Running Scared (Running Hearts Book 2)

by Saffron Blu

  Since I’d been back home, my parents and I had been binge-watching the television show Vikings in the evening, and by day, Mom and I were working our way through all the rom-coms Netflix had to offer while my dad went to work. It was such a nice change to chill with my parents, even if we’d never been as loving as the Saxtons.

  When the band got signed, we were rushed away to record an album, and then we had to promote the album, which turned into a long-ass tour. It was all such a manic change in my early adult life, and at the time, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed my mom and dad. We hadn’t been very close-knit before I left, but now that I was home, it was hitting me how much I had missed them. I was most definitely going to make the most of my time with them before the chaos of the band started all over again with the next album. It was only going to be a matter of time now all of us were back on American soil.

  Thoughts of Sam were constantly there in the back of my mind, but I pushed them away until they were like a whisper in the breeze.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  WILL - ONE MONTH LATER

  I was just finishing up a tattoo on David, one of my regular clients, when the shop’s phone rang. I didn’t stop my work to answer the line, knowing with multiple handsets in the shop, someone else would pick up. It would most likely be Kelsey, who worked our front desk.

  I wiped at the dragon on the man’s arm and sat back taking in my work. I swelled with pride. The joy I got from bringing people’s tattoo ideas to life by inking them on their skin as a permanent marking was something I didn’t think I could replicate doing with anything else. The amazement on their faces when they saw it was always the icing on the cake, so I watched him closely as I told him it was done.

  He flicked his eyes down to look at his upper arm, but because the dragon wrapped around it, I knew he wouldn’t get the whole picture without a mirror.

  “Go check it out in the mirror while I get the wrappings together.” I pointed to the mirror on the back of the door and watched him out the side of my eye as I went about what I was doing.

  “Oh my god. It’s fantastic.” He stepped so close to the mirror that he was almost touching it. “The colors. The detail. Those scales are…” He turned his head in a sharp motion to face me. “Man, you’re amazing.”

  A grin spread across my face as that pride I’d felt earlier doubled. “I’m glad you’re happy with it.”

  “Happy? I’m ecstatic, man! I’ll be sending all my friends your way.” He’d turned back to the mirror, and his eyes trailed over the reflection of the dragon.

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah, about that. I love recommendations, but I’m going to be out of action for a while because…” I hated telling people about Running Hearts. It felt weird to think I was a member of a huge band. “Well, I’m going away to record an album and going on tour with a band for a while.”

  “Awesome. What band? Maybe I’ve heard of you guys.” He headed back to the seat he’d been in for the last three hours and sat back down.

  I poured some solution on a tissue and wiped it over his arm again. “The band’s already been around, I’m just joining them. Again.” He frowned, and I went on as I gently rubbed some cream over his new ink. “I was an original member of the band, Running Hearts, but when they hit it big, I wasn’t ready for that kind of life.” His eyes widened as he recognized the name, and I shrugged. “I simply wanted to open my shop and leave my mark on people in a different way.”

  We both laughed at that as I wrapped some clear wrap around his arm. Once I was done, I stood and directed him to the door. “Keep it clean. Don’t get it too wet. Put cream on it a couple of times a day. And you shouldn’t have any problems.”

  We walked out of my room and headed through to the front of the shop. I grabbed a card as we passed the front desk and handed it to him. “Any problems or questions don’t hesitate to call. If I’m not here, the other guys are all super talented artists who would be more than happy to help you out.”

  David shoved the card in his jeans back pocket and took my hand in his, giving it a grateful shake. “Thanks. I’ll definitely be back for more in the future, and your break will give me time to save for it. Good luck with everything.”

  “Thanks.” I watched him leave. When the door closed behind him, I turned to Kelsey who was talking into the phone, her lips turned up in a happy smile.

  “Okay. I’ll let him know.” Her smile spread to her eyes as she listened to the other person reply. “Yeah. You, too.” She hung up and glanced at me, seeming a little shocked to see me there.

  “What? You were so engrossed in your call you didn’t even notice me come out with a client and say goodbye?” Her face flushed, and I knew I’d hit the nail on the head. “Jesus, Kels. Who’s the lucky fella?”

  “Shut up!” she said, turning away and placing the phone back in its charging dock. “It was Kat. She told me to tell you Gary is sending a car to her place to pick you all up on Monday to take you to the airport.”

  “The airport?” Could we be going back to Australia? My stomach somersaulted in excitement at the thought of seeing Sam again.

  Kelsey glanced down at the book on the desk. “Yeah, he’s flying you all out to LA to start recording. Apparently, Dom has some more songs already written, and Matt’s been working on the melody.”

  “Shit. It’s Saturday. I thought I’d at least have a week’s notice before things kicked off.” I could’ve punched myself for not keeping in touch with the guys more while being back the last couple of weeks. I’d dropped back into my normal life and simply assumed I’d have time before we all got back together to write. I didn’t realize Dom and Matt would go it alone. In a way, that frustrated me because they wanted me as part of the band, but they weren’t really treating me as such if they were too busy writing without me.

