Killer Desires

by Becca Collins

  He was gone. So many times he had tried to tell her that he didn’t see her in his future and she had refused to listen. She kept telling herself that he did want her, he did love her. But the only reason he had stayed around was for his grandmother. She died and he left. He didn’t even saw goodbye. She was a fool, totally and completely. He had warned her over and over, and she didn’t believe him, didn’t want to believe him.

  Sobbing, she felt the nausea rise up again and ran to the bathroom in time. Why didn’t you listen to him? Why? She walked to the kitchen for drink of water. When she passed the living room, she saw the old logs in the fireplace, remembered their time together there and cried again.

  Plopping down on the worn sofa, she buried her face in her hands and cried for what seemed like hours. Finally, when she had no tears left, she stood to leave.

  A piece of black fabric caught her eye and she bent over to pick it up. Following a path of shreds she found a black suit torn to pieces in the waste basket. Was this the suit he was going to wear to the funeral?

  He couldn’t handle it, Sarah. It isn’t you, it was the pain of losing her. He ran away. You weren’t enough to keep him here.

  All the way back home, she tried to convince herself that he hadn’t really left her. In her heart, she believed he loved her, even though he denied it at every turn. She couldn’t allow herself to believe that she’d given up her virginity to a man who didn’t care about her at all.

  When she finally made her way back home, she found herself calling the hospital once again.

  “ICU” a voice answered after she’d been transferred.

  “Hi, I’m a friend of Brett Williams’ and I was calling about his grandmother’s things.”

  “Oh,” the woman replied, shock apparent in her voice. “I just spoke with Mr. Williams a little while ago. He told me he wanted me to turn them over to the local charity. Did he change his mind? People often do that, you know? The loss is so staggering, they start hanging on to their loved ones’ possessions.” The woman was rambling. “I just figured since he’d joined the service and all, that he was serious. I’ve got everything here and the Baptist Church is supposed to be sending someone over. Do you want to me to call them back?”

  “The service? What service?” Sarah asked.

  “The Army, I think,” she replied in confusion. “Mr. Williams said he was heading to basic training today. What should I tell the church?”

  She considered the question. Should she pick them up and keep them for him? Resignation hit her hard.

  “Tell them to go ahead and take it,” she forced out the words through the sobs and hung up the phone.

  Brett was gone and he was never coming back.

  PART 2:

  Summer 2011

  -14-

  Like a train wreck, Sarah couldn’t pull her eyes away from the grainy photograph she held. Her hands shook as a tidal wave of emotion overcame her. She felt her heart pulled in every direction imaginable. Jack and Amber looked on in silence. When she felt tears well in her eyes, she forced a wall around her heart and shoved the picture back across the desk.

  “There must be a mistake,” she declared. “I haven’t seen Brett Williams in years. Not since before graduation.”

  Ignoring the photo, Jack Layton answered the questions she hadn’t asked.

  “I’m not 100% certain what theory the police are acting on, or what theory the DA is going to use for his prosecution, but we have to explore your history with this man so that I can keep you out of this as much as possible.”

  “Keep me out of this?” Sarah questioned. “My husband was murdered. How in the hell do you plan to ‘keep me out of this’?”

  “If the police are working on the theory that you and Mr. Williams rekindled your relationship from years ago, they could determine that you and he plotted together to kill your husband.”

  “Jesus, Jack,” she sighed in exasperation. “That makes no sense whatsoever. Why in the world would I kill Chad? We had our problems, but I certainly didn’t want him dead.”

  “I know that, Sarah, but you have to work with me here,” Jack implored. “We need to have answers when they come to us with questions.”

  “I have an answer, Jack,” She screamed. “I haven’t seen Brett in years, I definitely wasn’t having an affair with him and I most certainly didn’t kill my husband!”

  “Sarah?” Amber’s calm voice caught Sarah off guard. She’d almost forgotten Amber was in the room. “You know Jack is on your side. He’s only doing his job. It’s what you’re paying him for, so stop yelling at him and answer his questions. He needs to know everything so he can keep you from getting charged in some kind of murder conspiracy. We all know you had nothing to do with Chad’s death. But, we know you! The police don’t. Let Jack help you.”

  Sarah stared at Amber in silence as her words registered. Jack Layton had been her father’s attorney and family friend for years. Amber was right in reminding her that she trusted Jack. She could also hear the admiration in Amber’s voice. Amber was an associate at Jack’s firm.

  She rose from the desk and moved to stare out the French doors. The grass and leaves were now a brilliant green, the sun so bright that the whole scene almost glowed. Looking at nature always had a calming effect on Sarah and it didn’t fail this time. She took a deep breath and turned back to her friends.

  “I’m sorry, Jack,” she said in a shaky voice. “What do you need to know?”

  “Tell me about your relationship with Brett.”

  “There really isn’t much to tell,” she looked down at the table. “We had a very brief relationship my senior year of high school. It only lasted a couple of months.”

  “You were also dating Chad at this time?”

  “Well, technically, yes, I suppose I was. Chad and I hadn’t officially broken up, but he was away at college at the time.”

