When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “They understood.” She shrugs at me. “What were you supposed to do? I think even the heartless bankers have family so there must be a little bit of them that gets that we all have a life outside of work, and that sometimes we don’t have any choice. That has to come first.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I murmur, not entirely convinced that they understood. I’m sure they probably would have just left their children in the hands of the doctors, but that hardly matters. I don’t exactly regret my choice. I’m right where I need to be. “So, how did it go?”

  “Well they love the plans.” Her eyes flash with excitement. “They were really keen once I made them fully get how the restructure will turn you into a profitable organization. Once I showed them all the monetary projections they agreed. Well, I mean they made some firm suggestions of their own as I’m sure you’d expect, but yes we sorted it out. It’s all good. You have some time anyway, and that’s the main thing you needed, isn’t it? Time to get yourself organized.”

  My heart swells with pride and also something that feels suspiciously like love. Katy has saved my business, she’s brought it back from the brink of despair. Of course, there’s still a lot of hard work to be done, I’m not turning my back on that, but I have hope now. I have a chance.

  And not only that. Now Katy is about to save my son as well. She truly is perfect.

  “Thank you for that,” I tell her sincerely. “It means so much to me that you would step up and do that for me. I know you didn’t have to, you could have rescheduled…”

  “Oh well I didn’t think that you’d be in the right frame of mind for it any time soon so I assumed that I was better just getting in there and doing what I can… I hope I’ve done well for you.”

  As she peers up at me under her eyelashes all I want to do is cup my hands around her cheeks. I want to kiss her hard and never stop. I can even feel my body leaning in to make that move for me, despite the fact that it’s probably a little crazy to kiss her in the middle of the hospital in this very tense situation, but before I get the chance to actually connect with her, the door swings open and the doctor reenters the room. Relief floods me as she breaks the magic of the moment. It’s probably a good thing that we didn’t kiss just then, it could have really complicated all of this.

  “The blood tests have come back okay,” the doctor tells us both gravely. “I rushed them through so we can get the results quickly, so now we need to get things moving if that’s fine with you, Miss Atwater?” I hold my breath, but I don’t really need to because Katy nods without hesitation. “Perfect. Okay, I shall take you down to the surgery room now and get you prepped, then someone will be up to wheel Liam down. The faster we get moving, the better right now.”

  Just before Katy goes along with the doctor, I take her hand in mine and I squeeze it tight. A million thoughts race through my brain as our skin connects and I hope at least some of it goes through to Katy. I want her to know how much she means to me, I want her to know how grateful I am to her, I want her to know that right now I could easily fall head over heels for her…

  But before I can really communicate any of that effectively, the doctors swiftly moves from the room and Katy is gone too. It’s just me and Liam left, waiting for the biggest moment of his life so far. I turn to see his fragile little body lying in the bed, with a prayer filling my heart.

  “You’re going to be okay,” I tell him softly. “Katy is going to look after you, okay? We’re going to have to say a big thank you to her once all of this is over. She’s been amazing.”

  This time as tears fall down my face, they’re filled with utter hope. This might not be as bad as before, we might have a chance this time. I just need to keep on hoping and wishing…

  ***

  I don’t know how much time passes, it could be one hour, it could be twenty, my brain is all over the place while I wait for the results. Two people who hold the utmost importance in my heart are both in surgery and I have absolutely no control over what’s happening. I’m standing out in the hospital hallway feeling utterly useless. I hate it, I want to be doing something to help, I wish they would even let me watch so I feel more involved in what’s going on, but instead I’m stuck out here with no one to talk to and no information whatsoever. I feel like I might explode.

  Every single time a doctor walks past me, my heart leaps up into my throat, then sinks when I notice that they aren’t here for me. They must all be able to see it, the way my shoulders hunch up around my ears, then come crashing back down when they don’t want me at all. But I suppose they’re used to this. Frantic family members are what they deal with all day and night long.

