Knead to Know_Fairytale Ambrosia

by Liz Schulte

  His words mesmerized me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think anything other than yes, that’s what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted. I wanted the life I saw other people having. The one movies and books taunted me with that was never quite within my grasp. I thought I had it with Baker, but I didn’t. As much as I loved him, he never fully loved me back. Not in the way I deserved. I pressed myself into Phoenix, hoping he would banish the ghost of Baker from my mind. Or at least make me the promises Baker never would. Maybe then, I could take his deal. Even if they were lies, I wanted to hear the words. I could forget all of this saving the world nonsense and be selfish. I really wanted to be selfish.

  “Is that what you want?” His lips grazed across the sensitive spot just behind my ear and my knees threatened to give out. “Answer me.”

  I nodded.

  “I couldn’t hear you,” he purred.

  “Yes.” My voice broke and I held my breath.

  He let go and moved around to face me, his eyes searching mine. “And you want that with me?”

  I stared back at him and doubts crept in. Did I want that with him? I couldn’t possibly. Phoenix wasn’t the type of person I had ever pictured myself with, but I was attracted to him and he could take care of himself. No more worrying. But I couldn’t trust him. I would never know when he was telling the truth or when he was manipulating me. Could I live like that? Probably not. Having all of those things he listed wouldn’t make much difference if he was using me and lying.

  He broke into a smile, the likes of which I had never seen from him. It bordered on cruel. He took a step back, face suddenly cold. “You have the wrong guy.”

  I blinked. Did he mean himself or Boone? “What?”

  “You actually want everything I said. I can see it in your eyes.” He laughed, though there wasn’t much humor in it. “I’m not going to do any of that shit. I don’t want to hear about your day or take you on dates. If you want a puppy, get a dog. Or better yet, go back and find that human you blew off tonight. If, however, you want someone who will fuck you until you can’t see straight, I’m your guy.” He took another step back.

  Every time. Why did I even bother? “Why are you here?” I snapped.

  “I’ve been asking myself the same question,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand over his forehead.

  I wanted to punch him in the face and seriously considered doing it.

  He shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. “We need to talk about the demon.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Do we?” Was he finally going to tell me the truth? Was this growth? “What about her?”

  “I located her, but obviously she found one of the men I sent to look and dropped him off on your doorstep. Was he dead?” I shook my head. “How much do you think she knows about you?”

  After a few calming breaths so I wouldn’t strangle him, I replied. “I don’t know. She knows where I live. She knows about the store. She knows that I can heal. Other than that, I have no idea because I still don’t know where we crossed paths.” It was the perfect opportunity for him to confess. All he had to do was tell me the truth and restore a little bit of my faith in him.

  But he didn’t. “You can’t stay here.”

  I gave him a helpless gesture. “Where exactly am I supposed to go?”

  His jaw worked back and forth a couple times, then he finally spoke. “You’ll stay with me.”

  “Do I have time to shower? Or do we need to leave now?”

  He waved a hand toward the bathroom. “Be quick.”

  Big talk coming from the biggest time waster of all. Jerk.

  ****

  Showered and with an overnight bag packed in record time, I found Phoenix sitting on my couch, looking extremely bored. “Ready when you are,” I said.

  He stood up and held out a hand to me.

  I looked from the hand back to him. “What?”

  “We’re going to transport.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.” I was still unclear how the jinn puffed into smoke, but I was pretty certain that I sure as hell couldn’t do it.

  “I don’t have car. If we take a cab, we could be followed. This is the only way to insure no one finds us.”

  “And what makes you think it won’t kill me?”

  “Guess you’ll just have to trust me unless you have a better idea.”

  I didn’t. With a heavy sigh I took his hand and hoped for the best. He pulled me in tight and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his chest. He smelled like leather and coffee. When did he quit smoking? His arms tightened ever so slightly as whatever he did to transport started. I couldn’t really explain how it felt. Time at once slowed and sped up. Enormous pressure scattered me, but I also felt confined. When we stopped, my vision was fragmented and my legs wouldn’t support me. He held me until all my pieces came back together, and then I stayed in his arms for just a breath longer before I opened my eyes and Phoenix let me go.

