But how would anyone accept or tolerate doing these experiments on human beings. Then again, it was normal for some companies to do experiments on animals. I couldn’t see a really big difference between animal or human trials, but I guess I’m not the normal type.
I have been picked up and transferred uncountable times to a cage, like today. But it had always been Jay, who had given me a sense of safety from day one, when I wasn’t even able to sense it. Today was different. Today it was not Jay I would be meeting at the end of my march. Today, it would be someone else entirely, someone whom I had never met before, not even in a long lost memory. Today, I met Sergeant Nina Torres, a woman I had never seen or talked to, a woman I did not know, a woman, who certainly, in her normal state of mind, could kill me in a dozen ways without even needing a weapon. But now her weapon was her body, her hands, her claws, her jaw, her teeth. She could kill me in every way possible. And that was the reason I stayed clear of the bars that separated us.
That strange sense that had given me trust towards the beast I was facing wasn’t there when I entered the cage, and although it gave me my own space, separated by the bars, I didn’t feel safe.
Right then and there I felt as if I had been transported back in time, back to the very first moment I hadn’t been blindfolded, and I was set to meet the beast, the creature that had left scars on my body for the rest of my life. No matter how strong I had felt up to this moment, no matter my resolve or my determination. When I took that step into that room, protected by nothing else than mere bars, I was back again, back at that day they tossed me inside Jay’s cage. But it was completely different.
The lighting was dim, just as Jay’s cage, and it was silent. I expected that I would be the first one to enter the room, so that Nina could slowly sneak forward taking my scent in before she would scent me.
I simply stood there, two feet away from the bars, waiting for her to come at me, slow or fast, however she felt it was right. I didn’t expect her to not approach me at all; but I could hear the door to her room open and close. Apart from that nothing happened. No additional noise, no steps, no flickering of light in the shadows. I had no idea where she was. And, honestly, that concerned me. Val’s words came back to my mind that White hadn’t chosen her, his superior had done that. So maybe, or probably, Nina wasn’t even suited to interact with me. And because of that I stayed where I was: out of her reach. Obviously, she was out of my sight, but I wasn’t out of hers. And that kept me thinking that maybe I could see her if I tried. Yet again, should I take the risk to be exposed?
Twenty took the decision out of my metaphorical hands as I heard a shuffle. I’m sure that she had created the sound on purpose to let me know that she was there. That meant that either she was aware of her superiority as the predator in the room or it was a courtesy on her behalf. I settled for both.
If I were in her shoes, sensing someone new would make me curious; sensing someone who was more similar to her than the white cloaks, and even more: pregnant... I probably was the highlight of her days down here, if not a beacon.
And I must admit that I could have slapped myself in the face for not considering this before. She was a female, I was a female, and if she regarded me as member of her pack, if not the alpha female, she would protect my child with her life.
Where do I get that knowledge from? I spend my life as a loner with the discovery channel, watching all sorts of pack societies of predators. And they all were somehow similar to each other.
So, when she noisily – for a beast – approached the bars and me, I stayed where I was: exactly out of her grasp, but didn’t move an inch and didn’t falter. A tall, slender woman, certainly six inches taller than me, came into my range of visibility in this dark cage; probably a tad earlier than usually possible. Nina’ long black hair hung wildly around her face and shoulders, and her clawed hands were spread wildly as she stalked closer in utterly smooth movements. Her intense green eyes were fixated on me, staring directly at me – a challenge in the animal world – and I had to respond in the same way. If I looked away first, she would be the stronger one. But her glare was more than that. It was painful, sad, and furious at the same time. This woman was just as tortured as Jay.
“Nina,” I said; my own voice sounding strange.
She stopped, blinked once, twice, and then tilted her head slightly, just like a dog that saw something new for the first time, uncertain if she was allowed to smell it, touch it, or lick it.
“I’m Meghan,” I continued, speaking softly, yet as casually as possible. “My friends call me Meg.”
Her head moved back into the upright position and I could see and hear her sniffing in my scent.
“Do you want to be my friend?” My voice showed more carefulness than I wanted it to.
Nina’s eyes narrowed. I figured that she was deciding whether I was worthy to be her friend or not.
“Would it be okay if I came back to visit you?”
My question didn’t get any reaction this time.
“You know, I’m Jay’s friend, too.”
I didn’t expect any reaction due to that statement either, maybe apart from another tilt of her head. Instead she swiftly took the last few steps towards the bars, almost pressing her face against the metal that I feared could be electrified. I flinched, no, rather jumped, at the quick movement, and I was sure that all those who were watching us did too. Instinctively, I had brought up my palm to face the windows, one level higher, to tell them everything was okay, while I still held her stare.
Twenty opened and closed her mouth, showing a set of fangs, and although no sound came from her throat, I knew that she was trying to speak. She was trying to say ‘Jay’ and as astonished as I was by that fact, it equally made me feel uneasy, because it was such a strong reaction to a simple name.
