Killer Desires

by Becca Collins

  After two more songs, Brett curved a finger under her chin and pulled her face up to look into his eyes.

  “What do you say, darlin’,” he finally asked, “why don’t we get the hell out of here?” Sarah nodded, smiling up at him before she turned to follow him out of the ballroom.

  ****

  “So,” she started, “why haven’t I ever seen you before? You’re not from around here?” She stared at him over the checkered table cloth in the pizzeria where they’d stopped to eat.

  “Well,” Brett began, “I guess you could say I’m from here originally. My mother died when I was six and I lived with my gran here in Farmington until I was twelve. Then she got too old to handle it so I moved to Wyoming to live with my uncle. A couple of months ago, gran took a turn for the worst and was gonna have to live in an old folks’ home so I came back. I didn’t want her to have to leave her home, so I’m taking care of her now.”

  “Wyoming, huh?” Sarah smiled. “I’ve never been there. Is it pretty?”

  “There’s a reason they call it God’s county,” he smiled. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Why Wyoming? I mean, why didn’t you just go live with your father?”

  Brett looked down at his unfinished slice of pizza and hesitated for a moment. “He ran off when my mom told him she was pregnant. I never met him.”

  “Oh,” now it was Sarah’s turn to play with her food. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “It’s okay,” he replied in almost a whisper. “It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter now.” He wiped his fingers on a crumpled paper napkin and then dropped it onto what was left of the pizza. “Enough about me. Tell me about Sarah McGuire.” He smiled at her.

  “Nothing exciting there,” she started. “I’ve lived in the same house my whole life with my parents and Shane.” She went on to tell him about her friends and her classes.

  The conversation was so comfortable, it felt nothing like a typical first date. When it neared midnight, they left the restaurant and climbed back into his beat up Ford. She really didn’t want to leave, but had to be home by curfew. She silently damned her parents as she thought about all of her friends whose parents suspended curfew for prom night. She wasn’t ready to end the evening with Brett, but didn’t have an alternative to suggest. She sat quietly as he drove her home. The easy feeling of the restaurant was replaced by an insecure silence.

  She glanced over furtively at him and noticed his face frozen into a scowl as if he were working on a very complex math problem. Suddenly at a loss for words, she missed the carefree way he was in the pizza parlor. After parking in her driveway, he formally got out of the cab and walked around to open her door. Her hand brushed his arm as she stepped from the truck. She froze, staring up at him trying to figure out what had changed his demeanor from the guy earlier to this stony version of himself.

  “Thanks again for coming tonight,” she whispered. “I had a really good time.” He fidgeted with his keys and the look in his eyes was something between fear and anger. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on his cheek.

  He stepped back as though she had burned him. “Listen, Sarah, I’m too old for you. Or, rather, you’re just too young for me. I just showed up tonight ‘cause I couldn’t stand the thought of you being there all alone and disappointed. I had a good time, but this, well, this can’t happen again. You’re just too young and you’ve got a boyfriend. Besides, I’ve got a girlfriend. Like I said, I was just tryin’ to be nice.”

  Tears began forming in her eyes and she quickly blinked them back. “Goodnight,” she muttered and then turned and ran into the house without looking back.

  ****

  Brett watched her round the corner of her house and heard the loud slamming of the door behind her. He walked around his truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. He started the rig and backed down the drive, scolding himself. Idiot! Do you never learn? He never should have gone tonight. He was right when he told her that she’s too young for him. And what was that bit about a girlfriend? He’d lied to save her from being hurt, but knew that the lie had hurt her by itself. It’s for her own good! She’s too good for you! It was just so damned comfortable being with her tonight and she looked so sexy in the black dress, blond curls hanging loosely down her shoulders.