  It took a moment to adjust to the dimness of his apartment. The ceiling soared high overhead in an impressive vault, but the main room was cave-like, with matte black walls and a glossy black fireplace mantle. It was dark and the lightbulbs could have used a few more watts, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The windows were inlaid with aged stained glass panels that I doubted offered much light even in the day time. It was sort of like an empty church.

  “Don’t do a lot of reading, huh?” I dropped my bag on the floor. “Are we in a church?”

  “Yeah.” He glanced around, avoiding eye contact, then shook his head. “Look, people don’t come here, so don’t…” He shrugged, frowning.

  “Don’t what? Touch anything? I’m going to have to touch things. Resign yourself to that fact now.”

  “I don’t care about that. Touch anything you want. Just don’t tell people where I live.”

  That was unexpected. While it was dark, everything was well cared for. The realization hit me hard. This was Phoenix’s sanctuary, exactly what I was trying to build for myself with Knead to Know. Obviously we had different styles, but the idea was the same. It was a place he could go to be himself. A little slice of carefully crafted perfection in an imperfect world. Exactly what a home should be.

  “My lips are sealed.” I mimed zipping them shut, then grinned at him.

  He shook his head. “That whole adorable thing . . . You just can’t help it, can you?”

  “You think I’m adorable?” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for the catch.

  He nodded slightly, inching toward the door. “I have to go. You’ll be safe here. Make yourself at home. Don’t tell anyone where you are.” And just like that he left me standing in the middle of his living room.

  I still hadn’t figured out why he was doing all of this for me. Just getting me to be his assassin hardly seemed like enough. He had plenty of people who would kill for him. Why did he need me?

  I walked around his apartment. It smelled like him and was comfortable, but not fussy. But I didn’t find what I was looking for: anything personal or anything that would be the key to unlocking who Phoenix was or what he wanted. The hints had to be there, but I was missing them. If this was his sanctuary, then it also told his story, whatever it was. He obviously didn’t care about money. While his things were nice, nothing seemed overly expensive. He didn’t have a spectacular view of the city or of the water. He could want power, but I failed to see how I could bring him that. All it would take was one bullet to the head and I was out of the equation. Not really a foundation to build an empire on. What I really needed to know was about the deal he made with Valefor and how I fit into that. Did he take me there as a threat to force her to sign? If so, then why did she believe I was a human? How did all of these pieces fit together?

  I made a beeline for his desk. The wooden banker’s chair creaked as I leaned back in it, pretty comfortable. I flipped through the very few things on his desk, but it was enough to make one fact glaringly obvious. If I was staying here for any length of time, I was
going to have to buy him a lamp. I started opening drawers. The middle drawer had a few envelopes that looked like bills, a checkbook (so oddly normal), and a gun. The left hand door had extra paper and the right was locked. Bingo.

  Now if only I could pick a lock.

  I pulled out my phone and googled, “how to pick a lock.” and It auto-filled the rest, “with a paperclip.” Perfect. I dug a paperclip out of the middle drawer and followed the instructions exactly. After about twenty tries, the lock finally clicked. I pulled the drawer open, ready to find all of his dark secrets. Only that’s not what was in there.

  Instead, it had yearbooks and a small plastic tub of memorabilia. What in the world? I couldn’t resist. I picked up the top yearbook and scanned the index until I found him (because really, how many Phoenixes could there be). Phoenix Harbolt. Now I even had a last name. I turned to the first page listed for him, and looked for his name with the weird, giddy sort of excitement that came with snooping.

