Love Burned Deep

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  Larry leaned down to me and whispered, “Rachel, you have to know that Cody will forever be a hero to us. He only ran into the building a second time because he saw a child in the window—he told us he had to save that boy because he would be someone’s daddy soon. We will all miss him, Rachel, but he saved that little boy who came running from the building just before it came down around Cody.”

  A nurse came in and checked his vitals. She looked right at me, giving me a sympathetic smile, and told me she was going to make him as comfortable as possible. After giving Cody something for pain through his IV, the nurse left with a nod to the three of us. Next, the doctor returned and uttered four more words that would stick with me for life: “It’s not long now.” My husband was slipping away through my fingertips, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Not my love, not my passion for him, not even the fact that I was carrying his child could stop me from losing him forever.

  I leaned down to Cody and kissed his cheek. I rubbed his head and kissed away at his bandages like I was a mom kissing her child’s boo-boos away. He was my light when life was dark. He was my best friend that stood by my side through thick and thin. He was my lover that knew every way to make me feel loved and happy. He was my protector and kept me safe. He was the man I was going to grow old with. Spoil our grandchildren with. He was the one that completed me. Now I was leaning here with the men who called him a brother and the man who once saved his life while he took his last breaths. I began to talk.

  “Cody, you can’t leave me. Baby, please, you have to be strong. I love you with all my heart. You’re my everything. You’re the father of this baby, and Lord knows, I need you to help me raise this child. Please, baby, stay with me, and grow old with me. I love you.” I leaned down and kissed him as my tears stained his cheeks.

  All of a sudden, the regular beeping that had been coming from the machines turned into one long, steady beep. A flat line. The screaming began. I lunged at the bed, shaking him, trying to keep him fighting. Larry held me back and wrapped me in his arms, as the screaming was uncontrollable. The sobbing didn’t stop, and I felt like I was about to faint if the screaming didn’t stop too. Only then did I realize the screaming was coming from me.

  The next voice I heard was about to get bitch slapped several times if she didn’t leave now. Larry picked up on my body language and waved for the guys to get Angie out of there.

  “I have to see him, oh my god, my boyfriend!” Angie yelled as she came toward the room. I flew at the door with rage on my side, but Larry and Brad and the rest of the guys stopped me. They had security escort Angie out, and I demanded a paternity test. I had just lost my husband, and this bitch thought she could go and say she was having his baby and demand to see him. Over my dead body, she would.

  I didn’t know how to live without Cody. He was my life for the last six years. This couldn’t be happening. It was like my heart was breaking over and over again, being ripped from my chest. I’d never see him again. I’d never get to hold him and make things better. I’d never get to enjoy his hugs and kiss his tender lips. My life would never be the same.

  “Rachel, we’re here for you. We want to help as much as we can. We all loved Cody.”

  Tears started again—actually, I wasn’t sure they had ever stopped. I felt sick, and I knew what was coming next. I had heard Larry say these words only a few times before, to the spouses of firemen who had passed away in the line of duty. Now it was my turn to hear them, and I prepared myself for his words to sink deep in my soul.

  “A fireman never dies. They burn themselves into the hearts of the lives they’ve saved.”

  ***

  “Baby, Rachel, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” Cody shook me gently and brushed my damp hair to the side of my face as he gave much-needed kisses to my lips.

  I woke up suddenly and stared into my green-eyed husband who stared back at me with a look of confusion across his face. My breathing was erratic, my eyes felt swollen, and he still looked confused. His look was turning concerned. I needed to say something, anything, soon.

  I sat up slightly, leaning on my elbow, and pushed my hair back as it was soaked with sweat from this nightmare that felt so real. I took his arm and I pinched him, staring into his eyes for a reaction.

  “Ow. Baby, what’s wrong?” He held my hands up to his lips and started kissing them.

  I rolled onto him and hugged him tight. “Oh Cody, I had this nightmare that…” I hesitated, “You died, and I was so heartbroken. Gosh, it felt so real. Very real. I’m so glad you’re okay.” I squeezed him so tightly he probably thought I was trying to break him.

  “I’m here, honey. Stop crying, it’s okay. Just a dream.” He soothed me and rubbed my back, holding me close to his heart.

  I felt like I’d just encountered a mind fuck. I felt like my heart was still broken after living in that dream for what felt like an eternity. It was so nice to have his strong arms holding me and making me feel comforted. He probably wouldn’t ever imagine what that dream just put me through. I must have passed out after our mind-blowing sex last night, after I told him the baby news. Oh, thank the Lord that Cody was okay. I was so scared that my worst nightmare had come true. His job scared me so much, and I felt like I needed to tell him. This baby needed their father as much as it needed their mommy.

  I sat up and told Cody all about my dream. I remembered everything so vividly that it was truly scary. It was all so fresh in my memory, and I wanted to tell him about it—I needed to get it out of my head. Cody just sat there with his arms around me and held me tightly. He rocked me back and forth, and I wasn’t going to complain. It felt comforting.