  She’d eaten her pizza without the typical girly comments about how she shouldn’t. And when he’d reached over to wipe the cheese that dripped down her chin, electricity shot though his arm as he felt her velvety skin. She’s jailbait! It was just that no one had ever gotten to him like that before. The way her mouth pouted just enough to get the imagination going and her eyes lit up when she’d laugh at one of his stories. Dear God, the way her lips felt when she’d innocently kissed him on the cheek. He’d wanted to take her into his arms and give her a real kiss. He was right, he couldn’t see her again. He was twenty-one and she wasn’t even eighteen. He could be arrested for this. Whatever it took, he had to get Sarah McGuire out of his head.

  ****

  Sarah flung herself onto her bed, tears falling from her face. She’d been such an idiot. Of course he saw her as a child. She was still in high school for God’s sake. True, her 18th birthday was only a week away, but still. He was probably 21 or 22 and his girlfriend was probably older, more mature, more experienced. What was she thinking, kissing him like that? That kiss was lame! It undoubtedly just reminded him that she’s younger than him. Grown women don’t give pecks on the cheek.

  She sighed as she rolled onto her back. She should have kissed him on the mouth like she’d wanted to. When he held her on the dance floor, she couldn’t think of anything but the way he had looked with his shirt off and sweat trickling down his back. She wanted him to take her in his arms and make love to her. She’d never wanted Chad like this. Never felt this frustration after they had made out and she’d turned him down on going any further. She always blew off his complaints and pleas to ‘go all the way.’ It wasn’t that she was a prude. She just didn’t feel this desire before. She did now.

  Slowly, she rolled off of her bed and changed out of the black gown. She hadn’t seen her parents when she came in and ran in too quickly to see if their car was in the drive. Surely, they’d have come in to ask how her night was if they were home. Thank God they didn’t! What would she say?

  She changed into a t-shirt and cut off shorts and hung her dress neatly on a hanger. Glancing into a mirror, she wiped the smeared make-up from her face, and decided to pretend tonight didn’t happen.

  She walked down the kitchen and poured herself a glass of sweet tea from the refrigerator. She slipped on a pair of flip flops and walked out onto the patio. Setting her iced tea on a table she walked along her mother’s garden, smelling the lilac bushes, and looking up at the stars.

  She wandered a bit more around the yard and suddenly found herself standing at the edge of the trees that led to the river. Without thinking, she slowly made her way through the darkened woods, catching a brief glimpse of the moon every once in a while through a break in the trees.

  She found herself standing by the rock that she’d used as a chair not so long ago. She sank to the ground and looked out on the moon’s reflection on the water. She thought she was imagining the scent of his cologne until she looked up.

  -6-

  He stood on the bank of the river, bathed in moonlight and clad in a cowboy hat, t-shirt, jeans and boots. He stared at her intently, sheer anguish apparent in his expression, as if he were fighting some kind of internal demon. He walked toward her without a word and lifted her off the rock. Without a trace of hesitation, he kissed her forcefully. When he finally pulled his mouth from hers, she was still holding her breath, her heart pounding beneath her cotton t-shirt. For a moment, those blue eyes seemed to burn into her soul. When she could no longer handle the intensity, she lowered her gaze, not sure what to do. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her head into his chest. For a moment, she stood there, head resting against h
im, listening to his heavy breathing.

  “Tell me to leave,” he whispered hoarsely.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” she sighed. His arm left her back and he reached behind her neck, tilting her head so his mouth fit perfectly over hers. His tongue touched her lips and she opened her mouth to him. He kissed her deeply, his tongue probing every part of her mouth and she felt the heat rising through her body and settling in her groin. She gasped at the electricity flowing through her veins. Suddenly, he ripped his mouth from hers and hung his head as if shamed. “Please just tell me to leave,” he begged softly.

  Rather than say anything, she lifted back onto her tiptoes and brought her lips back to his. He kissed her back softly and then wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off her feet. He hugged her close to him as he knelt down on the dewy grass, bringing them both to the ground. Very slowly, he laid her back on the cool earth never taking his eyes from hers .She gasped again as he neared her face and kissed her endlessly. Her arms went automatically around his neck, pulling him closer. His hand found the bottom of her shirt; and she felt the cotton tug briefly against her skin as the fabric climbed.

