That is, until I came to being. I’m surprised how well I seem to handle all of this. Could it be so easy? Could he have avoided kidnapping, imprisoning, molesting, and abusing me by simply explaining to those soldiers what would happen to them?
Then again, it seems that all of them were a first trial, so how would anyone know? And now – as it seems – White has decided for me to become the tamer of his beasts. The way he acts he is definitely expecting that I will be scared to bits about this, but in fact he is just playing into my hands and I didn’t even have to persuade him.
I was so distracted by trying to not listen closely and roll my eyes that I didn’t keep track of where we were going. So my surprise wasn’t an act as we arrived in front of a large metal door. Instantly I was reminded of the times when I was brought to Jay. It seems such long ago.
When my mind went down memory lane I must have zoned out for a bit. Again, I guess, it worked in my favor, because not only did Val place her hand onto my shoulder blade, even White seemed to care and maybe worry.
“We’re not going back to that treatment, darling,” he said and took my hand.
I felt bile crawling up my throat.
“You’ve done miracles on Ten, and now we want to test if you can do the same from... afar.”
For whatever reason he thought that explaining to me again what I would have to do would somehow comfort me, but it was interesting to know that he really wasn’t planning on throwing me into a cage again. It seemed off, as if someone had slapped his wrist.
I still don’t trust the man. Never will.
I brought myself to nod and White responded with a brief jerk of his head, and then held his wristband against the scanner and put the fingertips of his left hand onto what looked like a tablet screen.
Instantly I became aware that my plan wouldn’t be as easy to pull off as I originally thought. I had known that I had to get a wristband, but the handprint was something new. It was interesting to know that they would still go through these lengths within a secret compound. But it was also sobering. The worst thing about this moment was that I realized the scanner also kept track of White’s body temperature. I asked myself right then and there why it was so important to measure the body temperature. The only reason I could come up with was to determine whether the hand was alive or not. Did they expect people to try and remove hands of the staff to get out of this part of the compound?
Fact was that this would make breaking into the beast prison even more complicated and difficult. I would have to take White hostage, or – and that thought was far more appealing to me – I would have to help Peter earn his brother’s trust; at least regarding the security measures within this compound.
We walked through the doubly secured metal portal into a part of the compound that was eerily familiar to me. It was like stepping into a memory, or rather into a nightmare that never truly had let you go. For a moment there I felt like that innocent, naïve girl again, who they only had to lock away for a few days to convince her into obedience.
I still have trouble believing that White actually believes that I haven’t grown from this experience. Then again, he shows a lack of knowledge regarding human emotions. And I have grown emotionally.
Walking through those corridors it was hard to imagine that it hadn’t been years ago that I saw these walls for the first time. Following White – who now was silent – through this labyrinth of which I now had a map in my head was a walk down memory lane. Goosebumps crawled across my skin. I shivered. My breath turned shallow, just for a moment, but long enough to make me falter, and doubt, asking myself what would happen if I failed, if we failed. Yet, I didn’t allow my mind to go much further. There was no room for doubt or failure. We would escape. I would kill him. We all would leave this place behind and never talk about it ever again.
We passed by several metal doors and I could only assume that behind them were other pitiful creatures, once proud soldiers, willing to give their life for what their country stood for, and now lost in bodies that didn’t heed their commands. I caught myself asking how many actually were there, but I couldn’t ask White. I couldn’t risk him getting suspicious. After all, I had a role to play.
I followed White obediently, just as he was expecting of me, hoping to suck in anything that might be of help for my plan. And yet, I wasn’t sure what his goal was.
I know I appear confident, like I am sure that whatever I come up with, that my plan will work, but I’m not. I worry. My mind is working with 200% capacity, maybe more, what do I know. I need this to work. I need to come up with something, anything, that will make sure that my child will be born in freedom, and not end up in another cage, or worse. This is what drives me, what motivates me to break my chains, to become something I never expected of myself. I already have changed so much.
We went down a corridor that I’ve never seen before and that unsettled me. I knew it was naïve to believe that I had seen every part of the area the beasts were held. I didn’t even know how many of them were there, and no one told me. I probably would find out sooner or later.
It took another just as secure door to get to my new ‘workplace’. I instantly knew. It opened up to a long stairwell leading up to a higher level I didn’t know existed. But now, as I recall being watched from above while meeting Jay, it made sense. Arriving at the end of the stairs White unlocked a third door – now only with his wristband – and we entered a room that was lined with windows on the left side and had a desk with a computer and chair in the middle. At the right wall, about nine feet away from the windows were cameras showing three doors and the entire room of a small cell. And it showed Jay.
Right then and there I knew that when I froze in the middle of my movement, almost falling over, that White was watching my reaction. Because, why else would he bring me to that specific monitoring room? I knew that White had watched our reunion, so I had absolutely no clue what this was about.