  Running my finger across the page, I landed right on him. I giggled, slapping a hand over my mouth. A skinny kid with a crewcut, a huge smile with braces, and glasses looked back at me. He was the cutest little nerd ever. Now that I had started, I couldn’t stop. I went through all the yearbooks and it never got better for him. Poor guy. I cracked open the plastic container to find report cards and ribbons from marching band and quiz bowl.

  Perfect. My heart swelled. He was just full of surprises.

  After making it through everything in the drawer, I was still no closer to figuring out what Phoenix wanted or even who he was. In fact, the more I learned, the more mysterious he grew. I meandered into his kitchen because when I needed to think, I cooked. It was my thing. He had more food than I expected for someone like him. Then again, obviously I didn’t know Phoenix at all. Like he hadn’t been a jinni that long. He wasn’t hundreds of years old. How did he get to where he was so fast? When did he turn into a completely different person from that cute little marching band geek, with braces and an unguarded smile? What path had taken him from that to the person who offered to fuck me against a wall?

  Maybe Phoenix didn’t have the agenda I thought he did. Was it possible he was lonely? Maybe he did want the life he mocked, and that’s why he kept getting involved in my life. Granted, I had potential to be useful to him, but…I shook my head. It was dangerous to think there was more. He’d made it clear what he wanted and what he didn’t want. And what choice did I have, but to believe him? I knew what I wanted and the two of us were never going to align on that subject.

  With some minor digging through cabinets, I found what I needed to make lemon bars. Unable to stand the silence, I flipped on my baking playlist on my phone, singing along as I worked. The longer I baked, the louder I sang and the more I danced. Then the Archies played my jam, “Sugar, Sugar,” while I waited for the bars to cook—which might have inspired a full blown dance montage through no fault of my own.

  But, of course, because the universe hated me, while I was in the middle of shaking my ass, Phoenix chose to come home.

  Chapter 10

  “You are aware that I have neighbors and it’s,” he pretended to check his watch, “fairly late.”

  I stopped mid-shake and looked over my shoulder at his amused face. I had forgotten about neighbors. I guess I was used to living in a house, but I refused to be embarrassed. “You’re out of butter and eggs,” I said as the timer went off, punctuating my sentence.

  “I just bought butter,” Phoenix said, coming into the tiny kitchen to look at what I’d made.

  “I used the whole pound, but it will be worth it.” I slapped his hand away as he tried to take a swipe. “You’ll burn yourself. It has to cool.”

  His tongue traced the edge of his lower lip as his dark eyes met mine. “I can live with the pain.”

  I raised my eyebrows, seriously doubting we were talking about lemon bars now, but unsure of what he did mean. “But you don’t have to,” I took a stab.

  His head dropped a little. I thought he might kiss me, but instead he walked away. “Don’t you get enough of this at the bakery? Why are you doing it here?”

  “I love to cook,” I said honestly. “It kills me that I can’t taste. Had I known that was a factor of becoming a vampire, I don’t think I would have done it.”

  Phoenix laughed, shaking his head as he poured himself a drink. “It’s too bad no one was paying attention to you then. They could have saved you all of this.”

  I made light of it now, but really things weren’t that simple. I’d been terrified and hadn’t wanted to live like that. “Needing a constant babysitter would have been terrible for everyone involved. It’s not their fault. I had to figure out a way I could still live a life worth living, while knowing what was actually in the world. I chose this.”

  “And have you?”

  “Have I what?”

  “Made a life worth living?”

  I smiled a little. A couple hours ago I would have said no, but things didn’t feel as grave as when Boone dropped me off. I’d been scared and that must have made me emotional. But I wasn’t frightened here, and I definitely didn’t worry about Phoenix. In fact, I hadn’t even thought about Valefor or Holda. It had happened so gradually, I couldn’t pinpoint when I started to feel more like myself. Was it after I showered or later? “I’m getting there—especially, you know, if I can survive the current round of people who want to kill me. The business is doing great and I love everything about it. My personal life could use some work, but I’m coming around to the fact that life wasn’t meant to be perfect. What about you? Is your life worth living?”

