The Diaper Diaries

by Abby Gaines

  He’d never disappointed his parents the way she’d disappointed hers.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  TYLER DECIDED on Monday morning that he needed to stop thinking about Bethany as a woman, turn the clock back to those days he’d thought of her as nothing more than a pediatrician and a pain in the butt.

  He shouldn’t have invited her and Ryan to Zoo Atlanta with him and Ben on Saturday. He’d justified it to himself on the basis she could help with Ben at the zoo, but instead, he’d just had a good time with her. He’d compounded his error by taking Bethany and Ryan to Mom’s for lunch on Sunday, which had produced speaking glances from the family.From now on, he would take less interest in her body, because that was what kept him making overtures to her, and more interest in her work—guaranteed to turn him off big-time. Which meant he had to make a great personal sacrifice, and start learning about kidney disease.

  Bethany was the last person he wanted to talk to on the subject. Any whiff of interest on his part and he’d never hear the end of it. Not only that, she’d assume the foundation was going to extend her research grant, and if that didn’t happen, she’d be devastated.

  He called Olivia into his office and asked her to find out who the main research teams were in pediatric kidney disease. She cocked her head, inquiring. But Tyler turned back to his computer screen, so after a moment she left to do as he’d asked, tutting under her breath.

  Two hours later, Tyler placed a call to Dr. Robert Harvey at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children.

  The doctor was patient and courteous in explaining kidney disease and the main areas of research. Among those, Tyler recognized Bethany’s area of specialty—overcoming antibody barriers to kidney transplants.

  “It’s a very exciting area that several research teams, including ours, are following up,” the doctor said. He made a whistling sound through his teeth. “Like everyone, we’re limited by our funding as to what we can do.” He paused. “What would be our chances of a grant from the Warrington Foundation?”

  Alarms clanged in Tyler’s head. “Anyone in North America can apply,” he said cautiously. “You can use the application form on our Web site, or format your own application, and from there we’ll contact you if we think it’s worth your pitching to us.”

  He ended the call with a far greater understanding of the issues surrounding pediatric kidney disease…and with a fervent hope that Dr. Harvey wouldn’t apply for funds.

  THREE DAYS LATER a FedEx package arrived from Toronto.

  Dr. Harvey must have stayed up all night, judging from the comprehensiveness of the material enclosed in support of his application. The foundation would have to take it seriously. Tyler told Olivia to contact the doctor and invite him to pitch at the next PhilStrat meeting.“Another kidney project?” she said.

  “Yep.”

  “But it’s against the foundation’s policy to fund more than one project in a specific area.”

  “You don’t say.”

  She sucked in a breath, but didn’t comment further. Now that he thought about it, Olivia hadn’t been butting into his affairs much lately.

  “How’s your romance with Frog Guy?” he asked.

  She sniffed. “It’s not a romance, it’s a working relationship.”

  “Bad luck,” Tyler said. Then he realized her situation was similar to his with Bethany. The difference, he told himself, was that he wasn’t looking for more than a working relationship.

  BETHANY’S CONSCIENCE, aided by Ben’s erratic sleep patterns, was keeping her awake at night. It was definitely her conscience, not thoughts of Tyler sleeping across the hall, so she asked Tyler to invite Sabrina for lunch on Saturday.

  Sabrina’s acceptance of the invitation, coming as it did from Bethany rather than Tyler, said a lot about her graciousness. Bethany was determined to make amends.The sooner she said what had to be said the better. As they enjoyed a glass of wine with hors d’oeuvres in the kitchen before lunch, she announced, “I owe you an apology.”

  Sabrina’s perfectly shaped eyebrows rose. “You do?”

  Tyler stopped stirring the pumpkin soup Bethany had on the stove and came to listen. Bethany wasn’t sure she wanted an audience.

  “That day, when you had cereal in your hair.” She blushed at the memory. “I’m so ashamed I didn’t tell you. I was…relieved you could mess up like the rest of us. I was jealous,” she said honestly, “that you’re so beautiful and so put together. And I’m really sorry.”

