Hex and the City

by Simon R. Green

  Only very old money or very real power can get you membership at the Londinium. Pop stars, actors, and celebrities are never, ever admitted. No matter how famous. Fame is fleeting; wealth and power can survive for generations.

  There were guards practically everywhere as I strolled into Clubland, but none of them tried to stop me. I’m powerful, too, in my own way. I approached the short, stout, and stocky man standing grandly before the Londinium Club’s only door and entrance, and he moved a few inches to the left to block my way more solidly. He stood proudly erect, nose in the air, eyes colder than the night. He looked like he was born wearing a formal suit. One eyebrow twitched briefly as I came to a halt before him, expressing his utter astonishment that such as I should dare to approach the august portals he guarded. The Doorman was magically linked to his door, and only he could open it from the outside. And like the door, he was old and strong and impervious to all harm. You’d have a better chance of sneaking past St. Peter at Heaven’s gates in a false moustache. The Doorman cannot be bribed or threatened, and no-one’s been able to find any branch of magic or science that can even affect him. Pretty much everything about him is a mystery, except his snobbery and glacial arrogance to all those he considers below him. Which is pretty much everyone who isn’t a Member of the Londinium Club. No-one can remember a time when he wasn’t the Club’s Doorman, and some of the people who remember him are very old. I smiled at him casually, as though I met him every day.

  “Hi,” I said. “I’m…”

  “I know who you are,” said the Doorman, in a voice as harsh and implacable as an onrushing avalanche. “You are John Taylor. You are not a Member, nor ever likely to be. Kindly remove yourself from the premises.”

  That didn’t leave a lot of room for negotiation. “Are you sure I’ll never be a Member?” I said, giving him my best hard look. “There are those who say I’m a King in waiting.”

  His mouth condescended to a momentary sneer. “There have never been any shortage of titles in the Nightside, sir.”

  He had a point there. I hit him with my one and only trump card. “I’m here to see Walker. He’s expecting me.”

  The Doorman sighed heavily and stood to one side. The great door swung slowly inwards, spilling heavenly light out into the night. I almost expected to hear a choir of angels. I breezed past the Doorman with my head held high and entered the Club lobby as though I was thinking of buying it. Walker’s name could get you into more places than a skeleton key and half a ton of semtex. I’d barely managed half a dozen steps into the lobby before a footman appeared out of nowhere to confront me. He wore an old-fashioned frock coat and powdered wig, and had shoulders so broad he could have made two of me. Under the elegant coat he probably had muscles on his muscles. He gave me a brief smile that meant nothing at all.

  “Please wait here, sir. I will inform Mr. Walker that his…guest has arrived.”

  He snapped his fingers, and a whole bunch of steel chains shot out of nowhere to clamp on to me. They whipped around me faster than I could react, and heavy steel manacles fastened themselves around my ankles, wrists, and throat, shackling me to a heavy steel ring that had just appeared in the heavy carpet before me. The chains snapped tight, not even leaving me room to twitch. I kept my back straight and my head up, even as the weight of the chains tried to drag me down. I glared at the footman, but he’d already headed off to ascertain that Walker really was expecting me. If he said he wasn’t, the bum’s rush would be the least I could expect. But I was pretty sure he’d want to see me, if only to find out why I hadn’t arrived surrounded by the Reasonable Men.

  In a way, the chains were a compliment. It showed that the Club’s security was taking my presence seriously. They didn’t want me wandering around on my own, getting into mischief and bothering the Members. And presumably they were afraid I might out-talk or outwit any human guards. It’s hard to argue with a dozen lengths of steel chain. I tried hard to feel complimented, but it’s not easy when you don’t dare lean in any direction for fear you might topple over; and your nose itches but you can’t scratch it. To distract myself, I studied my surroundings. I’d never got this far before.