  He shrugged. “I have everything I could ever want.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “Well, aren’t you one of the lucky ones.”

  He took a drink of the amber liquid in his glass. “Did you discover anything about the woman in white? I might know a witch who could help.”

  “I’ll see your witch, and raise you two.” I waggled my eyebrows. Okay, something was off with my mood. I was almost giddy. And then it hit me. “You’re doing this, aren’t you?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

  I narrowed my eyes and headed toward him. “You are making me happy.” I poked my finger against his chest.

  He choked on his drink, half coughing and half laughing. “And that’s bad?”

  I wasn’t falling for his innocent act. I should have noticed it much sooner. “Yes, when it’s fake, it is. I have things I need to do. Things I need to think about. Having my mind befuddled by you isn’t helping. Not to mention that it’s wrong. You can’t go around making people feel whatever you want them to feel.”

  He poured another drink. “Can’t I?” I glared at him. Finally he rolled his eyes. “You seemed like you could use a break from feeling bad about yourself. I gave you a boost back at your house, but you’ve been running on your steam for a while now. You just needed a little help up.”

  I sighed and went into his living room, taking one of the high backed chairs. “Someday, you’re going to want me to trust you and I won’t because all you do is lie and manipulate me.”

  He followed me into the room and took the chair across from me, crossing his legs. “Is that right? And why do you imagine I will ever care whether or not you trust me?”

  I shrugged. “Intuition.” It was possible he wouldn’t care if I trusted him or not, but then again he was already doing the things he declared he’d never do. I leaned forward. “Back at my house, you said you didn’t want to hear about my day and yet you asked me about the woman in white. You also implied you didn’t care if you made me smile or feel worthwhile—and yet, you elevated my mood so I would feel better about myself. How do you explain it? Kind of contradictory, don’t you think?”

  He tossed back the rest of his drink. “Don’t flatter yourself. None of that was for you. Your safety is my concern. Holden asked me to look out for you after the fiasco with the reporter, and keeping him happy benefits me
. You said multiple people were trying to kill you. I know about the demon. I assumed the other was the woman in white. I was doing my job. And the happy boost? Purely selfish. If I have to deal with an emotional woman, a happy one’s far easier than a weepy one.”

  I had wanted reasons and now I had them. Fine. Good. “I guess that saves us from having to have an awkward conversation about how you’re not my type.” I stood and went to collect my bag.

  “Oh, really? Please tell me how I fail to live up to your impossible expectations.”

  The mocking was clear in his voice, affecting me like nails on a chalkboard. I batted my eyelashes. “Cheerleaders don’t date band geeks.” It was petty and immature and mean and I regretted it the moment I said it.

  Phoenix’s body stiffened and I avoided looking at him. “I’ll take the bedroom.”

  “Like hell you will. You don’t even sleep.”

  My feet stilled like his words had the power to hold me in place. Damn it. There went my escape plan. My heart beat faster in my chest.

  “What did you call me?”

  I crossed my arms and faced him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it.”

  “I’m a what? Did you say band geek?”

  His eyes darkened to near black as he stared me down, almost daring me to repeat the offending words. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. High school was a million years ago. I was just angry and I took a cheap shot.”

  He stood up and slowly advanced, backing me toward the kitchen. “You haven’t just been baking, have you, Maggie-dear? What were you looking for?”

  I stopped, holding my ground. I had nothing to apologize for. He was the one lying. If he just told me the truth, I wouldn’t have had to snoop. “Answers to very important questions like what sort of deal did you make with Vale—” He pressed his finger to my lips to keep me from saying her name. “While leaving me alone in the club to apparently make an enemy for life.”

  “What else do you know?”

  I crossed my arms. “That’s not how this works. You’re going to sit down and this time you will actually tell me everything that happened that night. Because while Holden might be annoyed with me for going with you, he’ll destroy you for double-crossing him.”