Hex and the City

by Simon R. Green

  I didn’t know his name. His true, original name. I don’t suppose even he did, any more. Names imply an identity and a history, and Madman had torn those up long ago. Now he was a sad, perilous, confused gentleman who had only a nodding relationship with reality. Anyone’s reality. What drove him mad in the first place, insane beyond any help or hope of rescue, is a well-known story in the Nightside, and one of the most disturbing. Back in the sixties, Madman was an acid sorcerer, a guru to Timothy Leary, and one of NASA’s leading scientists. A genius, with many patents to his name, and an insatiable appetite for knowledge. By the end of the sixties, he’d moved from outer space to inner space, to mysticism and mathematical description theory. He studied and researched for many years, exploring the more esoteric areas of arcane information, trying to discover a way to view Reality as it actually is, rather than the way we all perceive it, through our limited human minds and senses.

  Somehow, he found a way to See past the comfortable collective illusion we all live in, and look directly at what lies beneath or beyond the world we know. Whatever it was he Saw in that endless moment, it destroyed his sanity, then and forever. Either because baseline Reality was so much worse, or so much better, than what we believe reality to be. Unbelievable horror or beauty, I suppose both are equally upsetting ideas. These days Madman lives in illusions, and doesn’t care. The difference between him and us is that he can sometimes choose his illusions. Though sometimes, they choose him.

  Madman can be extremely dangerous to be around. He doesn’t believe what he sees is real, so for him it isn’t. Around him, the world follows his whims and wishes, his fears and his doubts, reality reordering itself to follow his drifting thoughts. Which can be helpful, or confusing, or scary, because he doesn’t necessarily believe in you, either. He can change your personality or your history without your even noticing. And people who annoy or threaten him sufficiently tend to get turned into things. Very unpleasant things. So mostly people just let him wander wherever he wants to go and do whatever he feels like doing. It’s safer that way. It helps that Madman doesn’t want to do much. People who try to use him tend to come to bad ends.

  And here I was standing outside his door, breathing hard, sweating, clenching my hands into fists as I tried to summon up the courage to knock. I was taking a hell of a risk in talking to him, and I knew it. I hadn’t been this scared since I faced up to Jessica Sorrow the Unbeliever; and I’d had a sort of weapon to use against her. All I had to set against Madman were my wits and my quick thinking. And even I wouldn’t have bet on me. Still, at least Madman came with his own warning signals. For reasons probably not even known to himself, Madman came complete with his own personal sound track; music from nowhere that echoed his moods and intentions. If you paid attention to the changes in style, you could learn things.

  I stood before his door, one hand raised to knock. It was like standing before the door to a raging furnace, or maybe a plague ward. Open at your own risk. I took a deep breath, knocked smartly, announced my name in a loud but very polite voice, then opened the door and walked into Madman’s room. From somewhere I could hear Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talking at Me.”

  The room was far bigger than it should have been, though its shape was strangely uncertain. Instead of the pokey little crib I’d expected, it was more like a suite, with a huge bed, antique furniture, and all kinds of luxurious trappings. And all of it covered in glitter and shimmering lights. Everywhere I looked the details were all just that little bit off, subtly wrong. The angles between walls and floor didn’t add up, the ceiling seemed to recede in uncomfortable directions, and there was no obvious source for the painfully bright light. Objects seemed to change, slumping and transmuting when I wasn’t looking at them directly. The floor was solid beneath my feet, but it felt like I was standing over a precipice. Every sound in the room was dull and distant, as though I was underwater. I stood very still, concentrating on why I was there, because it felt as though I might alter and drift away if I lost my grip on who and what I was, even for a moment.

  This was why people didn’t like being around Madman.

  He was lying on top of the covers on his oversized bed, looking small and lost. He was a squat and blocky man, with a heavy grey beard. His eyes as he suddenly sat up and looked at me didn’t track properly, and there was something wild and desperate in his gaze. He looked tired and sad, like a dog that’s been punished and doesn’t know why. He was wearing what he always wore; a black T-shirt over grubby jeans. He always wore the same because he couldn’t be bothered with inconsequential things like clothes. Or washing, by the smell of him.