  “I want to take you out today. We’re going to have a day to ourselves. I want to pamper you, baby. I’m taking the day off.” Cody kissed me softly.

  My grin grew wide across my face. I loved when Cody did things like this with me. He always had a way of making things better. He’d even get his nails done with me, just because. He’d act silly and do all the girly things just to make sure I was having a “me” day, but with him included. Then we’d always get his favorite food, and we’d splurge on him a little too.

  I dressed in jeans and a rock band T-shirt. I put my long blonde locks in a loose ponytail. I put some makeup on and tried to look presentable. Cody looked way better than me today, and I was actually a bit jealous. He wore jeans, the ones that were ripped in all the places that made me want to jump him. He wore a white polo shirt that clung to his muscles. He looked so sexy in white—that was probably why I kept buying him anything white every year for his birthday. I didn’t have anything negative to say about this man. I loved every inch of him.

  He fired up the Mustang, and it roared to life. I sat next to him and dipped down in the comfortable bucket seat. He blasted the speakers with rock music and set on his way toward town. We screamed the lyrics and laughed ridiculously, like two people on their first date. That was how we always felt with one another.

  We decided to do a movie and lunch. The theater was empty, and that just gave us even more of a reason to act like kids and be alone. Let’s just say that if the theater has cameras, they sure got a show. We ended at the steakhouse in town for lunch. It was Cody’s absolute favorite place to go, and I loved him seeing him smile when he got his usual huge steak placed in front of him. We really enjoyed the day together, and this was exactly what I needed after having that nightmare. It was like we were back to normal, and the fear of the nightmare had faded.

  “I want to stop by the firehouse real quick,” Cody mentioned.

  “Okay, baby.” I smiled and squeezed his thigh while the Mustang took off in that direction.

  I wanted to wait in the car. Cody ran in, and just a few minutes later, he came out with a slow stride back to the car. I wondered what that was about. The car door creaked open, and he plopped behind the wheel. He stared straight ahead like he was upset.

  Chapter 6

  “I don’t want to ruin our da
y.” Cody still stared straight out of the car window without making eye contact with me. Something happened, and I wanted to know. It was something, obviously, I was going to have a reaction to. Was Angie screwing with us again?

  “Tell me, Cody. Are you okay?” I pressed my hand on his leg, but he continued staring through the window.

  “She’s dead.” He looked over at me and then looked back out the window.

  “Who’s dead? What’s going on? Are you okay?” I unbuckled and leaned over to his side of the car, and I wrapped my arms around him.

  “Angie is dead. They found her in an abandoned apartment. A candle was lit and must have been knocked over, which started a fire. She was pronounced dead on the scene. She overdosed, Rachel. I should have been on that call, but I took today off.”

  My hand ran right over my mouth in shock. I honestly didn’t know what to say. Cody seemed upset, I guessed since he had a past with her. I didn’t know how I felt about it. I didn’t think she deserved to die. Had she expected Cody to save her?

  Silence made its way through the car on the way back home. I was sure a million thoughts were running through Cody’s mind as to what to think of this. Was it inappropriate to be happy knowing she wouldn’t ever stalk us again? Was it horrible of me to think that? Another part of me was sad because she didn’t deserve to die, but she had people telling her she needed help. How were we supposed to deal with a situation like that?

  Cody and I parted ways in the house. I figured I needed to give him space, and I thought I needed my own. I didn’t want to say the wrong things to him, and I was afraid I might. I knew it had to bother him a little bit, and I knew he’d come to me when he was ready to handle it.

  I took out some ingredients to make a simple pasta dinner. I knew that we didn’t have too much of an appetite but had to eat something. I changed into some jammies and cozied up on the couch alone while I waited for the water to boil. I flipped through the channels searching for a reality show to watch because they always made me feel better about my own life.

  After some time went by, I finished up dinner and went to find Cody. We needed to talk about it. We needed to put it behind us and move on with our life. I peeked out the back door as I thought he’d be working on the car or bike or something. It turned out that what I saw, I immediately wished I hadn’t. He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Would he really go back to smoking over this? He had quit smoking for five years! Why would he do this?

  I opened the door kind of abruptly and took the cigarette right out of his mouth. “You’re not throwing away five years of being nicotine free for this. Now you can get in the house and talk to me about this, or stay out here and mope—without your cigarettes.”

  “Rach, just let me be, okay?” His voice cracked.

  “No, I’m not going to. So, get inside, please.” I waved my hand, signaling for him to come follow me, and hoped he would.

