Big Sky

by Stacey Coverstone

  “What is it?” Will asked.

  She shivered. Within seconds, her body grew cold with bone-chilling numbness. Was she imagining the change in room temperature? And had she seen her sister, or was her imagination playing tricks on her? She hadn’t even dreamt about Jamie in years.

  “Is a window open?” she asked Will, rubbing her hand up and down her goose-fleshed arm.

  “Yes. The one at the end of the hall.” He nodded in that direction and Taylor saw gauzy curtains waving in the breeze. “It’s a beautiful day. Nancy’s nurse asked if we could open the upstairs windows, but I can close them if you’d like.”

  The strange sensation passed as quickly as it had surfaced and Taylor’s body temperature plummeted back to normal. Obviously, she was tired and nervous about seeing Mama and being home again. And she was well aware of how stress could wreak havoc on the mind and body.

  “You can leave the windows open,” she replied. “I felt a chill, but I’m fine now.” She followed her stepfather down the hall where they stopped in front of the master bedroom. The door was closed but she could hear voices inside. “You go in first,” Taylor urged Will. “I’ll follow you.”

  “It’s not my room at the present time,” he said, lowering his gaze. “I’m sleeping in one of the guest rooms until Nancy is recuperated. Anyway, I think it’s better if you visit with your mother alone.”

  Maybe she was reading more into his body language than she should, but she noticed the muscle in his jaw twitched and his shoulders slumped. Taylor wondered if he and Mama were having problems that he didn’t want to tell her about.

  Will placed his hands at her shoulders and looked squarely into her eyes. “Are you ready to see her?”

  She nodded and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for calling me. I can’t avoid her forever. And it really is good to see you again.”

  He smiled. “I’ll be in my office.”

  Once he had retreated down the hall and she heard his footsteps on the stairs, Taylor straightened her spine and knocked on the wood.

  Chapter Six

  The door opened and Chelsea smiled. “Come in. Mrs. Banner is waiting for you.”

  With her stomach twisted in a knot, Taylor stepped inside the room and gazed around, recognizing the same wallpaper and carpet from her youth. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her mother sitting up in the king-sized bed propped against a stack of pillows.

  “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Chelsea patted Taylor’s arm and let herself out, shutting the door behind her.

  “Don’t just stand there,” Nancy said, breaking the silence that followed the click of the door. “Come closer where I can get a good look at you. I’ve been waiting six years for this moment.”

  Moving forward with hesitant steps, Taylor set her gaze on her mother and swallowed hard. Her hair, which had always been light brown, was now streaked with gray, and her eyes were still clear but wrought with sadness. Her voice sounded as steady and sure as ever, however.

  “Hello, Mama.”

  “Hello, Taylor,” she smiled. “Please, sit down.” She indicated the chair next to the bed. When Taylor hesitated, Nancy said, “Don’t be afraid. I won’t bite.”

  “I’m not afraid.” Taylor sat in the chair and shoved her trembling hands into her lap. The scent of Mama’s White Diamonds perfume propelled her back in time, as did the softness of her skin when she reached out and touched Taylor’s arm.

  “It’s so good to see you,” Nancy said. “You look beautiful.”

  “No, I don’t,” Taylor replied, lowering her gaze and reacting with a rare turn of shyness. “I took the red-eye, and then my rental car broke down a mile from the ranch, and I rode up here on the back of a horse. I haven’t even freshened up yet.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I probably look a mess.”

  “You look nothing of the sort,” Nancy said, leaning forward to stare intently. “But you have changed. I can see the maturity behind your eyes. You’re glowing with self-confidence. I expect that’s come as a result of your making it on your own in California.”

  Taylor shrugged. “I’m not the same person who left here. People can change a lot in six years.”

  “They certainly can. I read the article about you in that entertainment magazine a couple of years ago.”

  The news caught Taylor by surprise. “There was only a blurb about me. The article was mostly about the stars of a soap opera I photographed for a charity event.”

