MUSICAroLina

by Daniel William Gunning

  “Oh, there you are, my friends. I hope that you genuinely appreciate that, being the kind and understanding gentleman that I am, I have been patiently waiting out here with all my dear friends and neighbors for you to rightly calm down a mite. I granted you the rather gratuitous pleasure of a few blissful hours retreating into the oblivion of the dream world and you are welcome for this kindness, free of charge. Observant man that I am, I deemed it a necessary evil as I noticed that you headstrong young men seemed a tiny bit wound up during our previous encounters. I thought you might need some space. Some people think that proper deportment is dead, but I like to go out of my way and show that there is still some life in southern gentlemanly manners. Now since I was so courteous to you, how about you return my inestimable kindness and come on down here so we can have ourselves an amicable chat?” the mayor called out to them with a smile, a tip of the hat, and a sweeping grand gesture of the arm, twirling his cane around it, signaling them to come and join him by the gate.

  “Isn’t that nice, John? The monster demon is pretending to be kind and understanding; that’s sooooo convincing. Hugs?” Kurt said.

  “I think he’s actually a little scarier when he’s a smiling douche nozzle like this, if that’s even possible,” John joked.

  “Well are you going to see what he wants then?” the preacher asked them.

  They both turned to face him, dumbfounded. “Um, would that even be remotely safe for us?” John asked the preacher nervously.

  “It’s safe as can be, if you really want to go. Remember, neither he nor his minions can cross onto the church grounds, so whatever you do, just stay on this side of the fence and you’ll be right as rain. No matter what he says to you to try to entice you to come over that fence, just don’t go. It’s really just as simple as that, lads. You can even throw rocks at him if you have half a mind to. The protection only goes one way and drives him absolutely bonkers; it’s hysterical. You really should try it; jolly good fun that is.”

  “Yeah, but should we?” Kurt asked John, unable to hide the fear that crept into his voice.

  “Throw rocks at him? I dunno; sounds fun.”

  “No, go talk to him, I mean.”

  “Well, the way I see it, I’d imagine if we don’t go talk to him, he’s not liable to tire himself out yelling at us anytime soon. In fairness, he does have all of eternity to torture us; so we may as well go and get it over with,” John replied.

  Kurt and John looked at each other for a moment pondering this and nodded in reluctant agreement. They silently wondered where their lives had gone so far wrong as they walked side by side across the churchyard toward the mayor. They stopped about halfway between the fence and the church, keeping well back of the mayor and the gate, just to be on the safe side.

  ***

  “Well, well, well, gentlemen, may I just state the obvious here? I mean someone has to address the Cthulhu in the room; it may as well be me. It would be an understatement, to say the least, that it has been a most eventful evening, would it not? I tell you truly, I simply cannot remember the last time we enjoyed a night with this much excitement and activity, or for that matter, fun and frivolity; this has been an evening to remember. From the moment you first arrived in my town, I said to myself that you gentlemen would be a most interesting addition to our quaint little village here.”

  “Yeah, yeah, it’s been tons of fun, and I mean that; we really should do this again in a millennia or two,” John fired back.

  “Now, I ask you my friend, why wait? Why don’t you just come on over here now? Just cross this li’l ol’ fence here; I mean, what’s the alternative for you, really? Are you actually going to tell me that you’re going to stay in that lousy one-room church for the rest of your very long, very boring, and oh-so-pointless lives? I mean, you know he doesn’t even have indoor plumbing? Why delay the inevitable?”

  “Well, if you ask me it sure beats being tentacle-y soul raped every night for all eternity,” Kurt replied defiantly.

  “Oh, you big babies, you’re making such a fuss out of nothing. You know it’s actually a very popular thing in some cultures.”

  “Is that really the pitch you’re going to go with?” Kurt asked.