  “Luckily, that was your last booking. I’ve been pushing new clients toward the other guys like you’d suggested when you first came back from Australia,” she said, unaware of my thoughts.

  I sighed. “Yeah, luckily.” Part of me wished I was booked up for months, so I’d have an excuse to walk away from the band. Who was I kidding? Deep down, I wanted to be part of the band more than anything, and that was why I was so pissed about them writing without me.

  Knowing I needed to talk to them in person, I went back to my room and made quick work of cleaning up. Once that was done, I grabbed my phone and called Al, hoping he’d be able to tell me where the rest of the guys were.

  I pulled off my helmet and hung it over the handlebars as I swung my leg over the tank of my bike. The door clattered, and light footsteps came down the driveway.

  “Will.” I caught Kat as she threw her arms around my neck. “I thought you’d backed out on us.”

  I laughed. “Nah, I don’t think Gary would let that happen, not after I signed all those papers for him. He’s probably got me locked into this for life.” I placed her down and made a show of thinking, running a hand over my chin. “I probably should’ve gotten a lawyer to read over that first.”

  She slapped at my chest playfully. “You’re an idiot.”

  “I would be if I signed over my firstborn.”

  She shook her head and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the house. “Are the rest of the guys going to be as happy to see me?”

  “Pfft. Happy? I don’t think Matt or Dom know what that word even means anymore. Since coming back from Australia, they’ve been the most miserable I’ve seen them.” She weighed me up for a second. “Wait, did Al tell you what happened between Dom and Aimee?”

  I shook my head. All he’d told me was that they were miserable fuckers who had thrown themselves into making music. Angsty music about heartbreak at that. It wasn’t like that was a problem since that shit sold well.

  She passed with her hand on the front door and leaned toward me, lowering her voice. “Aimee had an abortion, and Dom’s broken. We’re all hoping he’ll figure out a way to get past the grief because he’s going
to burn himself out if he keeps creating like he has been.”

  I didn’t know Aimee well, but she loved Dom, and anyone could see it. It was so clear in the way she looked at him, even when she thought nobody was watching. I couldn’t see her aborting his child. It seemed more like she’d treasure a child that was a part of him, especially after I’d seen how maternal she was with her own kids.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  MATT - SIX MONTHS LATER

  “That’s it for us tonight, folks. Big D, the main man you’ve been waiting for, will be rapping his heart out for you very soon. Thank you, and good night!” Dom called out into the microphone as I strummed the last few cords on my guitar.

  The lights cut out, and we made our way offstage. One of the crew members unhooked me from all the wires and took away the guitar.

  “Hey, Matty,” Big D said as he came into view from wherever he’d been hiding during our show. “That was an awesome performance tonight. Let’s hope I can give them just as good of one.”

  “I’m sure you will,” I offered, knowing the audience would eat up everything he gave them. They were, after all, mainly his fans.

  A couple of weeks ago, we’d been asked to help him out by stepping in to be his support act on his tour after the original band booked in had been let go due to a sexual assault case. It was initially meant to be for a couple of nights, but when his fans responded well to us, our manager decided it would be a good way to promote the new album and our upcoming tour.

  “Darius, why are you not getting into position?” Sadie, Big D’s personal representative, questioned, hands on her hips and giving him a look that told everyone no matter what his answer was, she wouldn’t like it. Darius was an easy-going guy, so his pocket rocket of a PR was really good for keeping him on track.

  D rolled his eyes and looked to his drummer dressed in a tank top, raggedy worn denim shorts, and a backward facing ‘I love NYC’ cap to keep his long spiky blond hair out of his face while he performed. “I guess Sadie isn’t interested in keeping our support act happy, Kamil.”

  “No, they did their job, and Sadie would like you to do yours,” Sadie offered. The fact that she was talking about herself in third person made me smile. Although she was always cracking the whip, she was amazing at her job, and I secretly wished we’d get someone equally as good when we started our tour in another month.

  Darius turned his body into Kamil’s and leaned in real close. “Kiss me quickly before she drags me away.”

  Kamil laughed and closed the distance between them, sliding his hands over Darius’s butt and pulling their groins together as their mouths connected. The love they had was so obvious.

  Jealousy flared within me as I tore my eyes away from the happy couple and looked everywhere but at them. How could they be so open and honest with all those people around them? Watching them? At times like that, I’m reminded of what I could have had if only I weren’t so scared of what other people thought of me. I focused on the crew milling around, and although most of them were paying more attention to the jobs they were doing over the two men kissing, the little smiles they sent the couple’s way weren’t missed.

  I wanted that so badly. I wanted to have someone waiting at the side of the stage after a gig. My mind went to a beautiful brunette who had once sat on a stool just like the one Sadie was currently perched on, offering me gentle touches and excited smiles every time I passed to get changed or swap out a guitar.

  Sammy.

  My mind always went to her, and even though it still made me sad because it was all my own fault, I threw away what we had, I could still think of her and enjoy the memories now, seven or eight months after I’d last seen her.