  Her warm skin shivered as his fingers gently traced her spine. He effortlessly unclasped her bra and then moved his hand around and cupped her breast. She felt her nipple harden as his calloused palm gently massaged her. Still holding her eyes, he lifted her off of the ground and gently tugged her shirt over her head. He then lifted off his own. Her breasts were bare to the breeze and the moonlight and she trembled as his mouth found her breast and he took her nipple between his teeth, biting so gently, while his hand remained fixed on its twin. He left her breasts and kissed a trail down her stomach, stopping briefly to kiss all around her navel. His hands slipped under her as he lifted her hips and kissed lower. With one hand under her waist, his other unbuttoned her shorts quickly. She reached down to help him tug the denim down her shaking legs. He moved between her legs, kissing the insides of her thighs moving closer to their apex. He laid his forehead down on her thigh for a moment and groaned before lifting his head and looking into her eyes. “Are you sure you…”

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” she interrupted. He closed his eyes and seemed to struggle only for a moment before he lowered his head and began to kiss her moist curls. Overwhelmed like she had never been before, she groped along the grass for something to hold on to. He tugged and licked and sucked until she felt the waves consume her and the Earth shook beneath her. He lifted himself, quickly removed his own faded jeans and moved up to lay over her. With a pained looked on his face, he muttered, “I should be shot for this,” before thrusting into her. She winced at the pain as he began to move inside of her. Pain turned to pleasure as he moved faster and faster until she was clawing at his back to hang on. She heard his rapid breathing above her and looked up to find his eyes wide open and gazing down on her face. “You’re so beautiful, darlin’,” he whispered and pulled her mouth to his once more before releasing into her.

  It was several minutes before either could catch a breath. He had moved onto his back pulling her with him so that her head lay upon his chest. With his arm tightly around her, she felt serene. She could hear the hammering of his heart and thought her own might well explode. Joy enveloped her and she shivered slightly at the feeling.

  “Are you cold?” Brett asked.

  “No,” she whispered, “I’m great!”

  They laid there on the ground for what seemed to be hours, just holding each other tightly and looking up at the stars. Finally, she realized the hour and jumped up.

  “Oh my God! My parents… I need to go home,” she stuttered, searching around to find her clothes. Locating her shorts and panties, she quickly pulled them on. She found her bra and t-shirt and pulled the shirt over her head, stuffing her bra into her pocket. She looked over at Brett and found him staring at her, the corners of his mouth in a slight smile. She ran over to him, dropped to her knees and kissed him softly.

  “Sorry, Cowboy,” she murmured, “I have to go.” She gently placed his hat over his forehead and scrambled toward the trees.

  -7-

  Sarah sat in her window seat clutching an old teddy bear. The sunlight streamed through the lace curtains and warmed her cheeks as she stared out at the trees near the river. She smiled without regret as she remembered the events of the previous night, envisioned the way he looked lying naked in the moonlight as she’d sped away from him.

  She’d crept through the trees and into the backyard, opening the unlocked sliding glass door silently and slipped upstairs. Her parents and her brother seemed to be sleeping, so she hurried to her bedroom and closed the door.

  A quick shower before she’d changed into a nightgown and crawled into bed. It seemed like it took forever to fall asleep as she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Now, only a few hours later, she was still thinking the same thoughts. Her parents would be wondering where she was when they came home. She thought of a cover-story before heading down to the kitchen.

  “Somebody was out awfully late,” her father said peering over his newspaper, coffee cup in one hand already halfway to his mouth.

  “Sorry, daddy,” she said walking over to the table and lowering herself into a chair. “Melanie and some others were at an after-party and I just lost track of time.”

