When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “Go relax,” he said smiling. “Everything is almost back to normal. The only thing left to do is talk to your father, and then, the decisions can be made from there. Either way, I want to talk with you when everything has come full circle. Can you do that for me?”

  “Of course,” I said, feeling like I was starting to have a partner and not just someone fighting against me.

  I kissed him on the nose and made sure my clothes were straight before leaving the office. Lily didn’t even look up when I left, and I assumed that we had been quiet enough. I walked into my office and grabbed my purse, looking over and blushing as I caught Tanner staring out of his doorway at me. I felt like I was on cloud nine, even though there were still some serious issues to resolve.

  I climbed into the elevator and watched as the doors closed, feeling my heart beating wildly in my chest. As soon as the doors had slid shut, a huge smile spread across my face, and I leaned my head back against the elevator mirror. This whole situation had been such a roller coaster of emotions. I couldn’t wait until it was all over, and I could go back to my life, could bring Tanner into my life permanently and not have to wonder from hour to hour whether we were seeing each other or not. The suspense had to be over.

  Chapter 29: Tanner

  I watched as Ava left her office, chuckling to myself at how much her cheeks blushed when she realized I was watching her. It was like everything that had happened over the last couple of weeks had finally began to settle. There was only one more conversation that needed to happen in order for Ava to feel comfortable with us becoming an official couple. I hadn’t meant to sleep with her, and in fact, I was completely prepared to say goodbye to her, but as she sat there, showing how much I affected her, I couldn’t help it. I lost all ability to control the situation, and I begged her to stay. I didn’t regret it, though, I knew that if I didn’t go all in and do my best to let her know how much I wanted her in my life, I would never feel at ease if things didn’t work out. There was still a chance that things could backfire, but I was ready to put myself on the line and wouldn’t let my fears of commitment or love get in the way of attempting to keep Ava in my life.

  Ava, at that moment, was staying with the company, but I knew it was confusing for her, and she wouldn’t feel comfortable making any decision without letting her father know the entire truth. At the same time, I needed to make peace with Dean, let him know how much I cared for his daughter. He would never go along with any of it if he still harbored such a strong animosity toward me. I got up and closed my door, wanting privacy when I made this phone call. I knew there was a good chance that Dean was going to either not answer at all or turn me down for the chance to talk, but I had to give it a shot. If Ava talked to him before I had a chance to make things right as his friend, I might lose her before I even had a chance to try.

  I dialed Dean’s number and listened as it went to voicemail. I hung up and sat there, staring at the phone, trying to figure out what to do next. I didn’t know where he was or where I could find him, and I wasn’t going to show up at their house in case Lindy was there alone. She didn’t like me, and I really had never been very fond of her either. A face-to-face with her was not something I was interested in having at all. I picked the phone back up and dialed him again, hoping he would get the hint that it was important. To my surprise, he answered the phone.

  “Tanner,” he said, not sounding too excited to hear from me.

  “Dean,” I said in a kind voice. “I think that it’s important that we get together and talk. Not only do I want to try to work through all of this, but I need to talk to you about Ava as well.”

  “Is she alright?”

  “Yes,” I said calmly. “Yes, sorry, she’s fine. This is a more personal conversation.”

  “Alright,” he said with a sigh.

  “How about lunch in an hour? We can meet at that deli you like on Ninth,” I suggested.

  “Sounds good. I will see you then,” Dean said, hanging up the phone.

  He never was a big talker on the phone, and I was pretty sure his shortness also had something to do with the fact that he wanted to see me killed. I finished a few things up at work and headed out toward the deli, taking a cab to not look so pretentious. When I arrived, Dean was standing out front, early as usual. I got out of the cab and walked up, shaking his hand and leading him into the deli. We ordered some sandwiches and took a seat at a table in the back corner. Immediately, we sprang into conversation.

  “Listen, Tanner,” Dean said. “I am not going to be angry about this forever, it isn’t worth it. I have forgiven my daughter, and I can learn to forgive you as well.”

  “That is amazing news,” I said letting out a deep breath. “You are and always have been my closest friend. We only just made our way back to talking terms, and I don’t want to lose that progress. I think that it’s important that we start having a full disclosure policy. Lies have caused a lot of issues for everyone.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” he said, lifting his coke and tapping my glass.

  “I’m glad you feel that way,” I said getting nervous. “And in that spirit, I want to talk to you about Ava.”

  “I figured that this would turn into something about Ava and yourself,” he said, leaning back. “Alright, hit me. I will be as open as I possibly can.”

  I smiled at the server who brought our food over and set it down in front of us. I took a deep breath and let it out, nervous to talk to Dean about this. It wasn’t like talking to the normal father of the girl you wanted. It was talking to my best friend about his daughter.

  “I guess I’ll just come out with it then,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m in love with Ava.”

  “Alright,” he said, seeming not surprised at all.

  “I would do anything in the world to protect her,” I said, trying to make him understand how sincere I was being. “I haven’t felt this way about a woman since my ex, many, many years ago.”