  Cody got up from the stairs and pushed through into the house. He turned around to face me while I closed the back door. “She was my first love, Rachel. I know that we had a shitty relationship and she was crazy, but you have to know that I did care about her. She wasn’t entirely like that the whole time we were together. I just wish there was something I could have done to help her. I tried, I contacted the counselor, and he just left me a message today. A day too late.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss, babe. I really am. Just don’t forget about the awful person she was to us in the last six years, too. Please don’t forget the harassment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upset—nobody deserves to die. But it’s not your fault. You tried. You didn’t know she was going to do this. “

  I walked into the kitchen and turned the stove off as I got plates from the cabinets. I scooped a small portion on each plate and sat at the dining room table. I looked at Cody and motioned for him to sit. It was obvious he was upset and needed me, and I needed to be nicer about the situation. “Sit, eat some dinner, and talk to me. I want to know what’s on your mind, and I’m all ears.”

  Cody sat down at the table. “I just wish I could have helped her before it was too late.”

  He began to talk about how guilty he felt. He knew he could have prevented this from happening a few years back, but he had hoped that she’d move on without his help. Angie knew that she needed help, and it was up to her to change herself. Cody knew that too, but he felt guilty he hadn’t taken a stand. Now he had to tell his old counselor that’s she was dead before she even got the chance to help herself. She wanted Cody to rescue her, and he couldn’t.

  Was this fate? They always say that things happen for a reason. How do you justify a woman overdosing and starting a fire for her ex of six years to save her and her life? Was he supposed to save her? Or was Cody supposed to save me from my nightmare and decide to spend the day with me, out of harm’s way, safe in my arms?

  Cody decided later that night he was putting in his notice at the fire department to step down. He still wanted to be a part of the fire department, but in a different capacity: he wanted to teach his skills and share his passion with other firefighters, staying out of the active emergency calls. He decided this would put a minimal risk into his job and not make me worry so much. After all, we were starting a family, and in just seven in a half months this beautiful baby was going to warm our hearts and take on a new journey for the rest of our life.

  The only fires we needed to worry about now, were the fires of love burning deep in our souls.

  ~ The End

  Acknowledgements

  To my friends & family.

  A special thanks to Karen who has been a great deal of help and inspiration infinishing this book. She’s became a great friend and BETA reader, and I truly appreciate her in my life! I love our ugly laughs and the fact that we can talk about anything

  To Felicity and Janelle, THANK YOU doesn’t even put into words the help and feedback I received from you both. You two are great, and I’m so lucky to call you both good friends! Love you both to pieces!

  Melissa, you are my ROCK and I look up to you probably more than you believe, but I do haha! You are amazing, and I’m so happy we became friends!

  To the MINIONS! You know who you are! You all are amazing and have become family to me, and for that I’m grateful. I love our chats, and I’m so happy to be a part of your lives! To my crazy Snapchat whores, I love ya!

  To ALL my BETAS, you guys really know how to make a girl smile! You give me the feedback I need and the constructive criticism that helps me become a better writer each time!

  To the bloggers who have supported me since day one and the ones who have climbed onto the trail of my success, I thank you! From pimping me out to constantly sharing my books, you guys rock! Chrissy, seriously, you’re like a blogging queen! HAHA! Holly my incredible BETA and awesome blogger, heart you! Can’t forget Kellie, who time and time again amazes me at the amazing things you do for us authors. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

  To my mom and husband, thanks for supporting me on this dream. Watching me write and stay on the computer for hours and hours on end. Putting up with being crabby when you interrupt me from my thoughts. Cooking dinner when I have no motivation to do so because I’d rather be writing at the moment. THANK YOU. You guys are my life, love you.

  Coming January 2013 - Taking My Love

  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18777036-taking-my-love

  Synopsis:

  Evelyn Mayer’s life was perfect. Then one day it was laying in ruins around her shattered heart. Danny, the man who’s been her best friend, her lover, her soul mate for the past four years vanishes without a trace. Ev is lost and confused. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do next. The only thing she wants is to know why Danny left, but that answer isn’t coming.

  Ev tries to stop asking why this happened to her and fights to pick up the pieces of her life. She knows she can count on the one person who’s been by her side since childhood, her best friend, Clark
. He’s the one to catch her every time she falters. His encouragement keeps her from giving up. He teaches her not to dwell on the unanswered questions. In order to rise above the despair chipping away at her soul, Ev decides she needs distractions to focus her attention on, instead of wallowing in her despair. She fights hard to put Danny behind her and make her life resemble normal again. The shock of her life sends her on a whirlwind of adventures.

  When life provides her the answer, she’ll need Clark’s strength more than ever, but this may be the one time her friend can’t be strong enough for her. Things are rarely as simple as they seem. When true motivations are revealed, Ev’s fragile world is once again threatened. Mixed emotions always end with a heartache. Will her heart make the right choice; the choice only Evelyn Mayer can make.

  When Life is slipping away, do you fall with it…or fight for it?

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  Other work from Author Nickie Nalley Seidler