“He is okay, Nina,” I said simply to say something, trying to guess what she was trying to tell me.
This time her answer was clearer. She nodded briefly and was about to bring her hands around the bars before she tensed and stopped herself. It disgusted and pained me to imagine how often they must have sent electricity through her until she learned not to touch them. And right now I didn’t hear a hum that would imply that there was a current flowing through the metal. And when I was able to notice that, so would she.
Standing there, I was uncertain to do next. I wasn’t sure how to take Nina’s civil behavior and I was sure that our watchers weren’t. For some reason that was probably known to me, but unknown to them, she didn’t regard me as a threat or an enemy and that could get me into trouble.
When I turned to look at the cage I could see a quick movement at the corner of my eyes and instinctively jumped back, returning my attention to Nina, but she was gone.
So much for socializing!
Apparently all she wanted to know was if Jay was okay and that was it. She wasn’t interested in talking to me, or getting to know me, either. At that moment I decided that she had somehow caught some of the scientists talking about me. Maybe she had sensed or smelled that I was pregnant, but apparently she had no idea from whom. A part of me was relieved because that meant no one – especially White - would be suspicious; but another specific part of me was disappointed. I realized that I had hoped to find a kindred spirit in a female beast.
“Do you know Thirteen?” I asked from a hunch and heard the speaker crack at the same second, but whatever, whoever, wanted to tell me kept silent.
In a blink of an eye Nina was back at the bars glaring through them. Her whole posture and facial expression was terrifying. She had been playing nice to get the information she wanted, but now she didn’t have to anymore. She looked at me as if there were no bars between us, as if she was ready to pounce and kill me. That beast I saw was the one Val was worried about.
“Do you?” I asked again, trying to act unfazed, and ignore the sight of her warped face and clawed hands.
Just when I had accepted that she wouldn’t continue with me
anymore, she slowly shook her head. And I took a leap of faith.
“I’m Thirteen,” I said and the humming of the speaker stopped; they switched it off again.
There was no lecturing me or ordering me to leave, still that didn’t mean that I was wrong with my statement. And it probably wasn’t my smartest move. White definitely would want me checked out now.
“In the making,” I added, not knowing if that would make the difference.
However, I got her attention and our eyes stayed locked on each other. I could see her carefully sniffing. So, I stepped closer, slowly
“They are using me for a very special project,” I continued. “Do you understand what Ten A and Ten B means?” I made another step, the one that brought me into her reach, but I continued. “Both failures.” I added after a pause of her not reacting.
Although I tried my best to stay calm, I could hear my heartbeat in my head and a tremble in my voice. My eyes stung and I swallowed against the lump that tried to take over my throat.
“Do you understand, Nina?” I whispered because my voice quit on me.
I was close enough to see that fine muscle twitch in her jaw and her mouth formed a thin line. She nodded and I made another step. If her senses were like Jay’s she would know that I wasn’t lying or pretending.
“Do you want to know why I am here?” I asked her, tilting my head slightly and came to a stop, right in front of her, as if there were no bars and we were having a normal conversation, and my life wasn’t in danger.
Nina nodded again and made a noise that almost sounded like a purr. But maybe it was just my imagination.
“You probably caught that I was assigned to help Jay finding his way back to his human form?” I was uncertain whether I should form that as a question or a statement, my voice ended up in between. “Now I’ve been assigned to help you.”
This time I let time pass by without following my instinct to try and explain more. Either Nina would comprehend my words or she wouldn’t. I had done my best to show her that I was on her side and not on the side of the people who wore white coats.
White didn’t have the same patience with her I was willing to give, and soon the speaker hummed alive again. His voice was telling me to leave, and that caused a temper tantrum by Nina. She smashed her hands against the bars, fast enough that when the electrical current came alive she had brought back distance between it and her body.
Following White’s order, I gave her a long look while walking to the exit. He had played into my hands, by showing that we both were slaves to his will.
I just hope that Nina understands.
Day 157
After my meeting with Nina I was brought back to Val’s territory, and I instantly went back to my room. The session had tired me more than I had expected, and maybe my current state was to blame, too. I barely managed to eat dinner and soon after I fell into a deep slumber from which I have only now woken up.
“I was almost worried.” Val entered my room casually in the morning, after the clinical lights from the ceiling tore me from my slumber. “You’ve slept for twelve hours.”
I felt as if I had slept for two. My head hurt, my stomach churned, and the light was way too bright.
“Let me check your blood to be sure everything is alright with you,” she suggested but I refused.
“No, I’m fine!” I shouted and already was on my feet on the other side of my bed.
It could have been my imagination, but I had the feeling that I had just growled lowly. Val definitely looked at me as if I had. So, yup, I growled and Doc stayed on the other side of my bed, seemingly petrified. It might sound strange or plain crazy, but seeing her like that was kind of funny. Val should know that I wasn’t a threat to her, but I guess that’s not what her behavior was about.
“I...definitely need to check your blood, Meg,” she managed to utter somewhat audibly.