  “Did either of them know about your relationship with the other?”

  “Chad didn’t know about Brett, but, yes, Brett knew about Chad. We’d talked about it. I had told him that I was going to break up with Chad when he came home for the summer.”

  “And then when you didn’t end it with Chad, Brett must have been angry,” Jack speculated. “Could he have carried that anger with him all of this time?”

  “No, it wasn’t like that,” Sarah argued. “I didn’t leave Brett for Chad. Brett left me before I ever had the chance to break up with Chad.”

  Jack and Amber stared in silence, waiting for her to continue. It was only then that Sarah realized she’d never told Amber what had happened all those years ago. She took a deep breath and forced the words.

  “Brett was supposed to be there that night, at my graduation party, but he never showed up. He kept telling me it was because he didn’t fit in with my family. It was only later that I realized that wasn’t it at all.” With her next words, she felt her heart break just as it had eight years earlier.

  “As much as I thought I loved Brett Williams, he never really cared about me. It was all completely one-sided. I was just a fling for him. He left town without a word to me when his grandmother died and I haven’t heard from him since.

  “Listen,” she continued, feeling more composed, “there is no reason for Brett to want to hurt Chad. Chad wasn’t the reason my relationship with Brett ended. Brett was.

  “After he left, I realized that he’d only been using me. My feelings for him were nothing more than a school girl’s crush on an older man.” Sarah laughed at that.

  “Pretty funny, huh? He was the same age as Chad and, yet, I always thought of him as being older.

  “Anyway,” she continued, “he left town and joined the Marines or something. Chad and I got married and I never heard from or saw Brett again. I certainly wasn’t having some illicit affair with him nor did I ever meet him at the Hyatt. If we were there at the same time it was simply a coincidence. As far as I was concerned, Brett Williams ceased to exist the day he left town.”

>   ****

  Hours later, Sarah sat in the window seat of her childhood bedroom starring at the black and white photo of Brett. After Jack and Amber had left, she retreated to the room she grew up in. She needed time alone with her thoughts and memories. The room hadn’t changed very much in the past eight years. The only difference being that the closets and dressers were now empty.

  She studied the photo carefully. Though Brett had aged since the last time she saw him, his eyes still pierced her. Even in this shade of gray, she could imagine the endless sea of blue that was his eyes. She felt almost as lost in them as she had so long ago.

  Forcing her attention from the picture, she turned her head to gaze out the window. She saw the pool house as she had then: only studs in concrete crowded with shirtless men and power tools. She smiled at the memory. A bird flew past the window and she followed its path with her eyes. It disappeared into the tree line at the far edge of the yard and she stared at the overgrown path to the river she hadn’t walked since the morning she’d learned Brett had left. Memories she’d pushed aside forced their way to the forefront of her mind.

  She had barely remembered walking back through the woods from Brett’s house that day, but had suddenly found herself across her bed, her pillow damp with tears. Rays of sunlight had streaked through her lace curtains, and she imagined it should have been cloudy and gray.

  She had spent that day in her room, feigning exhaustion from the weekend’s festivities. Everyone had pretty much left her alone. She used the solitude to clear her mind and force Brett from her heart. She knew he wasn’t coming back and tried to accept that he hadn’t really loved her at all. She felt like an idiot. He had told her so many times there was no future for them, but, like a child, she refused to believe him. He had been honest with her, but it hadn’t stopped her from lying to herself. She cried herself to sleep long before sunset.

  As a new day dawned, she had resigned herself to her new future. After slipping on the engagement ring Chad had given her, she had finally left her room.

  They had flown out the following weekend, plane tickets to Seattle. She played up her role as excited fiancée. When they’d arrived at Lambert International Airport, she smiled at Chad and asked the lady at the ticket counter to change their tickets to Las Vegas.

  In Seattle, three days later, Chad had carried his wife across the threshold of their new home.

  Rising from the window seat, Sarah walked over and pulled out the chair to her desk. She fired up her laptop and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Windows to load. Finally, she typed in the web address for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The grainy surveillance photo was prominently displayed under the headline “Person of Interest Named in Local’s Attorney’s Death.” She clicked the hyper-link to pull up the whole story.

  St. Louis County Police have identified a Madison County Sheriff’s Deputy as a “person of interest”in the shooting death of local attorney, Chad Taylor.

  “Recent developments in the murder investigation have brought us to focus on Brett Williams as a person of interest,” Det. Greg Ball said this morning in a prepared statement. “He has not yet been named a suspect, but we are interested in speaking with him about his connection to the investigation.”

  As previously reported, Chad Taylor, 29, was fatally shot in the historic Soulard neighborhood on May 17th. His body was discovered in the parking lot outside of Patrick’s Pub & Grill by another patron. According to the Coroner, he had a single gunshot wound to the head, though his official autopsy has not been released pending toxicology reports.

  Mr. Taylor was an attorney with the firm of Jarrett, Smith & Lockhart. He grew up in Farmington, MO which is part of Madison County where the person of interest is a Sheriff’s Deputy. Officials have not released whether or not the two men knew each other or what Mr. Williams’ connection is to the murder.

