The Valkyrie

by Charlotte Vassell

  “Yes it’s curious isn’t it?” Glory replied. Honour knew that this was something that Glory had often mulled over. Honour never had understood what went ‘wrong’ for Glory. What had happened to her to make her so heartbreakingly jaded?

  “It’s almost Freudian.” Honour said. A comment which Bea acknowledged with a wry smile and a brief nod.

  “Parents fuck you up: her poor mother.” Glory said wounded. The trio stood in silence for a minute or so, almost in remembrance of Metis before the damned silence became too much for Honour.

  “Don’t get me wrong I love a knees up, but they only actually got engaged last night and yet here we are the next afternoon at a party that must have taken weeks to organise.” Honour said in tones hushed enough that no one else would hear.

  “The Oracle of Delphi?” Bea asked.

  Honour wasn’t sure if she was being sarcastic. “Yes I suppose, Apollo is god of prophecy.” Honour concluded that that was a semi rational explanation after all.

  “Bollocks he’s psychopathic Mystic Meg with a guitar; he’s been planning it all to the nth degree.” Glory looked at her feet, the briefest moment of clarity struck her before fleeing. What on earth was this marriage really about?

  ***

  The Valkyries had been there for forty-five minutes and bugger all had actually happened yet. Glory was only half answering Honour. She had moved on to working out the most strategically advantageous spot in the room for a swift escape if needs be. She had been calculating whether jumping from an open window would be a viable option, when Aphrodite histrionically threw up her hands on either side of her face like an open prayer to the sky and stormed out of the room in a chiffon cyclone. Aphrodite’s magnificent exit was something to behold. The room had been organised much like a nightclub in in the 1920s (CE) with round tables in a semicircle surrounding a dance floor that faced a small raised stage. Aphrodite walked in a straight line to the door with no regard for the furniture, like a true roman. She gracefully climbed over a chair and then a table. Aphrodite then proceeded to sashay over the tables before playfully gliding to the next like they were leap pads. It was as if the girls were watching a real life Chanel advert. With her angry exquisite movement Aphrodite blew off all the petals from the flowers from the arrangements that Hera had been passive aggressively arranging. Thousands of rose petals billowed in the air. After stepping off the last table and floating to the door Aphrodite turned and gave Glory the ugliest sneer to which Glory merely looked back puzzled.

  Glory wasn’t sure why Aphrodite had taken such umbrage with her. This was an extra layer of risk to factor in now; presumably Aphrodite was circling the building outside like a shark that’s smelt blood. Glory looked over to Ares who smirked and shrugged ‘a well that was fun whilst it lasted’ sort of shrug. Glory wanted to know what he was thinking although she had already guessed he was trying to break up with Aphrodite. Honour was dumb from the spectacle she had seen. Bea was staring at Hera who had really lost her shit. Hestia was trying to placate her by saying that petals scattered everywhere was actually quite pretty. That wasn’t what Hera wanted to hear. Glory was bracing herself for Ares. He looked likely to come over and talk to her, publicly. She felt another presence by her side instead. Prometheus stood there in formalwear with a crisp white shirt with a wing tip collar. Liberty’s glamorous mother Asia hung on his arm looking rather smug by the marriage coup her daughter had pulled.

  “Good evening ladies.” Prometheus said gracefully.

  “Hello, it’s very nice to see you again Glory and Honour.” Asia said.

  “Hi” Glory said. Honour nodded still shocked by the shells that had detonated already that evening.

  “You must be the new girl Bea?” Asia shook Bea’s hand.

  “Pleased to meet you. Do you know where the bar is? I have got to make a blasted speech? Glory would you accompany me?” Prometheus asked offering Glory his arm.

  “But of course.” Glory accepted his invitation and the pair walked over to a corner of the room that clearly had no alcohol in it whatsoever bar the virginal champagne in Glory’s hand. After seeing Prometheus take Glory by the arm Ares left the room as he’d missed his chance. Glory and Ares followed each other with their eyes as they both crossed the room. Asia stood and chatted to Honour and Bea for a while before spotting someone else she knew.