  Tyler had an odd look on his face. Sabrina stared. Great, I made a complete idiot of myself.

  Sabrina started to laugh. It didn’t sound malicious, and Bethany couldn’t help smiling. “Glad you find my base emotions so amusing.”

  “I knew you felt bad,” Sabrina said. “You were so sweet the way you never told Jake that I made coq au vin for Ben, which I later mentioned to a friend of mine who’s a nurse and she hasn’t stopped laughing since.”

  “You made coq au vin for a baby?” Tyler said, aghast.

  Sabrina raised her wineglass to him in ironic salute. “As if you would have known it was a dumb idea…But, Bethany, I do appreciate your apology. When I saw that stuff in my hair I couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t have said something, and then I wondered if maybe you thought I wanted Tyler and you were in love with him—”

  “No!” The horrified cry came from both Bethany and Tyler.

  “But now, well, let’s forget all that and just be friends.”

  “I’d love to,” Bethany said. There was an awkward silence, then Tyler said, “What the heck,” and kissed both of them. Typical of him to turn the situation to his advantage, Bethany thought, even as she noted that he lingered a lot longer on her lips than he did on Sabrina’s.

  “We must have lunch one day next week,” Sabrina said. “I’ll be in Washington, D.C., on Monday and Tuesday, briefing Senator Bates about the peace initiatives in Kurdistan. But any other day is fine.”

  Which gave Bethany another chance to feel like a worm, just in case she needed it.

  While they were eating the pumpkin soup, along with the bread Bethany had made in Tyler’s bread machine, Sabrina offered to visit some of the kidney kids Bethany worked with. Bethany jumped on the invitation, and they agreed on the following Thursday.

  After lunch, Bethany and Tyler stood on the porch to wave Sabrina off. As soon as her car turned out of the driveway, Bethany smacked Tyler on the arm.

  He grabbed her hand, held it in place. “What was that for?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me she really does work for world peace? You knew I thought that was a crock of beauty-queen babble.”

  His gaze alighted on her fingers, crumpling the crisp cotton of his sleeve. Then he looked right at her. “I didn’t want to spoil your illusion that unless you wear odd clothes and beg for money you’re a shallow, worthless person.”

  Bethany drew a sharp breath. Was that how she came across? Worse, was that what she believed deep inside? She pressed a fist to her mouth, gnawed on a knuckle.

  Tyler shook his head, exasperated yet amused. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s only peace in Southwest Asia.”

  Oh, yeah, she felt much better.

  OLIVIA AND SILAS had had several more meetings, but they’d all, for one reason or another, ended up taking place at Olivia’s house. Today, finally, she got to go the big Federal-style house on Armada.

  The cynical side of Olivia couldn’t think why she was excited about visiting a man who was so devastated by his wife’s death that he’d dedicated his life to saving her precious tree frog.Ironic that when she at last found a man who knew how to love a woman above everything else, he’d already given that love away.

  The foolish, romantic side of her wondered if it was possible to love that way twice. Because if he loved her, she could definitely love him back.

  But she still had no idea how he felt about her.

  She’d dressed to impress regardless, in a knee-length green skirt that showed he
r shapely calves, and a lighter green blouse, classy and just the tiniest bit transparent.

  Silas opened the door before she got there. A different plaid shirt today, this one blue and gray, worn with faded jeans that looked almost normal. Apart from the fact that he was barefoot, he could have been a dressed-down version of any man she knew.

  Then he said, “Good evening, Olivia,” and the words brushed her skin like a hot summer breeze, and she knew he was a man apart.

  Inside, the house was as beautiful as the exterior promised. Her gaze flitted around the paneled entryway, up the wide, curving staircase to high ceilings as she followed Silas into an enormous living room.

  She gasped.

  Every wall was plastered with posters of frogs, aerial photographs of wetlands, charts showing population statistics. The coffee table bore several stacks of papers, and more covered the sideboard along the far wall.

