The Daddy issue

by Melissa Beck

  He moved quietly to Gretchen's side and glanced toward the bed, then back at her. “Did you hear that?” he said, his voice filled with wonder as he followed her out of the room.

  She placed a finger to her lips. “I heard."

  They walked hand in hand into the kitchen.

  He shook his head slowly. “I can't believe she called me that."

  "Well, you are her daddy."

  He stared down the hall. When his attention returned to Gretchen, his eyes had grown serious. “I'm going to send you money."

  "I won't take it."

  "I want you to take it. I wish you'd had it all along.” He told her about the college fund he'd set up. Then he paced to where the living room carpeting started, and turned back to her. “I should've found you sooner."

  "I wish you had. But not so you could give me money.” The topic made it sound as if she couldn't handle things on her own. “Your time. This time. It's meant more than you'll ever know."

  He walked back to her, and frowned down at the tabletop. When he looked up, there was resolution in his expression. “I want to stay."

  "I don't think you should stay here tonight. I think it would—"

  "Not tonight. I mean I'm not going to leave tomorrow."

  "But if not tomorrow, then another day.” Any day that Daniel left would be hell. She skirted the table and went into the kitchen, to busy herself with putting away clean dishtowels. “It's better to go now. Better to get it over with."

  "I don't want to go back to Chicago,” he drew out, moving toward her with purpose in his step. Reaching her, he took a towel out of her hand and tossed it on the counter. He lifted her palm and kissed it, then brushed his lips across her fingertips. His penetrating gaze seemed intent on piercing her inner being. “That kiss on the hayride. Did you mean it?"

  She couldn't feel. She couldn't speak. She couldn't look at him, and couldn't look away, either. Everything stopped. Everything but the warm wetness of his mouth as he sucked first on her index finger, then her middle finger. She gasped for air. She had to close her eyes. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe, except to breathe in Daniel. She wanted him so badly. Was she in love? “Yes,” she said, on a sigh. “Yes, I'm in love with you."

  He moved his mouth close to her neck, his breath warming and tickling her skin. “Then let me stay.” He nipped her earlobe, teasing it with his tongue. “Trust me. I want to stay with you."

  And she let him. She let him pull her to him, and hold her, and she let herself cry softly against his shoulder, diffusing the emotions she'd held in. He wiped her tears and kissed the salty taste from her mouth, making her know with his lips, his hands, his hushed words, that she was safe.

  At last, she was safe with Daniel.

  He walked her into her bedroom and tucked her into bed instead of making love to her.

  "Good night, sweetheart,” he crooned in her ear. “See you in the morning.” Then he kissed her again, sending mind-tingling chills through her, making her want him more than anything she'd ever wanted. “Sweet dreams."

  "Don't leave,” she moaned. “Stay here with me."

  "What about Amy?"

  "I'll set the alarm and wake up early. You have to go to the airport before she'd normally be up, anyway."

  "I said I was staying,” he corrected.

  Then he climbed into bed and they slept.

  * * * *

  Gretchen awakened in the morning to the aroma of burning toast. She leapt from the bed and grimaced because she still had on her jeans and T-shirt from the day before, only now they were wrinkled.

  Padding down the hallway, she heard Amy chattering away about her favorite cartoon. Daniel answered her in his rich baritone. When Gretchen got to where she could see them, she stopped and stared in amazement. Daniel had on one of the baker's aprons Joel had given her, and was pitching black toast into the trashcan. He stuck his thumb into his mouth at the same moment he turned and saw her. “Stupid stuff burned itself and me."

  She whipped her hand over her mouth to hide her smile, and pretended a yawn. “Good morning."

  Looking her up and down, he grinned. “You're a little rumpled."

  He, on the other hand, had showered and shaved! He must have gotten up much earlier and gone to his side of the duplex, honoring her concern over what Amy might think of his being there. She glanced at the stove clock. “Nine-fifteen! Oh, Daniel. You missed your flight."

  "Guess I'll have to stay longer.” Holding her gaze, he smiled slowly. If you'll have me, that is."