  Nancy smiled. “I got the sense you’re very passionate about your work. I’m very proud of you, dear. Will is, too.”

  “Thank you. I’ve worked hard to build my career.”

  “I’m sure you have. I never had a doubt that you’d be successful at whatever you decided to accomplish. You always had drive and ambition, and self-esteem. Those qualities can take a woman far in life.” Nancy gazed at a spot on the wall across from her, apparently remembering something from the past. “Even when you were a child, you had the same stubborn determination and work ethic as your daddy. Of course, that’s not all you inherited from him,” she joked, lightly chuckling. “You got his temper, too, didn’t you?”

  Feeling her throat constricting with emotion at the memory of her temper getting the best of her last time she spoke to Mama, Taylor changed the subject. “Let’s not go down memory lane, okay? Tell me how you are. Does your hip cause you any pain?”

  “Occasionally. But Chelsea has me on a strict regimen of physical therapy, and it seems to be working. I’m getting stronger every day. I’ll be joining you and Will downstairs for supper tonight. I had to demonstrate I could do stairs before coming home from the hospital, but I’ve preferred taking my meals up here. Until now.”

  Unable to hide the emotions bubbling to the surface, Taylor grumbled, “You could have died from your fall. I’ve never known you to drink heavily. What’s gotten into you?”

  Nancy’s smile faded and her demeanor changed like the weather on a spring day. Her gaze bore into Taylor, while her voice remained even. “After six years of absence and practically no communication, you now want to know what has gotten into me? I’ll tell you, Taylor. I drank because I’ve been unhappy. A shrink would say I’ve been trying to drown my pain in alcohol. And I’d agree. Why else do people drink if it’s not to hide from reality?”

  “Are you seeing a shrink?”

  “Hell no.” Nancy’s lips pursed. “But your stepfather is talking about putting me in one of those clinics. He’s threatening to ship me off to Betty Ford if I don’t straighten up.” Her fists clenched and unclenched. “I’m not crazy!”

  “Betty Ford is not for crazy people,” Taylor said. “And I agree with him. I’ll support him one hundred percent if rehab will help you. Will is scared. He doesn’t know what else to do. He called me because he’s at his wit’s end.”

  Nancy scrunched up her nose. “I haven’t had a drink since my accident. You can ask Chelsea. She’s with me far more than Will is. He rarely comes upstairs anymore. He assumes I’m still drinking, but I’m not.” Her jaw squared in defiance.

  Deciding it would be best to avoid a conversation regarding her parents’ relationship, Taylor said, “Are you telling the truth about not drinking?”

  “Of course I am,” Nancy snapped. Her head dropped to her chest and she immediately apologized. “I’m sorry, Taylor. I have no right to speak to you that way. I hope you believe me. I know liquor doesn’t solve anything. I’ve not had another drop.”

  She’d never known her mother to lie and was inclined to believe her. Though relieved, Taylor still couldn’t give her mother any props, however. The bitterness she’d held onto for so long caused her to lash out again. “It sure doesn’t. I thought you’d learned that from watching your other daughter struggle with drugs and alcohol.”

  Taylor wrung her hands in her lap. Neither of them spoke for a moment, and she mulled over her mother’s apology. It wasn’t the one she was hoping for, but it was a start. When Nancy lifted her
gaze, her eyes were sparkling with tears. “I miss Jamie. And I’ve missed you.”

  Taylor sighed. “I know you do, Mama. It didn’t have to be that way.”

  “Why didn’t you come home for her funeral? Haven’t you forgiven her yet?” Her disappointed gaze pinned Taylor against the chair like a dart. “She was your baby sister. After all these years, couldn’t you have found it in your heart to come home and show your respect, to her and to me? You left me all alone with my grief.”

  Strange how a string of words could light a person’s fuse and send their temperature skyrocketing within seconds. Taylor’s fingers curled around the arms of the chair in a death grip.

