The Complete Poems of A R Ammons, Volume 1
Page 26
water-spiral from the sea:
turn in anguish, scream
& sprout leaves of song
& generally work up
6260a good deal of
dust—the placid
world returns
cool sky & glassy
concern: what
6265must I do
to reach
the top?
something else:
years ago, I had a way of
6270thinking about
truth (again):
how to determine the
topography of
the ocean’s floor:
6275soundings: one here,
one there: a sample
depth of an area wide as
a steel cable:
the more soundings,
6280the more clearly (& truly)
the stippled terrain
begins to appear:
soundings twenty miles
apart
6285will approximate reality:
(tho you could miss
a fabulous cleft
or cone):
only infinite (impossible)
6290samplings could
produce a map symbolic
of the truth: & then the
map would be too small,
every sounding translated
6295into a different
dimension:
the only representation
of the sea’s floor
is the sea’s floor itself:
6300we take soundings & we
get schemas, approximations,
but we can’t come
to the whole truth:
then I’d turn the method
6305to the mind, make soundings
on & on, get some vague
stippled configurations:
realized the mind can’t be
rendered up:
6310say what you please
(or I please) about me:
it’s partial
& schematic: I’m
free
6315&
unknown:
the only me that is
is the me that is:
tho there are
6320organizations,
saliences, directions
approximately
perceivable & reliable:
long as we can’t exhaust
6325ourselves, we can
grow & change:
1:31 pm:
unity & diversity: how
to have both: must:
6330it’s Coleridge’s
definition of a poem:
somewhere, far off,
things come together,
hope rising from and
6335moderating strength:
somewhere, far off,
there’s no expense to the
part
in the whole:
6340somewhere
the ideal, the abstraction,
takes on flesh:
what a celebration! our
little earth
6345united, shining in peace,
hate managed,
rerouted:
the direction thru
history is clear:
6350unity amassing larger
& larger territories,
till now
neighborhoods of nations
meet
6355under the name “United
Nations”:
the cost has been
great in
time & slaughter, it seems
6360we’ve already earned
the prize:
let it be:
these are the
motions: listen to
6365their music: improve
their economies:
atoms make molecules &
molecules make
matter & matter
6370makes a universe: go
that way:
rise:
rather than
abolish the
6375particle (individual)
unity, strong, self-assured,
may afford the
individual
more comfortably than
6380division could:
7:38 pm:
deep down inside are
fireworks
& a whole mess of rivers:
6385very interesting
country:
rip-roaring violences &
someone solicitous
fanning an angry one
6390in the shade:
one over by a rock
making up songs
as if there were no
world at all:
6395a wiry, fur-ragged lecher
running with
lawless hard-on,
whickering, leering, &
licking his lips:
6400one
writhes, a beautiful lady
with high
feathery hat
doing a spike-heeled dance
6405on his heart,
tossed clear
into the merciless open:
two squabble,
vicious geese,
6410rending each other with
verbal knives
of disappointment:
& one,
prisoned by contrary
6415winds, sits rigid,
distant:
two
young lovers
give & receive, fall
6420asleep, wake into
mysteries, no world
beyond their reach, no
further completion:
I’m afraid to visit:
6425wd take another tape to
get there: & reliable
trip ticket &
return ticket in advance:
& a lot of
6430time to think it over:
thinking’s safer:
(not as much fun, prhps:)
***
a man’s center is his
6435woman,
the dark, warm hole
to which he brings
his meaning,
offering & receiving:
6440other meanings take
wider orbits: many orbits
of meaning:
that’s the nucleus:
you been lookin for a
6445center to the universe?
’s it:
11:06 pm:
was out by
the refuge
6450again this afternoon:
froze up:
birds gone:
cept Canada geese:
they were
6455waterborne
at a melting edge along a
bank:
I scared’em out
& they
6460slipped & skidded on the
ice! threw their wings
out
to right themselves
with air:
6465two bald iggles
been sighted out
there:
tell me:
can you beat that?
6470I looked for any but
couldn’t find some:
9 JAN:
today ben
der clouds
downwashen
6475die rainingdroppes
und
tickleticklen
der puddlepoolens
und
6480all around ben der wind
upswelling
und sideswashing
dem glitterglassen
windowpanen:
6485und smalle foules haben
der tails
downgedroppen
for offdrippen
der raingingdroppes:
6490und die upshouten mouths
ben upshuten gehaben:
Muse, let
my blood
stir!
