was.”

  “I didn’t drive the car. Aaron was driving the car. But she wouldn’t have been in that car—”

  “Faith!” Sawyer shook her once. “You are not the reason Addison is dead.” He let go of her and paced in front of the kitchen table. “This is why you do what you do. It’s why you never say no. Why you think you need to take care of everyone you meet. You’re atoning for a sin that’s not even yours.”

  His anger was unexpected and Faith didn’t know what to say to make things better. He was right, that was what she did. She hated to upset an
yone. She didn’t want to be responsible for anyone’s unhappiness.

  “Do you think it’s your fault that Mom left?” he asked. “Or that Dad died? Do you think you’re the reason Duchess is in liver failure?”

  “No.” Although she often wondered if she had made sure her dad ate better or pushed him to go for a yearly physical, could they have prevented his heart attack? Now didn’t seem like the right time to confess those thoughts, however.

  “No. Because you can’t control the bad things that happen in the world by being nice or putting other’s needs in front of your own. Please tell me you understand that.”

  “I get it,” she assured him.

  “Good, because you can’t fall apart. I need you to hold yourself together no matter what happens to Duchess or what Dean Presley thinks happened twelve years ago when you were a kid. We need to stay focused on getting this place ready for NETA. We have to make Duchess as comfortable as possible for however long she has.”

  He was right. Faith needed to put her emotions aside and put all of her energy toward Helping Hooves. Her brother was invested. She couldn’t be the weak link because she was holding herself responsible for things that weren’t in her control.

  She was not the reason Addison died. Faith would keep telling herself that until she believed it.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  FAILURE WAS NOT an option. Too much work had been done. Too many years spent making something out of nothing.

  “Boone, listen to me. Kevin and I have talked about this. We’re on the same page.” At least they were after a dozen phone calls and three strongly worded emails had been exchanged. Boone had said he wouldn’t agree to anything until Dean had his agent on board.

  “I need to hear it from Kevin. Last I checked, he thought it was a better idea if I go to meetings around here.”

  AA meetings weren’t going to help sustain Boone’s sobriety. One nasty interview with his ex had sent him on his most recent bender. Dean needed to get him away from it all, so he could get his head clear and his life together.

  “Let’s call Kevin. We’ll call Kevin and you can hear it from Kevin that the best thing for you to do is to go to this facility in California.”

  Dean’s mom walked past the entryway to the kitchen where Dean was seated at the table. She gave him a look that expressed her concern. He waved her off. He was fine. Or he would be as soon as Boone agreed to go back to rehab.

  “I thought you said it was a retreat. Now you’re calling it a facility. I’m not going back to the hospital. No more rehab.”

  Dean cringed and wanted desperately to punch a hole through the tabletop. “Don’t get worked up over semantics. It’s a facility that offers retreat for people in your situation. That’s all.”

  “‘People in my situation’? You mean people who have a crazy ex-wife who goes on record about things that happened in the privacy of their own home and exaggerates facts to make her look innocent when she is far from innocent? In fact, she is the reason ‘people in my situation’ drink!”

  This was not going well. This was going the exact opposite of how it was supposed to be going. Dean blew out an exasperated breath. Doing an intervention over the phone was a bad idea. It was another prime example of why he needed to get back to Nashville. His dad had guilted him into staying a bit longer.

  “Boone, I understand what you’re saying. I hear your frustration. I hear that you feel betrayed by what Sara did. All the more reason to go on this retreat.”

  “I will talk to Kevin. But don’t get your hopes up,” Boone said before hanging up.

  Maybe it was time to let him go. Boone didn’t understand that the world didn’t owe him any favors and that his attitude was going to cost him everything his talent had earned him. As much as Dean respected his talent, his behavior was ruining this relationship.

  Dean needed Sawyer. If he had any chance of cutting Boone loose while keeping Grace Note afloat, he was going to need someone who sold more records than tabloid magazines. Boone’s drama would never make Dean any money.

  “Off the phone?” his mom asked, poking her head back in.

  Dean rubbed his tired eyes. “I’m off. At least until Kevin Phillips calls me and wants to know why Boone thinks he’s going back to rehab instead of an artistic retreat.”

  “Sawyer Stratton is here to see you. Want me to send him back?”

  Dean laughed at her. “Are you trying to get a job as my secretary? Can I get some coffee? I like it black.”

  “Ha, ha. You can get your own coffee. It’s right over there on the counter. But I will tell Sawyer you’re off the phone.”

