Running Scared (Running Hearts Book 2)

by Saffron Blu

  “Last night, he said he was going to get up early for a run. Something about wanting to clear his head.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Will’s shoulders slumped in defeat as he lifted himself off me, and my hand slipped away from his mouth.

  I flicked my eyes to Sam who was looking at me with what I could only describe as disappointment. I felt like such a dick, but this moment made it clear to me that this—between the three of us—couldn’t work long term, not when I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my best friend about it. When Dom knocked on that door, a fear I’d never felt before overtook me. I was terrified that he’d open the door and see us all together.

  The silence pressed down on me as Will dressed, and I couldn’t take it any longer. “Will, let me explain.”

  Will shook his head. “You don’t need to. I should’ve known nothing had changed even after all these years. You’re still in the closet, and you always will be. I was a fool even to hope it would be any other way.”

  Sam slipped off the bed and grabbed his arm, halting his exit. “Wait, Will, don’t leave.” Her voice wobbled with emotion.

  Will cupped her face with his palm. “We’ll talk later, I promise,” he offered, his voice full of affection. “But right now, I need to clear my head, so I’m going to actually go for that run.”

  They both stared at each other for a moment, and something passed between them as I watched. Maybe Will shouldn’t be the one running. They both deserved happiness, and I was the one stopping them from having it in the way they wanted because I was scared.

  I was running scared.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  WILL

  It killed me to leave the room and those two amazing people behind, but I knew if I stayed, I’d be the dirty little secret kept behind closed doors. I didn’t want to live like that. I couldn’t live like that when the band first got together, and nothing had changed for me.

  I didn’t sneak through the house since I wasn’t ashamed of who I was or what had transpired in Samantha’s bedroom, but lucky for Matt, I didn’t bump into anyone on my way to the room I’d been sleeping in with Al. Al was out like a light like he was at this time every morning, so I quickly threw my running gear on and went for a run.

  The sun and fresh air didn’t do much good to calm my anger, but it did help me realize I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t angry at Matt, not really. I’d known his feelings about his bisexuality and his need to keep it locked away. I was angrier at myself for hoping things would be different this time, even though I’d been sneaking around night after night.

  My feet pounded on the pavement, and the sweat poured off me. I wasn’t quite used to running in the Australian heat. I pulled my shirt over my head, tucking it into the waistband of my shorts without even slowing my pace.

  As I ran, I pondered on whether I’d be able to stay and work with Matt in a completely platonic way. I decided I probably could if I kept it in the forefront of my mind about him never coming out.

  My mind wandered to Samantha. Would she go with him on tour? Would I have to watch them both together every day? Could I even do that?

  I took in my surroundings and realized I was back at the house. Unable to face going back inside right then, I paused on the driveway and did some stretches to let my overused muscles cool down.

  “It’s good to see you. Dom was worried you might be quitting on us already,” Kat joked, totally unaware of how close to home that statement might be. She was coming from where the trash cans were kept, so I could only assume she’d been putting the trash out when she stumbled upon me in the driveway.

  “No.” The word left my mouth instantly, and I knew I wouldn’t give this chance up willingly. If this last couple of weeks had shown me anything, it was that I was excited to get back into the music, and I wanted to see if I could enjoy it as much as Matt, Dom, and Kat seemed to. “I just needed to clear my head.”

  “Good, because we’d miss you.” She stepped forward and opened her arms as if she were going to hug me but quickly stepped back, a grimace on her face. “I’m gonna go distract Dom while you go sneak into the shower because I am not sitting with you in that garage for the next god only knows how many hours while you stink like that.”

  I sniffed at myself and chuckled as I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I guess I could use a shower.”

  “Could?” she stated, shaking her head in disbelief. “Right, give me two minutes to clear the way before you come in.”

  I mock saluted. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I’m not sure how Kat did it, but by the time I entered the house, it was free of everyone. After grabbing some clean clothes from the bedroom, I headed straight for the shower to freshen up.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  SAM

  Aimee and I left the others—minus Will, who Kat insisted was in the shower—in the garage to do band stuff, and just like we did every day, we both made our way to the backyard to our little writing haven.

  The house and garden were on a hill which meant from the lawn, there was a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance. We’d set up a couple of lounge chairs under the shade of one of those large umbrellas and got started with our morning routine. We’d put on some muse-inspiring tunes—usually of the country music variety—open up our documents and let our fingers tap away until they cramped up. Unless we were unlucky and hit a scene that brought us to a stop because we couldn’t figure out how to get from point A to point B. The latter was usually my problem. Aimee was more than happy to jump from one scene to another, even if there were three scenes missing between them. I couldn’t get my head around that, but it worked for her.

  “Okay. Let’s do this. And… go!” Aimee called out, starting our twenty-minute writing sprint. A lot of authors found sprints worked best for getting the words down. You gave yourself a timeframe and used it to focus solely on knocking the words out. No Facebook, no internet scrolling, just adding words to that blank page.