  I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair, thinking about everything that had happened. I didn’t want to sound pitiful, but I knew the only way Dean would soften was if he truly believed that I cared about Ava. The only way he would truly believe would be from my complete and utter candor. I had to be truthful and vulnerable about the situation.

  “She’s struggling with it, though,” I said continuing. “She’s terrified of what you’ll think, how you’ll feel about this, and how you’ll react. Without yours okay, she won’t be with me. She is a mixture of personalities, and though she’s dedicated to her professional future, she’s also determined to keep her roots. I’m not part of those roots, so I am relatively expendable I suppose, and she’s struggling with whether she should be a part of my life or not.”

  Dean leaned back and began to laugh, first just a chuckle and then it turned into a full-out belly laugh. I sat there confused as to why he was laughing, not sure what to do in that situation. Was he mocking me? I didn’t think, so but you could never be sure with him.

  “She’s a smart girl,” he said, still laughing.

  I sat there for a second, completely unable to speak or move. Fear flooded me at the thought that Dean was not going to accept Ava and I as a couple. I knew no matter how much it hurt Ava, she would stand by whatever her father said. I was stunned that he was holding that position, almost making fun of me as I sat there completely open to him. I sighed and pushed my tray away, emotions that I hadn’t had in a very long time starting to flood my mind. I hadn’t even thought that not having Ava in my life was a possibility. In the end, I really thought that Dean would open up to the idea and eventually give his blessing. As he sat there laughing, though, I could see something in his eye that resembled revenge. I couldn’t allow myself to think that this man would put his needs and anger above his daughter’s wants.

  I sat there watching him as he had a good time, still laughing from the joke he was playing over and over in his head. I put my head in my hands and could feel a serious lump in my
throat. I couldn’t accept losing Ava. She was obviously the woman I wanted to spend my life with. It took me ten years to find her, and now I knew if it didn’t work out, I would spend the rest of my life alone, without ever creating my own family. Dean looked over at me, and his jolly face faded to a serious one. I could tell he didn’t realize just how serious I was taking the conversation. He stopped laughing and cleared his throat, leaning over toward me.

  “Okay, okay,” he said taking in a deep breath. “You may be an asshole sometimes, but I believe that you actually love Ava. I believe you will do everything you can to make her feel better, to protect her, and to support her in life. The age difference is a bit of a shock, but I do know that in a lot of cases, age is only a number. I give you my blessing to be with Ava as long as that is what she wants as well. You are two mature, grown people who are more than capable of making your own decisions and knowing the repercussions of your actions.”

  “Thank you, Dean,” I said feeling relieved. “Now the other issue is us I want you back in my life as my best friend.”

  “Fine, but no girl talks while you’re dating Ava,” he said scrunching his nose.

  “Ew, man, ewe,” I said shaking my head.

  “Hey gotta lay ground rules,” he said chuckling.

  We spent the rest of lunch talking about life, about Lindy, and about the next steps Dean wanted to take in his life. I offered for him to come back to MJ, but he just laughed, saying he was tired of the executive world. He had made more money than he and Lindy could spend in their lifetimes, and he wasn’t interested in taking a job that would just stress him out and leave him exhausted from life. When we were done with lunch, we walked outside, laughing about something ridiculous Dean had said. He turned to me and reached out his arm. We embraced, his hand slapping my back.

  “I’m glad we had this talk,” he said. “Now, this time, let’s try not to throw any weird secrets in the mix just a few days later.”

  “You got it, man,” I said laughing.

  I walked to the cab and climbed in, watching Dean walk down the street. He had his hands in his pockets and he was strolling along, with a face that looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world. I was envious of that carefree nature but at the same time extremely excited that Dean had given his blessing for Ava and me to see each other. I wanted to call her, to give her the exciting news, but she needed to talk to her father first. She needed to tell him how she felt and hear the blessing straight from his mouth. She really cared what her father thought about everything, and she wasn’t going to be satisfied until he told her himself that he supported our relationship.

  Part of me worried that talking to Dean before she had was a mistake, but at the same time, Dean would not have been as supportive if he hadn’t been in front of me, listening to how I felt about Ava. He knew I was sincere and knew this wasn’t just a trick to keep her in my bed. He knew me better than anyone on the planet, and he could spot bullshit a mile away. Now, I just had to make sure Ava remembered that feeling between us from earlier and made her way back into my arms.

  Chapter 30: Ava

  I woke up on Saturday morning with my father and Tanner on my mind. There was so much going on in my life, and I couldn’t find the ability to sort it out myself. I felt slightly broken, worn down from the stress of fighting with my father, the emotional roller coaster that was my relationship with Tanner, and the fact that I wasn’t sure what to do about MJ. My career was really important, but I was smart enough that I didn’t need to stress out so much about it. Tanner was the biggest thing on my mind. My father was about to find out that I’d lied to him again, and though it was still uncertain as to where my future with Tanner was going, I knew that I loved him, and I needed to try to get to the point where we could figure it all out without the stress of sneaking around and worrying about the lies in the background.

