Breaking Shaun

by E. M. Abel

  “So, you work tonight, right?” Mandy asked as she sat in the seat next to me.

  “Yep. How about you?”

  “I’ll be here.” She gave me a big smile. “Make sure you’re ready. You’re fresh meat, and you’ve got that pretty auburn hair. The men are going to be fighting for your attention tonight.”

  I returned her smile and lifted my chin. “I can handle it.”

  I was sitting on the beach, waiting for my kids to show up. Every Tuesday, I would give surf lessons to kids and the occasional adult. I thought about Natalie as I sat on the warm sand, watching the waves curl into shore. I couldn’t get the image of her out of my head—the way her hair draped down her back when it was wet and the small scar she had on her chin that was made more visible when she smiled. But it was her fucking eyes. They were so bright, and something about them made me want to show them things they’d never seen. I wanted to be there to watch them change, growing dark with lust and light with ecstasy. I wanted to see her.

  Just as that idea settled, an image of Cupcake under me as I’d fucked her flashed in my mind. I didn’t know why my night with her bothered me so much, but it did. I rarely got that drunk, and I could barely remember what had happened. I dug my fingers into my hair and sighed. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling used or if I’d taken advantage of a woman’s heartbreak. Maybe it was a little of both.

  I need a strong woman who is secure in herself and who can handle what I’m willing to offer—or more like, settle for what I’m willing to offer.

  “Shaun! Guess what, Mr. Shaun! My dad took me out surfing on Saturday, and I stood up! I stood up!”

  I smiled as I watched my boy, Noah, running up to me. His little legs were working extra hard against the retreating sand. His mom was standing on the boardwalk behind him with her baby in one arm, and she had the other one up in the air to wave. The moms loved my lessons because I didn’t require them to hang out. They would get a couple of hours without their kids, and I wouldn’t have uptight, overprotective parents hovering. It was win-win.

  “That’s what I’m talking about, bro,” I said as I gave him a high five.

  Noah was seven. He wasn’t the strongest swimmer, but considering he had been scared to even touch the ocean water when we started, he’d come a long way.

  “I’m gonna do it again. Just wait. Pretty soon, I’m going to surf better than you, Mr. Shaun.”

  I chuckled and shook my head as I watched my other students approaching with their parents waving from the edge of the sand.

  “What did I tell you about calling me, Mr. Shaun? You tryin’ to make me feel old?” I asked him. I waved at the parents to let them know they were good to go.

  “Sorry. My dad said I have to call all adults mister or miss.”

  “Well, it’ll be our secret then,” I told him with a wink.

  “Hi, Shaun!” Raven yelled once she got closer.

  Raven was seven, like Noah, and she was a total tomboy. She reminded me of Asia. She was always trying to prove she could do anything the boys could.

  “Hey, Wonder Woman. How’s it goin’?” I greeted her.

  She threw her Little Mermaid towel on the sand. “Good. My mom made me wear sunscreen today. I was hoping she’d forget.” Her face scrunched up in disgust as she started rubbing her arms with her hands.

  “Sunscreen is good for you. You don’t want your skin looking like leather when you get older, do you?” I asked her as I spread out the foam boards they practiced on.

  “I guess not,” she muttered as she went to stand next to her favorite one.

  “Hey, Shaggy. You ready to stand up today, man?” I asked my third student.

  His real name was Mason, and he was only six, but he was a fuckin’ beast in the water. I was pretty sure if he kept at it, he would either be a pro surfer or an Olympic swimmer. He was the shy one of the bunch though. He would only come out of his shell when he was too busy to notice it was happening.

  He just nodded and put his towel down on the sand next to him.

  I spent the next hour and a half taking turns in the water with each kid. They had all improved since the week before, so I was pleased. We always spent the last thirty minutes just playing around. I’d noticed a lot of the kids I taught had very little time to just have fun. They all had schedules and homework at an age when my biggest concern had been getting back in the house before the streetlights came on.