Did he want to show me that I now was one of them? Did he want to remind me that Jay was nothing more than a subject? Number Ten?
Probably, in his sick mind he was making a point, showing that he still was in power and it was still his decision whether I would see Jay or not.
Message received, sadist.
My only problem was that I had no idea which reaction White was expecting from me. Did he want me to be afraid, to be demure? I went with what I was: confused, and swallowed the burning anger. I could feel it scratching down my throat and boiling my stomach.
The latter, however, was probably my new side stirring, getting ready to pounce; and I was so sorry to disappoint it. I couldn’t even take the time to enjoy imagining how I would end White. It had to wait. I sure did when I was back in my room, still under Val’s supervision.
In the meantime, White just looked at me, obviously waiting for me to say something, but I stayed quiet and stared back, trying to imitate a deer in the headlights. He wasn’t a guy that tolerated anyone to talk to him without his permission. I didn’t want to find out what he would do if I didn’t follow that rule. Not because I was afraid of the consequence. I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay calm.
“I am showing you these rooms,” he explained gesturing around the place and I noticed a door at the opposite wall from our entrance, “so that you know you are safe when you are working on the other test subjects.”
Again White looked at me and I decided to nod to tell him that I understood, while I felt Val stepping beside me.
“Of course we will not put you in apparent danger,” he continued and glanced at Val briefly, obviously addressing her with that sentence rather than me. “The bars you already know of will be up when you approach our subjects; just make sure that you don’t step too close.”
Once more I nodded as he paused, and with a pleased expression on his face, he responded with the same gesture, before he added: “We will start with the calmer subjects that should be approachable when alone. Some others, unfortunately, are ve
ry feral when alone. So, we are hoping that once you have earned the trust of the first subjects, you will be able to meet the entire group and will not trigger an aggressive response.”
I swallowed harder than I needed to and Val placed a hand on my shoulder, speaking for the first time: “You don’t need to do that. You still need rest and I didn’t approve that Dr. Severin went behind my back and decided for you to meet subject Ten that quickly.”
She didn’t look at me while she said those words, but stared at White and he glared back just the same. She was openly challenging him, something that I hadn’t expected.
Obviously, some things had changed while both of them were gone; maybe even the balance of hierarchy, because I had never seen Val that confident before.
“I’ll be fine,” I said and my voice sounded as if it wasn’t coming from my own throat.
Val’s hand on my shoulder tensed and White relaxed almost instantly, triumph twinkling in his eyes. We all knew that he had the better hand in this poker game because I needed to see Jay. At that moment I knew why he had made sure that I saw him again. He was giving a junkie her fix and he knew it.
Although he obviously wasn’t capable of feeling such emotions, he wasn’t stupid in noticing them in others. White knew how much we cared about each other and it would only make him suspicious if I tried to become his little soldier too hard.
“The moment she feels unwell, the session will be stopped and she will be returned under my care,” Valerie Winters demanded as frostily as her family name was.
“You don’t need to remind me of this instruction,” White responded, sounding unnerved.
“It is an order, not an instruction, Dr. Severin,” Val gave back and I am still amazed by the fact that I was able to keep my face straight; I guess it was the surprise and curiosity about what I just had heard.
I could read from his face that White wasn’t displeased, he was pissed. Being schooled by anyone definitely wasn’t something he was used to, and I feared that he would lash out in a way, probably a cruel one.
“When do we start?” I asked quickly, distracting both doctors from their dispute.
“Tomorrow,” White answered curtly and turned around, walking towards the next door.
I was surprised again as he didn’t dismiss Val as a result of her behavior, but I guessed that he couldn’t. Despite being somewhat respectful as he visited me, and with Valerie having told me that he had no authority over her in her branch of the operation, I had expected that this was simply a temporary safety for me. Her whole demeanor when we first spoke about it had made me come to the conclusion that White was in the position to simply take her superiority whenever he felt like it.
Now, he couldn’t.
I was still under Valerie’s protection and as good as it was, as tricky it could make things for me to follow my plan. The last thing I wanted was for her to confine me to my bed, in an attempt to protect me, when I needed as much time as possible with the beasts.
After exchanging a brief glance of confusion on my part and determination on hers, we followed White through the door that led to the next cage. It was empty, but an eerie feeling crawled down my spine that that one could be mine soon.
White continued walking and I decided to not look down into the cage until we arrived at our destination. Although it might be good to know which beast I would face, once I would enter it in a way that was familiar to me, I wanted to make sure that I reacted like White wanted me to. The last thing I wanted was to give him an impression of being in control over my emotions.
I always had been, but I had never had enough self-esteem. Ironically, it is him, White, who has given me that gift of feeling powerful.
He threw me into the darkness one time too often... and now I’ve become dark myself.