  All the walls in the room were covered in lines and lines of scrawled mathematical equations. They manifested wherever he stayed, apparently without Madman’s noticing or caring, and they disappeared shortly after he left. No-one had ever been able to make any sense out of them, though many had tried. Just as well, probably. Madman looked at something just behind my shoulder. I didn’t turn to look. Whatever he was Seeing, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to see it. After a moment, Madman’s gaze drifted away, and I relaxed slightly. All around us, the room was changing in subtle ways, moving with his mood as he adjusted to my presence. Shadows were gathering in the room’s corners. Deep, dark shadows, with things moving in them. Things that had the simple awful threat of the monsters we see in childhood nightmares.

  “Hello, Madman,” I said, in a calm and neutral tone. “It’s John Taylor. Remember? We’ve met at Strangefellows a few times, and at the Tourniquet Club. We have a mutual friend in Razor Eddie. Remember?”

  “No,” Madman said sadly, in his low breathy voice. “But then, I rarely remember anyone. It’s safer that way. I know you, though. I know you, John Taylor. Oh yes. Very dangerous. Bad blood. I think if I really remembered you…I’d be frightened.”

  The thought that someone like Madman could be frightened of me was distinctly worrying, on all sorts of levels, but I pushed the thought aside to concentrate on more immediate problems. Like getting through the conversation without being changed or killed, and, somehow, persuading Madman to work with me.

  “I’m going in search of the origins of the Nightside,” I said. “I could use your help. And maybe along the way, we might find someone, or something, who could help you.”

  “No-one can help me,” said Madman. “I can’t even help myself.” He cocked his head on one side to regard me, like a bird. “Why would you want my help, John Taylor?” He sounded almost rational, and I pressed the advantage while it lasted.

  “Even I’m not strong enough to take on or bluff some of the Beings I’m going to have to talk to,” I said. “So I thought I’d take you along to confuse the issue. And maybe to hide behind.”

  “That makes sense,” said Madman, nodding in an almost normal manner. “All right, I’ll go with you. I think I’ve been lying here for months, thinking about things, and I’m almost sure I’m bored. Yes, I’ll go with you. I’m always looking for something to distract me. To keep my mind occupied, so it won’t go wandering off in…unfortunate directions. I’m more scared of me than you’ll ever be. Let’s go.”

  He swung down off the bed, his movements strangely unconnected. Standing up, he was almost as tall as I, but he seemed much heavier, as though he weighed more heavily on the world. The shadows in the corners had retreated, for the moment. Madman headed for the door, and I followed him out of the room, carefully not looking back. His sound track was playing something jazzy, heavy on the saxophone. As I closed the door, I glanced back into the room, just for a moment. It was a small, pokey room, dark and dirty and thick with dust and cobwebs. Clearly it hadn’t been used in years. Something was lying on the bed. It started to sit up, and I shut the door firmly and stepped back. Madman was looking at me patiently, so I led the way to the stairs and down into the lobby. People saw us step out into the lobby and scurried to get out of our way. And so together, Madman and I went out into the Nightside in search of the man called Sinner. />
  Sinner was another man whose story was well-known in the Nightside, which collects legends and tragedies the way a dog has fleas. Nothing is known about Sinner’s early life, but at some point the man who would be known as Sinner made the decision to sell his soul to the Devil. So he studied the subject carefully, made all the correct preparations, and called Satan up out of the Pit. Not one of his demons, or even a fallen angel, but the Ancient Enemy himself. History and literature are full of stories showing why this is always a really bad idea, but Sinner apparently believed he knew what he was doing. He called up the Devil, bound it to a pleasant form, then said he wanted to sell his soul. And when the Devil asked Sinner what he wanted in return, the man said, True love. The Devil was somewhat taken aback by this, and apparently remarked that True love wasn’t really his line of business. But the man insisted, and a deal is a deal, so…The contract was signed in blood, and in return for his immortal soul, the man was promised ten years with the woman of his dreams.

