When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  I wanted to see more of her, more than I had gotten the entire time I had known her. Yes, she was the same person I was around when she was a kid, but this woman in front of me every day was captivating. No, I hadn’t changed my own personal rules on commitment, but something had to give because I couldn’t seem to keep my mind on anything but her. There was a crazy vibe between us, and we were walking this tightrope together, not knowing what was right and where we stood.

  The waiter came back with my beer, and I sat down in a chair next to the field. I watched part of the match, trying to take my mind off things I should have been able to set aside. The breeze was cool that day, and I’d worn a light jacket. I crossed my legs and looked around, seeing Ava’s mother, Lindy, across the yard, talking to a gaggle of snooty women. She was such a bitch, always had been, but Dean loved her, and she loved him but just got seriously caught up in the lifestyle. Dean was smart enough to know he needed a big enough nest egg to keep her happy, and that’s exactly what he had. After we split, I heard he had taken a CFO position for a multinational financial firm and retired just recently from that. He liked to stay busy, but he also liked to have control over his schedule for his family’s sake.

  All in all, both of our lives turned out exactly like we wanted them to. I wasn’t sure Dean’s went down the path he’d thought it would when we first started the business. The business world was a tough place then, and it had only gotten tougher as the years passed. With technological changes, constant training needed, and the competition all over the place, it had been a battlefield until I finally got my company above the competition. I knew then, and I would stand by it now, that Dean would have never survived in the world I lived in. It was too centered around constant work and sacrifice in order to make it right. Sometimes, I thought about what my life would have been like if I had thought like Dean, but then again, I wasn’t wired that way, and it wasn’t something I could even picture in my head. Sure, everyone likes the idea of having another person there waiting on them every day, but I didn’t have time for that, especially early in my career.

  I let out a deep breath as Lindy turned and walked the other way without seeing me. It was stressful enough having her there, and the last thing I needed was for her to spot me and have one of her fits. I knew if she was there, her husband wasn’t too far away, and an encounter was far from something I was in the mood for. I needed a damn vacation, on an island, where I was not going to run into anyone I knew. I needed a space where I could just relax, take a deep breath and be me. Of course, I knew my brain would never allow it, and after the first few hours, I would be trying to connect to Wi-Fi to check on the company and knock out some work. At that moment, I was just going to have to settle for the cool breeze, the beer in my hand, and the polo match in front of me. In all actuality, it was probably the most I’d relaxed in a really long time. Of course, as soon as I thought that, my phone went off letting me know the executive board was making a speech to all those in attendance.

  I stood up, rolling my eyes and stretching. I wanted to sit there and do nothing until they made me go home. When I opened my eyes, they landed directly on Dean, and I quickly put my arms down and tried to avoid him. The last thing I wanted was to have a conversation with this guy. It was too late, though. He had already seen me and was heading in my direction. I thought about bolting like a child, but I figured that would just give him even more ammo, so I smiled as kind as I could and stood there with my hands in my pockets.

  “Tanner,” he said, stepping up to face me.

  “Dean,” I said, not sure whether to offer a handshake or not.

  He looked good, very relaxed, and I was almost jealous of that fact. We stood there staring at each other for several moments, the situation both intense and awkward. It had been many years since we had last seen each other, and I didn’t even know what to say. He looked irritated as usual, but personally, I really didn’t care all that much.

  “I saw that MJ was sponsoring,” he grumbled. “It’s a shame this polo match has lowered its standards in that way. It seems all the trash has come out now.”

  I stood there for a second folding his words over in my head. At first, I almost thought I heard him wrong, knowing there was no possible way that he had just walked up after all this time and made his first full sentence an insult. I must have been going crazy, right? Nope, I was not crazy in the least, and it was almost humorous to me how irritated he was after all these years. He was a man who could hold a grudge.

  “Really?” I laughed and shook my head. “All these years later, and you’re still angry.”

  “I don’t waste anger on you,” he scoffed. “Just pointing out the facts.”

  “Yeah, well, at least my half of the company is still going strong,” I snapped back. “And I recreated your half, probably better than you could have done yourself. In fact, have you heard the news? We’re merging with the number three company. Sounds like this trash is handling itself pretty well.”

  “You always have been an arrogant son of a bitch,” he growled, stepping forward. “You never could understand that you didn’t do any of this all on your own. You’ve always stood on the shoulders of greats.”

  “Really? And what great shoulders would those be? Yours?”

  I felt bad for some reason, and it was in my nature to be combatant. However, after so many years, I didn’t harness the same anger Dean had held on to. I should have just walked away, but he was being such an asshole. We stood there for several minutes exchanging verbal blows like we were in high school.

  “I have successfully run one of the largest Fortune 500 companies in the world,” he said. “I have kept a beautiful family in place, raised a strong, independent daughter, been married for over twenty-five years. What do you have to say for your life beyond your company?”

