The Games the Earl Plays

by Eleanor Meyers

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  29

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-NINE

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  The moment she was outside, Rose pulled in a large portion of warm air and still her body would not cease its trembling. Harley pulled her away from the sight of others, farther down the terrace and into the shadows. She went blindly, as though she were without a mind and a course of her own.

  What she feared was true. Gerard had cut her off as though he’d never known her, let alone cared for her.

  Had he?

  It was impossible for her to think that he ever had. Not when he gave her the cut direct in the middle of a ballroom. Dancing had been a horrible idea. Attending the party and leaving London had been dreadful. What had she been thinking to begin what she had with Gerard, the Earl of Obenshire? She didn’t belong in this world.

  She may be a marquess’ daughter, but the orphanage was all she’d ever known. As she’d said before, she was not a Montgomery. She never would be. She was a Smith.

  She’d fall apart once she left the ball and would alert Reuben that she wished to go to Chantenny. Only later, when she was alone, would she weep.

  The moment they were alone, she began to strip off her long white gloves. Who wished to wear gloves in such heat? Or at all, for that matter? Her hair came down next. The pins had been bothering her the entire night. She’d have taken off the jewelry as well if she’d not feared losing it.

  After shaking her hair loose, she peered over at Harley, who stood by the single lamp that gave them any light. He wore an expression of wonder.

  “Don’t say a word,” she told him.

  His eyes widened. “Oh, I would never dream it. In fact, I was waiting to see what other things you planned to take off.” His expression was both thoughtful and salacious.

  She narrowed her eyes but then had a thought and began to lift her skirts.

  Harley cleared his throat. “Rose, I didn’t actually mean—”

  “Not a word,” she said again and used his arm to hold herself steady as she removed her shoes. The slippers had been pinching her to no end.

  Shoes had been a rare gift in the Home. She was used to being barefoot. She rarely ever wore them at home.

  When she looked up again to meet Harley’s eyes, she only encountered his chin. He’d looked away while she’d been under her skirts and the gentlemanly act put a smile on her face.

  And then she laughed.

  His gaze returned to her, confused. “You seem better.”

  She shook her head as her emotions settled. “No, I’m not.” When the tears came, as she knew they would, she’d be left weak both mentally and physically, but she couldn’t fall apart here. Her pride wouldn’t allow it. Was that yet another gift from her mother?

  “I wasn’t sure how much of a fool Lord Obenshire was until this very evening,” Harley told her.

  His name, even addressed by his title, almost sent her over the edge. “No,” she whispered. “Don’t speak of him.” She turned away to gaze out into the night and pulled in another breath. Her chest stung, and a slow fire began to burn. She pressed her palm there and tried to ease it.

  Harley came to stand next to her, and she felt his eyes on her body. “Am I a fool for still wanting you?”

  She turned to stare at him and wondered who was the real fool. Him or her? Harley was everything a woman could dream of. Titled. Wealthy. Kind. Yet Rose continued to want the one man she couldn’t have. “I love him,” she confessed.

  He leaned an arm on the railing and turned his body to her. “I know.” His gaze was direct and honest. “But I don’t care.”

  Rose moved forward and placed a hand on his cheek. He didn’t move, yet his eyes continued to take her in. She swallowed and allowed her hand to move across his jaw and into his hair.

  He closed his eyes.

  “Why won’t you touch me?” she asked.

  He looked at her once more and inhaled. “Your emotions are in a fragile state. I would be taking advantage of you if I did.”

  She moved closer, and her chest brushed his. “It would be unfair to kiss you when I love someone else.” Though she wanted to do it. She wanted to take advantage of Harley and use him to forget… the earl. “It wouldn’t be right to use you.”

  His breath changed, hardened, brushed her lips. “I don’t care.”

  Rose tilted her head but at the last second, turned away. “No, I… can’t.” While there was a dark part of her that wanted to, she knew that in the end, it had nothing to do with an actual desire for Wint and more of a need to forget Gerard and hurt him, if that was even possible.

  But what she would not do was ruin her tender friendship with Harley. No matter what happened between her and Gerard, she would not drag others into their situation.

  Harley took a step back and met her gaze. “I should return you to the ball.”

  “I have no intention of going back inside.” Hadn’t that been obvious? She was sure she’d thrown her gloves over the balcony. Her hands moved to his neck and pulled him closer. “Take me from here.”

  He closed his eyes and a pained expression covered his features. “No, that wouldn’t be wise.” His finger trailed down her shoulder. “I still want you.”

  She smiled at him and a part of her sincerely wished she could tell him the same, but it seemed her heart was no longer hers to give.

  When his gaze lifted from her shoulder and caught hers, it was determined. The desire lingered, but the fire was nearly out. “I’ll not have you regret me. You’re still in love with Gerard.” He took her hands and kissed them both. “You need time, but when you are ready, know I will be here waiting for you.”