  The Devil said, Go to this bar, at this time, and she will be waiting for you. Then he laughed, and disappeared. The man went to the bar at the appointed time and did indeed meet the woman of his dreams. He fell in love with her, and she with him, and soon they were married. They enjoyed ten very happy years together, then, when the ten years were up, the Devil rose up on the last stroke of midnight, to claim the man’s soul, and drag it down to Hell. The man nodded, and said; It was worth it, to know True love. And the Devil said, It was all a lie. The woman was just a demon, one of mine, a succubus who only pretended to care for you, as she has cared for so many men before you. The man said, It doesn’t matter. I loved her, and always will. The Devil shrugged, and took the man away.

  And so the man became the only soul in Hell who still loved. Despite what he knew, despite everything that was done to him; defiantly and stubbornly, he still loved. The Devil couldn’t have that; it was corrupting the atmosphere. So in the end he had no choice but to throw the man out of Hell and back into the land of the living. And Heaven wouldn’t take the man, because, after all, he’d made a deal with the Devil. So the man came to the Nightside, to walk its neon streets forever, neither properly living nor dead, denied by Heaven and by Hell. The man called Sinner.

  He was an amiable enough sort, but most people kept well clear of him. Because he wasn’t really alive, he cast no shadow, and because he couldn’t die again, he was pretty much impervious to attack. He could do anything without fear of punishment, so he imposed a strict moral code upon himself. Which meant he only did really appalling things when he felt he absolutely had to. Good and Evil were beyond him, or perhaps beneath him. Mostly he kept himself to himself, and Bad Things happened to people who pestered him. A popular urban legend said that if he did enough good deeds, or bad deeds, he would be able to work his way back into Heaven or Hell. Opinion remained divided as to which direction he favoured.

  I headed for Sinner’s favourite haunt, the Prospero and Michael Scott Memorial Library. Madman trailed along behind me, humming along to his sound track and frightening the passersby. Sinner was often to be found at the Library, researching various projects that he always declined to discuss. People had driven themselves half-crazy just from trying to make sense of the list of books he’d read. I think he just liked to keep his mind occupied. Madman brooded, Sinner studied. It all came down to the same thing; not thinking about the one thing they couldn’t stop thinking about.

  I’d already phoned ahead, to make sure Sinner was there. The librarian had said, Oh yes, he’s here. And, If you’re coming in, Mr. Taylor, could you please return our one and only copy of Baron Frankenstein’s I Did It My Way ? It’s long overdue. I made soothing noises, signed off, and tried to remember where I’d last seen the bloody book. I was back using a mobile phone again, with misgivings. There are all kinds of dangers to using a cell phone in the Nightside, from strange voices in the aether, pop-up voice mail offering services you really didn’t want, and the occasional leaking infodump from another dimension. And, of course, the phone made it far too easy for people to pinpoint your exact location. But the damn things are just so bloody useful…Cathy had promised me this new version came with all kinds of built-in protection charms and defences, so I just mentally crossed my fingers every time I had to use it and hoped for the best.

  I kept Madman close at hand as we descended into the depths of the Library, and found Sinner at his usual place in the Research Section, sitting alone and poring over an old leather-bound volume. Tall stacks of books led off in every direction, like a literary maze, and the air was heavy with that distinctive old-book smell. The lighting was clear and distinct but never overpowering, and there were signs everywhere admonishing SILENCE! Discreet signs also pointed you in the direction of books on every subject under the night, some of them adding pointedly AT YOUR OWN RISK. Scholars sat at study at their separate desks, ignoring each other, immersed in their work, as devoted in their attention as old-time monks in their cells. I headed straight for Sinner, down the narrow book-lined aisles, Madman ambling along behind me. Sinner looked up as I loomed over him, and nodded thoughtfully. He was a short, compact, and very neat man in his mid forties, looking very much like a civil servant doomed always to be passed over for promotion. Middle-aged, middle weight, almost anonymous. But as his eyes met mine, his gaze was unnervingly bright, and his smile was actually disturbing. Sinner had been around, and it showed. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and polite.