  The lobby of the Londinium Club was a vast expanse of blue-veined marble pillars and shiny-tiled walls, suggesting the Club might have started out as a Roman bath, back in the day. I thought it looked like the world’s biggest, poshest toilet. I’d hate to be the poor slobs that had to polish all those tiles each and every day. The floor was covered by a really deep pile carpet of a rich cream hue, presumably to give the impression of walking on clouds. The entire ceiling was covered by a single great painting of magnificent design and staggering beauty. I’d heard of it, but never seen it. Not many had. No reproductions were allowed outside the Club. It was an unknown (by the outside world) Michelangelo, representing the clash of two great armies of angels in the War against Heaven. It was simply breathtaking, in its scope and splendour. Far too good to be wasted on the kind of people who belonged to the Londinium Club, but that’s life for you. It seemed to me that every single angel in the painting had his or her own individual features, as though the artist had painted them from the original models; and perhaps he had.

  There were also sculptures, standing here and there like grace notes, by Moore and Dali and Picasso. Strange, twisting designs that made my eyes hurt. I’d heard you were supposed to run your hands over them, experience them through your sense of touch, rather than just look at them, but I don’t think I’d have been tempted, even without the chains. They were…disturbing. Besides, I was pretty sure that if any non-Member such as I even tried, whole armies of footmen would appear out of nowhere to chop off my hands. The pleasures of the Club were only for the Club.

  People came and went in the lobby, important people on important missions, moving quietly, speaking softly. I smiled and nodded politely to them, just as though I wasn’t wrapped in chains, and they did their very best to ignore me. Either because they didn’t know me, or because they did. The age of the Club, of its building and traditions, was oppressive. Custom can be stronger than magic sometimes, in the things that are Just Not Done. Like admitting the presence of someone who was Not A Member. I wrinkled my nose, trying to relieve the itch. The footman was taking his time. I amused myself while waiting by scuffing rude words into the thick pile carpet with the toe of my shoe. Little victories…

  The footman finally reappeared, his downcast face telling me that Walker had vouched for me, after all. The footman snapped his fingers sadly, and the chains disappeared back to wherever they’d come from. I stretched slowly, taking my time. When I was finished, I smiled upon the footman, and he bowed very slightly in my general direction.

  “Mr. Walker is waiting for you in the Dining Room, sir. May I take your coat?”

  “Not without a gun,” I said.

  The Dining Room was, of course, large and rich and fabulous, with dozens of tables adorned with tablecloths of dazzling whiteness. The odours of all kinds of marvellous cuisines hung heavily on the air, succulent aromas to make the mouth water uncontrollably. It was all I could do to keep from grabbing things off tables as I passed. The diners all ignored me. I recognised some famous Business faces, rich beyond the nightmares of avarice, and a sprinkling of demigods, elfin lords, magicians, and aliens. The Londinium Club was quite cosmopolitan, in its own way. Julien Advent, the legendary Victorian Adventurer, gave me a friendly nod and a smile. Walker was sitting alone at a table in the far corner, with his back set firmly to the wall, as always. A cold grey man with a cold grey face. He looked up at me, and nodded, but didn’t smile.

  “You were expecting me,” I said.

  “Of course,” said Walker, in his calm dry voice. “It was inevitable, one way or another.”

  I sat down opposite him without waiting to be asked, and the hovering footman reluctantly asked if he could bring me a menu.

  “That won’t be necessary,” said Walker. “He isn’t staying.”

  “You could
invite me to join you,” I said.

  “I could still have you killed,” said Walker.

  He gestured at the footman, who bowed low to Walker, then hurried away. I looked at what Walker was having for dinner and sniffed loudly. It was all very stolid and British; roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, lumpy gravy, and limp vegetables. With probably a steamed pudding for afters.

  “That is so you, Walker,” I said. “Dull, worthy, and supposedly good for you. Indigestion on a plate, and not a spot of imagination anywhere.”

  “This is good solid food,” said Walker, cutting up his meat with military precision. “Sticks to the ribs and keeps the cold out.”

  “Public school dinners ruin the palate for real cuisine,” I said.

  Walker raised an eyebrow. “What would you know about public school life?”

  “Not a damned thing, and proud of it,” I said. “Now, Walker, we have things to discuss, you and I. You cast a long shadow over the Nightside…”

  “Yes,” said Walker, chewing his food thoroughly. “I do. I have many shadows; my operatives are my eyes and ears, and they are everywhere. I knew the details of your current case almost as soon as you did.”