  “Gone,” I answered, and I stared at the cursor flashing on my screen.

  I was supposed to be writing a sex scene between my two main characters, but all I could think about was Matt’s reaction this morning when Dom knocked on the door. From the way he’d been every night the three of us had been fooling around and even the way he’d spoken about Will previously, I’d never have guessed he was that scared of Dom knowing about his sexuality. He clearly loved Will, so how could he not want to share that with the world? I just didn’t understand his logic.

  After Will had left, Matt was quick to excuse himself to the bathroom under the guise that he wanted a shower, but he’d not taken anything with him. When he returned without wet hair, I could only assume he’d just needed the time to himself.

  When he came back, he didn’t mention anything to do with Will. He just announced that Dom had called the band to the garage, which meant they’d be in there for at least the next few hours.

  I was under no illusion, knew I’d fallen in love with Matt, but I was also attracted to Will and was on my way to falling for him too. After all the nights the three of us had shared, I’d thought we’d maybe be able to have something special between the three of us, long term. Unfortunately, after Matt’s actions that morning, I couldn’t see that happening now. Will had done the right thing walking away. He deserved to be shown off, not hidden away. It didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed about him walking away, though. Part of me wished he’d stuck around and fought for himself and fought for what we’d had and could have. I wanted to stand up and fight for the three of us, but I had no right to do that. This was about them, and they had a history that only they could speak of.

  “Why can’t I hear your keyboard clicking?” Aimee asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  I huffed. “It sounds like you’re doing enough clicking for the both of us.”

  Aimee gave me a pointed look. “It doesn’t work like that, and you know it. What’s up?”

  I
wanted to talk my problems through with her. She was my best friend, but these problems stemmed from Matt’s issues, and they weren’t mine to tell, especially when it was things he didn’t want his best friend and her boyfriend to know. “It’s not really my problem, and it’s not my place to talk about it,” I said with a shake of my head. The wounded look she gave me tugged at my heartstrings, but that didn’t change anything. “I’m sorry. You know if it were something to do with me, you’d be the first person I’d talk it through with.”

  Aimee reached over the arms of the chairs and squeezed my forearm. “I know. I guess I’m feeling a little distanced from you since I came back. I know it’s my own doing because I’ve been spending every second with Dom—”

  “Hey, I’m just as bad with Matt, and Will, since they are thick as thieves,” I interjected, not wanting her to blame herself for something we were both guilty of.

  She gave me a weak smile. “I’m hoping these writing sessions will get us back to what we were before the accident.”

  I nodded. “In more ways than one.” Neither of us had had a good writing session since then, and we both wanted to live off these businesses we were building. We couldn’t get there without the words.

  Aimee’s phone started ringing, causing us both to jump. She swiped at the screen. “Ugh. Looks like time’s up. Since neither of us has anything worth tallying up, let’s start with a fresh sprint.”

  “Sounds good to me and my big fat zero,” I said with a chuckle.

  Aimee made a show of cracking her knuckles. “Okay… ready?” She lifted her eyes to mine.

  I gave her a firm nod as I told myself I meant business. I needed to let my concerns about Matt and Will fall away for now so I could focus on the characters on my screen and their drama.

  “Go!” Aimee called out.

  I placed my fingers on the keyboard, and within seconds, I fell into a fiction world and someone else’s story. It felt good. More than that, I was once again doing what I loved.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  MATT

  My eyes kept straying from the guitar in my hand and landing on Will and his long, slender fingers currently strumming the strings on his guitar—fingers that had been wrapped around my cock last night and plenty of others over places the last couple of weeks. At the time, I’d imagined the three of us going on like that forever, but now I knew that wouldn’t be the case, and we’d probably never get a repeat of that again.

  “Matt!” Dom commanded while clicking his fingers. I flicked my eyes to his, and the concern I could see in them told me he’d been trying to get through to me for some time.

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

  Dom placed his guitar in the stand beside the chair. “Let’s take a break. It’s almost lunchtime, anyway.”

  Kat jumped up excitedly. “Good idea. I’m starving.”

  “I’ll make some sandwiches,” Al stated as he followed Kat out the door leading into the house with Dom walking alongside him.

  “I’m gonna check on the girls and see if they’re ready for a break, too.” Dom threw me a look over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

  “Matt, can I just have a quick word first?”

  I frowned at Will’s request and shrugged at Dom. “We’ll catch up.” I watched Dom leave and the door close behind him before turning to face Will. I hadn’t spoken to him since he’d walked out earlier in the morning. As much as I wanted to explain myself at that time, I didn’t think it would even make a difference to the situation now because he was right when he said my closet status would never change.

  “Look, Matt, the three of us… it was a mistake.” My heart fractured at his words, causing a lump to form in my throat. “We should never have jumped into that situation without discussing it in depth first. While I was on my run, I realized I want to make this band venture work. I don’t want our mistakes and what happened this morning to make things awkward between us.” He paused, and I looked at him blankly, unsure what he wanted from me or even if he wanted a response.

