A Song in the Rain

by Lydia Deyes

  I got up from the ground, dazed, wet, and covered with mud. My left wing stung with a sharp pain, and I inspected it. One of my primary feathers was bent. I grimaced and turned to look instead at the damage caused by the raging storm’s sudden outburst. I’d been approaching the five trees at the corner of our territory, but now they were nothing but splinters. Most of the food looked to be gone or ruined. Along the ragged trail, animals were sprawled about — some were deathly still. This would be a major setback for our plans.

  A large number of animals were making their way to center camp, where Anna and the other members of the medical team were stationed. There were so many injured from the storm, adding to the dozens who were ill, and several who seemed to be seeking help for a dying friend. Everything had piled up all at once.

  Kevin came up beside me again, and I was glad of his presence. “Are you hurt?” I asked.

  “No,” he replied. “You?”

  “Yes, a little. My wing—”

  Before I could say anything more in explanation, Kevin was dragging me through the crowd, clutching the forward edge of my wings in his claws. I could feel him shouting something, probably similar to “Make way! Sheer is injured!” — but I couldn’t tell, since I couldn’t look straight at him as we moved past all the other animals.

  The tiny chickadee pushed to the front of the line, dragging me behind him with incredible strength. “What do you need?” he asked me when we got there. “Is it pain? Do you have a headache, nausea?”

  “Pain,” I mumbled, slightly embarrassed. Most of the other animals here needed help more than I did. Then again, I was different.

  “Sheer, what are you doing?” Anna started to say. “You, more than anyone else…”

  “Deserve to be treated first,” Kevin interrupted, jumping on the rock she was standing behind, blocking my view of her. “You’re our leader.” He scanned the measly stores behind Anna and darted in to grab a leaf for pain relief from under her paws. She swiped at him, but he dodged elegantly. “Here, Sheer. Take this.”

  I was flattered by how far he was willing to go to look out for me and didn’t feel bad for jumping ahead anymore. In fact, I felt entitled. Kevin was right. I did deserve better. I was special. I was the leader. Without me, the army would be lost and unable to continue. I grabbed the leaf in my mouth and stepped aside to eat it, making way for the others to come forward.

  When everything had cleared up, Amery found me. I could tell right away she was unhappy. “Sheer, the medical team is all out of supplies. There’s nothing left. They are turning away everyone except those with the greatest need. Anna told me you came by for aid, but you look fine. Why did you go to them for help?”

  I thought about lying to her, telling her I’d broken something or was dying of some terrible illness, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  Then again, why should I care? I deserve to be treated first, no matter what.

  I showed her my bent feather.

  “What? That’s it? Sheer, someone in this camp has a broken leg and can’t be treated for pain because you took the treatment for your bent feather? What’s gotten into you? You used to be so…” She turned her back to me, both furious and sad at the same time. I struggled to understand why she felt that way. I could see how her perspective would cause her to be angry, but the sadness was unexpected.

  I shrugged it off. “Sorry, Amery, I…”

  “Forget it, Sheer,” she said, turning back around to face me. “Your case is lost. We’re all lost.” Her eyes softened with… grief? “You don’t even know her name, do you? The fox whose leg is broken?”

  I shook my head slowly, and Amery turned around again, hopping slowly away from one bush to the next. I went back towards my lonely nest, rain pounding on my back, not bothering to make a protective bubble. My confusion over the situation was stronger even than the fear I felt with each drop. Kevin had made such a good case for me, and I felt good when I was with him. Why did I feel so bad when I was with Amery?

  No dreams came to me that night. After spending so long sleeping and dreaming of terrible things, it was nice to have a night of relatively peaceful rest, even though puzzling over my situation kept me awake long into the night.

  When I woke again, it was still raining. I hated it. I hated the weakness, the depression, the hopelessness of the situation. We were lost, dreadfully lost. We needed help. We needed the skies to clear and the clouds to go away.