  “Is that why you sent the Reasonable Men after me?”

  “Yes. They may be vicious animals, but they’re my vicious animals. And they do put people in the right frame of mind for talking to me, and telling me what I want to know. I knew they wouldn’t be enough to stop you, but I was pretty sure they’d get your attention. May I ask why they’re not here with you?”

  “Because they’re all dead,” I said.

  Walker raised an eyebrow. “Well, well. How very…impressive. You’re not usually so final in your dealings with my agents.”

  I said nothing. Apparently he hadn’t been told yet that I’d hooked up with Madman, Sinner, and Pretty Poison. So let him think I’d killed the Reasonable Men. It all helped maintain my reputation.

  “Never did take to Hadleigh,” Walker admitted, spearing a piece of meat with his fork. “Dreadful fellow. Far too full of himself; downright cocky, in fact.”

  “Not quite the word I had in mind for him, but close,” I said. “Will there be repercussions?”

  “For killing thirteen bright young men with prospects, all from good families? Oh, almost certainly. I don’t give a damn, but you can be sure the families, some of them very old and very connected, will be most upset with you. This time tomorrow there won’t be a bounty hunter in the Nightside without paper on you. The price on your head is about to go through the roof. And don’t look to me to protect you. They were my boys, after all.”

  “Let them all come,” I said. “I’ve never depended on you for protection.”

  He nodded slightly, admitting the point. “This new case of yours, Taylor…”

  “Yes.”

  “Drop it.”

  I leaned back in my chair, studying him thoughtfully. Walker isn’t usually that direct. “Why?”

  “Because the Authorities don’t take kindly to anyone investigating the Nightside’s history and beginnings.”

  “Why not?”

  Walker sighed, as though faced with a very dim pupil. “Because it is possible that you might discover things better left lost and forgotten, things that might threaten or even upset the status quo. If only because an awful lot of people, and I use the term loosely, would be very interested in obtaining such information. And would almost certainly make every effort to buy, steal, or torture it from you. We are talking about the kind of people even you would have trouble saying no to. They might even go to war with each other over its possession, and we can’t have that. We’re still recovering and rebuilding after the recent angel war—a war you helped to bring about. The Authorities would quite certainly order me to have you eliminated, rather than risk another war in the Nightside.”

  “And you’d hate to have to do that,” I said.

  “Of course,” said Walker. “There’s still a lot of use I was hoping to get out of you, before your inevitable early death.”

  “You’d really have me killed, after all the jobs I’ve done for you? After all the messes I’ve cleaned up for you? After I saved the whole Nightside by bringing the angel war to a close?”

  “Only after you started it.”

  “Details, details.”

  Walker looked at me narrowly. “There is a line you can’t be allowed to cross, Taylor. A line no-one can be allowed to cross. For the good of all. So; who hired you?”

  It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. “I thought you knew everything, Walker?”

  “Normally, I do. Whoever hired you must be incredibly powerful, to hide their identity from my people, and that in itself is worrying.”

  “I never reveal the identity of a client, Walker. You know that. I will say…I was offered as payment the identity of my mother.”

  Walker put down his knife and fork and looked at me for a long moment. He looked suddenly older, tireder. “Trust me, John,” he said finally. “You don’t want to know.”

  When Walker starts calling me by my first name, it usually means I’m in real trouble, but this time there was something in his voice, and in his face…

  “You know! All this time, you’ve known who my mother is and kept it from me!”

  “Yes,” said Walker, unmoved by the clear anger and accusation in my voice. “I never told you because I wanted to protect you. Your father and I were…close, once.”

  “So where were you when he was drinking himself to death?”

  My voice must have been cold as ice, but Walker didn’t flinch. He met my gaze squarely, and his voice was calm. “There was nothing I could have done for him. He’d stopped listening to me a long time before. And we all have the right to go to Hell in our own way. Sometimes I think that’s what the Nightside is all about.”

  “Tell me,” I said, and it wasn’t a request. “Tell me the name of my mother.”