  I move over to the water machine and grab a tepid glass of liquid in one of those horrible, tiny plastic cups. I don’t even want it really, but I need something to hold in my hands, I need something to do. Plus, I suppose my mouth and throat is dry with terror, so it’ll only help…

  “Mr. Debroils?” As a grave voice calls out to me I almost leap into the air in shock. Trust it to be the one second that I’m not looking for a doctor, one comes to find me. “Can you come with me?”

  I can glean anything from his voice, or his facial expression which scares me. I don’t know if he’d give me more of a clue if it was bad news or if he wouldn’t want me to break down in front of all these people. Either way my hand shakes so much that the water I’ve just poured into the cup spills over the side and slashes to the ground. The doctor sees this, but does nothing about it.

  “Yes,” I whisper while staring at my shoes. “Where are we going?”

  She doesn’t give me an answer, she simply turns on her heels and walks off. I follow her in a direction I don’t recognize. It’s a part of the hospital that I don’t think I’ve ever been in before. That freaks me out even more. What if there’s a specific room that’s set up to give bad news in? One with padded walls and tissue boxes everywhere so people call fall apart in private? What if that’s where I’m headed right now? I don’t think I’ll be able to come back from this, this will kill me…

  “Your son is in here.” As soon as Liam is mentioned I feel all strange again. I got so wrapped up in the idea that I needed to expect the worst that I almost forgot this could be good news. “He’s coming around now, the transfusion was a success. It might take him a whole to come back around fully, but right now his prospects are good. I would expect a full recovery very soon…”

  “He’s okay?” I gush in shock as emotions bulldoze through me. “He’s actually alright? The transfusion worked?” I can’t seem to rap my head around the good news, it’s almost all too much.

  “He’s okay.” She pushes the door open. “You can go and see him for yourself right now, but like I said he might seem a bit woozy for a while so don’t expect too much from him…”

  I don’t even wait for her to finish talking to me, I push past her and race into the room. Liam looks so much better already, he’s no longer hooked up to millions of machines and he’s much less pale. It’s as if the new blood in his body has caused his pinky color to return. As I take the chair next to him and I grab his tiny hand, relief washes over me as he’s much warmer to the touch now. He feels so much more alive which is incredible. I’m overwhelmed by the idea that my baby is alright.

  “Oh my goodness, Liam,” I tell him, my voice thick with emotion. “You have no idea how worried you had me. No idea at all. I’m so glad that you’re okay. It’s just…” I sob a couple of times. “It’s amazing. I’m so lucky.” I notice his eye lids flutter which silences me for just a second, but soon I find some more words that need to be said. “I love you, Liam, so damn much.”

  “Dad?” he whispers, but I can tell by the rasp in his voice that every word hurts.

  “I’m here, son, don’t you worry.” I clutch his hand to my chest feeling a swell of love as I do. “I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere. You’re doing so much better now. The doctor says that you’re going to be just fine.”

  “N…
N…” he struggles to get the next word out, so I lean closer to him, offering him my ear so I can hear him better. The last thing I want to do is make him strain himself. “Nanc…”

  “Oh, Nancy!” It hits me what he’s trying to say. Of course, he’s worried about Nancy. She was in the car with him when it happened. “Nancy is actually fine, thanks to the air bag. She had some minor injuries, but she went home to rest a few hours ago. She’s going to be just fine. Katy is here though.” I see a flicker or recognition in his eyes which means he at least remembers Katy. “She helped you to get better, so we’ll have to check on her soon. See if she’s okay.”

  As I hold my baby close to me, I am utterly grateful to her for the gift that she’s given me. She’s helped my son and given me a second chance with him. This time, I will not screw it up if it’s the last thing I do.