  “May I take your coat?” Silas asked.

  She shrugged out of her ivory wool peacoat. When his fingers touched her shoulders, Olivia shivered.

  He frowned. “I guess I forgot to put the heating on.” A pause. “I’ll do that now.”

  When he returned, Olivia was reading one of the red-spotted tree frog fact sheets on the wall, still trying to feel the passion that Silas did. Still failing. She turned, and found Silas right behind her. Up close, he was so big she longed to lean into him.

  His thick lashes made his eyes his best feature, she thought. Or maybe that was his mouth, with that thinnish top lip and full bottom lip. She’d never paid much attention to the tiny details of a man’s face before. She was more a pocketbook girl, she liked to evaluate her dates’ material assets.

  Silas cleared his throat. “Perhaps it would be best,” he said, “if I just kissed you and got it over with.”

  That’s how deranged this man made her—she thought he’d just said something about kissing her. “Excuse me?”

  “I can’t stop thinking about kissing you—” he spoke faster than she knew he could “—and don’t tell me you can, because I can see you can’t.”

  “I—I—”

  “I haven’t kissed another woman since Anna. Haven’t wanted to, until I met you.” He’d slowed down again and he sounded so subdued, not at all enthusiastic, that Olivia just stared at him, mute, wondering if she was hearing right.

  “How long since you kissed a man?” he asked with about as much energy as if he was asking if she thought it might rain.

  “A couple of weeks.” Now she wished she hadn’t gone tongue-to-tongue with the cardiologist.

  His craggy eyebrows shot up. “Any good?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Was it any good?”

  “Not really,” she admitted.

  He humphed. “We’d better give it a try.”

  “Surely some enthusiasm would be appropriate,” she said.

  Then his arms closed around her and she was incapable of speech, just filled with relief that at last it was happening.

  His kiss was at once tender and rough, seeking and taking. Olivia opened to his firm, warm lips, pressed herself against him. She should be alarmed at how wanton he made her feel.

  His large hands roamed her curves, making Olivia, taller than most of her friends, feel delicate. He was strong enough that he could probably sweep her up in his arms, carry her upstairs.

  Then the kiss was over, as suddenly as it had started. Silas moved away from her, and she grabbed hold of the back of the couch for support. He looked pleased and annoyed at the same time.

  “You’re a good-looking woman,” he said.

  She nodded.

  “Did you ever get married?”

  “No,” she said discouragingly.

  “Why not?”

  “Not for lack of offers,” she said tartly, and pushed herself off the couch, steadier now.

  “Never thought it was.” Silas leaned against the sideboard, his gray eyes inquiring.

  “I’ve been engaged seven times,” she admitted.

  His laugh cracked the air. “Just altar shy, huh?”

  “Perhaps.” She busied herself with tucking in her blouse, which had come away from her skirt.

  His eyes followed her movements. “What was wrong with those men?”

  Her hands paused. “Maybe there was something wrong with me.”

  He looked skeptical.

  “They were good men,” she said. “But any man I married would need to prove he’ll always put me first.”

  “Selfish,” he commented.

  “I suppose I am. My parents led very busy lives, separate from each other and from me.”

  “I’ve heard of them.” Her family had been prominent Atlanta benefactors.

  “Nothing I did, good or bad, got their attention for more than a few minutes.” She didn’t want him to see how that hurt, so she fixed her gaze on the one piece of non-frog-related paraphernalia in the room. A silver-framed photo of a smiling, dark-haired woman, a child seated either side of her. This must be Anna. Olivia’s focus blurred. “I hated that I could never be sure my parents loved me. I want a man who loves me so much he proves it every day, by choosing me above everything.”

  “Hard for any man to measure up.”

  You could. Olivia pushed her hair behind her ears. “I’m lonely, Silas. I have friends, I have a lot of fun, but I’ve always been lonely, every day of my life. But at least I know what to expect and can live my life around it. I’m terrified of marrying someone and having it not last, and I’ll have forgotten how to survive on my own.”