  “No it’s really not; give me some credit at least. In fact, I thought that I’d take a different tack altogether this time, to prove to you beyond any possible shadow of a doubt or further casting of aspersions on my character that I really, truly, am more beauty than beast. So, this go ‘round, I brought you some fabulous presents, like any good host would,” he said and snapped his fingers. Virginia and Mac came forward out of the massed crowd that encircled the church and they came to stand on either side of the mayor.

  “Hey guys,” Mac said, cheerfully waving.

  “Hey Mac,” John and Kurt responded despondently, once again shaking their heads at their friends preposterous lack of grasp on the dire situation they now found themselves embroiled in.

  “Now, since I brought you such lovely gifts, aren’t you going to return the favor and join me here? Two people for two people, it does not get any fairer than that, gentlemen,” the mayor said, tapping his cane against the gate.

  “Let’s just say that we have some serious trust issues,” John said flatly.

  “Oh,” the mayor said with mock sadness and then he instantly perked up, smirked, and continued, “Now gentlemen, I’m a very reasonable man, ask anyone in town, any ol’ person you please and don’t use that whole tired old ‘they’d just say anything because you control them like some kind of happy, singin’ meat puppet’ excuse; I’m sick to death of hearing that one. You seem to have overly fixated on that one insignificant element of our happy community here, but that’s neither here nor there. Let me tell you, I pride myself on being fair and balanced in my decisions as mayor of this here wonderful town. I always try to make every reasonable accommodation for newcomers to my little slice of paradise here. However, the sad and unavoidable fact is that even though this town is run by the world’s most charming and downright sinfully delightful demon, so you’d think all bets are off. That’s not really the case at all. I do have some rules in my town and I do fully expect you to abide by those rules when you are within my city limits, as any guest would have the basic common courtesy so to do. The grim, but necessary fact is when you break those rules, there will be consequences most severe.

  I assure you that I don’t like it any more than you do, but hey, a guy’s got to be fair, right? I mean if I don’t have my integrity, then what do I have? In fact, integrity is one of the key platforms that I based my mayoral campaign on this year. Of course, it always helps that my other key platform is the little, inconsequential fact that I literally own all the voters souls, but hey, integrity is big, too; you can never take away from that. I don’t mean in any way to diminish or gloss over that with my witty repartee, but I am again straying wildly from the topic at hand. Now, back to the rules gentlemen. Actually, I guess you could say, back to the rule, because there really is only the one. It’s a small one to be sure, but you’d be surprised how many ungrateful wretches don’t feel like they should have to follow it, after everything I offer them. Oh, it’s downright scandalous, I tell you true.

  The rule is gentlemen, this is my town and you do what I say in my town, and what I say is that I like having a good time. I love singing and dancing and I love watching reality television shows where people sing and dance and have their dreams cruelly stamped upon, ah, that is hilarious. What I do not enjoy, on the other hand, is running all over town, working up an unnecessary sweat, and interrupting my dinner time by chasing after two people who decided that they want to reject my most generous offer of eternal life. I mean, who does that really? That’s just plain rude, but since I am such a kind and generous person I stand here before you tonight and I offer you yet another gift.”

  Upon saying this, he tugged on the end of his cane which pulled out into a sword. Without any warning, without casting another word in their direct
ion, without even changing the expression on his face for a split second, and with one swift, clean stroke he beheaded Mac. Mac’s head separated from his body, which crumpled to the ground, spurting blood like a fountain out of stump of his neck. Mac’s face never even had time to change to a look of surprise as his head sailed through the air. The blood sprayed onto the white picket fence and trickled down, like someone had thrown a bucket of red paint on it, and his head made a sickly thud as it tumbled onto the cobbled stone streets, rolled over, resting finally with his unseeing eyes staring at John and Kurt.

  “There, a present,” he said, snarling at them menacingly and then he raised the bloodied sword to Virginia’s neck. “Now, I ask you, would you like another present, gentlemen?”

