Hex and the City

by Simon R. Green

  “Just how is it that Walker was able to see you through the vision I set up? That isn’t supposed to be possible.”

  I shrugged. “Hey, this is Walker we’re talking about. He can do anything. I think that’s actually part of his job description. What matters now is that we have to get the hell out of here, before Walker’s people discover and nail down all the other exits to this place that you just happened to mention to him—Sophia.”

  “You don’t get to call me that,” the demon succubus said sniffily. “Only Henry gets to call me that.”

  I looked at Sinner. “And what do you call her, when you’re at home?”

  “Darling,” Sinner said solemnly. “And no; you don’t get to call her that, either.”

  “Dearest Sidney,” said Pretty Poison, giving him another hug.

  “It’s time for you all to go,” said the Lord of Thorns.

  “I’ll see if I can buy you some time by keeping Walker’s people occupied. I could use the exercise.”

  Sinner looked unconvinced. “How can even you hope to stand against all the armies Walker will send against you?”

  “Because I am the Lord of Thorns. I was given dominion over all who live or otherwise exist in the Nightside.”

  “Try not to hurt them too much,” I said. “A lot of them are just working stiffs, doing their jobs.”

  “I will be the judge of that,” said the Lord of Thorns.

  “And I make no promises. I trim the fat. That’s in my job description.”

  I gave him my best thoughtful look. “Why are you so ready to help us?”

  The old man shrugged and lay down on his stone slab again, arranging himself comfortably. “I told you. Because I seem to sense that things are reaching an ending, because of you, and I welcome the chance to put down my ancient burden. Don’t slam the door on your way out, or I’ll turn you into something.”

  He closed his eyes, and I scowled so hard my forehead hurt. I didn’t like the way people seemed to be lining up to inform me that The End really was bloody nigh. All I had to do was close my eyes to see the devastated future Nightside I’d encountered in the Timeslip, in all its terrible detail. The ruined buildings, the dead night, the scuttling insects. And Razor Eddie dying in my arms, as I gave him my word that I would die before I would let such a future happen.

  “So, where do we go next?” said Pretty Poison, adjusting the straw bonnet on the back of her elegant head.

  “Where is there left to go?” asked Sinner.

  “Back to Strangefellows,” I said, reluctantly. Alex was not going to be a happy bunny about this. I took out my Membership Card. “If I have to go head to head with Walker, and it’s looking increasingly like I don’t have any choice in the matter, I’d much rather it was on familiar ground.”

  No-one else had any ideas, so I activated the Card and we stepped through into the bar, surprising Alex Morrisey, who was just getting ready to go to bed. He’d shut down most of the lights, put the chairs on the tables, and was standing by the bar wearing only a long white nightie and matching floppy night-cap with a tassel on the end. He stared us all down with great dignity, then moved behind the bar to conceal his knees from prying eyes. If I’d had knees like those, I’d have wanted them concealed as well. He really should have invested in a longer nightie.

  Alex had his own private apartment, up above the bar. I’d crashed there a few times in the old days, on his extremely uncomfortable couch. Awful place. He collected tacky little pornographic porcelain figures, which cluttered every available surface. His furniture looked like the city dump would reject it, and he only ever washed up when the dirty dishes actually overflowed the sink. His ex-wife used to keep the place spotless. There’s probably a moral in there somewhere, except Alex wouldn’t know a moral if you clubbed him over the head with it, and said, Look. This is a moral.

  “We are closed,” he said icily. “Closed as in Not At All Open, and Get the Hell Out of Here Haven’t You Got Homes to Go To?”

  “Well, open up again,” I said ruthlessly. “You have some seriously thirsty people here, and you wouldn’t believe the kind of day we’ve had.”

  Alex sighed. “I hear that a lot. All right; one drink each, at my very special Extra Expensive After Hours prices. And no, I’m not warming up any food for you. What do you think I am, your mother? And give me back that bloody Membership Card, Taylor! If I wanted people dropping in unexpectedly at all hours, I’d advertise for a stalker. Would I be right in supposing that the bad guys are once again hot on your trail and that I can expect armed invasions, mayhem, and bad language at any moment?”