  I sat on a branch, looking up at the sky through the leaf-barren branches, and felt a breeze ruffle my feathers. Was it just me, or had the raindrops become more like mist? I looked again, and sure enough, there was a tiny spot of light in the clouds. A beautiful, slender sunbeam pushed its way through. The clouds lightened as the sunbeam grew, and the colors of the rainbow refracted among the droplets. The storm was finally ending. Finally, there was hope!

  XXXVIII

  A slender crescent moon hung high in the clear sky that night. I had to look closely to see it at all. We’d already lost nearly half of our time. On the other hand, we still had until the moon waxed to its fullest to prepare. I stayed awake all night long, looking absently up at the moon. I feared so much, worried about so much. My head felt as if it were ready to explode.

  Still, there was hope. At least, I hoped there was hope. The rain had stopped, and that was good. The clouds had blown away. But how would we ever be ready in time to face Nivek and his massive army? Could we ever be ready?

  I must have fallen asleep at some point, for I woke when it was morning. I blinked in the sun; it seemed like ages since I’d last seen it. The chill air foretold the coming of winter. Food was already scare. How would we survive, even if we did defeat the wolves?

  I made my way towards center camp, still deep in thought and misery, but stopped short while I was still in the shadows of the forest. Kevin and Amery were perched on the same branch of a tree ahead of me, and I could feel the tension even from my hiding spot. I could almost see sparks of anger between them. I was at the perfect angle to see both of them speaking, so I tried to watch and see what they were arguing about. Kevin paused in his speech and glanced into the forest, near where I was perched. Had he seen me?

  “Ever since you arrived, Sheer has been getting worse,” Amery said, taking advantage of Kevin’s short hesitation. “I’m not sure what you’re telling him, but it has got to stop.”

  “Sheer’s fine,” Kevin replied, turning back to face her. “Stop worrying about him. Don’t you have a group to train?”

  “Sheer is most certainly not fine! He’s been taking extra rations and putting himself ahead of truly injured animals to get aid for a simple bent feather. He’s been strutting around like he rules the world, and what have you done? You encouraged it!”

  “Of course I did, small one. Sheer is special, in case you haven’t noticed. And unlike you, I care for his well-being above my own. Above everyone else’s here.”

  “What? Is that what you’re saying? You have no idea what I’ve gone through to make sure Sheer is all right. But you… you have poisoned his mind.”

  “I have not. You’re the one hurting him! You say he must take the same measly rations as everyone else, and if he has pain, too bad. He has to hold his beak shut. What good would it do if he died of hunger or couldn’t fly alongside his army? He’s a leader, and leaders must be strong. You don’t seem to understand this, small one. You say you want him to leave more food for others, to care more for others, but you really mean yourself. You don’t care about him at all.”

  “Stop calling me that. You’re a chickadee… nothing more than a ‘small one,’ yourself. And I do understand, and I do care, more than you know. But what you don’t get is that leaders have to care for those underneath them, too. Leaders should be role models for everyone else.”

  “You don’t get it, do you? Do you even know what he’s capable of? He’s a living wonder, small one.”

  “Stop calling me that!”

  “I call you
that because you’re small-minded. I may be small in size, but you have no idea what I hold inside. Really. You’re just full of mush, and that’s not what wins the war.”

  “If enough animals had empathy, which is what I assume you mean by ‘mush,’ there wouldn’t be any wars.”

  “But they don’t, do they?”

  “Apparently not. But they can learn,” Amery said, giving Kevin a meaningful look.

  “Some animals will never learn.”

  Amery steeled herself. “Then those animals should not be in any position of power, nor near anyone with power.”

  Kevin puffed up with anger. “How dare you!”

  “Who said I was talking about you? But now that you mention it, I think I was.”

  “You make no sense at all.”

  “You’re just saying that because you want to avoid the truth.”

  “No, I know the truth,” Kevin said, with a strange look in his eye.