  Kurt stood stunned in horror, unable to believe what he just saw, unable to process it, or even to act. John, however, did not hesitate for one second. He pulled the gun from the back of his pants and fired three shots directly into the mayor’s chest. The mayor didn’t react; the bullets clattered to the ground, smashed as flat as coins. Smoke curled from the bullet holes in the mayor’s suit and he looked down at the damage, only mildly perturbed. “Temper, temper, temper, Johnny boy. Now, why would you go and do a thing like that? This was a really nice suit and I don’t mind saying that it cost me a pretty penny too. You’ve gone and completely ruined it with your pointless and undignified display of emotion, sir. Putting that aside for the moment and just out of my own pure idle curiosity, did you really think that would work?”

  “It was worth a shot,” John said.

  “Ah, now see? That’s perfectly charming; with everything you’ve gone through tonight, you still maintain the wherewithal and razor sharp wit to make a simply horrible pun. Oh, I love it, I really do. I was right about you all along; you will make an excellent addition to our town, no doubt about it. So your useless heroics aside, here’s how it’s going to go down, gentlemen. You two are going to leave this miserable, hollow, little shack and that meddlesome coward of a preacher back there, or I am going to be forced to rape this fine young lady here all day, every day, right flat out on the cold hard street directly in front of your very eyes, every night or until I get bored of it, or of course, until she breaks. You know, you’d be surprised how often that happens, it’s tragic really. If she does survive that, though, I’m going to devise the most inventively painful way for her to die and believe me, gentlemen, it’s going to be truly epic. It’ll last for days and you know that it will be truly atrocious, because let’s face it; I am evil incarnate. I know the worst, most malicious and brutal ways to die. I swear it will be so contemptible, so depraved, degenerate, so wickedly nasty that it will haunt your nightmares for all of the eternity you’re trapped here until you find you’ll be begging me, on your hands and knees, for the blissful solace I offer, or you’ll be using that little popgun of yours on yourself just to burn that image out of your miserable little skull.

  You see, I know you John, and I know you’re not like most of them that come to my town; that’s why I chose you. You feel your sins were forced upon you and you like to think that they were for the greater good, and that, my friend, is your weakness. I know what you were looking for in the bank that day, what started the whole fateful trip that delivered you here unto me, to this very moment we find ourselves in. That’s why I know that you can’t let me harm this little lady, in any way; no matter what horrific fate awaits you out here. Like the hero in the storybooks of old, you would lay your very life down and yes, even your eternal soul to protect your lady fair; how very Shakespearian of you. Those pesky ideals and morals of yours, mixed with your penchant for unexpected violence is why I let you in; because I like to play with my food before I eat it. That’s why I know that, despite what those storybooks may tell you, evil always wins. The good guys are always too busy laying down their lives, while we don’t care whose lives we take. So what’s it gonna be then, Johnny boy?” the mayor said a cruel grin lurking on his twisted face.

  John sighed and glared back at him obstinately, but he knew in his heart that the mayor was right this time. He couldn’t in good conscience sit by and watch her suffer, to subject her to whatever fate this hideous creature had in store, even if it meant the loss of his very soul. He resigned himself to his fate and started to walk toward the fence and toward the grinning abomination that waited there for him by the gate.

  ***

  “John! What are you doing, man?” Kurt called out, taking a step toward him.

  John turned back toward Kurt, shook his head and said, “I have to do this.”

  Kurt stopped moving toward him. He saw the determination and sorrow in John’s eyes and he understood. He let his friend go. John turned back and his eyes caught Virginia’s. She stared at him unblinking. She didn’t look sad. She looked serene and peaceful, as if someone who had all their worries now put to rest.

  “You’re not as great as you think, you know,” she said quietly to the mayor.

  “I’m sorry, what’s that you’re prattling on about, darling?” the mayor asked.

  “Who do you think you are really? You think you have all the control, all the power; that you hold all the cards, but you don’t. You don’t see the big picture. You never did; your tiny brain can’t even conceive it. You can use your size, your strength, and your abilities to torture and to kill, to prey on the helpless sheep that wander here. You can control those weaker people that let you in because it’s easy, because it’s safe, but your power is far from absolute. You don’t control our destinies. You don’t control me. Typical man, you have no idea what’s really going on. You think that like Caesar of old, you bestride this narrow world like a Colossus, but you, too, are so fatally flawed. You created this world and yet you know nothing about it. Well, let me tell you the truth; you aren’t the mighty and all-powerful god here and I sure ain’t some li’l ol’ damsel in distress who needs rescuing.”