I leaned my head back and rolled my eyes. It was a miracle that my arms didn’t resemble those of a drug addict by now, but I guess that was another perk of becoming, or being, a beast. I honestly couldn’t say where I was right now, at which state. I knew that I couldn’t simply tell her that I was in transition. For one, she definitely knew, and secondly, she needed to monitor everything. Although I hated everything about it, I knew that it was still way better than having White handle it. If he found out that I was pregnant – and I honestly don’t know how Val will react to it – he would be present at my date with the gynecologist, and that was the very last thing I wanted. Even though I probably will have to seduce him at some point. Every time when I think of that, bile is slicing its way up my throat.
Val’s movement snapped me out of my thoughts and it is caution that shows in every step or gesture she makes.
“You know that I have to take samples regularly, but I will not share the results with Severin, you know that,” she spoke urgently.
“And what about Rook?” I asked. “Will you share your results with him? Will he have access to your findings?”
The long pause Val made before continuing was the answer I needed. My impulse took over and I pounded my fists into the mattress in front of me.
“When were you gonna tell me?” I growled at her; and this time on purpose.
“I can’t hide anything from him,” Val answered.
Her whole demeanor and posture put her on defense, and I swear I could smell fear wafting around her, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to be scared, hell, I wanted her bat shit terrified.
“And when were you gonna tell me?” I repeated myself, trying to keep control over my own body, but the initial rage about my discovery was taking over like a fever spreading from my stomach.
There it was, the beast, refusing to be patient anymore. It was a creature on the leash ever since it merged with my human body, obeying my wishes up to this moment.
I knew that right now we weren’t monitored, although the cameras were recording, no human was there to watch, which was the only reason why Val wanted to talk first and act later. Right now I didn’t care. I felt the beast in me growling and I could swear that my body followed and created the sound. All I had to do was watch Val’s face. It was pale as a bed sheet.
“Meg, you need to calm down,” she managed to say in between stutters. “It’s not easy for me to remove the camera files, and I can’t have you...”
I’m not sure if her rambling was an attempt to stop the transformation or her trying to somehow keep her cool. I, however, would have been fascinated by watching my hand and my whole body taking on a different, yet similar shape, if it wasn’t so effing painful. It was like growing pains times a million. I could sense the muscles grow, the bones thicken, the skin tighten and the claws bursting from my fingertips. The only reason why I barely made a sound was because my whole body was too tense.
Meanwhile Doctor Valerie Winters watched me taking on the shape of a beast in horror, completely overwhelmed by the theory becoming reality. She blinked away tears of terror, while mine were tears of pain.
For me, it was like taking a step back, sitting down in the backseat... no... it should have been from what I have learned from Jay, but not me. I felt as if someone had pushed me back into a pilot seat and pushed a joystick into my hand, telling me to go and have fun. Thing is, I never was into those kinds of games where you just maul people to death in the most inventive way you can come up with.
Strangely enough it made sense. My restricted yet enhanced sight, the feeling that whatever hit me wouldn’t hurt as much as it should, the pure power I felt when I flexed my muscles and I played along stretching them, getting a feel for my vessel.
I knew that I still had to be reasonable and wise, but feeling this invincible was a rush hard to refuse giving in to. It wasn’t at all how Jay had described it and yet it was precisely the same. The only difference was that I sensed and felt that I still was somehow in control. I was simply lacking some moral codes that were – if I was being honest with myself – illogical and
unnatural.
As strange or silly, or insane as it sounds, I felt like playing a video game right in that moment, sitting in a dark room with speakers all around me imitating reality. The only difference was that I knew it all was real. I knew if I would reach out and brought my clawed hand around Val’s throat, that I would choke her.
There was only one important thing I needed to know.
“Never keep something like that from me,” I heard myself talk slowly, letting Val know that I was displeased, but that tone my voice had... it was sharpness and yet roughness that was eerie and somehow laughable.
I sounded as if I had drunken, smoked, and partied throughout the night and caught a cold on top of that, and yet I guess that’s how a mountain lion would sound like if she could speak.
My own words gave me the answer to the final question: I could speak in beast form and it was terrifying the shit out of Val.
She was trembling like a leaf in a storm, all blood was drained from her face, and her mouth stood agape, her jaw trembling. And this was a scientist that had faced beasts before. So, I must be the absolute nightmare... and I loved it to bits.
I guess that was the most frightening thing, I enjoyed myself being a beast.
Remembering the exercises from the yoga books White once had given me, I started to repeat some of the breathing routines I could remember, trying to turn myself back into my original, human form. It took some time, but after what felt like five minutes, I did actually turn back. It was just as painful and as tormenting as taking on my beast form, which got me worried about my pregnancy. The last thing I wanted to do was harm my child, going through this painful and invasive transformation process.
Val hadn’t moved an inch, and her sight hadn’t changed the slightest. She looked at me as if she just had witnessed the explosion of an atomic bomb.
The Beast In Us (The Beast And Me Book 3) Page 10