  “Well, I guess,” he grinned, “since it was prom night, we can let it slide. Besides, you’ll be eighteen soon enough.” He took a drink of his coffee, still smiling at her. “I hope you had a good time.”

  “Oh, I did,” Sarah grinned, “I really did.”

  “Did Shane and Amber have a good time, too? He headed back to school so early this morning I didn’t have a chance to ask him.”

  “You know,” Sarah paused as she considered. “Surprisingly, I think they did.”

  “That’s great,” her mother, Cathleen, smiled and sat down with her own mug of coffee. “I worry about her so much. Losing a mother at such a young age is always hard, but the way she died…” Cathleen let her voice trail off and shook her head.

  “Jackie was always troubled,” Sarah’s father, observed.

  “That doesn’t help a child deal with her mother’s suicide, Jim,” Cathleen rebutted. “And Tom, God love him, has never really been the fatherly-type.”

  “You guys worry too much,” Sarah offered. “Amber will be okay. It’s been ten years since her mother died and she’s doing fine. Did I tell you that she got accepted to St. Louis University?”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful!” Cathleen agreed then turned nostalgic. “It seems like only yesterday that you girls were starting kindergarten.”

  The conversation turned to plans for her upcoming graduation/birthday party and she finished her cereal. Jim excused himself to go to meet some friends for a round of golf and Cathleen headed upstairs to shower. Sarah was rinsing her bowl in the sink when the phone rang.

  “Hello?” she answered, drying her hands on her shorts.

  “Where in the hell were you last night?” Amber questioned.

  “What do you mean?” she replied.

  “I came back to your house with Shane. Remember, my car was there?” She continued without waiting for a reply. “Anyway, I came up to your room and you weren’t there. Were you with that guy?”

  “Oh …” she hesitated, “what did you tell Shane?”

  Amber laughed, “I told him you were sleeping and that I couldn’t wake you. So…” Amber wasn’t to be deterred, “What happened?”

  “I can’t talk right now,” she said when she heard her mother coming down the stairs. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

  “You sure will,” Amber answered quickly. “I’m on my way over.” She heard Amber disconnect before she had the chance to protest.

  ****

  Twenty minutes later, Sarah raced out the backdoor yelling goodbye to her mother. She jumped in Amber’s car and hadn’t gotten the door closed before Amber demanded details. />
  “Come on, spill.”

  Sarah excitedly relayed the previous night’s events to her best friend.

  “What about Chad?” Amber asked with a touch of accusation in her voice.

  “What? I don’t know. He missed the prom and I…,” she paused for a second. “I don’t know what to say. He’s supposed to be coming back to town in two weeks for graduation and my party. I’ll talk to him about it then.”

  Talk to him about what? Oh God, Sarah! You aren’t thinking about breaking up with Chad for some loser in a cowboy hat are you?”

  “He isn’t some loser,” she defended before realizing that there was no point in trying to convince Amber. She’d always had her own set of goals that differed from those of her friend. For Amber, money was always important. She had long suspected that was a lot of Amber’s interest in Shane.

  “Enough about me,” she said, realizing how easily she could change the subject. “How was your night with Shane?” She listened to Amber talk for nearly ten straight minutes about the ‘amazing’ evening she’d had. Sarah was a little shocked at first, thinking Shane didn’t really like Amber that way. She knew her brother had been seeing a girl at college, and even though he said it was only casual dating, she worried that Amber was getting the wrong idea.

  “Did you see the dress that Melanie Cummings was wearing? There was nothing to it!” Sarah said, pulling Amber’s attention from Shane.

  “She’s always been a slut,” Amber opined. “I guess it was a just a matter of time before she started advertising.”

  They drove around for another half hour talking about other people they had seen the night before, and she listened as Amber critiqued the dress and hair choices of nearly every other girl in attendance, whether they deserved it or not. She was relieved when Amber pulled back into her driveway and Sarah hopped out of the car promising her friend that she’d call her later.