  Signing Sawyer was meant to be. His visit was proof of it. Sawyer followed Dean’s mom into the kitchen. She was quick to offer him something to drink. Dean got up to greet his soon-to-be superstar properly.

  “No, thank you. I just need a minute of Dean’s time and then I have to head back to the farm. We have a horse who isn’t doing real well. I need to get back and attend to her.”

  “Duchess?” Dean asked. Faith would be beside herself if anything happened to that horse. He remembered how she used to favor her over all the others.

  “She’s sick. Took a real turn for the worse this morning.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that,” Dean said, and his mother relayed the same sentiments.

  “I wanted to ask you a couple questions.” Sawyer glanced at Dean’s mom, who quickly took the hint that it was private. She excused herself and left them alone.

  “Sit, please.” Dean motioned to the chair across from where he had been sitting.

  “No, I’ll stand. Did you tell my sister she’s the reason your sister died?” Sawyer didn’t waste any time cutting to the heart of the matter.

  “What?”

  “Did you tell my sister that she’s the reason your sister got in Aaron Evans’s car twelve years ago?” Sawyer’s eyes were hard and his jaw ticked with anger. “It’s a simple yes or no question.”

  “There’s nothing simple about that question,” Dean replied as the tension in his shoulders somehow managed to increase twofold. “Nothing about my sister’s death was simple.”

  “Just answer the question, Music Man,” Sawyer demanded, his patience obviously thin. “I really don’t have time to debate every aspect of the accident and the little love affair you were having with my sister when she was barely an adult.”

  Dean’s “love affair” with Faith had been about as little as Addison’s death had been simple. He had so many conflicting emotions at the moment, he wasn’t sure he could give Sawyer what he was looking for without coming to blows. His aggressive questions made Dean defensive and it was hard to be compliant.

  “Faith and I have always agreed that our choices and our relationship are the reason Addison wasn’t thinking clearly that night.”

  “So, yes. Your answer is yes, you told my sister that she killed her best friend.” Sawyer jumped right into his next question. “Are you trying to bait me into going to Nashville to get back at her or to hurt her?”

  “What? No!” Dean moved around the table to put some distance between them so neither one of them did something they would regret.

  “Are you sure? You don’t think that maybe there’s part of you that wants to take her brother away since you think she took your sister from you?”

  Dean’s sat down, unable to stay on his feet. Holding his throbbing head in his hand, he tried to put himself in Sawyer’s shoes. This was the most outrageous accusation he’d ever heard, but as a brother, how would he have felt if the tables were turned?

  “Does Faith think that I’m trying to lure you away to get back at her?” He hoped not, because he thought he had made it clear to her that he wished her the best. Even if that wasn’t him.

  “My sister thinks that she killed her best
friend. My sister thinks that she needs to make everyone happy at whatever cost to her own well-being because if she upsets someone and they die in an accident, she’ll be at fault.”

  When Sawyer put it that way, it made Dean feel like a horrible person. He didn’t want Faith to spend her life trying to please the world, but if he let her off the hook for what happened to Addison, he’d have to absolve himself, as well. He wasn’t sure he was ready to do that.

  “I want you to come to Nashville because you are talented enough to make it in the business. That’s it,” Dean said.

  Sawyer glowered at him, seemingly unconvinced. After a few seconds of staring Dean down, he took the seat across from him. “I opened a YouTube account. I want to upload those videos you took. I had Lily make me an Instagram account, too. I don’t know what to put on there, but I figure you do.”

  Progress. “I can help you with both of those.”

  “If you want me to come to Nashville, you need to help me make sure Helping Hooves passes the test to be accredited with NETA.”

  Dean’s eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t have any influence with that particular organization. I don’t know how to help you there.”

  “I don’t need your influence. I need your muscle and your time. I need to get the new mounting ramp finished and every building on the property has to meet all these requirements for accessibility. I think my dad built the place to be accessible to anyone, but there’s a really long list and I need to go through everything on it one by one to make sure. You can help me with that.”

  “How long do we have?”

  “Not long. The visit is scheduled for Saturday.”

  It seemed like a fair trade, and something told him he should be grateful Sawyer was still willing to consider working with him. There was only one major concern.

  “What about Faith? She’s okay with this?”

  “I’ll handle my sister. When I’m ready to tell her what I want to do, I will. Can I count on you or not?”

  Dean wasn’t sure how to feel about that answer, but getting Sawyer signed to the label and in the recording studio was the only way to get the company back in the black.