  She caught her breath. Until the next flight? Dare she hope he meant longer, like forever, maybe? But he hadn't said he loved her. Would she be content without knowing? Could she sacrifice her pride, and just hope loving him was enough?

  She glanced at Amy. Forgive me, Amy, but I have to have him. I'll try my best to keep him this time. For me. For you.

  She smiled. “What's for breakfast?"

  He cast a glance at the stove. “Burnt eggs. Burnt toast. And limp bacon."

  "Mm.” She checked the contents in the pans. “I guess we're going to the diner, then?"

  Daniel whipped off the apron, balled it up and tossed it onto the counter. “I'll drive. It'll give me a chance to return those tables we borrowed from the church."

  She went to him and kissed him. “Thanks for the breakfast attempt. It's the thought that counts."

  He squeezed her to him before playfully slapping her bottom. “Hurry up and get ready. I'm hungry."

  * * * *

  When they arrived at the diner, they found it crowded with out-of-towners who'd stayed over from the festival. Several people waited for the tables to turn, chatting, reading newspapers and drinking “serve yourself” coffee from Styrofoam cups Crystal had set out beside a large insulated carafe.

  They stood at the door, accepting coffee refills when Crystal sent it around via a waitress trainee. Gretchen sat on a bench beside an elderly woman who, between sips of her own hot brew, rambled on about “lovely, lovely Marydale” and especially the ghost tour, about how she and her husband had enjoyed it immensely.

  Amy waited by Daniel's knee. She kept pointing at things and asking him to rhyme with them. It was a silly little game, but he enjoyed every minute of it. She'd call out “plant,” and he'd say, “ant.” Then he'd try to get her to spell it, something Gretchen had mentioned that she needed to be drilled on for school. Amy'd give it a try and usually have trouble. He'd spell the word and ask her to repeat it. This went on for about ten minutes, before she got bored and asked if she could talk with a little girl waiting beside them with her parents. Under Daniel's watchful eye, she introduced herself, and soon her new friend shared her coloring book and crayons.

  Daniel shifted, restless. Why couldn't the early rush hurry up and finish their meals? He was hungry.

  Even after they got seated and he'd eaten, he couldn't focus. Couldn't settle. Who was he kidding? He was just drawing out the goodbyes, because he had to return to Chicago.

  When Amy went back to coloring with her friend near the front of the café, Daniel grabbed Gretchen's hand across the table.

  "Come to Chicago with me, you and Amy. The schools are great. We have the art museum, the galleries, and all the culture you two could ever want."

  She shook her head. “Maybe you want those things. What I need are my friends here. I thought you understood that by now."

  He clenched his jaw. “I have to go back, Gretchen."

  She dropped her gaze. “I know."

  "You don't have to raise Amy here. Think of all the opportunities for her in the city."

  She looked up at him again. “I tried the city. Remember? I didn't fit in there. And what about all the people here that you said you liked, and that you wanted to help? Why can't you stay here and do your work?"

  He dropped her hands and looked away. He ran his fingers through his hair, before pivoting back to her. “Are you sure this isn't you not trusting me? It's not like before. I'm not going ba
ck to the social scene. I have to get back for business reasons. This is the only alternative so we can be together."

  "You could stay here."

  His gaze searched hers, hoping for that openness he'd seen in her eyes yesterday. It wasn't there. Glancing around at the tables full of people, he said, “You said you loved me,” in a lowered tone. “If you do, come with me."

  "If you care about me, stay."

  "Dammit, we're getting nowhere.” He flung his gaze away from her. Snapping it back, he said, “My things are packed."

  She looked out the window. “Goodbye, then."

  He rose, went to stand by her and reached out to touch her, but stopped inches from her shoulder. “Gretchen, please."

  "Goodbye."

  He headed for the door. Glancing at Amy, he half-turned to her. But no, he wouldn't put her through that. How could he? Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stormed out the door.

  * * * *

  Twelve days later, Crystal stretched out on her back across the bottom of Gretchen's bed, her low-rise jeans exposing her flat tummy with its bellybutton piercing. She stared up at the plastic lei that she swung above her on her index finger like a pendulum. “I really thought Daniel was the man of your dreams,” she said. “I can't believe he turned out to be another Walk-Away Joe."