  “Got it in one,” I said.

  “You’re a jinx, Taylor, you know that? I know people who sexually molest albatrosses for a living who have better luck than you.”

  I looked around. “Where are the Coltranes? I could use a little extra muscle.”

  “I already sent them home,” said Alex, reluctantly fixing our drinks. I had a large wormwood brandy, Sinner had a Malvern water, Pretty Poison insisted on a Manhattan, complete with little umbrella, and Madman wanted a pile-driver—which turned out to be vodka with prune juice. Alex actually winced as he served it, and we all winced as Madman drank it. I nursed my drink and considered the bar thoughtfully. Strangefellows at least had the advantage that it was terribly difficult to get into unnoticed. The bar was surrounded by all kinds of protective wards, on more than one level of reality, powered directly by Merlin Satanspawn’s magic. If nothing else, we should get plenty of warning of any attack.

  “So,” Alex said heavily. “What exactly is it that brings you scurrying back here so soon?”

  “Walker is almost definitely on his way here,” I said.

  “Once he figures out that we’re not where he thought we were, it won’t take him long to fix on this place as my most likely bolt-hole. And when he gets here, he is not going to be at all pleased with me. In fact, he may well have his people shoot first and ask questions through a medium afterwards.”

  “I could call the Coltranes back,” said Alex. “Or do you want I should try and get word to Shotgun Suzie?”

  “She’s already working a case,” I said. “By the time we could track her down, the odds are it would all be over anyway. One way or another. Besides, we have Sinner and Pretty Poison to protect us.”

  “And me!” Madman said cheerfully.

  “Well, yes,” I said tactfully. “But you’re not always here, are you?”

  “True,” said Madman, and tried to eat his empty glass.

  Alex was looking hard at Pretty Poison. “Why does she look so much like my ex-wife, only with much bigger breasts?”

  “Let us discuss what we’re going to do next,” I said, in a loud and determined I Am Changing the Subject kind of voice, on the grounds that you just know some conversations aren’t going to go anywhere useful. “The case we’re working seems to have reached an abrupt end. There’s no-one left we can talk to, old enough or important enough, to be able to tell us about the Nightside’s true beginnings. Well, there are others, like the Awful Folk, or the Giants in the Earth, but you don’t disturb Beings and Forces like those unless you’ve already picked out your coffin and favourite hymns in advance. And there’s no guarantee they’d talk to us anyway. I can bluff and stare down most people, plus a whole bunch of things that aren’t at all people; but even I have my limits.”

  “I’m relieved to hear you say that,” said Alex. “You’ve changed since you returned to the Nightside, John. You’ve been using your reputation more and more like a weapon, like you’re starting to believe you really are a King in waiting.”

  “Maybe I am,” I said, finishing off my drink. “But then, there’s never been any shortage of those in the Nightside. Right now I’m just a private investigator who’s run out of leads.”

  “You still have your gift,” said Pretty Poison, fluttering her heavy eyelashes at me over the rim of her cocktail glass. “Why not use it to track down someone else who can tell yo
u what you need to know?”

  “Because I don’t dare,” I said. “My enemies would be bound to find me…and they have a new weapon to send against me. Something even worse than the Harrowing. I don’t know what it is yet, but I can feel it hovering, waiting for its chance to manifest and take my enemies’ revenge for the terrible thing I’ve done…”

  I realised everyone was looking at me, and shut my mouth firmly. There were things they didn’t need to know. Luckily, at that point we were all distracted by the sound of heavy, measured footsteps descending the metal stairway into the bar. We all turned sharply to look at the stairs. Even Madman seemed momentarily focussed on the matter at hand. I could feel my breath coming short and fast as I rummaged in my coat pockets with both hands, searching for something I could use to slow down the inevitable. It couldn’t be Walker already…it just couldn’t. And then Lady Luck stepped daintily down the last few metal steps into the bar, and we all breathed a little more easily again. Even a Transient Being had to be easier to deal with than Walker in a bad mood. Lady Luck looked just as she had before, a small and delicate Oriental in a long, shimmering silver evening gown. Her rosebud mouth was red as a plum, and her eyes shone like stars. She stood before us, proudly poised and smiling, the living incarnation of all chance, good and bad. The lottery win and the heart attack, the sudden cancer and the perfect moment, and everything in between. I think we were all impressed; except, of course, for Alex, who sniffed loudly behind his bar.