  He released her then and took another retreating step. “I’ll alert your brother that you are out here.” His gaze went down her body before returning to her face. He grinned. “You should try and right yourself before he arrives. I will give you a few moments to do so. I’d hate for him to kill me before I could be with you again.”

  She smiled and watched him disappear down the dark terrace before she turned away.

  As he left, she realized how very glad she was that she’d not kissed Harley. She’d not let Gerard control her actions in such a way that would be detrimental to her relationships.

  She also held little hope of ever falling for Harley. He was breathtaking, but all she really wanted from him was friendship. If only she could find a way to say the same for Gerard. She felt foolish for pining for a man who didn’t want her.

  At least Harley wanted her,

  but after the traitorous journey her heart had gone through during the last few weeks, Rose didn’t know if she would ever dare to love again.

  Shaking her hair out once more, she grabbed her wild locks and began to braid them.

  A hand on her wrist stilled her and then she was jerked around.

  Gerard glared down at her, looking menacing and very much like the Angel of Death. His grip on her was just shy of painful and his gaze made it hard for her to breathe. She’d never feared anyone so much in her life.

  “How dare you?” he growled. “How dare you let him touch you?”

  She was surprised by the guilt she felt. She’d not kissed Harley, though a part of her had wanted to. That want made color rush to the surface of her skin and bloom up her throat and face. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t understand Gerard’s presence… or his anger. Hadn’t he been the one who claimed he did not want her? “You’re scaring me,” she whispered.

  He jerked her closer, and she jumped when his other hand went around her neck.

  “Did you like it?” Gerard asked.

  She knew what he was asking her but didn’t understand his for the answer. What did he gain from this humiliation? His fingers were rough on her throat, and she was sure he could feel her rushing pulse. “I didn’t—”

  He bent his head and spoke close
to her. “Don’t lie to me.”

  He pulled her closer. “Did you let him…” He struggled to say the words.

  Rose held his gaze and for a moment thought to lie, to make him feel the pain that she did. But in the end, she had to tell him the truth. “I didn’t kiss him, Gerard. We almost did, but I...” She pressed her lips together and refused to say more. The enraged man before her didn’t deserve to know her innermost feelings. He’d not earned that truth from her. It was humiliating enough not to have her feelings returned. Which meant that Gerard’s anger probably lay in some brotherly affection or sense of honor. He’d probably feared for her safety. “Nothing happened with Harley.”

  His eyes—still beautiful yet still full of malice—fell to her lips. “He can’t have you.”

  Her heart broke at those words. “Can’t I be happy?”

  “Not with him.” Then his next words surprised her. “You’re mine.” Then he claimed her.

  His mouth covered hers with such force that it threw Rose off balance with only his hold on her to keep her righted.

  She opened her mouth to speak, of what she didn’t know, but it seemed that Gerard was done with words. His kiss was possessive and hard, and Rose found herself yielding easily to the mastery of his lips.

  His raw hunger and need frightened her just as much as it thrilled her. He devoured her mouth as though he wanted to rid her of the memory of Harley.

  And it was working.

  Gerard made her body blaze with an inferno that threatened to rip her body apart. Her heart pumped wildly against her chest, and she could barely breathe.

  He released her wrist and laced his fingers in her hair, dragging her closer. “Mine.” He bit her lip and then his tongue ran down her jaw and throat.

  Rose convulsed and dug her nails into his back. She lost hold of herself and thought she saw a vision of heaven. Her body no longer felt real, yet the man who touched her definitely was.

  “Gerard.” His name was a choking sound on her lips right before tears streamed down her face. She wrapped her arms around him as he continued his assault on her body. “I’m yours,” she whispered. “I love you.”

  He stiffened and lifted his head and met her eyes once more.

  Her hands went to his jaw, and she continued to weep. “I love you, Gerard. I always have.” She leaned forward and kissed him.

  He was surprisingly still for a moment, but Rose relaxed when he became animated once more. He kissed her back with passion, but gentler now. “You’re mine,” he reminded her.

  “Yes,” she agreed.

  He kissed her lips. Once. Twice. Then her nose and cheeks. “I shall keep you with me always.”

  Happiness filled her to a state that forced her to giggle. “Of course.”

  He stole her mouth again, kissing her leisurely. “We could travel the world together.”

  “If you wish.” His words were better than any fantasy she could have ever come up with on her own. All her dreams were coming true. Her heart’s greatest hopes had been answered. Gerard loved her. He was going to marry her. He—

  “First, I’ll have to produce an heir with my wife, but I know more than a few gentlemen who reserve their love for their mistresses.”

  Mistresses?

  He was kissing her. His lips were soft and muddled her mind. Part of her just wanted to continue as they were, but with great effort, she pulled herself out of the cloud of joy that had been blocking her thoughts. She focused her gaze on him. “Mistress? What are you talking about?”

  He cupped her cheek and smiled. “I adore you.”

  She wanted to smile, but something was wrong. Her heart raced. “Gerard?”