  It was a good thing Gretchen had her arm over her eyes and Crystal couldn't see how she didn't appreciate her worn clichés. She just wanted to be alone. But that didn't matter. Joel had already brought her over three cakes, two sacks of cookies and four pies. He'd scooted out, saying he knew she'd just want to be alone.

  Alone with all those goodies?

  They only added pounds and stomachaches to her troubles.

  "I don't blame you, though. I'd have slept with him, too."

  She groaned. If she could just wring Crystal's neck, she might feel better. On the other hand, she was just displacing her anger onto her well-meaning friends. She was really angry with herself for being a vulnerable dolt and allowing this loss of Daniel to pierce her heart. Maybe he was right. Maybe she should've gone with him. But she just hadn't felt it at the time. She'd made all the sacrifices up until that moment. She'd given him every reason to stay, too. It'd been time for him to show he truly cared and he hadn't. Though it'd killed her, she'd stood up to him. She hadn't been a doormat for a guy this time. When Daniel had walked out her door, she'd remained strong until he was out of town. Only then had she cried into her pillow, hugged her sides and given in to aching remorse.

  Crystal shifted on the bed. “I'll go get us a cookie."

  Good. Maybe she could sneak out the window while her friend was off to the kitchen. Everybody irritated her these days. She wasn't sleeping well. How many days had it been now since Daniel left? Ten? Eleven? No, twelve. It was Friday again. Hence the people forever coming and going at her front door once they got off work.

  Ring.!

  Speaking of doors...

  "I've got it.” Crystal called out.

  "Tell them I'm busy.” Gretchen didn't move a muscle. Her muscles had all melted into the bed an hour ago, once she'd gotten home from the shop and let down her guard. She'd gone to work each day so she wouldn't mope around the house feeling sorry for herself, hearing over and over in her head Amy's, “When is Daddy coming back?” She kept lying and saying, “I'm sure he'll be back soon,” because she couldn't admit the truth just yet.

  But once she was safely ensconced behind the cash register and the account books and the phone and merchandise orders each day, the town had come to find her. They'd come one at a time, either to her shop or her house, all the way up to until Crystal, the current one, making these sly daily rounds that were so, so obvious. They must have discussed not overwhelming her. They came the same way they had for her mother and her when her father left them.

  The same way they'd come when her fiancé left.

  First Wally came by the shop, with a testimonial on his new best friend, Daniel. “You know him, Gretchen,” he'd said in his scratchy voice. “He wouldn't hurt you. The minute he saw you and Amy, he didn't care so much about that big ad deal his brother wanted him back in the city for. What about that? Doesn't it show how much he wanted to be with you two?"

  She narrowed her gaze. “So why didn't he stay?"

  Wally scratched his head. “You told him to leave."

  "If he'd really cared, that wouldn't have mattered."

  "Huh?"

  "Oh, never mind.” She shoved the cookies she was setting out in a “to sample” dish toward him. “Daniel doesn't deserve such a good friend, Wally. A good friend he'll never see again.” And she went back to her duties.

  Next, someone sent Eula in to try and play on Gretchen's emotions. She had recovered from her stroke and was rarin’ to go. She marched right up to Gretchen and wagged her gnarled finger in her face. “Listen up, girlie. I know a good man when I see one, and that Daniel was a good man. Why, the way he looked at you, it was sinful!” Plucking up one of the order forms Gretchen was straightening, she fanned herself.

  "He's a man, Eula. Men do that."

  "I don't mean lust. I mean, he was moony-eyed, that one. He was in love."

  "He's probably in love again in Chicago.” The thought made her feel heavy-hearted.

  Eula shook her white hair, which was becomingly corralled in a ponytail today. “He wasn't lookin’ at any other woman around here with love or even lust in his eyes. He was lookin’ at you."

  Gretchen had brushed off her remarks as those of an old woman with a romantic streak.