  Chapter Twenty Four – Katy

  A grogginess overcomes me as I wake from the deepest sleep that I’ve ever had in my life, I don’t feel like I’ve rested well at all. Maybe I’ve slept for too long, maybe that’s what the problem is. Or maybe I’ve overslept and now I’m going to be late for work…

  My heart thunders, ice cold lightening bolts of terror dart through my system, I really can’t be late for work, I hate getting behind. Plus, it’s a really important time at work at the moment. I can’t remember what it is exactly, but I know I’m going through a hump, a busy patch, and once it’s over I’ll finally get my life back and I’ll be able to start doing things again. Then again, I always think that. What is this busy patch? What is so important about it? Why can’t I remember? And most importantly of all, why can I not wake up? I know that I need to, so what’s wrong with me?

  I try to prize my eyes open with more effort that I ever remember it taking before, but I don’t quite get there. I open them a slither, but the light is so white and bright that I can’t go the whole way. I must just need a few moments to collect myself before I do. It’s just a shame that it feels like I have a thick fog in there, clouding up every single one of my thoughts.

  Right, I need to remember, I decide with a sheer force of determination. That’s the most important thing. Once I remember, I can start piecing the rest of the jigsaw together…

  So, the first thing I think of it work, because that’s always the first thing that I think of, but this time I don’t feel like it’s surrounding me, filling up my lungs, and drowning me. I feel like it’s in the distance. Like, I can reach out and touch it if I want to, but I don’t have to. Somehow, without even meaning to, I’ve done the one thing that I’ve never been able to do before and I’ve created some distance between me and work. I have to admit, it feels kinda good. I like to have some distance from that place, it helps me to feel more like me again. That’s someone I haven’t been for a very long time.

  Okay, so thinking of work isn’t helping, so there must be something else… a meeting, someone I’m working with, someone important… I rack my brain desperately, but the only image I can concoct is one of me facing a group of men in suits sitting at a long table. That’s every day stuff for me, there isn’t anything special about it. It does feel different though, but I can’t work out why.

  Maybe Robyn then? Maybe she holds the key. I recall chatting to her on the phone, but we had a conversation where she didn’t sound disappointed in her. It’s almost like there was a time in our recent friendship where I didn’t let her down… something that I didn’t think would ever happen!

  One sentence that she said to me really sticks out in my mind: “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. Is that what’s brought about this change? If so, then my God I’m happy and I cannot wait to meet this guy.” I can remember it clear as day, as if she’s speaking it to me now but I don’t know what it means. What change? And what guy? The only guy that I’ve taken a liking to in as long as I can remember is Guy and it certainly can’t be him. Robyn would never want me to end up with another lawyer, she would kill me for even thinking about it. Another workaholic wouldn’t do me any good…

  Wait! All of a sudden, something hits me from the left field, something that’s definitely another memory, but it doesn’t seem real somehow. I know it is, but I also can’t see how it would be something that would happen to me. I can remember talking to Guy, and him almost scolding me for not taking the partner position – which is something that I’ve wanted forever more – and then telling me the amazing news that he’s single… but for some reason I didn’t care. I wasn’t interested that he was single. It’s weird to see myself getting everything I’ve ever wanted and not wanting anymore. There has been a change within me, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe that’s why my brain is so foggy and messed up, I’ve gone through a crazy personality transplant and I don’t know who I am anymore.

  Who am I? What happened to me? What made me walk away from everything that’s ever made me who I am? All that I’ve worked towards… why would I throw that away?

  Then a face infiltrates my brain… actually two faces. One of a gorgeous male who’s looking at me with such adoration in my eyes. He makes me feel special and loved, he warms me up and swells heat in my chest, I feel better around him than I ever have done in my whole entire life. And then there’s his son, the adorable little boy with no mother who was so damn excited to play with me, who included me in his life even though it seems like he doesn’t do that easily, who wanted me around when he really didn’t have to. Evan and Liam, the two most important guys to me.

  Evan and Liam Debroils. The Debroils men who’ve turned everything upside down.