  “The bar’s over there.” Glory impishly gesticulated towards the actual bar.

  “So it is. I don’t like this blasted wedding business.” Prometheus said.

  “Neither do I.”

  “I’m not sure how to stop it, but I’m sure one of us will think of something over the next few hours. I suspect some form of foul play on Apollo’s part, but before that a few things have been bothering me as I assume they are bothering you to? You were the one to talk to Valour on the phone were you not?” Prometheus asked to which Glory nodded. “Are you very sure it was her?”

  “Why yes, I’m certain it was her.”

  “Alright, I trust your judgement.”

  “Who else could it have been?” Glory asked, the sudden fear that she had allowed such an oversight struck her forcefully.

  “Now is neither the time nor the place for pursuing that thought further.”

  “You said a few things were bothering you, what are the other two?” Glory asked, gathering her composure.

  “Yes, who on earth is Bea and why did Athena look so strange?”

  “What?” Glory didn’t think anyone else had noticed that.

  “I’d watch your back. You’ve angered Aphrodite with your little escapade today as you’ve made Ares like you even more. Excuse me I have to make a speech in a few moments.” Prometheus bowed and moved towards the stage. Glory didn’t care whether everyone knew about her silly little act of matricide but she always forgot Prometheus could see straight through her. She’d always been curious about how much he truly knew and how much was bravado. Glory walked back over to Honour and Bea as by then nearly all the errant Olympians had made their way into the room as well as hosts of nymphs, muses, river gods and all the other petty nature gods under Olympus’s dominion. Moments later the chief stepped in. There was Zeus: King of Olympus and father of Glory. The old git walked over to the bar and propped it up. Last in was the happy couple. Liberty looked positively delightful and thoroughly delighted, and Apollo looked like a smug twat.

  “Well Liberty looks happy at least.” Honour said. Evidently some of her anger from the night before had relented.

  “She isn’t happy, that’s her Ketamine face.” Glory watched her dear friend for signs of distress.

  Zeus had downed his drink and turned to the stage. He clearly wanted to get his speech over and done with so he could fuck off. Glory motioned for the girls to move further towards the exit so they could leave as soon as the toast was done. Liberty wasn’t going to notice whether they were there or not in her delirium. Glory thought Prometheus was right, there was foul play afoot. Zeus had taken to the stage and surveyed his audience like the paranoid despot he was.

  “I should like to thank you all for coming here today, I take great pleasure in my son Apollo’s forthcoming nuptials to the beautiful Liberty, even if she’s Prometheus’s daughter, you fucker you. Why aren’t you dead yet? Now we all know that Apollo is a bit of a cad so well done dear in tying him down, I can’t believe that it’s because you’re pregnant as that hasn’t stopped him before.” Zeus said much to the amusement of many of the Olympians present, Prometheus was poker faced and Glory and Honour both worked hard to not show their abject disgust.

  “Shot gun.” Dionysius yelled.

  “Shot not. Where’s the booze?” Zeus said as he wandered off.

  “I’d like to extend my congratulations to the happy couple and I propose a toast to them both ahead of their wedding day: to Apollo and Liberty.” Prometheus said with elegance as he rose his glass “To Apollo and Liberty.”

  “Oompa.” the crowd said in unison.

  “What h
uh, yes to Apollo and Jennifer.” Zeus said as he picked up his second pint.

  “How do you let your only child marry the serial rapist son of the god that tied you to a rock for centuries to have your liver picked out every day by their pet eagle?” Honour quietly said aside to Glory.

  “On this very special occasion I’ve composed a song.” Apollo spirited an acoustic guitar from somewhere the sun doesn’t shine and began to strum a few notes.

  “Fuck no. Do you think I’ll get away with smashing his guitar?” Glory asked sincerely.

  “Probably not although I’m sure the sound of wood and string shattering across the floor would be very melodic. When has what you can get away with ever stopped you?” Bea asked.

  “You’re not fond of Apollo are you?” Honour asked.

  “No.” Bea said

  “That is very sensible of you.” Honour said.