  Now, lying there on her bed and hearing Crystal coming down the hall with someone else in tow, she wondered. Had Daniel been in love? Could it be true that he loved Amy and her?

  * * * *

  Elbows propped on his desk, Daniel sank his chin into his hands. “This is killing me, Sam."

  "I know. But we have to do it."

  "Our billings are way down. I let some of the new hires go. I've lost you money."

  "Yeah, and then you busted your butt for two weeks over an intensive cost analysis that'll save most of the rest of us our jobs. Once we implement those changes you suggested, it'll save us money and allow us to continue making payroll. And voting Lieberman into your position is good. But only if you stick by your vow to help with the transition."

  "You know I will."

  "Perfect.” Sam snapped shut the notebooks on the desk in front of him and rose. “Now get back to what really matters. I can't stand seeing that hangdog look on you."

  Daniel frowned. “I'm not sure I can close this deal."

  "Considering what you said about how angry she was, it doesn't sound easy. But from what I saw of you two together, I'd say you stand a fighting chance."

  Daniel rose and strode to the window, to stare at people the size of ants many stories below being blown around by the city's famous winds. “I wish the odds were more in my favor."

  "You've only got yourself to blame if you blow it."

  He turned back around to face his brother. “I can't afford to blow this one. There's too much at stake.” His brow tightened again. “Are you sure everyone was satisfied with the changes?"

  "You were very considerate.” Sam picked the notebooks up off the desk and slid them into his briefcase. He stared hard at Daniel. “You're dragging your feet. Get where you're supposed to be."

  Daniel went to his brother and put his hands on his shoulders. “Being at your house the other night, with you and Beth and the boys, and our wrestling match, that was—” Emotion closed his throat and he had to look away a minute. He dropped his hands to his sides as he looked back. “It was great,” he said, gruffly.

  Sam clapped him in a bear hug, and then thrust him out from him again. “Go,” he growled, with a shine in his eyes.

  Daniel grabbed his jacket and hurried from the office, the building and the city. As he climbed into a taxi and headed for the airport, he thought of the last time he'd made the trip to Marydale to see Gretchen. He
'd been angry with her for hiding a pregnancy, and uptight about meeting his child. He didn't know how she would react when he showed up.

  Now his head swirled and his gut ached even worse.

  He'd never been so unsure of how someone would receive him, until now with Gretchen. He'd never wanted anything as badly as he wanted her.

  * * * *

  "Look who's here!” Crystal announced.

  Who could it be now? Hadn't she already seen everyone in Marydale? With a heavy sigh, Gretchen turned her head toward the doorway. Then she jerked a hand to her mouth and swiped away cookie crumbs.

  Daniel.

  Crystal shoved him into the room and shut the door behind him.

  Gretchen almost gasped at the sight of him. Dark circles claimed the area under his eyes. He'd gotten a haircut, but it looked ruffled and uneven. His face seemed thinner, his cheeks a tad hollow. And all that in just a two weeks’ time.

  "Hi.” He stayed right where Crystal had pushed him. His arms rested at his sides. He wore his old uniform of starched white shirt, subdued tie and charcoal suit. Oh, and a new expensive pair of loafers, since he'd ruined the others here in the caves.

  Gretchen sucked her breath in, trying to hide the extra pounds of cookie fat.

  He looked at her. He seemed wary, his brown eyes weary, his mouth tense at the edges. “Mind if I loosen my tie?"

  She shrugged.

  He not only loosened it, he pulled the whole thing off from around his neck and tossed it onto her dresser. “Damned nooses."

  She watched him. Seeing him again made her heart contract in pain. She'd wanted him so badly. She'd known they were right, that they might have a future.

  She'd known it so well that she said, “That Sunday was the best day of my life and the worst."

  His head came up. “Mine, too."

  "I didn't think I'd ever see you again.” She didn't look at him. It'd hurt too much earlier just seeing him.

  "I had to come.” He reached into his pocket. Something rustled. “I would've come sooner, but I had a lot of things to clear up first."

  She looked then.

  He had a folded piece of newspaper in his hand. He held it out.

  "This might explain what I've been doing."