When the water was as hot as she could stand it, she stood beneath the spray and let it massage her knotted muscles. She stood there for so long, the spray turned chilly, forcing her out. The fluffy towel she wrapped in felt cozy, but her hands still trembled as she finished drying off.
What the hell was Danny up to and why wouldn’t he leave her alone? After she brushed her teeth and finished combing out her tangled hair, she put on her Snoopy pajamas and climbed into bed. Then she ran a Google search on herself, just to make sure her home address was not listed anywhere. If there were a hint of it anywhere, she would be on the hunt for a new apartment. Her body slumped with relief when her name only revealed her office address. She dug through her purse to make sure she still had her pepper spray and checked her nightstand for the one she kept there as well. All was as it should be. Every light was on in her house when she scooted down under her blankets and sleep finally claimed her.
“You’ll never tell anyone about this, because if you do, I’ll hurt you even worse the next time. You hear me, you little whore? And trust me, there will be a next time.”
His breath smelled like stale beer and cigarettes. She wanted to gag. But she didn’t because his hand was clamped over her mouth, causing her teeth to rip into the inside of her lips. The metallic flavor of blood seeped onto her tongue.
She squeezed her eyes shut, but he hissed, “Look at me. Don’t you stop looking at me. You hear? I want you to watch me when I fuck you.”
Gabby bolted up in bed with a muffled scream. Shit! The nightmares are back. Her pajamas were soaked clean through and her breath rushed in and out in rapid puffs.
Breathe, Gabby. Nice and easy.
She talked herself out of the panic attack, just like she had done countless times before. It had become a ritual for her. Inhale, one-two-three-four, hold-two-three-four, and exhale, one-two-three-four. Though she was always one tiny hair away from a panic attack, she was proud of the fact that she had learned to deal with them without the use of drugs.
Gabby looked around her tiny apartment, curious whether her life would always be like this. She’d chosen psychiatry as a way to help others, those who had been through life-changing events like she had. But in doing so, she’d wracked up thousands of dollars of debt. Her parents wouldn’t help—they’d booted her to the curb long ago.
She’d always be a softie where her services were concerned. If someone couldn’t afford them, she would only charge a nominal fee, or not charge at all. At that rate, she’d never dig out of the mountain of debt. She didn’t live extravagantly. Her apartment was tiny. Not a studio but not quite a full one bedroom, though her rent was higher because it was in a secure building. She couldn’t live any other way, not with Danny still threatening her. Between her office and her apartment rent, she was barely breaking even. And that didn’t include student loans from college and medical school, malpractice insurance, or other expenses. In a word, she was broke. Maybe she should’ve joined a group practice when she left her residency, but the ones she interviewed with didn’t want her moonlighting. They also didn’t afford her the flexibility to volunteer as much, or to offer her services for free to those who couldn’t pay, so that was another reason she opted to go it alone.
Last year when she’d finished her residency, she’d imagined a much different scenario—one that had her financially ahead of where she was right now. She refused to give up her dream though. It was too important. Helping those less fortunate was her driving force. She wanted to raise funds, when she was able, to open a place where the abused could find psychiatric services at affordable fees and if they didn’t have any funds at all, they could still be treated. She knew it was a pipe dream, but it was hers and she would do all she could to make it happen.
When she fisted the sheets in frustration, she realized they, along with her pajamas, were damp with sweat. So she changed both and when she returned to bed, it was after two in the morning. She doubted she’d be able to sleep.
Her eyes were riveted on her best friend—the ceiling. Over the years, it heard every one of her disgusting secrets, things that no one else knew, ever since that awful day. As she stared at it, the whispers began, like they did on so many nights.
“I wish someone had told me long ago that life would always be this grim. That damn Danny. I just don’t understand why he keeps doing this to me.”
“Gabby, don’t you dare ever breathe a word of this to anyone or I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me? I’ll kill you first and then I’ll kill that stupid drunk mother of yours. I’ll sneak into her bedroom while she’s passed out and smother her. And it’ll all be your fault. You understand me? And just so you know, I’ll come here and fuck you any time I want. Understand?”
Gabby knew she never should’ve told her dad. She knew after that first couple of years, she should’ve kept it all to herself. Her mother didn’t care. She couldn’t stay sober long enough to care about anything besides booze and the only things her dad cared about were his son and what others thought of the family. “Outward appearances. We have to look good for everyone.” That’s what he used to say.
When she finally did get the guts to tell him, his reaction was nothing less than she’d expected.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Danny? Raped you? And when did this happen?” He laughed at her. “Come on Gabby. This is just a cry for attention and you know it. Another example of you being difficult. Danny would never do anything like that. He’s like a member of this family. He and your brother are more like brothers than cousins they’re so close. Quit trying to blame things on him. Just because you don’t have any friends at school, don’t point fingers at Danny.”
“But Dad, he hurt me. He really did. And he’s still doing it. I swear he is.” Her face was soaked with tears as she begged her father to believe her.