  “Well, well, John Taylor. I had a feeling I’d be seeing you today, so I just sat here, reading an old favourite, and waited for you.”

  I looked at the book open on the table before him. It was a Bible, the old King James edition. I raised an eyebrow.

  Sinner smiled. “As a wise man once said, Looking for loopholes.”

  All around us, people were getting up, gathering up their books and papers, and heading for the exit. It could have been Madman’s presence, or mine, or perhaps the two of us and Sinner were just too worrying to bear. I couldn’t honestly say I blamed any of them. A handful of really hard-core scholars held their ground, hunched protectively over their learned tomes, determined not to be driven off. You have to be pretty tough-minded, to be a scholar in the Nightside. Madman strolled off through the stacks, and the spines of the books on the shelves rippled, changing shape and texture as he passed, affected by his proximity. I had to wonder what new information those transformed books held now; and if I were to take them down and open them, would I find nonsense and gibberish, or perhaps awful wisdom and terrible secrets? I decided I didn’t want to know, either way.

  And then I was distracted as a lovely young thing came tripping out of the stacks, hugging a tall pile of books in her arms. She was a tall blonde teenager in an English public school uniform, complete with starched white blouse, black miniskirt and stockings, sensible shoes, and a straw boater perched on the back on her perfect head. She was bright and cheerful, heart-stoppingly pretty, far too shapely for her own good, or anyone else’s, and moved with all the unrealised elegance of youth. She had a pink rosebud mouth, and eyes so dark they seemed to fall away forever. I stood up straighter and pulled my stomach in, but she flashed me only the briefest of smiles before swaying past me to put the books down on Sinner’s desk. I suddenly realised Madman’s sound track was playing “Tubular Bells.”

  “Allow me to introduce you,” said Sinner, in his soft patient voice. “This is my girl-fiend. The demon succubus I fell in love with, all those years ago. I have no idea what you see when you look at her, because it is her nature to appear to everyone as the image of what they secretly most desire.”

  I wasn’t sure if I liked what that said about me. Too many St. Trinians films in my impressionable youth, I suppose. I nodded and smiled politely to the succubus, who pouted her lips briefly as she sat on the corner of Sinner’s desk, crossing her long legs to show them off. I had to wrench my gaze away. The pheromones were so thick on the air you could practically see them.
It occurred to me that Sinner hadn’t said what she looked like to him. Madman wandered back, gave the girl a hard look, shook his head, and wandered off again. I really didn’t feel like asking what he might have Seen.

  “These are the books you wanted, Sidney,” said the succubus, in a rich smoky voice. “Anything else you want, just ask.” She arched her back prettily, so that her breasts thrust out against the starched blouse. My mouth was very dry, and I could feel my heart heading for overdrive.

  “Her name translates from the original Aramaic as Pretty Poison,” Sinner observed calmly. “There are some quite specific verses about her in the Dead Sea Scrolls, none of them complimentary. In the War against Heaven, she killed more than her fair share of angels, and even she doesn’t remember how many men she destroyed as a succubus, in her war against Humanity. Watch your manners around her, and never turn your back on her. I love her dearly, but she’s still a demon. And by the way—she’s the only one who gets to call me Sidney.”

  I nodded respectfully to the succubus. “How is it that thou art out of Hell?”

  Pretty Poison shrugged charmingly. “I couldn’t believe that any mortal could truly love me, knowing what I am. Want me, yes, that is my function, to tempt the sinner into damnation, to throw away his immortal soul for the transitory delights of the flesh. But actually to love me, as Sidney did, even knowing the truth, even in the depths of the Inferno; that was a new thing, even in my long existence. So I came back up, out of the Pit, to be with him. Ostensibly I am here as an agent of Evil, to tempt and corrupt him again, so that the Devil can rightly reclaim his soul. But actually, I came back to be with Sidney, to try and understand this thing called…true love.”