  “As usual, it’s all about you and Jamie, isn’t it, Mama? I should have known talking to you would be useless.” Her eyes narrowed. “I came here because Will begged me. He said you were suffering something terrible. Stupid me. I thought maybe…maybe, you were ready to apologize for taking Jamie’s side six years ago. But I see you still don’t have a clue as to how much pain you caused me. As for Jamie, why would I want to show my respect after what she did to me? Why would I want to show respect to either of you? Apparently you still don’t give a damn about me or my feelings!”

  Taylor bolted up from the chair and Nancy’s hand shot out and grasped her by the wrist.

  “Let go of me, Mama. I knew this was a mistake.”

  “No.” Nancy’s pointed gaze drilled her.

  Taylor wiggled, but her mother’s grip was strong. “I said let go, Mama. I need to get out of here.”

  “I’ll let go if you’ll sit back down and listen to what I have to tell you.”

  Taylor could feel the pulse in her neck throbbing. “The only thing I want to hear from you, Mama, is that you were wrong to ask me to forgive Jamie when she did nothing to make amends. And you were completely out of line when you blamed me in any way for what she did. I was the victim in that whole sordid affair. Not Jamie. Nobody put a gun to her head. She made her choice. My sister slept with my husband, for God’s sakes! I’ll never forgive her.”

  Taylor wrenched out of her mother’s hold and stalked to the door. She squeezed her eyes shut as the memory of the betrayal played through her mind again. When she heard her mother sniffling, she whirled and continued her diatribe.

  “You always coddled Jamie. Even as a child, you let her get away with murder. She never worked a day in her life, and no one ever forced her to take responsibility for her actions. She’s even had Will wrapped around her little finger ever since you and him married.”

  Nancy’s eyes widened.

  “Yes, Mama, I know he’s paid her credit card bills for years, and he even built that cabin for her to live in. Where did all that spoiling get her?”

  Nancy wiped away the tears spilling down her face and coldly answered, “Dead.”

  Taylor felt her whole body shaking. She had to leave the room before she completely broke down. It’d been a terrible mistake to come back. Nothing had changed. Feeling emotionally spent, she flung open the door. With her back to the room, she lowered her voice and said, “I’m sorry for your loss, Mama. I know Jamie was always your favorite. But it’s not my fault she’s dead. Once again, she made her own decision, only this time it was a lot more stupid than sleeping with her sister’s husband.”

  She left the bedroom door ajar and hastened down the hallway. Her hands rested on the ledge of the open window. Blinking back hot tears that stung her eyes, Taylor stared at the lawn and flashes of her childhood and teen years raced through her mind. Being home and in the presence of Mama and Will again made her realize what she’d been missing all these years—the love of family. Before the big blowup, Mama had always been a beacon of light, and Taylor wanted the comfort of that back. She softly began to repeat the prayer she’d recently discovered.

  “Oh God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” She’d come to discover the mantra of the Serenity Prayer helped ground her even more than sessions with a therapist.

  After a few moments, she had calmed and realized this was a turning point in her life. If she and Mama didn’t repair their relationship right now, Taylor would leave and never return. And that was something she wasn’t willing to accept. It was time to let go and expel the heartache once and for all. If that meant being the bigger person in order to end the estrangement, then so be it.

  With her shoulders squared and her body feeling light as air, Taylor returned to the bedroom door. “May I come back in?”

  Nancy waved her forward. “Of course, dear.”

  Taylor returned to the chair. “Mama, I know what it feels like to be left wanting resolution to questions only Jamie could answer. I empathize with your pain. Jamie shouldn’t have committed suicide. It wasn’t fair to you or Will. I don’t know what bad situation she was facing, but it was cowardly of her to take the easy way out. As usual, her final act on earth was a selfish one. With that being said, I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you through your loss. I should have been.” Taylor stared into her mother’s face, which was still flawless and beautiful at sixty.

  Nancy swallowed hard and said, “Your sister didn’t commit suicide. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

  “What? What on earth are you talking about?”