“You’ve become quite the actress, young lady. I think you need to quit reading all those books and start spending more time facing reality. Now stop with this charade. I won’t have it.” He slammed his hand on his desk and she flinched, afraid he was going to hit her, like Danny had. “Now get out of here before I do something we both regret.”
Gabby stared at the ceiling, remembering how she ran to her room crying that night. She remembered how she would try to convince herself that she hadn’t been difficult, that she’d been a good girl and that Danny had truly hurt her. And he was still hurting her. He had stolen so much of her life, and no one believed her. Eventually, she’d stopped telling anyone about him … she’d stopped even trying. And that piece of shit accomplished what he’d wanted, what he’d set out to do. He’d ruined her and she’d kept his filthy secret. Even though she never wanted to. And because of him, that smart, beautiful, kind, young girl lost everything. She grew into a woman with a cracked heart and a damaged spirit, with no one to protect her.
# # #
At 5 a.m., Gabby went down to the laundry to start her wash. There was a large part of her that realized she should probably talk to a colleague about what was going on. But she pushed it back in her head because she knew if she did, she would feel so much shame and humiliation that she could never look him or her in the eye again. So once again, she kept her ugly secrets to herself.
Two hours later, she lugged her laundry back upstairs and got ready for work. It was going to be another grueling day, and tonight she had an NA meeting she’d promised her friend Case, a group leader, she would attend. The volunteer hours she logged in were one of the most important things she did. She truly loved helping the people who didn’t have anyone to rely on.
Today her schedule was packed, so she would be brown-bagging lunch. She crammed it into her briefcase and headed to the train.
On the trip to the office, she didn’t know where to look. Her eyes darted everywhere, not seeing anything because she was so jittery. Heart thudding, palms sweaty, she made the walk to the subway, but nearly freaked out when she got down there. It was dark and dreary and the noise that usually didn
’t bother her, made her super edgy. When she boarded her train, she felt claustrophobic with all the passengers squished in beside her. Thankfully, she didn’t have many stops before her station. It seemed like everywhere she looked, she saw Danny’s face. But upon closer inspection, she’d realize she’d been mistaken. She finally stared at the floor and concentrated on her feet.
When she got to her stop, it was all she could do not to push people out of the way. She hit the steps at a run and practically jogged to her office. Her hands shook so badly, she couldn’t find her keys to unlock the door. Frustration mounted, and she almost screamed.
“Miss, may I help you?”
She jumped at the intrusion.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I saw you were having difficulty, so I thought to assist you.”
She looked up at over six feet of burly muscle. Soft brown eyes stared back at her as recognition hit her and she instantly relaxed. “You’re the guy who drove me home yesterday, aren’t you? Sam isn’t it?”
“Yes, ma’am. May I?”
“Please. I’m such a mess.”
Sam nodded. He looked into her purse and spied the keys immediately. Pulling them out, he unlocked the door, handed the keys back to her, and retrieved her briefcase.
“Thank you.” She sighed as she rubbed her forehead. “Hey, why you were here?”
He smiled but didn’t answer.
“Are you following me?”
“Not following, ma’am.”
She looked at him with furrowed brows.
“Let’s just say I’m keeping you safe. Have a nice day.” And he walked away.
Gabby walked inside and shut the door behind her. She hoped Sam would be hanging around outside her office. She would feel a lot better knowing he was there. She got up and looked out the window but didn’t see him.
Her first patient was due in ten minutes, so she needed to pull herself together. When her butt hit the chair by her desk, the phone rang. She answered it. She wasn’t expecting the voice on the other end.
“Gabby, are you all right?”
“Um, who is this?”
“It’s Kolson. Are you okay over there? Did anything happen?”
“No, I’m fine. Why?”
“It’s nothing,” Kolson replied.
“Are you having me followed?”
“Er, not exactly. I’m having Sam hang out for a while. Just making sure your cousin doesn’t show up.”
“Oh.” That took her by surprise. “I forgot to thank you yesterday for returning my wallet.”
“It wasn’t a problem,” he said, pausing before speaking again. “Gabby, did your cousin Danny threaten you again?”
His question was met with silence.
“Are you there?”
“Uh, yeah,” she answered in a shaky voice.
“Hey, what’s going on? Is someone there?”
“No. I’m fine. It was just coming back here after yesterday.”
“Was he there?”
“No. It was only my vivid imagination. I can’t talk right now. I need to go. I have a patient.”
The phone went dead. Kolson wanted to know what the hell that was all about. Unfortunately he didn’t have time to figure it out. He had a meeting, so he pushed all thoughts of her out of his mind and focused on the situation he was about to walk into.
A contract was on the fence for an entertainment company, Bright World Enterprises. They headlined all sorts of big names, from bands to individual musicians to movie stars. They were an enormous operation with clients all over the country. HTS was on the cusp of a huge deal that would catapult their business into another financial status altogether. His analysts were predicting that if he landed this deal, the prestige of HTS would be unmatched in the business.
