Killer Desires

by Becca Collins

  “Look, Brett, I don’t believe you killed Chad. I know you had no reason to. But that doesn’t mean I want to have anything to do with you. Now, please just leave me alone.”

  “I… I shouldn’t have come here. It was a mistake,” he whispered in acknowledgment. A million questions cluttered her mind. There were so many things she wanted to ask, but they weren’t about the murder. She wanted to know why he’d left. She shouldn’t have been thinking about that, she should have been thinking about Chad. The feeling of guilt kept growing until it was almost overwhelming. She forced it into anger and steeled her spine.

  “Damned right it was a mistake. Now get the hell off my property!” She stomped through the woods and didn’t look back.

  -16-

  “What’s going on?” Cathleen McGuire gestured toward the suitcases as she entered her daughter’s room.

  Sarah plopped down on the bed. “It’s time for us to go home, mom,” she sighed.

  “What?” Cathleen inquired. “Why?”

  “Because,” Sarah answered. “I’ve been hiding out here long enough. I need to get back home and back to work.” She didn’t voice her other reasons for leaving. She had tossed and turned all night after she saw Brett by the river. She knew that staying in the house, in her old bedroom, would continue to invoke memories and feelings she didn’t want to deal with.

  “Sarah,” Cathleen sat on the bed beside her daughter. “What’s the rush? It’s only been a few weeks and you just lost your husband. Lindsey just lost her father.”

  “I just think I really need to get back into our normal routines and I need to get back to the office full time.”

  “Nonsense, Sarah, your father is enjoying being back out of retirement. Though he’d never admit it, he’s having a blast being back in the office while you’ve been out.”

  Sarah smiled knowingly. “I know he is,” she conceded. “But, I just can’t keep my life on hold forever. I… Lindsey and I both need to get back home and get on with our lives. We can’t hide out here forever.”

  “Honey…”

  “Mom, listen, I’ve given it a lot of thought. I really need to get back home. It’s only an hour away. We can come back on the weekends.”

  Cathleen hugged her daughter and Sarah knew she had won the argument. “If that’s what you need to do, honey, you know I’ll support you. Your father and I are here if you need anything, okay?”

  “I know, mom. I love you.”

  ****

  “Do I still get to go to summer camp?” Lindsey asked her mother as they stepped through the front door.

  “Sure you do, princess. I’ll call them this afternoon and get it arranged,” Sarah gave her daughter a soft smile.

  “Good, Madison and Katelyn are going to go, too.”

  Sarah smiled again. “Well, then I’m sure you’ll have fun.”

  “Can I go call and tell them I’m going?”

  “Yep, but don’t be too long. You need to get your stuff put away and we probably need to run to the grocery store after I get the fridge cleaned out.”

  Lindsey bounded up to her room with a smile.

  See, Sarah told herself, everything is going to be fine.

  After she unpacked what was in her own suitcases and started a load of laundry, Sarah moved to the kitchen as promised. In the weeks that she’d been staying at her parents’ house, she knew plenty of things in refrigerator had certainly spoiled. She threw out the milk and eggs and moved on to a plastic container full of leftovers. The moldy chicken and dumplings nearly brought her to tears. It had been Chad’s favorite meal.

  “Mom?” Lindsey called as she raced into the kitchen and Sarah forced back the tears. “Madison just told me she’s having a slumber party tonight. Can I go? Please?”

  “Oh, honey,” Sarah shook her head, still not completely recovered. “I don’t know. We just got home and…”

  Lindsey cut her off. “Please mom? I haven’t seen my friends in like, forever. Please?”

  “Okay,” she relented. “Go get your stuff together and I’ll drop you off on the way to the store.”

  ****

  To hell with her! Brett thought as he shifted his truck into gear and tore down his driveway. In the hours since he’d seen Sarah his anger had built every second. He finally grabbed his keys, stormed out of the cabin and headed toward his truck like a man on mission. He had a mission all right: to tie one on down at Lucky’s Tavern.

  His mind raced through all of the events of the last few weeks. He should have given more thought to his decision to come back to Missouri. He hadn’t expected it to be easy, but he also never thought he’d be on this end of a murder investigation. He had laid awake most of the night after he saw her. He had never seen that cold hard look on her face before and he wondered why he had now. Certainly, she didn’t believe him capable of murder. She had said as much.

  She was still as beautiful as she had been when he’d last seen her, but she seemed harder, less innocent. She had been through a lot over the last few weeks, and he guessed that maybe she was just tired.

  Even so, he couldn’t forget the look in her eyes when he first saw her. He had never seen that much anger in her eyes before. But there had also been something else. Was it guilt? What did she have to feel guilty about?

  She had said she believed him. He had expected it to be harder to convince her. Surely, the police would have painted a picture of him as the ultimate villain, the man who murdered her husband in cold blood. He knew before he went down to that river hoping to see her, that he would have to talk fast to convince her of his innocence, but that didn’t happen. It was almost as if she was already sure he wasn’t involved. But, how could she be? He’d barely said anything.