I’ve always wished him harm and dreamed of something terrible happening to him, of a beast getting its claws on him and mauling him to death. Of course I did. Who wouldn’t? Those thoughts and dreaming of a different life, a different way of how Jay and I met, helped me to fall asleep at night.
But now... now it’s me in my dreams day and night who is ripping him apart, or throwing him into those claws that tear him to shreds. I’m not hoping anymore that he will find a horrible death; I’m imagining doing it myself. And I smile thinking of it.
White stopped after we passed through the third or fourth door and stepped towards the window looking down into what would be another cage.
“This one will be your first task,” he said without looking at me, and I figured that he wanted me to walk up next to him and take a glance at the beast he was talking about; as I did he continued. “This is 20.”
A gasp escaped me as I saw the beast he was referring to, but he didn’t react to it.
“She is one of the tamest subjects and therefore probably a good start,” White added.
Val accompanied us, not returning my peek, but staring down with an iron glare and a twitching jaw.
“What’s her name?” I asked, earning a frown from White, and I quickly added. “Sir.”
“She is subject number twenty,” he responded and I tried to appear nervous as I swallowed drily.
“I am aware of that, Sir,” I answered. “But... Ten” – I managed almost too late to not call him Jay – “responded very positively to me saying his name.”
“That is true,” White nodded and brought his attention back to subject number twenty. “You will have that information by tomorrow.”
“Nina Torres,” Valerie broke her silence, and there was something off with the tone in her voice. “Sergeant Nina Torres.”
Her reaction made me remember that she had been there before the soldiers, Jay’s comrades, became beasts. Still, Val sounded as if Sergeant Torres and she were closer than just patient and doctor.
Also, the twentieth letter of the alphabet was T, but it wasn’t Nina’s forename that started with a T, it was her family name. Had I figured out Jay’s name simply by coincidence? Or had my subconscious remembered him? Or did they have another beast whose first name started with an N? Was that even important?
However, White left me with the information that I would be taken to meet with Twenty – or Torres – sometime after lunch, and I was fine with that.
While he stayed behind, Val brought me back to my room. It was good to know that no scans of a wristband were needed to leave the rooms, only to enter them. She waited to speak with me until we passed the second heavy steel door and entered what seemed to be her territory, but I already knew there was something she needed to tell me.
“There is something you need to know,” she eventually said, keeping her head down while she continued walking at the same pace as before. “Severin didn’t pick Nina” – I couldn’t un-notice that she called ‘Twenty’ by her real name – “it was someone else.”
“Who was it?” The question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself, avoiding the cameras in the same manner as her.
“His name is Rook,” she answered without hesitation. “And he’s head of the board.”
I needed a moment to let this information sink in, realizing that I had been right with my assumption that even White had to report to someone. And I asked myself what was worse: the man who was insanely cruel or the man that allowed him to be like that. But that wasn’t the most interesting thing that Val had to tell me.
“He has a special interest in Nina,” she continued and there was definite disgust written all over her face.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked her, not liking the expressions on her face during the last few moments.
“Nina Torres was an extraordinary soldier, and an extraordinary woman,” Val answered but didn’t look at me; instead she started to march picking up a newer, faster pace, almost as if she unconsciously tried to bring more distance between White, the cages, and herself. “He claims it’s because of who she was and what she is now, but... you have to understand that she was also very beautiful.�
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“Are you telling me that he wants her to be trained as his personal bodyguard and...,” I barely was able to speak it out aloud, “subordinate?”
“You’re too smart for your own good, Meg, be careful,” Valerie Winters said and looked at me directly for the first time this day.
“And that’s what’s going to get us all out, Val.” My response again was quicker than my rational self, but I had to roll with it once it was out. “And I am careful.”
Her hand snaked around the wrist, sliding down into my hand while she looked at me urgently, not saying one word but her face said it all.
“I know that he’s smarter than me,” I continued, trying to win her confidence. “But I know how to blindside him. Trust me. I’m going to get us out of here.”
“How?” Her voice was drenched with doubt and hope.
“Just trust me,” I urged. “Let me do his bidding, don’t try to protect me until I ask you to. I have a plan, but I won’t share it, not until I know it’s going to work.”
Valerie just nodded. I could read everything from her eyes, her hope, her fear, her need to make amends. It was the latter I knew I could count on.
Day 156
It was a strange feeling waking up after that day. Although it was great knowing that even White’s power was limited, but also, it was utterly terrifying. Knowing that there was an entire board willing to tolerate Dr. Clay Severin’s methods definitely changed my perspective on human kind. I tried to make sense of it, to find any logic in allowing White what he was doing down here.
The only reason I could come up with was greed or fear, most definitely a mixture of both. In a twisted way I could relate to his mindset; that he believed that his experiments were somehow just. I guess that was the most terrifying thing about the whole ordeal. White made sense, in his own insane, genius way.
The Beast In Us (The Beast And Me Book 3) Page 9