  “I don’t think Jamie killed herself,” Nancy reiterated.

  Taylor’s heart began to palpitate. “I’m not in the mood for sick jokes.”

  “This isn’t a joke. I’m as serious as a heart attack.” Her solemn face reflected the gravity of her words.

  Taylor hesitantly asked, “Why would you have doubts about that?”

  “I have my reasons.”

  “Tell me what they are. Don’t fool around.” She wanted to do the right thing and end the battle, but she didn’t have the strength to be sucked into some game. She locked gazes with her mother. They glared at one another like two bulls in the ring.

  “Say you’ll stay. I desperately need your help. I have no one else to turn to, and someone has to expose the truth.”

  “What truth?”

  “I have to know who murdered Jamie, and why.”

  “Mama.” With her head swimming in confusion, Taylor reached for her hand. There was no denying the concern clouding her eyes. “There was an autopsy, right? The coroner had to have determined the cause of death.”

  Nancy sighed. “I didn’t want an autopsy, but Will insisted. He said he didn’t think Jamie had kicked the drugs and he wanted to know for sure. But I don’t believe the coroner’s report. I wouldn’t trust Jim Reynolds as far as I could throw him. Please, honey.” Her mouth contorted into a plea. “You’re the only person I trust. You’ve got to find out who murdered your sister.”

  Taylor wondered if drinking could affect someone’s brain cells in such a short time. Mama was talking out of her head. Wasn’t she? “What about Will?” she asked. “Did you mention this to him?”

  “Yes, but I could tell he thinks I’m nuts. If I keep it up, it’ll be just another reason for him to put me in an asylum and throw away the key.”

  “Mama, no one’s putting you in an asylum. If you’ve stopped drinking, you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here at the ranch.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Taylor’s heart squeezed. Her strong-willed mother looked so scared and unsure.

  “I promise.” Taylor patted her hand.

  “Make me a pledge. Swear you’ll find out who murdered your sister. Please! I know she didn’t kill herself.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Jamie was getting her life together. She finally had everything to live for. She didn’t want to die. She had a new boyfriend. She’d been clean and sober for six months. And she was getting ready for her first show at the gallery in Prosperity.”

  Taylor’s eyebrow arched. “Show? What show?”

  The corners of Nancy’s mouth lifted into a slow smile. “Turns out, Jamie
was more like you than anyone could have imagined. She had recently discovered she was a pretty good photographer and had signed a contract with the gallery in town for a month-long exhibit. She was so excited. She even asked me for your address. I think she wanted to invite you to the opening reception. Jamie was the happiest I’d ever seen her. Then she died two weeks before the show was to open. It doesn’t make sense.”

  Taylor didn’t know what to think, or what to say, but she had to agree. It made no sense, if Mama had her facts straight. Her mother grabbed her hand and they gazed into each other’s eyes.

  “I’m truly sorry for betraying your trust six years ago,” Nancy said, softly, sincerely, and with a catch in her voice. “If I could wave a magic wand and take it all back, I would. Jamie was wrong to do what she did to you. I should have supported you. Not her. I failed you as a mother when you needed me most, and I apologize with all my heart.”

  Had Taylor just heard the magic words she’d been praying for? She laid her cheek against her mom’s hand and felt cleansing tears slide down her cheeks. “Thank you, Mama. That’s all I ever wanted.” After a few silent moments of hoping this wasn’t a dream, she lifted her head and said, “We’ve wasted too many years. And I’ve spent way too much time and energy being bitter and angry. If you honestly believe Jamie didn’t commit suicide, I’ll stay for a while. I don’t know what I can do, but…”

  When Nancy pulled her into her bosom and hugged her tight, Taylor’s emotional walls crumbled, and she felt peace wash over her like she hadn’t felt in years.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’ll see you at supper, Mama,” Taylor said later, pushing the door open and stepping into the hall. “And I’ll let Chelsea know you’re ready for more exercise.”

  “Someone call my name?” Chelsea appeared from around the corner.