  I shuffled out of my bedroom and walked into the living room, plopping down on the couch and looking out of the window. It was sunny, but from the chill in the apartment, it must be cold outside, something I really loved about autumn in New York. I could break out the sweaters and boots earlier than most other places. However, at that moment, I only wanted hot coffee and a warm blanket and maybe a really good conversation with my father. I leaned over and grabbed my phone, dialing my father’s number, expecting to leave a message. To my surprise, he picked up and seemed cheerier than normal.

  “Hey, Daddy,” I said. “What are you doing?”

  “I just got to the city,” he said happily. “I was thinking about you.”

  “You want to come over?”

  “That sounds perfect,” he said kindly. “I’ll be over soon.”

  We hung up the phone, and I grabbed the fleece out of the closet, not wanting to turn on the heat just yet. The day was fresh and there was a good likelihood it would warm up into the sixties outside later, which would raise the temperature of the apartment to a comfortable seventy-four or seventy-five degrees. This was the time of year I could save some money on the crazy electric bill that New York weather produced. I lay there bundled up on the couch for quite a while, my head on the pillow, and my eyes gazing out at the tree in front of the window. There were people out walking their dogs, taking their children to the park, and doing other normal Saturday activities. Part of me was jealous, wanting to have that kind of life as well. However, in order to do so, I needed to get through this first part of things, telling my father the truth.

  I was pretty sure my father was going to show up with either coffee, breakfast, or both, which was fine with me since I had completely forgotten to buy coffee or groceries for that matter. Everything had been a mess recently, so much that I was thankful I had remembered to brush my teeth everyday much less keep up with the grocery shopping. I got up and bounced to the door as soon as I heard the knock, opening the door and hugging my father. I took the bags from his hands and walked over to the table, sitting down and unloading the breakfast. He sat down a coffee in front of me and smiled.

  We started talking immediately, having our normal chitter chatter about the city and the weather before talking about anything else. My father seemed happy, something I hadn’t seen in a really long time. He was always so stressed out when I was growing up and part of that had to do with my mother and her constant nagging.

  “You know what I thought about the other day?”

  “What’s that, sweetie?” He leaned back in his chair.

  “The time Mom and I went upstate to that amusement park,” I said smiling. “Neither one of us like roller coasters, so we spent all day eating candy and riding the Merry Go Round.”

  “That was when I couldn’t get off work,” he said laughing.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “It was such a good day. What happened to Mom?”

  “The same thing that happens to almost everyone,” he said sighing. “You pass on life experiences over and over, and then one day, you’re terrified that you missed out on life. That was what, or is what, your mother is going through.”

  “But she’s hurting everyone else around her,” I said, “which kind of sounds like someone else I know.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” he laughed. “You are not going through the same thing. You’re young, and you’re testing the waters. You’re figuring out who you are and what you want.”

  “It’s funny how I want both sides of the fence,” I said, looking down at my sandwich. “I want the career and the personal life. I don’t want to have to make a choice like you and Tanner had to. I want it all.”

  “And you can have that,” he said laughing. “You are much smarter than me.”

  “Dad,” I said, thinking about Tanner. “What you and I have, how close we are, is extremely important to me. I’d go to any lengths to keep it intact.”

  “I would too, baby,” he said kindly.

  “That being said, my relationship with Tanner is just as important to me,” I said, looking up at him and waiting for a reaction.

  I wait
ed for a moment as he played the words over in his head. He tapped his finger on the glass tabletop underneath his hand, and slowly his face softened. He sighed and smiled slightly, and I let out a deep breath. He chuckled slightly and took a sip of his coffee, obviously not surprised at all about anything I’d said. I was confused, but I didn’t want to ask any questions. I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it.

  “I already knew all of this,” he said with a smile. “Yesterday afternoon, I met with Tanner. We hashed a lot of things out. And before the lunch was over, he was extremely honest about how he felt about you. I know when that man is lying, but I saw tears in his eyes when he talked about how important you are to him and how much he loves you. So, I gave him my blessing, as long as you felt the same way.”

  “Oh,” I said, taken back by what he was saying.

  We continued talking for a couple of hours, but my mind was back on Tanner. I should be ecstatic, seeing that my father was on board with us dating, but I wasn’t. Tanner had gone behind my back and talked to my father, and didn’t say anything about it to me. We had just gotten done promising each other a fresh start, a clean slate, and a relationship with no lies. Here I was again, finding out that what he told me was not the truth. How could he go and do that? I knew he did it to make my father feel he could trust him again, but still, the partnership I thought we had was not going to happen the way I wanted it to. Instead, I was sitting there thinking about how he had betrayed me again.

  My father didn’t seem to notice that I was upset, which was good, because I didn’t want him to be involved in any of this anymore. He had come to terms with my job, my relationship, and the fact that I had lied to him. From there on out, it was going to have to be me dealing with Tanner the way I thought was best. I couldn’t figure out why my heart wanted to see him but my brain was screaming at me to be angry. Everything was complicated all over again, and I was really looking forward to getting this over with and moving on, with Tanner and I receiving the opportunity for a fresh start. It was all too good to be true from the start, and I should have been prepared for something like that. Again, I was left dizzy after being sideswiped by the man I loved. It was starting to get annoying how much I had to deal with.