  As I think about their names, all of it comes flooding back; the time spent working together, the undeniable magnetic attraction that pulled us in together despite the fact that we knew it was wrong, the meeting, the accident, the phone call, the hospital, the blood transfusion…

  I’m in hospital, I realize excitedly. Of course, I am. I’m helping Liam to recover from his car accident, I just hope that it’s worked. I need him to be okay now.

  With that, I finally manage to pry my eyes open and I let the light flood into my eyes. It’s still much too white, but somehow, I can tolerate it more now, it doesn’t feel like I’m going to end up blind. Maybe it’s because I know that it’s a hospital now, so the whiteness makes sense. Hospitals are always crazy clean and filled with clinical colors, probably so you don’t forget where you are like I just did.

  “Katy?” When I first hear Evan’s soft voice I think I must still be half dreaming. Maybe I’m on meds that haven’t quite shaken off yet, but then his face comes into view, and despite the fact that he looks a little bit like an angel, something in my heart tells me that he’s real. “Katy, are you okay?”

  “I think so,” I rasp back through a jaggedly raw throat. “Water, please.”

  As Evan moves over to the other side of the room, presumably to get me some water, I push myself into more of a sitting potion. It isn’t easy because my body aches and my arms feel incredibly weak, but I do what I can through all of that. My inner strength comes from the idea of seeing Evan again and finding out what’s happened. He hasn’t said anything about Liam yet and I need to know. I don’t suppose these things are guaranteed. I hope he hasn’t been silent because it’s not good news.

  Finally, Evan hands me a glass and I suck back the cool liquid like I’ve been stranded in the desert for ages and I’ve finally stumbled across my life saving oasis. As it slides down my throat I start to feel a little better. But I still need my answers, and Evan doesn’t seem to be giving anything away.

  “How’s Liam?” I gasp at him. “Has he come back around yet?”

  I hunch up my shoulders and brace myself, but then Evan’s face bursts into a big, beaming smile. “He’s good.” Oh thank God! I can finally relax once I know that the worst hasn’t happened. “He’s actually here, I asked the doctor to wheel you both in the same room so I can watch you both. I didn’t want to leave either of you alone.” I try to twist myself around to see Liam, but it hurts
too much to do so. “Oh don’t worry, you can’t see him from where you are anyway. He’s above your head. Plus, he’s sleeping right now, I think he’s pretty shattered. He needs his rest, I’m sure you get it.”

  “Understandable,” I reply with a smile. “It’s been a long day for him.”

  “I know.” Finally, Evan moves closer to my bed so I can feel the heat emanating off his body. There’s something so relaxing about feeling Evan’s presence, he really calms me down. “And I just want to say thank you to you again for doing this for him. It’s so kind of you.”

  “Oh, I don’t need your thanks,” I reply with a blush. “Of course, I helped Liam. He needed me.”

  “I know, you say that like it’s obvious but I don’t think everyone would have helped him without hesitation like you did. You did an incredible thing. You are an amazing person.”

  A weird air swirls around us and I don’t quite know what it means. Admittedly all my faculties aren’t intact since I’m still a bit woozy, but even I can tell that something’s happening between me and Evan. Maybe it’s just that incredible bond we share intensifying after we’ve gone through all of these amazing experiences together. The thing with the company, the life changing choices we’ve both made, now this with Liam… it hasn’t all been good, but it’s strengthened what we share.

  “I have to tell you something, Katy,” Evan finally says in a voice that’s filled with determination, “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a while now but the timing hasn’t ever been quite right. Well, now it is right, we aren’t going to get a better chance than this.” He grabs onto my hand and stares at me with an intense gaze in his eyes. I wish I could interpret that look, but I just cannot figure it out for the life of me. “Katy Atwater, I love you,” he announces, shocking me to my core. “I know that might come as a surprise and I know you might also think it’s a bit soon which is why I don’t expect you to say it back at all, but I do. So damn much. And I want you to know it.”