He tightened the knot on his tie, adjusted his cufflinks, and smoothed his hands over his suit coat. His assistant was waiting for him with the necessary paperwork.
He entered the luxurious conference room, one of the few rooms in the building in which he had spared no expense. All eyes were on him as he moved to the head of the huge, oblong table. Coffee and tea had been served, along with other beverages and morning snacks.
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I trust everyone is well today.”
The spokesperson for Bright World Enterprises, Janice Pittman, reminded him of a pit bull. Kolson didn’t like her because she eyed him like a juicy piece of steak. He preferred to keep separate his business and bedroom interests, but from the looks she shot him, she didn’t.
“We’re all well today. And how about you, Kolson?” Janice purred.
He didn’t even like the way she said his name. It sounded like she was tasting it, rinsing it around on her tongue. He’d rather she spit it out when she said it. The thought of any part of him in her mouth didn’t sit well.
“I’m great, Janice,” he said briskly. “Shall we get down to business, then?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Not many women of her status made him shudder, but Janice Pittman was an exception. Everything about her grated on his last nerve. He asked himself several times whether this contract was worth pursuing, simply because of her. But then he reminded himself of his employees and what it would mean for them. Swallowing his distaste, he moved to make his play. Offering up his most charming smile, Kolson Hart began the deadly game of contract negotiations, a game in which he was highly skilled. He’d been raised by a dragon, after all, and he learned young how to save his ass from getting singed. Not a single emotion he didn’t want his opponents to see ever crossed his face.
If Janice thought she drove a tough deal, she was terribly mistaken. By the end of the morning, the deal was signed, sealed, and delivered, leaving Janice Pittman scratching her head over how the hell she handed everything to him on a sterling platter, serving pieces and all.
“It’s been quite a pleasure, and I look forward to a beneficial business relationship. Good day to you all.” Once more, every eye in the room watched as he walked away from the table.
On the way back to his office, he slipped off his tie and coat. It was time to hit the gym over lunch. He’d use the punching bag to vent his tensions with the lascivious Janice. The bitch had eye-fucked him throughout the meeting. What she hadn’t realized was that she was dealing with an expert at game playing.
She was trying to tango with Lucifer, and he’d seen to it she’d ended up getting fried in her own game.
Chapter Five
When Gabby walked through the door of the NA meeting, her first stop was the coffee pot. This may have been her fifteenth cup so far—her jitters were proof of that. Her lunch had gone half eaten because her head was still wrapped around Danny. But honestly, who was more fucked up? She or Danny? As a psychiatrist, she knew she was every bit as bad as he was, though not in a malevolent way.
“Hey!”
Gabby jerked and spilled coffee down the front of her blouse. She fanned herself and grabbed napkins to clean up the mess.
“Damn, I’m sorry. Didn’t think that would scare you.” Case led her to a sink so she could wet some paper towels too.
“It’s okay. I was thinking about a patient. Was here, but wasn’t, ya know?”
“Well, you don’t look so good. You okay?” His voice was filled with concern.
“What is it with everyone?”
“Maybe we’re all right. Ever think of that?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Uh-huh. Suitcases.”
“What?”
Case shook his head. “You’ve got purple suitcases under your eyes.”
“Thanks, Case.”
“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep?”
Gabby adored Case Russell. She met him during her residency. A recovering addict, he had been clean for eight years and ran this group of Narcotics Anonymous. His addiction was the result of a mugging. He’d been shot, badly beaten and consequently gotten hooked on drugs in the aftermath. It had cos
t him a hell of a lot—his wife, his child, and his job as a police officer. Now he was a private investigator and owned his own firm, Russell Investigator Services or RIS. Gabby loved to help him because he was such an inspiration to others and gave so much of himself to getting people back on their feet.
And Case matched Gabby’s adoration. He looked at her like a baby sister. Truth was, he would do anything for her. She’d helped him more times with his NA people than he could count and he owed her so much, he doubted he could ever repay her.
“You have that girl coming tonight, remember?”
Case’s eyed drilled into hers.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Uh, I dunno. Maybe ’cause you work your ass off and never take any time for yourself.”
Gabby laughed. “Gee, that sounds familiar.” She pointed her index finder at him. “I’d like to stay. I’ll be fine. You know me.” She gave him a sloppy smile.
“God, I’m such a sucker for you. If we ever got married, you’d walk all over me and I’d let you.”
“Ew, that’s almost incestuous.”
He laughed. “Yeah, it is pretty nasty, isn’t it?” And that’s the way it was. They loved each other like siblings, but that was as far as it had ever gone between them.
“So, who’s the girl?”
“I don’t see her here yet, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose her. She’s hanging by a thread. Her boyfriend beats her up and she’s on H. It’s bad.”
Gabby looked around for a minute because the cold, hard facts were, he was right. Heroin was a tough nut to get off and if you had a bad home life as well, that was like shooting oneself in the foot over and over again.
“I’m sorry, Case. I’ll do what I can if she comes in, but you know the score. I don’t have to tell you.”
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