  “Shaun, when are you going to get married?” Wonder Woman asked me as she dug a hole in the sand that would fill up with water when the waves rolled in.

  I was in the water, splashing Noah. “I don’t know if I will,” I said as I turned and dunked Shaggy in the salt water.

  He came up sputtering and laughing.

  “What do you mean, you don’t know? How old are you?” Raven asked.

  I raised my eyebrow as she looked up at me from her spot on the sand.

  “I’m turning twenty-six tomorrow. What’s your point?”

  I tried to give her a stern look, but it was hard. She could see the smile playing on my lips. It wasn’t easy getting things past that little girl.

  “If you don’t find a wife soon, you might get old and ugly, and then you’ll be all by yourself,” she told me, giggling.

  I stuck my tongue out at her and kept playing with the boys in the water until their parents came to get them.

  I was in Nick’s apartment, putting the coffee away, when I heard his ringtone playing on my phone—“It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls.

  “Hi,” I said as I threw the empty grocery bag in the trash.

  “So, how did it go?”

  “I got the job. I work tonight actually. You gonna come see me?”

  “Congrats, girl. Yeah, I’ll try to come out. Maybe Luke will come with me.”

  I made my way to my room to get ready for a shower. I was excited about working again.

  “So, what’s up? How’s work going?”

  “Boring as usual. Hey, Marcus and Asia are throwing a party tomorrow night for Shaun’s birthday. You’re not working, are you?”

  I froze when I heard Shaun’s name, and I grinned when I realized I didn’t have to work. “Nope. I’m off.”

  “Good. Since you two are friends and all, I’m sure he’ll want you there.”

  I could hear the sarcasm in Nick’s voice, but I chose to ignore it.

  “Okay, great. Well, I’m gonna go take a shower and get ready for work. Hopefully, I’ll see you there.”

  “Yeah, you’ll see me. Talk to you later.”

  “Later.”

  After hanging up with Nick, I smiled as I got ready for my shower. I’d only been in Virginia for three days, but I already had a new job and new friends. I was beginning to think this move might have been the best decision I’d made in years.

  Now, I just need to get laid.

  I sighed as I stood, naked, waiting for the water to warm. I ran my hands over my skin. It had a light gold tint to it from my surf lesson with Shaun, but I was still pretty pale. I was soft and curvy, but I worked hard to keep my figure. Usually, I controlled my diet since I hated any kind of forced exercise. If I wasn’t doing it out of necessity or for fun, then I loathed it. I had long legs, and my booty was pretty big. I also had size D breasts, so I definitely wasn’t lacking there. I would describe myself as having an hourglass figure. My coworkers back in L.A. had called me Jessica Rabbit. I always rolled my eyes, but I had to admit that I’d enjoyed the compliment. I’d learned to embrace my body the way it was, and I’d realized men were even more drawn to women who did.

  I couldn’t help but think of Shaun as I took my shower. Everything about him seemed so effortless, so easy. I envied him. While I was guarded and aloof, Shaun was carefree and outgoing. I wanted to be more like him. The more I thought about it, the more I questioned my reasons for staying away. Maybe he was exactly what I needed—someone who could make me feel alive.

  I wondered what I should wear to his birthday pa
rty and if I should buy him anything. As I pictured myself handing him a box of condoms, I laughed, and the sound of it echoed against the shower walls. It took me by surprise. Hearing myself laugh wasn’t something I was used to. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I stood under the hot stream of water and took a deep breath.

  Why is happiness so scary to me?

  Instead of enjoying the good in my life, I usually focused on how much I would hurt once it was gone. I wasn’t sure when I’d started that, but it was as natural to me as breathing.

  I poured shampoo in my hand, and I began scrubbing it into my hair as I tried to relax. If I wanted my life to change, I had to stop running from the things that scared me, and Shaun was on the top of that list.

  When I walked into Red, all the bartenders were busy, cleaning the bars, tables, and chairs. The place looked clean already, but it was obvious that Jay ran a tight shift. That was fine with me. I preferred to work with people who weren’t lazy.