  “Which is?”

  “That Sheer will never like you as much as he likes me. I’ll always be his better friend. Nothing you can do will change that, and the harder you fight for him, the more you will find that you have been fighting against him.”

  Amery took a step back. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Everything, small one. See, you didn’t even know, did you, that Sheer has been listening this whole time?”

  I caught my breath.

  He knew?

  Amery jerked her head around, scanning the forest, but didn’t see me. “You’re lying,” she said, her eyes narrowing, but she was shaking.

  “I am not. I’m closer to Sheer than you think. Closer than you can even imagine. You’re trying too hard, small one, and you’re pushing yourself away from him. You’re losing him. If you find reason to agree with me, you may be able to find him again. All you’ve been trying to teach him has done nothing but make him feel terrible and distract him from what needs to be done. We need a leader with confidence. Your time is up, small one. Face the facts. You’re not wanted anymore.”

  Kevin took a step towards Amery, who stumbled backwards and nearly lost her grip on the delicate branch. I didn’t know who to believe. I thought I trusted them both, but how could I, when they were so against one another?

  At the moment, Kevin’s argument did seem more convincing. He had been closer to me, protecting me in ways Amery couldn’t. Had Amery known when I was struggling with Nivek’s attacks on my mind? Was it true? Did she just want me to feel bad about myself?

  “Come on, Sheer,” Kevin called in my head, turning to look straight at me. “You have hidden long enough. You need to see the wreck Amery has made of herself, to avoid falling down that path yourself.”

  I slowly slunk out of the shadows, into the light. I looked at Amery, huddled in sorrow at the edge of the branch. “Is this what you were looking for?” Kevin asked her. “Ask him yourself. Ask him if he cares.”

  She looked at me imploringly, and my heart felt as if it were torn in two. Whom should I follow? I knew they both awaited an answer, but nothing would come. I opened my beak to say something, but no words came to mind, after all I’d seen.

  Instinctively, I turned to Kevin for help. “You see?” he said immediately, his face lighting up in triumph. “Just as I told you. Come on, Sheer. Let’s leave this miserable creature be.”

  I slowly turned to follow him, my head hung low, not sure what else to do. I had to choose. But as I left, I looked back. Amery’s head was turned, and our eyes didn't meet. I went on, through the forest, wondering whether I’d made the right choice.

  XXXIX

  Evening came, and I still hadn’t spoken a word since witnessing the argument between Kevin and Amery.

  “You did the right thing,” Kevin reminded me again. “Amery was holding you back from your true self.”

  Each time he said those words, I felt like I was lifted a little higher, and I began to disregard Amery and her comments. Still, my mind refused to stick to one side or the other. My head was telling me going with Kevin was the right choice — this, I knew for sure. But my heart was a different story. Sometimes it whispered to follow Amery, sometimes Kevin.

  It felt as if there were two persons within me: one that was me, or my conscience at least, and one that wasn’t. It was impossible to tell which was which, but my head seemed to be the steadier one, so I followed it.

  “Sheer,” Kevin said suddenly, nudging me with his wing, “there’s someone here to see you.”

  I turned to face the direction his beak was indicating, still deep in thought, and nearly jumped out of my skin. Before me stood a single gray wolf.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, on guard against attack, already tapping into my powers in case I needed them.

  The wolf glanced nervously behind him. “I snuck away, sir. I can’t do this anymore… please, don’t hurt me. It was hard enough to get away from Finsternis.” It took me a brief moment to recognize the name in his motions, since I was used to referring to him as Nivek.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, still wary of an attack.

  “I couldn’t… someone had to tell you. It just isn’t right.”

  “What is wrong?”

  “He’s been taking them,” the wolf blurted out. He spoke so quickly, I could barely grasp the words. “It was him.”

  “Taking who? Who’s been taken?”

  “Members of your army. He’s been taking them hostage. It’s not right. The moon isn’t yet full. I had to tell you… someone had to.”