  Dom was taking his last breakup a lot worse than me, even though it happened around the same time, but he lost a child in that breakup too, so I guessed it wasn’t surprising, after all.

  Will appeared at my side, and as Kamil and Darius gave us both a goodbye wave before running to get in position, I found myself wondering why I’d made our lives so miserable and lonely. Even though to the outside world, Will and I were as close as we used to be when we were best friends all those years ago, only we knew it was a front. We’d never get back to what we once were because I kept him at arm’s length, too afraid to allow myself to enjoy his company in the ways we both wanted. Yeah, we both missed the person who brought us back together, and nothing would change that, but we missed each other too.

  At that moment, I had an epiphany.

  We couldn’t go on like this, pretending to live a happy life when we were doing nothing of the sort.

  I wanted what Darius and Kamil had.

  I wanted to throw my arms around Will’s neck as I came off stage and press my lips to his. Why the fuck should it matter who was watching or what they were thinking? As long as we were happy, everyone else could get fucked. It wasn’t like the world was going to end because two guys showed who they were and loved. Darius and Kamil just proved that.

  I let my fingers brush Will’s and smirked as his eyes widened in surprise at my willing touch. “We need to talk, but I have to do something first. Wait for me here?” He nodded, and with a quick “I’ll be back,” I ran off to find the other person who meant the world to me but in a purely platonic way.

  Dom was in the green room like I’d expected, lounging on a chair with a beer bottle in his hand. He hadn’t drunk any. Like always, he just nursed it, which seemed like a complete waste to me. He cracked an eye open as he heard me enter, but after seeing it was me, he once again relaxed. With neither of us being in happy places lately, we’d fallen into a pattern of just chilling together in a silent cloud of misery. Not tonight, though. I needed to tell him who I really was. Because if I couldn’t be honest with my best friend, how could I even think of being honest with the rest of the world?

  “Dom, we need to talk.”

  Dom sighed. “If this is the start of that intervention Kat has been threatening me with, I’m walking and never coming back.”

  Shit! I didn’t realize things had gotten so bad that neither of them was willing to go to such lengths to move forward. Dom’s words cemented the idea that this was the right step to making things better, especially if the band had been in such a vulnerable state, and I had been too blind in my own misery to see it.

  “It’s not about you even though whatever Kat has been saying is probably right. This is about me.” I wrung my hands together as my stomach churned.

  “Go on, then, I’m listening,” he offered as he straightened in his seat.

  “Fuck, I don’t know where to start.”

  Dom frowned as he looked at me, closer than he’d looked at me in a long time, his frown deepening the longer he looked and the more he saw. We’d both been living with blinkers on for the last eight months, and it clearly wasn’t healthy for anyone.

  I took a deep breath and rushed the words out quickly before I could chicken out, “I’m bisexual. I’ve been in love with Will since we were teenagers.”

  A small smile played over his lips. “It’s about damn time.”

  I struggled to swallow around my dry throat. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been waiting for the day when you’d finally come out and admit who you are.”

  I stared at him in stunned disbelief.

  He’d known all this time?

  He laughed, no doubt at whatever he could see on my face and stood before walking over to me. “Close your mouth. You look like a damn fish.” He patted me on the arm and pulled me into a manly hug. “Did you really think I didn’t know? You’re like a brother to me, and I can read you damn well.” He pulled back and offered me a loving smile. “I knew you were hooking up with Will back in the day… Your secret looks at each other and then both disappearing together at parties. I was so jealous at first. I felt left out until it clicked, and I realized what was going on. I might love you both, but yeah, not like that.”

  We both chuckled before he quickly sobered again.
“Sam? Did she find out about your past and not like it? I guess it could’ve been hard knowing an ex was still in your life and only going to become more active in it.”

  I shook my head. “God, no. Sam was amazing. I told her about my past with Will even before there was talk of him doing the band again. She got it. She got me.” The usual pang in my chest hit me as I thought about what I’d lost walking away from her.

  “Then what happened between you two?”

  I blew a breath out of my mouth while I thought about how to explain my cowardice without him thinking less of me. “I fucked up,” I told him. I could see that now. No matter how much I thought walking away was the best thing for everyone at the time, I now knew it wasn’t.

  Dom stared at me while I worked through my thoughts, and I finally told him everything. From the three of us getting closer and spending night after night together to the freak-out I had the day he knocked on the door.

  “So, you left Sam because you didn’t want her to come back with you and see Will every day, and then be left wanting more with the three of you.” I nodded. “You thought she’d leave you eventually, so you walked first.”

  When I heard him say the words and the disbelief behind them, I felt stupid because as much as he was right, in my thoughts, Sam would never have left me because of that.

  “Like I said, I fucked up, and there’s no way of fixing it. I have no way of contacting her. I don’t even know the street address to go old-school and write a letter.”

  “What about social media? She’s an author, so she’s got to have it all. Surely, you could hit her up in a DM.”

  “And risk the exposure of that to the press from one lucky hack. No way.” I grimaced at the thought.