  “Honour, Dionysius has been eating you with his eyes for the last ten minutes.” Glory’s eyes narrowed on her favourite pisshead.

  “What? Ah shit he’s coming over.” Honour said.

  “Hello all. Honour would you like a drink.” Dionysius sidled up to Honour getting a bit too close, the pervert.

  “Oh look there’s your wife.” Honour walked across the room waving enthusiastically at a pleasant looking woman “Hello, Ariadne how are you?”

  “Well.” Bea said.

  “Well.” Dionysius said as he scaled up the prospect of shagging Bea.

  “Fuck off.” Glory said.

  “Right.” He turned and walked away painfully aware that he wasn’t going to make any headway with either of those two.

  “Nice deflection from Honour there, she’s progressing tactically.” Glory was proud “I wonder where Eros is?”

  “I’m under here.” A voice said. Glory lifted up the tablecloth of the nearest table and found a handsome teenage looking man-boy underneath. He was the sort to set fifteen year old girls off in screaming fits. Glory climbed underneath the table leaving Bea as lookout.

  “So what are you up to these days?” Glory asked.

  “Matching people on Tinder mostly.” Eros said. “I’ve kept up my half of the bargain, if that’s why you’re looking for me. Don’t hurt me.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you.” Glory had always been baffled why anyone had put a teenaged boy in charge of falling in love. “I merely want information.”

  “What’s in it for me?” Eros asked.

  “An Xbox.”

  “And…”

  “My first born child?” Glory asked. “Fine you can touch my boobs.”

  “What information do you want?”

  “First things first, why does your mother look like she’s going to kill me?”

  “Because you killed you’re mother. With her dead you are unfettered; you satisfied your Electra complex. She thinks you’ll fall truly in love with Ares now and that he’ll marry you. I’m just about managing to shield our bargain from her.” Eros said swiping right on his phone screen. “Half of Olympus will know that you killed Britannia by now, but luckily for you it’s the half that doesn’t give a hoot. Ares finds matricide erotic. Watch your back.”

  “Our agreement still stands?” Glory asked.

  “Of course, I won’t meddle with you until you say it’s alright to, although you really should have realised that that isn’t how love works by now. You don’t get to choose even if I don’t take an active helping hand, frequently it’s a fixed point in time and as such nothing can be done about it.”

  “Alright then, well I’ve got a second question.”

  “Okay, go ahead and ask. Oh wait do you think this girl would work with a solicitor who plays ultimate Frisbee on the weekend?” Eros asked as he showed Glory his phone.

  “Oh no, definitely not, the poor girl. So second question, was this wedding debacle your doing?”

  Eros looked her square in the eyes. “No comment. Is that all?” Eros asked turning cold.

  “Yes, that’s all. Thank you for the help” Glory said as she began to climb out from under the table.

  “Did it feel good?”

  “Did what feel good?” Glory asked, confused by the question.

  “Stabbing your mother, did it feel good to stab your mother to death? To feel her blood drip down your arm from the knife in your hand?”

  “It was better than sex.” Glory meant it. Eros nodded his head. Glory came out from under the table to find Liberty babbling away to Bea and a Dionysius free Honour.

  “Is this all not heavenly?” Liberty asked.

  “Are you alright?” Glory asked.

  “Perfectly so.” Liberty said.

  “Are you sure?” Glory asked.

  “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Liberty asked.

  “Your eyes are huge.” Glory said.

  “You looked very happy earlier.” Bea said steering the conversation.

  “Thank you, I am truly happy.” Liberty said.

  “Well that’s what matters, isn’t it Honour.” Glory said.

  “Yes, yes it is.” Liberty said.

  “Your dress is lovely.” Honour kissed Liberty on the cheek whilst trying hard to not sound sad. “I’m sorry Lib I think I’m going to have to get going. I need to treble check the figures before KW2 kicks off tomorrow. You look beautiful.”

  “I’ll come too. Thank you for having me.” Bea said. “We’ll wait for you by the car Glory”

  “Are you reporting for duty tomorrow?” Glory asked Liberty as she watched Bea and Honour leave the room safely.