  He was so startled when he finally saw her that he didn’t know what to say. She was still beautiful. The ghost of her that visited his dreams every night for the past eight years hadn’t done her justice. When she moved from the cover of trees, he wanted nothing more than to run to her, feel his hands on her skin.

  Stop being an idiot! Getting involved with Sarah McGuire, oops, Taylor, again would be nothing short of suicide. He was being accused of killing her husband for God’s sake. He should have stayed away from her. It was sheer insanity that he went to see her in the first place. He didn’t understand why he wanted, no needed, so badly to see her, to tell her he didn’t do it. He didn’t understand why he needed her to believe him.

  He roared into the parking lot and locked up his breaks, sliding into a spot near the back door. He jumped from the cab and stomped up the ramp.

  “Gimme a Budweiser and a shot of Jack,” he called to Mack as he settled onto a stool.

  Mack looked up abruptly, laid a bar towel on the counter and leaned toward Brett.

  “You sure about that?” he asked cautiously.

  “Just get me the fucking whiskey, Mack,” he glared. “I ain’t got time for your psychological bullshit tonight.” Mack reached for the bottle.

  ****

  The taxi pulled in front of the old cabin where Brett had grown up. He pulled a twenty from his wallet and threw it at the driver before pushing open the door. He saw the path leading to the river and remembered carrying Sarah, still dripping from her fall into the river. The steely look she’d given him the night before floated before him and he was suddenly filled with anger. He looked up at the cab driver.

  “I need to make another stop,” he said as he tossed a wad of cash into the front seat.

  ****

  Sarah finished putting away her groceries and poured herself a glass of pinot noir. She leaned against the counter and closed her eyes as she savored both the wine and the solitude. She hadn’t realized how much she needed a few minutes alone. While staying with her parents had been wonderful, the house always seemed to be full of people.

  Sarah sipped her wine and cautiously eyed the stack of mail her assistant had brought in. In the weeks since Chad’s murder, Allison had been a God’s send. Always going above
and beyond, she’d also apparently stopped by the house to bring in the mail and water the plants.

  You have to give that woman a bonus! She reminded herself.

  A glance at the clock told her it was nearly midnight, but Sarah still wasn’t ready for sleep. Instead, she moved toward the French doors that led to the backyard patio. She flipped on the radio and lit the tiki-torches that lined the concrete. As she fell into a chair and refilled her wine glass, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” She demanded.

  “It was you, wasn’t it?” Brett challenged as he advanced on her.

  “Oh, Jesus,” exasperation overwhelmed her. “What was me?”

  “You know, I couldn’t figure it out before,” Brett rolled his eyes. “I guess I am just a stupid cowboy. But after I saw you at the river I… it all fell into place. You did this didn’t you?”

  “What in the hell are you talking about?” She demanded.

  “You’re the one that set me up aren’t you? That’s how you could be so cold, why you couldn’t even look at my face. You fucking set me up!”

  “Are you drunk or just plain stupid?” She challenged. “How dare you come to my house and sling ridiculous accusations? Why in the fuck would I kill my husband and set you up for it? You must be certifiable if you believe this shit!”

  “You were having an affair. That’s why you looked so guilty. It just wasn’t with me,” he accused. His voice was so calm it gave her chills.

  “What? Did Chad start to get in the way again? I guess you decided you had to get rid of him. I guess I came back to town at the perfect time to give you the patsy you were looking for. I didn’t remember you being so devious.”

  Sarah backed toward the door, her eyes never leaving him. She could tell he was drunk, the bloodshot eyes and slurred speech gave him away. She would never have thought that she could be afraid of him, but right now she almost was. Tears filled her eyes as she reached for the handle.

  “Get out of here!” She screamed. “Now or I’m calling the police!”

  “I can’t believe I ever loved you,” he whispered as she slammed and locked the door.

  Sarah turned the deadbolt and leaned against the door. Tears overtook her and she sank to the floor.

  How could he think I did this?

  Sobs racked her body and she struggled to stand up. Coming back home was a mistake. She should have stayed at her parents’ house. He wouldn’t have showed up there. She realized that after his drunken outburst tonight, she should have been afraid of him but she wasn’t, not really. More than anything she just felt so sad.

  He said he loved me. Before I closed the door he said he’d loved me.

  Clearly, he’d been drunk. He didn’t know what he was saying. He was accusing her of murdering her own husband and setting him for it.

  Why would he come here to accuse her privately if he had done it?

  If he had done it, wouldn’t he have publically pointed the finger at her? He seemed to genuinely believe someone had set him up. More specifically, he believed she had set him up. Why would he think that if he were guilty? And why wouldn’t he think it was her? It wouldn’t be that far of a stretch to believe she was cheating on Chad. He knew better than anyone that she had cheated on Chad once before. But they weren’t married then. Did he really believe that she was so unfeeling that she would cheat on her husband? A high school boyfriend was one thing, but she was a married woman, a mother. She wouldn’t do that.

  Wouldn’t you, Sarah? If Brett had come back, wouldn’t you have cheated on Chad again?

  No, she wouldn’t believe that about herself. She chose to marry Chad. She was faithful to him. She had tried for years to make their marriage work. Even when she believed he was having an affair, she tried.