  “My life is my company.” I chuckled, thinking about Ava but pushing it from my mind. “I chose the path best for me, and you know as well as I do that picnics and tea parties were never on my list of accomplishments. Hell, if they were on yours, you nailed it, but while you were playing dolls and being the ‘man of the house’ I was making millions, growing a company, and becoming the top person in my field. Doesn’t sound like a wasted life to me.”

  “You are so naïve,” he said, chuckling. “When you die, will you bury the buildings you built with you? Will you fill your casket with hundred-dollar bills? I’ll be surrounded by people who love me, people I had personal and beautiful relationships with. You will have your secretary and the gravedigger. Sounds like you are the one who truly is missing out. I’ll tell you what I told you before, Tanner. One day, you’re going to regret pushing everyone aside for your dreams. One day, you’re going to want the time back, but by then it will be too late.”

  I stared at him for several minutes, blinking my eyes, trying to understand why those words were hitting me so hard in the chest. Had I gotten so hung up on Ava that Dean was making sense for once? I shook my head and forced a smile, turned and walked away. It was the only thing I could do, since words had seemed to have left me behind. I grabbed my keys and left the match, not wanting to look at any of these people anymore. I knew the execs would have my ass Monday, and I knew leaving would look bad on the company, but I couldn’t sit there any longer and deal with that. I was angry, and I didn’t even know why. Sure, Dean really knew how to get under my skin, but this time was different, his words hit me like a punch in the gut. I didn’t like it, and I needed to get my mind off it or I would obsess for the rest of the day.

  I walked straight to my car and jumped inside, gripping the steering wheel and growling. I needed to clear my head, think about something else. I sat there thinking for a few minutes before pulling off and out of the country club compound. I knew exactly what I needed. There was no question about it. I was tired of holding back and tired of skirting the issue. I was going to go do what I wanted to do for a change, and hopefully, it didn’t blow up in my face.

  Chapter 10:
Ava

  I sat on my couch, my feet propped up, still wearing my pajamas and covered in a nice, soft blanket. This was exactly what I needed, some quiet time to sort through my thoughts. It wasn’t very often that I took any time for myself like this, and though I was playing sick, it was a good excuse to sit around and do nothing all day except munch on snacks and watch movies. Still, with all the free time and willingness to work things out in my mind so I could get back on track with my career, I found myself daydreaming about Tanner. It was like my own brain was betraying me, and it was starting to get frustrating. I really wanted to throw some clothes on and go for a walk or do some shopping, but I was playing sick. Though the likeliness of my parents checking on me was slim to none, I didn’t want to take any chances. It was like calling out of work sick and then being seen at the club or bar that night. It never turned out well for you.

  I got up and went over to the fridge, staring into the bleak emptiness that it was. I had been so busy lately, I’d forgotten to get any groceries. Now, I was left hungry and housebound. It was a good thing I lived in New York where there was a delivery or takeout place on every corner. At the same time, I just wanted someone to make the decision for me. I was not in the mood to browse every single takeout menu in the drawer. I grabbed the last apple off the counter and bottle of water in the fridge and sighed as I sat back down on the couch. I guess I was destined for healthy food, since I couldn’t seem to make up my mind.

  I glanced over out the window at the sunshine and wondered what Tanner was doing. I knew he was at the polo match, but I was curious about whether he took a date, what he did at events by himself, and whether he was thinking about me at all. I knew it was stupid to even entertain the ideas, but I was having a free day of thinking, so I allowed myself to indulge in the thought process. Besides, what could it really hurt to think about those things? Maybe it would help me stop obsessing over him if I made myself believe he was a huge douche bag.

  I laid my head down on the throw pillow and set my apple on the coffee table, staring up at the romantic comedy playing on the screen. It was one of my favorites with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, but now, it seemed a little silly. Tanner was not the guy who was going to be the star in a real-life romance. He was more the one-night stand guy that everyone forgets about twenty minutes into the movie.

  I laughed at myself as I thought about Tanner in any type of romantic comedy. As I humored myself, I looked up, hearing a knock at the door. Maybe I was wrong about my parents not checking up on me, but they should still be at the match, and my mother would never leave that match early, even if there was an alien attack or she was losing a limb. It was one of the biggest social days of the year for her. I walked over to the door and opened it up, sniffling just for added effect. Immediately, I stood up straight and smiled, seeing Tanner’s face looking back at me. He smiled charmingly at me as he held out two bags of takeout.

  “I think you read my mind,” I said, taking the bags from him and inviting him in. “I was starving and couldn’t decide on what I wanted to eat.”

  “Perfect timing, then,” he said, laughing. “I was coming to check on you.”

  “You do know I’m not actually sick, right?” I laughed and peeked in the bags, feeling his presence in the room.

  For some reason, I didn’t feel quite as hungry as I had before and just having him in my apartment sent chills down my back. He was so sexy, too, with his clothes on from the polo match and his hair pushed to the side instead of the normal perfect do on top of his head. I turned around and looked at him, hearing him close the front door and linger there in the living room.

  “I know,” he said. “I wanted to see you again, out of work.”