  “Doesn’t anyone take Closed for an answer any more? I can remember a time when locking my door actually made a difference. I’ve got to get those protective wards upgraded. What do you want, Lady?”

  “Hello, John,” said Lady Luck, ignoring everyone else to fix her attention on me. It felt like suddenly being hit by a spotlight. “I thought I’d just look in on you, see how you were getting on. Do you have any answers for me yet?”

  “Well,” I said. “There have been some interesting developments…”

  “That isn’t what I asked you, John.”

  “So you’re an actual Transient Being,” said Sinner.

  “Wow. I’m impressed. Really. It’s not often we get to see one of your station in the flesh these days. In fact, I was under the impression that you only appeared once in a Blue Moon.”

  “I’m here for a reason,” said Lady Luck, still looking only at me.

  “Yes,” Madman said abruptly. “You are. But you’re not Lady Luck. You’re not even a Transient Being.” We all looked at him. His face was white and strained, with blotchy patches of colour, but he seemed entirely rational. “I know you, Lady. I have Seen you before.”

  “So you have,” said the woman who wasn’t Lady Luck.

  “Poor thing.” She smiled graciously at him, and he winced, raising his hands as though to protect himself. Her voice was calm, perhaps a little regretful, as she turned her gaze and her smile on me again. “I’m sorry to have deceived you, John, but if you’d known who you were really working for, you wouldn’t have taken the case.”

  She dropped the glamour that surrounded her, and the sweet and delicate Oriental disappeared, replaced by a new vision. Madman shrank back against the bar, horror stamped on his face. Even in his confused state, he still Saw more deeply than the rest of us. He looked away, squeezing his eyes shut and whimpering. By now the woman looked entirely different. She was tall and thin, with colourless skin and jet-black hair, eyes, and lips, like a black-and-white photograph. Her face was sharp and pointed, with a prominent bone structure and a hawk nose. Her mouth was thin-lipped and somehow subtly too wide, and her dark eyes were full of a fire that could burn through anything. She was still wearing the shimmering silver dress, but on this new her it looked more sinister than stylish.

  “Hello, John,” she said, in a deep, smooth voice like bitter honey. “I’m your mother.”

  The words seemed to fill the bar. Everything had gone still and quiet, as though history itself had paused to appreciate such a significant moment. I didn’t know what to do or say. I’d thought and planned and dreamed about what it would be like, when I finally came face to face with my mother, but I’d never thought it would be like this. After all the years of searching and wondering, I’d never expected her to just stroll casually back into my life…but I should have known it would always be on her terms, not mine. I’d thought I’d know what I would say. I’d rehearsed it often enough in dark moments, all the accusations and harsh words, but…

  I had no memories of her, from before she’d left. I should have, I wasn’t that young, but it was as though she’d taken everything of her with her when she left. And yet I’d always thought I’d just…know, when I saw her. How could I not know my own mother? But the stark and sinister woman before me was a stranger. I didn’t know what I felt about her. It was all just too sudden.

  My mother smiled at me. I think it was supposed to be an understanding smile, but on her it just looked intimidating. Like some graceful feline predator assessing its prey.

  “Come on, John, pick up the slack. We have so much to discuss, before Walker arrives. Why, for instance, did I disguise myself as Lady Luck? She was just a mask I hid behind, to get your investigations started.”

  “Why did you want me to take the case?” I said finally.

  “Why did you send me searching for questions you already know the answers to?”