  “I can’t,” said Walker. “There are…reasons. I’m one of only two people who know, and God willing we’ll take the knowledge to our graves with us.”

  “The other being the Collector.”

  “Yes. Poor Mark. And he won’t tell you either. So let it go, John. Knowing who your mother was won’t make you happy or wise. It killed your father.”

  “What if she comes back?” I said.

  “She won’t. She can’t.”

  “You’re sure of that?”

  “I have to be.” Walker leaned back in his chair. He looked smaller, diminished. “Give up this case, John. No good will come of it. The origins of the Nightside are best left lost and forgotten.”

  “Even to the Authorities?”

  “Quite possibly. There are things they don’t tell me. For my own protection. Let the past stay in the past. Where it can’t hurt anyone.”

  I did consider it, for a moment. I’d never known Walker to be this open, this concerned, about anything before. But in the end, I shook my head.

  “I can’t, Walker. I have to do this. I have to know…About the Nightside, about my mother. My whole life has been a search for the truth, for others and myself.”

  Walker sat up straight, his old commanding arrogance suddenly back in place. He fixed me with a cold gaze, and said, Drop the case, John. His voice sounded in my head like thunder, a voice like God speaking to one of his prophets; the Voice of the Authorities, speaking through their servant Walker. They gave him the Voice that commands, that cannot be disregarded, so that he might enforce their wishes in all things. There are those who claim Walker once used his Voice to make a corpse in a mortuary sit up and answer his questions. His words reverberated in my head, filling my thoughts, pinning me in my seat like a butterfly transfixed on a pin.

  And then everything on the table between us began to tremble and clatter. The cutlery and the plates jumped and bounced on the immaculate tablecloth. The table rocked back and forth, its legs slamming up and down with increasing force. The floor lurched, and the whole Dining Room shook and
shuddered. People cried out and clung to their juddering tables. And then it all died slowly away, and the reverberations in my head disappeared with it. I rose easily to my feet and smiled down at the openly astonished Walker.

  “How about that?” I said. “So much for His Master’s Voice. Perhaps I am my mother’s son after all.”

  I walked away, and no-one wanted to look at me. I carefully chose my path to take me past Julien Advent’s table, and when I was sure there was a wide marble pillar between me and Walker’s table, I dropped suddenly into a chair beside Julien, and sank down, so that his body helped to hide me. I put a finger to my lips to hush him, and he nodded agreeably. By leaning back just right, I could see Walker at his table in the corner. He was so taken up with his own thoughts it was clear he hadn’t noticed I never actually left the room. I’d thought that last parting shot would distract him. I wanted to see what he would do, who he would talk to, now he knew he didn’t have his Reasonable Men to hold over me.

  In the end, he called for a footman to clear away the mess on his table, then looked sharply to one side and nodded. A beautiful woman appeared suddenly from behind a concealing glamour, right beside the table. I cursed quietly. I’d been so focussed on Walker, and what he was saying, that I hadn’t even sensed someone else was listening, unobserved. I must be getting old. I didn’t used to make mistakes like that. And it didn’t help at all that I recognised the stunning woman smiling at Walker.

  Bad Penny was a freelance operative for hire, always turning up when least expected. Vicious, deadly, seductive, and entirely treacherous. An agent extremely provocateur. She smiled around the crowded Dining Room, and struck an elegant pose, the better for everyone to admire her. Most did, unobtrusively, though there were those who deliberately looked away rather than admit recognising her. Bad Penny was drop-dead gorgeous, with a voluptuous figure like a Bill Ward cartoon, somehow stuffed into a classic little black dress, complete with elbow-length white silk gloves, black mesh stockings, and a cigarette in a long black holder. She wore her night-dark hair piled up on top of her head, above a sharp, fierce face with strong bone structure and an openly insolent mouth. Her eyes were dark and deep enough to drown in. And it wasn’t just her thrusting bosom that gave Bad Penny her air of sexual intimidation; she was a predator, in every way there was. She radiated sex appeal on an almost brutal level, like a weapon. She also carried two guns and any number of throwing knives about her person, though no-one was quite sure where.