  Just as I was putting my purse in an empty locker in the break room, I heard my phone chime, informing me of a new text.

  What are you doing?

  I didn’t recognize the number, but it had a Virginia area code—757. I glanced around to make sure no one was looking, and I sent a text back.

  Who is this?

  I got a quick response.

  Who do you think it is, Killer?

  I couldn’t believe I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. No text from a guy had ever done that to me. I tried to hide the giant smile threatening to show, but I failed.

  “Hey. What’s that big cheesy grin about?” Mandy asked as she came to push her purse into the empty locker next to mine.

  I shook my head. “Nothing,” I muttered as I pretended to go through stuff in my bag.

  She studied me for a second, and I knew she didn’t believe me, but she left it alone.

  “Okay. Well, I’ll see you out there. We still have fifteen minutes before we have to clock in anyway,” she told me with a wink.

  My body relaxed when she retreated through the door. I tried to think of a smart, sexy response to give him.

  I’m not sure. I don’t remember giving out my number.

  I ended up sounding bitchy, but as I’d suspected, that didn’t deter him.

  Come to my birthday party tomorrow.

  I smirked as I texted my response.

  Please?

  God, he was bossy.

  Please? We’re friends, remember? What kind of friend wouldn’t come to my birthday party?

  Okay. Damn. Stop begging.

  I laughed and covered my mouth with my hand as I read his reply.

  You sure you want to be friends? Because I can’t stop imagining you naked. Is that normal?

  Smiling, I sent a final text.

  I have to work. I’ll see you tomorrow, friend.

  I tucked my phone into my purse and closed the locker. Resting my forehead against the cold steel, I took a deep breath.

  Jesus, what are you thinking, Nat?

  I stood up straight and sucked in a breath before sighing.

  Sex and love were very different things, but I knew the lines could blur easily. I had to remind myself that Shaun’s interest in me was definitely not love.

  After a few hours into my shift, I’d gotten the hang of things. Red was full of mostly businessmen, some college students, and local military. Having so many bases nearby definitely helped business, but I couldn’t believe how busy we were on a Tuesday. As I added a few drinks to a man’s tab, I noticed someone moving to stand in front of me. Peering up from what I was doing, I realized it was Nick, and Luke was standing behind him.

  “Oh, hey!” I shouted over the music, smiling at Nick.

  “Damn, this place is crazy tonight,” Luke said as he squeezed in next to Nick and looked around him.

  “Nice,” Nick said as his eyes moved to my ample cleavage. He wiggled his eyebrows.

  I grinned at him and winked. “What can I say? I’ve got bills to pay.” I snatched the receipt I’d printed and put it aside. “So, what do you guys want to drink?”

  Nick ordered a margarita, and Luke asked for a Budweiser. I went to grab their drinks as they settled in and turned their backs to me to look at the crowd around them.

  A few minutes later, I returned, and Nick was eyeing a guy at the end of the bar.

  “Looks like you have an admirer. That guy in the polo has been staring at your every move since we got here.”

  Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the man Nick was talking about. I’d noticed him watching me, too. When our eyes met, he tilted his bottle of beer toward me before grinning and taking a sip. He was attractive—nice hair, clean-cut, pretty smile.

  I’d do him.

  Turning back to face my cousin, I shrugged. “It’s the cleavage.”

  Luke chuckled, and Nick’s eyes twinkled. Just the thought of someone having scandalous sex with a stranger got him excited.

  “Well, we won’t be staying long. We just wanted to stop by and show you some support on your first day.” Nick took a sip from his glass.

  “I appreciate you guys coming out,” I told them.

  Someone new came to the bar and raised his hand for my attention.

  “I’d better get to work.”

  About an hour later, I was pouring some shots when Mandy came up beside me.

  “Look! Look! Look!” she whispered, her eyes wide as they darted from me to the other side of the bar.