  “You’ve got that all wrong, my dear; I am that mighty and all-powerful and I can bend your pathetic destiny into anything I want.”

  “No, there is still a power far greater than yours that you can never possess. For all your special powers and all your parlor tricks, I am still far greater than you could ever dream to be. Our power lies in the ability to choose our own fate; that’s what we always have had and that’s where little ol’ me is still stronger than you,” she said, as she suddenly reached up and grabbed a firm hold on the mayor’s arm. Swiftly, before he could react, she pulled ferociously, plunging the sword into her own chest. She then fell backwards onto the ground, the blade pulling free of her body as she collapsed, leaving behind a gaping wound. The blood poured from that wound, pooling on the ground beneath her. Through it all, her eyes never left John’s. He screamed and ran to the edge of the fence, knelt down behind it, and looked upon Virginia’s face.

  She didn’t grimace from the pain, no tears fell now; she just smiled with all her remaining strength and mouthed the words, “You can take this punk,” and then she slipped silently into death.

  John slowly stood, he was now past anger, past sadness, past any identifiable emotions, and he faced the mayor. “Oh my, Lordy, look what you’ve gone and done,” the mayor said looking down at the body. John raised his gun once more in response and shot the mayor right in the face. “Would you cut that out? You know that’s every bit as annoying as it is useless, right?” the mayor complained. John just glared at him over the smoking barrel of the gun. “Well I’ve got to be perfectly honest I did not see that one coming. It’s been a powerful long while since I’ve seen true love here in Musicarolina. In fact, I don’t think we’ve ever actually had it here, now that I’m forced to recall. We don’t really get the type of people who are capable of true love and now I guess we never will, pity that. But hey, at least you got your big Romeo and Juliet moment,” the mayor said insultingly. John shot him in the face again. “Seriously, quit that!” the mayor shouted at him, now thoroughly annoyed. “Well, I think we all need to take f
ive and really think about what’s gone on here today. After all, it’s been another unexpectedly busy day. Things may have gotten out of hand. It’s not anybody’s fault. Let’s not start pointing fingers. So I’ll just get back to you on the whole citizenship thing; we’ll touch base about it soon, I promise. Just know when you’re ready to try this again, you can come on out and we’ll talk. I’ll leave you to clean up this mess,” he said, looking at the bodies staining the street disgustedly, and then he turned neatly on his heel and snapped his fingers. The crowd dispersed and melted back into the void of the night. The mayor turned and walked after them, grinning triumphantly as he left. John shot him once more in the back of the head as he did. “Okay jerk, that’s really starting to piss me off!” the mayor shouted back at him, just as he too was swallowed up by the cruel night.

  The sheriff was the last one of the crowd to disappear. He strode up, kicked Mac’s head to the fence like a soccer ball, and yelled, “I think this belongs to you, boys. Now, y’all have a good night, you hear?” With that, he immediately sprinted off into the relative safety the shroud of darkness provided him, ducking and dodging the whole way to avoid any potential retaliatory gunfire. As soon as he was certain they all were out of sight, John opened the fence and gathered Virginia into his arms. He lifted her up and carried her back into the church. Kurt rushed out after him and collected Mac’s body and severed head and he followed John.

  ***

  Kurt laid Mac’s remains carefully in the pew closest to the door. He looked down at his deceased friend remorsefully and then he looked up and saw that John had laid Virginia to rest directly in front of the pulpit, in the shadow of the cross. John stood there in front of her body, looking down at her and then he did something completely unexpected. He began to sing:

  On these shores, we are all but creatures fallen and lost.

  Far from our homes brought forth on ships storm tossed.