  But if Brett…

  She couldn’t do this to herself. She couldn’t succumb to a bunch of “what ifs”. She hadn’t done anything wrong.

  You haven’t done anything wrong.

  She repeated the mantra until she fell asleep.

  ****

  “Good Morning, Jack,” Sarah said in greeting as she pulled open her front door at 8:00 the next morning. She knew she looked tired. The two cups of coffee she’d had already hadn’t done much to combat the dark cirles under her eyes – visible reminders of a night spent tossing and turning.

  “Morning, Sarah,” he replied as he followed her into the living room. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m doing okay,” she answered. “What’s going on?”

  Jack looked away for only a moment before answering.

  “I think you need another lawyer,” he explained.

  “What? Why? You’ve been wonderful to me and my family.”

  “Sarah,” he began to make his case. “I’m not a defense attorney. Right now, the police haven’t named you as a suspect, but I’m afraid it is only a matter of time.”

  “Jack, I had nothing to do with Chad’s death.”

  “I know that, Sarah, I know. That’s one of the reasons I feel so strongly about this. If the police hold on to this theory that you were having an affair, it is inevitable that they will consider that you were a part of some conspiracy. I know that Mr. Williams acted alone, but you need to protect yourself.”

  “I don’t believe Brett had anything to do with this either, Jack.”

  “You sound so sure. What’s happened?”

  “Nothing, really,” she answered, for some reason leaving out that she’d spoken to Brett. “It just isn’t logical. Brett had no reason to hurt Chad. Since we were, in fact, not having an affair, he simply had no motive.”

  “Regardless of what I believe about Mr. Williams, I still think you need another lawyer on this. You need someone who specializes in criminal defense. If they start looking at you as a perpetrator rather than a victim, things will get bad in a hurry.”

  “Okay, Jack. I’ll trust you on this one. I assume you have some recommendations?”

  “I printed out a few people and their contact information, but I left the list on my desk. If it’s okay, I’ll email you the names this afternoon.” The relief on his face told Sarah she’d made the right decision.

  After a bit more small talk, Sarah showed Jack to the door and went into the kitchen to pour herself a third cup of coffee. She moaned when she heard the doorbell.

  “Wonder what he forgot?” She muttered to herself as she went to answer the door.

  -17-

  “Kristen,” Sarah smiled at the surprise as she pulled open the front door and greeted her sister-in-law. “What brings you by?”

  “I’m sorry to just drop in like this,” Kristen apologized as she moved past Sarah and stopped in the foyer. “I was supposed to meet a friend for breakfast up this way but she cancelled at the last minute so I thought I’d drop by to see if you have a few minutes to talk.”

  “Absolutely,” Sarah led her down the hall toward the kitchen. “You want some coffee? I just made a fresh pot.”

  “That sounds fantastic,” Kristen accepted the invitation with enthusiasm and followed Sarah into the kitchen. She took a seat at the table as Sarah poured her a mug of coffee and placed it in on the table before her. Sarah then took the chair opposite Kristen and sipped her own steaming brew.

  “What’s wrong? “ Sarah asked, seeing the anxiety on Kristen’s face.

  “I… uh… I came to apologize to you,” Kristen stammered, fidgeting with her mug.

  “What for?” Sarah asked.

  “Sarah,” Kristen took a deep breath before blurting out her confession. “I was helping him.”

  “Helping who?”

  “Brett Williams,” Kristen looked away, not wanting to meet Sarah’s eyes. Sarah caught the expression of shame.

  “Kristen, what are you talking about? Helping Brett how?”

  “Well, you see, I met him a while ago at the Sheriff’s fundraiser. I didn’t know anything about him, only that he’d recently moved bac
k to the area and had gotten a job as a deputy,” she paused.

  “Okay,” Sarah said as a sign for her to continue. Her head was swimming in confusion.

  “We got to talking,” Kristen continued, “about my being a writer and volunteering at the library in Farmington. He started asking me a bunch of questions about our archives.”

  “Archives?”

  “Yes, you know, old newspapers, yearbooks, that sort of thing. He said he was doing some research on people who used to live in the area and asked me if I could help him.”

  “What people? Me? Chad?”

  “No, Sarah, he was trying to find his father.”

  “His father?” Sarah sat back stunned. Brett had never shown any interest in finding his father before. Then she realized that was a long time ago and things change as we get older.

  “Yes, some things had happened in his life recently and he wanted to try to figure out who his father is. Apparently, his mother grew up in Farmington. Brett said that all he really knew was that she had an affair. She got pregnant with Brett, but never told him who his father was. He suspects that the man she was sleeping with was married and that it is quite possible that he never knew about Brett. I didn’t realize this would have anything to do with you and I didn’t know I was helping a man that was planning to…. I even asked Chad to help him.”

  “Chad? What are you talking about?”

  “One of the newspaper articles mentioned something about the law firm where Chad worked. I thought they may have represented Brett’s mother at the time so I asked Chad to look into it for me.” Kristen stifled a sob and continued. “Jesus, Sarah, I asked Chad to help the man who…”