  “But I can’t marry you, Rose,” he went on. “You know that, don’t you?”

  There was a pinch in her mind, and she struggled to understand what he was saying. “What?”

  Gerard’s grin grew. “I’m going to marry Miss Louisa, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together. We’ll simply have to return things to the way they were. We’ll meet in the shadows.” His fingers danced across her lips. “But this time, we’ll do much more than flirt.” He leaned forward.

  She pulled away. “Gerard, what’s happening?” Her mind would not accept what he was saying. “What are you saying?”

  He gave her a puzzled look. “Rose, I don’t think I can make myself any clearer. I’m going to marry Miss Louisa. She’s more suitable for the position of duchess, while you are simply more suitable for me.” He moved toward her.

  She backed away into the railing and shook her head. “Gerard, you can’t honestly believe I’d ruin myself and be your mistress.” This was not happening. This was not the man she knew at all.

  He lifted a brow. “You want to be with me, don’t you? Well, this is the only way..”

  She became as stone as she stared at him. This, whatever was happening, wasn’t right. “You can’t mean that.” He knew her better than this.

  “You heard me.” He reached out for her, and she ducked under his arm and moved away.

  “Gerard, why would you say that to me?” She continued to back away from him.

  “Because it’s true.” He followed her. “I could never marry you, Rose.” Then his expression became one of pity. “Surely, you never thought I’d… I’m going to be a duke.”

  She understood what he was saying and yet the Gerard she knew would never say these things. “Is this your father? Is he making you say these things to me?”

  Something passed in his eyes but went so quickly she wasn’t sure if she’d seen it. “My father has no control over me.”

  “Liar.” She moved toward him then and touched his cheek. His gaze was steady as their eyes met.

  She understood what he was doing at that very moment, driving her to hate him in the most effective way he knew, using her feelings against her to make sure she’d never wish to be with him again. But why? Why would he want her to hate him and use words of love to drive the dagger home? It didn’t matter. She would not give up on them that quickly. She would never let him go.

  “Call me a bastard,” she challenged, because she knew he never would.

  She didn’t miss it then. There was a second of hesitation in his eyes before his face became expressionless.

  And everything he’d said in the last few minutes went out the doors of her mind. They were both masters at charade.

  “You’re not your father,” she told him. “You’re better than him.” She locked her arms around his neck. “I believe you when you say you love me. These past few days it has been clearer than ever that you’ve felt exactly as I do.” She smiled. “I love you with everything that I am. With my every breath and with my whole heart. You possess my every thought and fulfill my every wish.” Tears began to sting her eyes. “Kingdoms can rise and fall. Wealth and titles could cease to exist, and it will be Gerard de Gray that I want.” She touched his chest. “I—”

  “Bastard.”

  The word broke her heart.

  Before she had a chance to say anything, she was alone.

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  30

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY

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  Rose could hear her family whispering in the hall. She heard every word but said nothing as they worried about her. It had been five days since the night of the ball. It had taken her and Reuben two days to get to Chantenny Hall and since then, she’d said nothing about what had taken place on the balcony. She had no plans to ever speak of it to anyone.

  Whenever she thought of that night, her body grew weak, and she had to stop herself from praying for an early death. When she’d imagined the worst way for her dreams to come to an end, never had she thought that Gerard would betray her in that way. His confession of love had been a slap in the face. He’d not only crushed her but turned to ash every fond memory she had of him.

  And without those memories,
she could barely remember what she’d done for the past year of her life. He’d been everywhere, physically during the Season and then mentally everywhere else. He was the larger portion of the journal she’d ceased to write in. The tale of love and loss had grown so tragic that she feared a Shakespearean end if she went on.

  She’d never truly looked upon her death with fear, yet now when she thought of it, peace would settle over her body. Eternal sleep would mean the end of her pain and misery.

  She cut off the thought and looked out the window.

  Justin’s property was vast and beautiful, and Rose found herself gazing at the sheep in the pasture more than anywhere else. Justin had tried bribing her with books, bless his soul, but books reminded her of her meeting with Jane Austen, which in turn reminded her of Gerard, which in turn brought her back to the night where she’d rather he’d thrown her over the balcony than said what he’d said to her.

  She closed her eyes as fresh tears stung her face. She’d stopped wiping at them since it only made her skin more irritated. She felt dizzy and wondered when the pain would stop.

  A part of her knew it never would.

  “I’m worried,” Rose heard Alex whisper to Christmas and Nash, who’d just arrived that morning. “She’ll eat, but only when reminded to take every single bite. I was there at the ball. I saw the way Gerard ignored her, but I never thought it would come to this. I’m sure something else happened, but she won’t say what. Justin has returned to Gerard to try and discover the truth. How the two remain friends after this, I’ll never understand.”

  “If she is made ill from this,” Nash hissed, “he will pay.”

  Chris said nothing.

  “She loved him,” Alex said with more than a little anger. “He didn’t deserve her. If I ever see him again…”