  I lifted my gaze, and I stopped breathing when I saw Shaun making his way through the crowd in front of us. He hadn’t seen me yet, but he was walking toward the bar.

  “Those guys come here at least once a week, and good Lord…” Mandy paused as she fanned herself with her hand. “They’re so hot.”

  I laughed at her as I slid the shot glasses across the bar to my customer. I guessed it was good to know that Shaun hadn’t slept with her yet.

  Just as I was about to tease her, I saw her eyes fix on something next to me, and a flirtatious smile formed on her lips.

  “Well, well, well…”

  I heard Shaun’s deep voice, and I peered over at him. His friend, Dre, was standing next to him, eyeing Mandy.

  “Look who it is.”

  I saw Mandy’s gaze move between Shaun and me when she realized I knew him.

  “You two know each other?” Mandy asked, giving me a curious look.

  I lifted my shoulder and let it drop. “Yeah, kinda.”

  “We’re friends. Isn’t that right, Killer?” Shaun gave me his wicked grin.

  I rolled my eyes at him, and Mandy hesitantly moved away to take another order. I knew she was dying to stick around and find out more.

  “You guys want something to drink?”

  I was trying to act professional. I didn’t want to let Shaun know how much his presence was affecting me. He was wearing a black T-shirt that hugged his shoulders and arms, and his green eyes were unbelievably gorgeous with the lights from the bar shining under them.

  Shaun just leaned against the bar, smirking at me.

  Dre finally spoke up, “I’ll take a Jack and Coke.”

  I nodded and then glanced back at Shaun.

  “Vodka and Red Bull,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine.

  Turning my back to them, I went about making their drinks, trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to sexually harass Shaun. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I couldn’t deny the crazy chemistry I felt with him.

  After mixing their drinks, I turned back around with their glasses in my hands. My heart dropped when I saw a woman standing next to Shaun, giggling. She was a tall blonde with tan skin and very little clothes on. Taking a deep breath, I put my emotions in check. I made sure to seem indifferent as I placed the drinks on the bar and gave them their total.

  Shaun’s eyes came to mine as he pulled out his wallet. He slid his credit card across the bar. “I’ll start a tab.”

  I made sure to act normal as I
took it from him and entered his order into the computer at the end of the bar. When I was done, I stayed busy with filling drinks and doing what I could to avoid Shaun. The guy in the polo, who had been staring at me earlier, raised his hand for another beer, and I went into the cooler to get one.

  Two can play at that game.

  Making my way over to him, I placed the beer on the bar and slid it across, giving him an eyeful of my cleavage. When his eyes left my breasts and met mine, I gave him a seductive wink.

  He grinned and made sure to graze my fingers with his as he took the bottle. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  “My pleasure.”

  I swayed my hips as I walked away, and I could feel Shaun watching me. When I glanced in his direction, I saw his eyes move from me to that guy and back again. His jaw clenched, but he quickly relaxed it and gave his attention back to the woman next to him.

  A few minutes later, the blonde was pulling Shaun away from the bar and toward the dance floor. I suddenly had the urge to pull all her hair out of her head.

  What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously jealous right now?

  Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back and started clearing empty glasses from the bar. I needed to remember that it had been my decision not to sleep with Shaun. I’d rejected him, not the other way around.

  I couldn’t help looking for him out on the dance floor. He was easy to spot since he was so tall. I watched as he leaned down and said something into the blonde’s ear. She turned her back to him, and he put his arms around her waist as she ground her ass against him.

  Just as I was about to turn, Shaun’s eyes met mine, and I couldn’t look away. His tongue came out and slid across his bottom lip before he leaned down and kissed the girl’s neck, his eyes on mine the entire time. I should have looked away, and I should have pretended I wasn’t interested, but I couldn’t. I was frozen in place as my body responded like I was the one in his arms. Goose bumps rose on my skin, and my nipples hardened as I imagined his mouth on me, his hard body pressed against mine. It was torture, but I guessed I was a glutton for punishment.