6495and, you, hear
arteries & veins
bring song
bridging heart to heart:
the tenderspoken
6500assurer: the gentle
enlightener &,
till enlightened,
protector: arrive:
say you’re
6505going on a journey
& need one to teach:
teach me,
father:
behold one whose
6510fears
are the harnessed
mares of his going!
fiery delights,
pounding hoof
6515& crystal eye:
where before
dread
& plug-mule
plodded:
6520clod:
mere earth:
how the cornroots
lift
earth out of the
6525ground:
clod,
I’ll infuse you
with blood:
show how many ways you
6530can be
unlike a clod:
quiver with incredible
fire—oh, burn,
transfigured sod!—
6535squeeze
your slick cold hands
in the fear
& pleading of death:
clods are
6540dispassionate, come
in geometries &
configurations most
beautiful—you, tho,
with how much
6545ferocity,
what violence of outrage,
can you defend your
woman?
unto a clod, how unlike:
6550dance!
throw in:
throw yourself
into the river
of going:
6555where the banks also flow:
yesterday at
the refuge:
red hawk,
sprung up from dike reeds,
6560in each claw
held
a shoulder-wing of a
robin-size
bird,
6565the parts clinging
together, empty spaces,
threads, the raked,
ragged body:
I don’t know what
6570Canada geese think:
they see the
little bird
fly by
under the hawk
6575(last
flight—
the ground covered unseen:
the feather-molding
wind unfelt,
6580cold air
rushing in
where a heart was,
rushing
through
6585where was
back muscle of wingbone)
tho you have wronged me,
still I love you:
6590(that ought to put
the squeeze on you
good)
(see you get out
of that one):
6595don’t do anything specially
moral: I may want to
shed you:
wrong me:
with the wrongs you
6600do me, I unlock myself
from the prison
of your tenderness:
the clean fight
in bed
6605turns
into children!
I will consume
you: consume
me:
6610I break away
into my gratified self:
leave me alone:
don’t smother me with
unrequited concern:
6615you cushion &
absorb my thrust!
be a wall, for my sake!
resist
so I can plunge you
6620down:
this soft way
unmans me:
ah, but sweet
rest, that pliable
6625wall
surrendered, loose:
that hairy stone
rocking with my given
pool!
6630who are you?
come out in the open:
let me see you:
your breasts, the
pellets
6635afloat in warm white seas:
I will eat your
mouth:
crush the
numb of love
6640out of my
lips:
who are you I have not
figured you out: you
shift: you’re here
6645& there:
changing, yielding,
presenting;
stand in one place:
let me anchor
6650my connection: do
not fight me to death
by swimming
away, side to side:
don’t drive me crazy:
6655be still:
the ache possesses
me:
let’s fight it out:
turn this strife &
6660celebration
into infants:
there’s the warless
love,
the giving that receives:
6665Muse, provide:
entangle me beyond sense
or need of place:
let me far & richly in
so
6670the words pour:
we have yet a while
to fill this tape: it’s
getting small:
it turns fast:
6675before long
the red edge will
rise
from the floor: it’ll
climb,
6680go under the roller, then
turn up
& out into the light:
how glad I’ll be then!
I’m so tired
6685you can’t imagine:
I want to do other things:
and you, O supposed
(& actual maybe)
reader: how
6690weary you are!
I’ve bludgeoned you
with every form of
emptiness: you’ve
endured my
6695wrestling need:
may something accrue
to satisfy you:
let’s sit down & exchange
tenderness of speech:
6700have I deserved the
engagement of your eyes?
may I take your
time?
this noise & length
6705says
I honor your moments
of silent understanding:
let’s sit down on
a parkbench
6710& talk how the world
appears & disappears,
sung through
by light we have the
tune to:
6715if you find me
dropped in a corner
from the circles of
conversation,
come in continuous
6720motion, without breakage
of barriers,
& confer the touch of yr
speech upon my lips:
I’ll reward you
6725with secrets of
hands &
dandelions, money-needles
& moonlit nights: the
weeds
6730have given me
their bitter song:
come with need
to a specialist
in need:
6735we’ll exchange
gaps,
fulfilling:
our spaces will
let us
6740come close:
intermingle:
if suddenly I
get up
& blow the joint—
67451 haven’t forgotten you:
don’t think it for a
moment: please:
sometimes, when I’m
off-balance &
67
50unsuspecting, the
Muse takes my mind:
if I’m not to lose it
& her
I have to follow,
6755clear out in a hurry:
at another time,
you’d be surprised
how much I can
remember & care:
6760der greyische skies ben
maken
sidewalkens
into mirrorshiners
mit mistyfoggendroppes:
10 JAN:
6765today is windy as March
& sunny:
a window whines like
boring bees:
the outside lid
6770of the exhaust fan
in the kitchen
flaps:
the wind’s muffled weight
falls against the end of
6775the house:
whipping branches
in whistling trees:
we turn away from
galaxies
6780to the warm knot
in the dark:
somehow in taking
pleasure
from yr body,
6785I have given you
my heart:
I care now
more for you than for
the pleasure you give
6790me:
you, your total
self, my anchorage:
the universe shifts its
center:
6795it turns about you:
who are you?
will you destroy
me?
went to a
6800party last
night:
& the living room was
large:
the guests sat around
6805the walls
in a periphery of beads:
some beads clustered into
groups:
but it was too far
6810to cast a line
across the room’s
vacant center:
lack of unity:
disintegration overall
6815with random
integrations:
fun, tho: beads
shift,
regrouping the periphery:
6820combinations:
my plants are in full sun
now,
the chloroplasts
are working around the