  A knock at the door startled Sarah and she wiped a tear from her eye as she pushed closed the laptop. She turned to see her mother standing in the doorway.

  “I didn’t hear you come in,” she said.

  “You looked pretty engrossed,” Cathleen observed. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, mom,” Sarah sighed. “I’ll be fine. Where’s Lindsey?”

  “Diana is making her a snack,” Cathleen answered and sat down on the bed. “She’ll be awhile. Talk to me, Sarah.”

  “What do you want me to say, mom? My husband was murdered. There are reporters camped out all over the place. I haven’t even been to my own home in more than a month.”

  “Sarah, Chad has only been gone a few weeks. You need time to grieve.”

  “That’s just it, mom. I feel like such a hypocrite,” she felt the tears well in her eyes and blinked them back. “I’m walking around playing the grieving widow, but the truth is that our marriage was over. I’ve never felt so fake before.”

  “Honey,” Cathleen said sympathetically. “Just because you and Chad were having problems doesn’t mean you didn’t love him, does it?”

  “Of course not, mom, but I feel like everyone thinks I miss him every day, and well, I’m sorry but I don’t. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

  “There is nothing wrong with you,” Cathleen smiled softly. “You are allowed to feel however you feel. I know there were problems in your marriage. It’s normal to need some time to sort it all out.”

  “I just feel so guilty. I just can’t stop thinking that I’m not hurting enough.”

  “There aren’t any rules you have to follow, Sarah. You’re doing just fine. You are taking care of your daughter. You are taking care of yourself. That’s all you need to worry about. Don’t worry about what other people think and for God’s sake,” she added knowingly, “stop reading the newspapers.”

  Sarah smiled in spite of herself. “You always could read me like a book,” she admitted.

  “Why don’t you and Amber go someplace this weekend? Lindsey will be fine with us for a few days. Considering how often she comes over to see what she can do for you, I’m sure Amber would jump at the chance for a weekend in Memphis or someplace. It might do you good to get out of town with your best friend.”

  “I’ll think about it, but she’s got a lot on her plate, too,” Sarah reminded her mother. “Her dad is still recovering from his stroke.” About two weeks before Chad’s murder, Tom Phelps had had a stroke while presiding over a trial. There wasn’t a lot of damage, but Tom was still working with therapists to get his mobility and speech levels back to normal.

  “I know,” Cathleen told her. “Your dad and I went by to check on him a few days ago. The nurse said Amber has been coming down several times a week to check in.”

  “Yeah,” Sarah smiled. “She’s been pretty amazing. She’s been working her normal hours, plus taking care of Tom and me. I’m not sure I would have made it through these last few weeks without her.”

  “That’s what friends are for, honey,” Cathleen said. “Well, talk to Amber about the trip. If she can swing it, I’m sure she can use the time away, too.”

  “I will, mom,” Sarah agreed as she mentally pulled herself together and stood. “But, right now I think I’m going to go into the office for a while. I need something else to focus on.”

  ****

  After Cathleen headed back to the kitchen to check on Lindsey, Sarah pulled some clothes out of her suitcase. She changed out of her shorts and quickly checked her reflection in the mirror. Once again, she caught a glance of the photo lying atop the dresser. But, rather than being sucked in to her memories once again, she shoved away all thoughts of the past and headed toward for the kitchen. Lindsey was helping Diana cook and barely noticed when Sarah gave her a kiss on the forehead and announced she was heading to the office.

  To make her feel less exposed, Sarah pulled on a Cardinals baseball cap and sunglasses before she maneuvered a quick U-turn and headed down the driveway to the road. As anticipated, news vans lined both sides of the street approaching the drive. Three differ
ent reporters, microphones in hand, locked on her car like heat seeking missiles. She didn’t even look their way as she stomped on the gas and swerved into the road. Her Mercedes accelerated as promised and in seconds the reporters were left standing in a cloud of dust and gravel.

  Nearly forty-five minutes later, Sarah sped past another group of reporters. Those camped out at the entrance to McGuire, Inc. Sarah barely had to brake before the new security guard had pulled open the bar so she could pull safely into the underground parking garage.

  Sarah had received her Bachelor’s in Business Administration from the University of Washington the same year that Chad had graduated from their School of Law. Eager to begin his career, Chad immediately accepted a position with Jarrett, Smith & Lockhart in St. Louis. Sarah enrolled at St. Louis University to complete her MBA.

  Sarah had long suspected her father had a hand in Chad’s offer from Jarrett, Smith & Lockhart since he made no secret that he wanted her to take a position at McGuire, Inc., the company he had started forty years earlier. He offered her the position of Vice-President of Operations a month before she graduated from SLU. Shane, having been made a VP three years before, welcomed her with open arms - none of that family infighting for the McGuires.

  Six months after Sarah started work at McGuire, her father announced his retirement. Now at the tender age of 26, Sarah was President of McGuire, Inc., Shane the CEO.