  “Because I wanted you to stir things up. Stir people up. I want everyone to be thinking and talking about the true beginnings of the Nightside, and what it was supposed to be. I wanted everyone talking about how much the Nightside has changed, down the many centuries. And I wanted you to be able to tell them how and why it all began, and who began it, so that they would understand what it meant, that I was coming back.” She fixed me with her burning gaze, and her smiled widened. “I am back, John. Aren’t you glad to see me again, after all these years?”

  “You abandoned me,” I said.

  She shrugged easily. “It was necessary. I knew you’d survive. You’re my son.”

  “Where have you been all this time?”

  “Walking up and down in the Nightside, wearing many faces, learning the shape and condition of the current Nightside. It has changed so very much. It was never meant to be as dark as this. Or as tacky.”

  “Did you ever love me?” I didn’t know I was going to say that, so bluntly, until I said it. The words forced themselves out of me.

  “Of course. That’s why I left you with your father. So you could be human, and innocent, for a while.”

  “Who are you?” I said.

  And she said; “I am Lilith. Adam’s first wife, thrown out of Eden for refusing to bow down to Adam’s authority. Though, of course, you must understand, that’s just a parable. A simple fiction to help you comprehend a far more complicated reality. You don’t think I really look like this, do you? I am far greater, and more powerful. This is just another mask, put on for old times’ sake. This is the face and body I wore to be your mother, John.”

  “Fennella Davis,” I said. Even as I was still thinking, Lilith? My mother is a biblical myth?

  “Exactly.”

  Madman peeked at her, past my shoulder, his voice shocked almost normal. “Lilith is just a projection into our limited reality of something much bigger. This female human body is just something Lilith wears to walk around in, like a glorified glove puppet. She’s really…” He stopped, hesitating. “She is really…” But he didn’t have the words. Perhaps there were no words, in our simple rational language. Whatever his mathematics had enabled him to See of her, in his brief glimpse of the Reality behind reality, he still couldn’t describe it to us. He started to shake and tremble, then to cry, and the bar and all the things and people in it began to shake along with him. It was as though an earthquake had hit the place. Tables and chairs danced and clattered on the juddering floor. The walls bowed in and out, the solid stone flexing unnaturally. Strange colours came and went, and sounds that made no sense. Distanc
e became uncertain and unreliable, and things were both close and far away at the same time. Directions changed without warning. Madman’s hold on reality was weakening again, and reality around him weakened as well. Merlin’s great oak tree slammed back into the bar again, taking up the middle of the room; and then it was a tower built of stained and discoloured bones; and then it was gone again. Cracks crawled jaggedly across the floor, opening wide to show vast watching eyes. I could hear things scuttling across the outer walls of our perception. Things that wanted in.

  “That’s enough of that,” Lilith said sharply.

  And just like that, everything was still and normal again. Madman’s projected unreality was immediately suppressed, the bar snapping back into sharp focus as Lilith’s super-presence stabilised the world, and him. He stopped shaking and crying, and a little colour actually seeped back into his cheeks. Lilith looked at him thoughtfully.

  “You Saw what mortal man was never supposed to See. Was not designed to cope with. Let me take the knowledge away from you, so that you can be ignorant and happy again.”

  “No,” Madman said firmly, surprising us all. “Even a bitter truth is better than a comfortable lie.”

  “But the truth is killing you,” said Lilith.

  “No,” said Madman. “I’m adapting.”

  Somehow, that thought was even more worrying. I cleared my throat loudly, to get everyone’s attention.

  “So,” I said to my mother, trying really hard to keep my voice calm and casual. “You’re Lilith. I know some of your story. Pew told me, a long time ago, when he was still my teacher.”

  “Blind Pew?” said Alex. “The rogue vicar? The Christian terrorist? Is he still around?”

  “Yes,” I said. “And if you interrupt me again, Alex, I’ll have my mother turn you into a tea cosy.”

  “That’s it,” said Alex, snatching my empty glass off the bar top. “You’re cut off. You get nasty when you’ve been drinking, John.”