  “Sometimes you have to take a risk.”

  She shivered, hugged her arms around her, turned slightly so she couldn’t see that photo of Anna. “Finding someone, knowing that love, then ending up lonely again, would be worse than never knowing it at all.”

  “Chicken,” he said. “I miss Anna every day, I’d give anything to have her back. But I’ll never wish I hadn’t loved her.”

  Olivia swallowed a salty lump in her throat.

  His brow creased. “So you never met a man you loved enough to take the risk?”

  “Never.”

  The wheezy sound from the back of his throat was a laugh. “You want a man who loves you enough to take a risk on you, but you don’t want to give him the same.”

  She stepped back. “That’s not true.”

  He didn’t say anything, and Olivia considered the subject dropped. They moved into work mode: she busied herself with reading his presentation, made a few comments and suggestions, then refused his invitation to stay for supper.

  “Come back tomorrow,” he said as he showed her out the front door.

  Silas watched her leave, driving that toy car of hers too fast down the driveway. Today he’d been to the deli for the first time in years, to buy the fancy foods he knew Olivia would like. He’d hoped she would stay; a small part of him wanted her never to leave.

  Maybe, like her, he was lonely. Yet while he missed Anna, he didn’t hate being on his own. Olivia was a special temptation. The taste of her, the feel of her in his arms, had been sweeter than anything he could remember.

  He ran his knuckles across his mouth, fancied he could still feel her lips on his.

  If Olivia knew the truth, that kiss would never have happened.

  THE TYLER WARRINGTON publicity machine was an unstoppable beast. Tyler had only to decide he would come along on Sabrina’s visit to the kidney ward, and his PR team swung into action. They had no trouble lining up a group of journalists to accompany him: Atlanta’s favorite playboy was now Atlanta’s favorite daddy.

  Bethany had to assume all this publicity was doing the foundation some good, though she’d never fully understood the link between media coverage and its ability to boost the foundation’s work. But it was nice to think that needy people were benefiting.Sabrina looked stunning in a pale blue wool wrap dress and decked out in her Miss Georgia crown and sash. To Bethany’s mind, Tyler was equally gorgeous in his black suit, pa
le gray shirt, and black-and-gray tie threaded with silver.

  First on the agenda was a tour of the ward. The kids were ecstatic to see Miss Georgia, and so were their fathers. The mothers took more interest in Tyler, and Bethany saw a couple of appreciative glances from women she knew to be happily married.

  “Tyler, this is Molly.” She introduced him to a ten-year-old who was waiting for a transplant, and gave him a brief rundown of the girl’s condition.

  In less than a minute he’d charmed Molly out of her anxiety-induced moodiness.

  That set the pattern for the rest of the visit. With every child, he requested details of his or her condition, first from the patient, then supplementing those shyly given but often painfully honest replies with technical information from Bethany. Then he’d chat until the child was relaxed and smiling. For a guy who never thought about anyone other than himself, he did a great job.

  Bethany couldn’t stop the hope that bubbled up inside her. Tyler was taking an interest in her work—if this visit convinced him to spend more of the foundation’s money, the last month would have been worthwhile.

  It already was worthwhile, she realized as, having introduced Tyler to a young boy who’d recently had surgery, she stepped back to let the man work his magic. Regardless of the outcome for her research, it had been a pleasure to look after Ben. She’d made a new friend in Sabrina. And then there was Tyler.

  The man who’d argued with her, flirted with her, kissed her.

  The man who was starting to mean something to her.

  Not that.

  “Bethany, how did Jason’s surgery go?” Tyler called her attention back to the moment.

  She bustled forward. “He’s doing great.”

  It was almost an hour before they left the ward. One of the nurses came to “borrow” Ben to show her colleagues, while Sabrina and Tyler hosted an informal question-and-answer session with the media. A crowd of spectators gathered, among them Susan Warrington, presumably here to watch Tyler at work.