  “What? How… how many has he taken? How has this been getting past the patrols?” I glanced at Kevin, and he looked just as shocked as I felt.

  “He has taken about ten now,” the wolf explained, pausing at my request to imprint a toe mark in the mud for each stolen warrior. “He’s been taking one or two every night. He has some sort of power that enables him to become one with the shadows, I think. He sneaks into the camp at night, taking them away quietly while they’re sleeping.”

  I was furious. How could I not have known? My need for justice boiled inside me, but fear rose quickly to counter it. What if I failed? If Nivek really was this powerful, enough to snatch members of my army right from under my beak… what would happen to the prisoners when we attacked?

  “What is he doing with them?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure,” the wolf replied, shaking his head. “I think he’s just trying to draw your attention, but if you don’t show, he might start using them to find out what your battle plans are.” He looked up at me with sad eyes. I was distraught. It now seemed my only option was to give in… the prisoners wouldn’t even have a chance to fight back. My heart sank. I wanted to avenge the death of my family and friends, and now the capture of my army, but how could I? How could I, when the blood of innocent creatures could be spilled at a moment’s notice?

  “What does he want from me?” I asked, though I knew the answer.

  “I don’t know.”

  I was quiet for some time, not sure what to make of all of this. The wolf seemed to be waiting for some sort of response, so I said, “Thank you for your information.”

  “It had to be done. I must be getting back now, or Finsternis will notice, and that’ll be the end of me.”

  “Wait. Why go back? Join us!”

  “I can’t. He’ll know, and that would just endanger both of us. I have to take this risk.”

  “How would he notice one wolf among a hundred, my friend?”

  “I’m his brother,” he said simply.

  “Oh.” I thought for a bit. “Well, don’t risk your life again to bring us news, unless it’s very important, like a plan to attack before the moon is full. That information would be invaluable.”

  “Of course.” With that, the wolf turned and disappeared into the dense forest in a single bound.

  “Amazing,” I said to myself when he was gone. “I had no idea.” I shook my head sadly.

  “That the scarred wolf has a b
rother, or that your warriors were being stolen?” Kevin asked.

  “Both. Did you know he had a brother?”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  I glanced at the sky. The stars were shining brightly, but there was a dark black hole where the moon usually hung. Time was half-up.

  XL

  As soon as I drifted off to sleep that night, my dreams were punctuated by a frantic whine. It was closely followed by a growl, then a yelp. I saw the friendly gray wolf, slammed against a boulder. He struggled to lift himself but slumped back to the ground. A dark shadow passed over him, and the perspective shifted slightly to reveal a scarred face.

  Nivek.

  He growled again.

  “Vy?” Only a moan answered him. “Tell me vy!” he barked again.

  “Nivek… told me… to tell…” the helpless, matted gray wolf gasped in reply.

  The answer didn’t make any sense to me, and it clearly didn’t satisfy Nivek either. The massive scarred wolf was as black as a dead, starless night, and his malice couldn’t be contained. He paced back and forth twice before lurching forward with a giant paw, claws outstretched, towards the neck of his brother.

  I woke, terrified, the image of the scarred wolf soaked in his brother’s blood imprinted on my mind. I stared about me, but all was calm in the night. The stars above twinkled, and a cool breeze tossed dead leaves across the forest floor. Before long, I drifted into sleep again.

  This time, I dreamed of a great shadow, like a vulture, standing in a pool of blood and picking at his prey. Remembering then what Kevin had said when he first arrived, I immediately knew this was Malvador. I shivered at the name, and even more so, at the mortifying scene. Nivek had left his own brother outside to be pecked to pieces by the most horrifying of creatures.

  ◆◆◆

  My head was still swimming with the awful images when I woke the next morning. I sat staring at my uneaten breakfast, Kevin beside me. “What do you think Nivek wants with me, anyway?” I asked him, shuddering. “Will he kill me?”