  “You were here first, and obviously you’ll stay no matter what, but I need to know now before I get my heart set on this. Will you be able to put what happened behind us and keep working with me in the band? Or should I leave now?”

  The band had hit it big without him, but I knew with his and Al’s return, it could be even bigger and better, and we’d been writing music that we wanted again. Music we loved. Fuck, there was nothing worse than producing and releasing sounds we hated.

  I chased him away from this life once. I wouldn’t do it again.

  “No, we can work together and hopefully stay friends. I still want that. What’s happened hasn’t changed that.”

  Will searched my face with bright blue eyes for a long moment before nodding. “Okay,” he stated as he walked past me and out the door.

  We’d had the roller door up partway to let the air flow through, so I pressed the button on the wall to close it before some passerby stumbled upon our unattended instruments while we ate. I didn’t know how Gary had managed it, but shortly after the guys had gotten settled here in the Jonas’s house, a big ass truck turned up with all our instruments from home. He’d obviously had them flown in on the same flight as the guys, I understood that much. I just wasn’t sure how he got my instruments since, as far as I knew, they were locked in my mom’s garage—which was turned into my music room years ago—after I’d organized for them to be moved there from the tour bus when I’d made arrangements to fly with Sam. And I was the only one with a key, since it was given back to me before I flew out. Gary promised me Mom’s garage was safe and locked up tight. I didn’t want to look too deeply into the situation, so I tried not to think about it.

  I found everyone sitting around the dining table, Aimee and Sam’s laptops closed and pushed into the center. That told me they’d moved back inside from where they’d started their writing session outside. The sun had probably gotten too much for them after the first hour. We didn’t have air conditioning in the garage, but when we opened the roller door, a nice breeze blew right through to the door that led out to the yard.

  Sam held an arm out to guide me to her as I approached the table, so I stopped to press a quick kiss to the top of her head before heading to the kitchen for food.

  “The plate in the fridge is yours,” Al called out as I reached for the refrigerator door.

  “Thanks, Al.” Al had become the self-appointed chef. He’d made most of us breakfast this morning and now sandwiches for lunch. It shouldn’t surprise me since he was a great cook. You’d often find him helping his mom with the Sunday roast. And I knew he’d helped out a time or two in the cafe that Kat often worked at when we were home too.

  Sam had saved an empty seat beside her, and I pressed my lips against hers as I slid in without much thought. It was only when I lifted my eyes to see Will watching us that my heart constricted in my chest. How the hell were we going to act like nothing had happened when every time I saw him, I thought about what we’d done together? I couldn’t help wondering if I were naïve all along to think I could just fix our friendship and forget about what we once were to each other?

  Sam squeezed my thigh, and I pulled my attention from Will to her. “Are you okay?”

  “He’s been distracted all morning. I was worried you two had had a lover’s tiff or something,” Dom announced, making me cringe at the thought of everyone noticing something had been up with me.

  “You’re such a drama queen. I’m just dwelling on the fact that what was meant to be a holiday has quickly turned into all work and no play,” I offered, hoping that excuse was enough to get everyone off my back.

  To be honest, it was partly true. I’d expected to have a few weeks here to spend time getting to know the beautiful girl beside me—the girl who I’d fallen in love with—and maybe seeing some of what Australia had to offer while I was here. I hadn’t, for one second, expected to spend most of my days in a stuffy garage wi
th four other people writing our next album. That was what our time had turned into. We did try to have a couple of days where we only had fun, but as we fell into our creative spaces, it was hard to give ourselves the time for fun.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  SAM

  Matt had seemed off all day long. We’d not gotten any time to ourselves to discuss what happened earlier in the morning, so I had no idea what he was thinking about it all or even where we stood now. I think everyone could tell something was wrong, but nobody knew what to ask.

  Obviously, Dom being Matt’s best friend, kept asking, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” But Matt just kept brushing it off with bullshit excuses that nobody seemed to fall for, but they didn’t press him further.

  I’d come to bed about an hour ago, expecting Matt to join me quickly since he hadn’t been in a social mood today, but he seemed to be taking his damn sweet time. While I waited for him to join me in bed, I thought about what I would say to get to the bottom of things because I didn’t want to go through another day like today—a day of not knowing what the hell was going on. The only thing I was certain of was the fact that Will probably wouldn’t be sneaking in here with us again.

  Finally, Matt slipped into the room on light feet, gently closing the door behind him with barely any noise, obviously expecting me to have already fallen asleep.

  The idea pissed me off.

  Was that why he’d taken so long to come to bed, to avoid even speaking to me?

  The sound of clothing rustling told me he was stripping down to get in bed, so I laid still pretending to be asleep. The air hit my bare skin as the covers lifted, and the bed depressed as he settled next to me, leaving a gap, so he wasn’t even touching me, which wasn’t like him at all. Other nights, even when I’d gone to bed first, he’d always pulled me against his front and pressed a kiss to my cheek.