  “No. I’m going dress shopping with my mother and Hera.” Liberty replied

  “Alright, I’ll see you soon.” Glory embraced her friend. To her mind Liberty was a smack addict. Glory turned to leave. She could see that Hera had noticed her presence and was watching her closely. She walked through the main doors, paused and took a big breath.

  “I wondered whether you would come. I wasn’t sure you’d be over Apollo yet. You should be it was hundreds of years ago. It must be weird thinking of him shagging your best friend though?” Zeus was leaning against a balustrade.

  “Father” Glory said formally, taking in his form but not reacting to him.

  “I hear good things about you.” Zeus said as he sized her up “Don’t get too good, otherwise I shall be forced to do something about you.”

  “Do you threaten all your children so?”

  “Only the ones who aren’t idiots.”

  “Are you going to swallow me whole?”

  “Lack ambition and you’ll be fine. How’s your mother Britannia?”

  “If you were really omniscient you’d know that. Good evening.” Glory took two steps at a time down the flight of stairs.

  “You’re angry with me.”

  “How could I not be?” Glory stated over her shoulder.

  “That is an unwise tone to take with me.”

  “Good evening father.” Glory said, paying lip service.

  “Daughter.” Zeus turned back in to the party and Glory carried on out of Olympus and back to Hackney.

  PART II: APOLLO

  Apollo: The Early Years

  Leto was mad beautiful, although she was also pretty difficult to get a glimpse of. The titan daughter of Coeus and shining Phoebe, like Prometheus Leto had managed to stay the right side of Olympus after Zeus had defeated his father Cronus and the other titans in the war. Now Zeus was already married to Hera by the time that Leto accidentally let her magic slip and he saw her. The stag saw the doe and gave chase.

  ***

  “But you’re married.” Leto said.

  “Yes, I am aware of that.” Zeus said.

  “To the goddess of marriage.”

  “I am also aware of that. I never stop hearing about it.”

  “So why have you got your hand there.”

  “Because I want it to be there.”

  “This is not a good idea.”

  “What isn’t a good idea?” Zeus asked thinking not with his
head. He leaned in and kissed her. He kissed her. He kissed her. She kissed him.

  ***

  “Leto’s pregnant.” Hera said.

  “Really?” Zeus’s mind was absent and its location troubled Hera.

  “Yes.”

  “What?”

  “I know it’s fucking yours, you fucking cunt.”

  “I should damned well hope so unless the little whore has been cheating on me. I can’t be doing with that.” Zeus said as Hera seethed. “You’re stood there expectantly. Is there something you wanted?”

  “Something I wanted? When has what I wanted ever mattered to you?”

  “It never has, dear, and it never will.”

  ***

  Hera by her own nature wasn’t supposed to be cruel. The ill-fated Hera was held enthralled to the tyranny of ‘the bride’, locked in her role of wife to a despot with no hope of rebellion. Zeus had raped Hera and the shame induced her to accept his offer of marriage. What a propitious beginning the pair had. Inherently bad husbands make good wives bitter – as is often the case in reverse too. The hate of such a wretched wife breaks out sideways as it cannot forge a path towards its real target. Hera hunted Leto down. She was fearful that her husband’s bastards would gain prominence in the then young Olympus where she too reigned as queen consort. How could the goddess of marriage be belittled in such a way? Thus she decreed that Leto could not give birth on terra firma.

  Now Leto wasn’t daft and after a while she discovered that the island of Delos was not attached to land and merely floated. It was here that she gave birth to her eldest child, her splendid daughter Artemis, goddess of the chastity and the hunt, and latterly the moon. Hera, who had been unaware of that loophole, was seemingly undone until she detained Eileithyia, the goddess of childbirth. And so Leto laboured on and on. So after nine days and the assemblage of all goddesses of note Leto gave birth to the blond haired Apollo. Some say that Artemis acted as midwife which really must have been traumatic. Imagine delivering your own twin. Or perhaps Zeus eventually set Eileithyia free. This was how Apollo entered the world and all the trouble began.