  I watched him walk across the room and look down at my mess in the living room. He watched the rom-com on the television that was on mute and picked up the remote, clicking off the television. The intensity between us was thick as he stood bathed in the evening light coming through the windows. He stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted his head at me, biting his bottom lip. Holy shit that was hot. I put down the bag and started to walk forward, first at a slow pace but then picking up to a jog. He took his hands out of his pockets as I hopped up, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressing my mouth hard against him.

  He wrapped his arms around me and gripped my ass, squeezing hard and groaning as his tongue immediately pushed through my lips and swirled around, tasting me. I could feel him pulling me in, breaking me down, and readying me for what was to come. I knew there was something about this that was wrong, but I didn’t give a damn anymore. We had wanted each other since the first day I had sat in front of him. I could fight myself over and over again, but I would still come to the same conclusion.

  He walked forward through the living and toward my bedroom, carrying me in his arms, still kissing me feverishly. When he hit the hall, he set me down, and we stopped for a moment as he pushed me up against the wall and grabbed onto my tits, massaging them deeply as he ran his tongue up my neck. I moaned loudly as he pushed his hard cock against my body, groaning right along with me. I couldn’t keep myself contained, and I pulled my top off, letting my breasts bounce out freely. He dipped his head down and sucked on my nipple as my hands pulled at the belt of his pants. He grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around to the other wall right by the bathroom door. He put his hand on the doorframe above my head as I took his pants down to his ankles and wasted no time reaching into his black boxer briefs and grabbing firmly to the shaft of his cock.

  He closed his eyes and breathed heavily as I stroked it hard, my heart racing at the girth of the thing. I wanted it inside me so bad, and I wanted to feel him fucking the hell out of me. I yanked his boxers down to the floor and dropped to my knees, letting his dick spring out, catching it with my lips. My hand tightened at the base, and I pulled my lips over the head, flicking my tongue against him. He groaned louder and pushed down on my head with his hand, his shaft sliding down my throat. He knew what he wanted, and he was not afraid to take control. That fact alone was incredibly arousing. I bobbed my head up and down on his cock for several moments before he reached down and grabbed me under the arms, pulling me into the bedroom and throwing me down on the bed.

  I looked up at him and smiled as he ripped off the rest of his clothes and stood stroking his cock as he looked at my body. I pulled my pants off and watched as his eyes widened, staring at my naked swollen pussy. I could feel the air hit me, and I knew I was already so wet. He licked his lips and dove down on the bed, pushing my legs over his shoulders and moving his lips fast and deep over my pulsing mound. I screamed out and arched my back as he pulled two fingers up and began to finger fuck me, his tongue running circles over my clit. He was not going easy, and I knew at that rate, I was going to come any second. He looked up at me and smiled as he fingered me harder and deeper, putting his whole mouth over my nub and sucking.

  “Yes,” I screamed out, pushing my hand down on his head. “Don’t stop.”

  With the sound of my voice, he growled and moved even faster. My body tensed and arched, and my head rolled back as the orgasm exploded from my body. I screamed loudly grinding my hips against his mouth as the pleasure moved through every inch of me. He pulled his fingers out and licked the juices flowing before growling loudly, moving up and plunging his huge cock into me. It slid right through the juices and filled me completely. He picked up my hips and began to thrust, moving his hips like a wave against my clit that wasn’t even recovered yet from the first orgasm. I was writhing in absolute pleasure, and I ran my hands up my stomach and grabbed my breasts, massaging them as I moaned in rhythm with his thrusts.

  “You’re so wet,” he whispered with a groan.

  “Fuck me hard,” I said, looking up at him and biting my lip. “I want you to feel me come again.”

  He chuckled but with a tone that said he was ready for it. He began to fuck me hard and deep, pulling my legs up on his shoulders and slamming his body into me. The sound o
f our skin slapping together echoed through the room and heightened my arousal tenfold. His grip on my waist was tight and I pushed my arms over my head, screaming in pleasure. It was even better than I had imagined, better than I had thought when I was rubbing my own pussy late at night.

  I grasped my hands together and looked up at him as he pushed deeper and deeper into me. I could tell his mind was past the point of satisfying just me, and he had a serious mission for release. I unhooked my legs from his shoulders and spread them wide as he pushed his body over top of me, grinding against my clit as he pushed deeply into me. He gritted his teeth and grabbed onto the sheets around my head as he arched his back with every thrust. He was raw and uncensored, and I could have fucked him like that all night long. However, as his eyes grew needier and his body pulsed against my nub, I gripped onto his shoulders and breathed heavily, feeling another orgasm teetering on its edge.

  He groaned, pulling his hips back and slamming into me, holding himself deep inside of me for a moment before sitting up and pulling out. He grabbed his cock and stroked it with one hand as his other rubbed my clit furiously. As his seed sprayed me from tits to belly button, I arched my back and screamed out, feeling his fingers push me back over the edge in pleasure. The feeling of his hot stream and the sound of his deep groans made the ecstasy that much deeper.