by R. S. Lively
"I know you aren't hurt."
"Damn."
"You do realize Dr. Barnes is standing right behind you. In a Hawaiian shirt."
The man I recognize as the fellow senior who bundled Grammie onto the stretcher and hurried her into the ambulance waves at me.
"Damn. Well... aren't you glad I'm not suffering?"
I lean down and hug her again.
"What am I going to do with you, Grammie?"
"I don't know, but you're going to have to think of it pretty fast."
"What do you mean?"
"We aren't going to be here long. We're just on a stop."
"A stop?"
"We're on our way to the next retirement community. After we visited the first one, some of the ladies started talking about features and amenities in their own communities. We decided to turn it into a party so we can compare. Each of the ladies is taking turns hosting us so we can see what their community is all about. I feel like it's a good opportunity for me."
"What do you mean?"
"This is my chance to see what each of the communities has to offer and experience them so I can pick my favorite. You never know what's going to happen. I might decide to leave the house and retire."
Considering this woman's entire work experience was an industrial job during the war, which she promptly stopped as soon as Gramps came home, I don't think she really gets to consider retirement. As for leaving the house and ending up in a retirement community, the chances of that are pretty damn slim. If anything, this whole experience has just demonstrated she's far too independent and unpredictable for that to happen. Besides, she'd probably end up getting kicked out of any retirement community she tried to move to, anyway.
That night…
I dip my head into Cade's bedroom and find him pulling back the covers on the bed.
"Goodnight," I say.
"You aren't coming to bed?" he asks.
"No, I'm going to my room."
"I'll come with you, then."
"Considering Grammie is right across the hall, and the rest of the house is scattered with the traveling cast of The Golden Girls, I think it's probably a better idea if we just both stick to our own rooms tonight. I'll see you in the morning."
He walks up to me and reaches for my hands, pulling me up to him.
"We could sneak away for a little while."
He leans forward and kisses the side of my neck. The feeling makes my stomach flutter and my legs feel weak, but I step back from him, shaking my head. I can't let myself stay this wrapped up in him. This will be over soon, and it will hurt less if I just let it go.
"I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Cade."
Before he can say anything else, I walked out of his room, closing the door behind me. When I get into my room, I find Grammie waiting for me.
"Hi, Honey."
"Hi, Grammie. Is everything OK? Do you need something?"
She shakes her head.
"No. I just wanted to talk to you. I've missed you while I was gone."
"It sounds like you've been having fun, though," I say, walking past her and climbing into bed.
"I have," she says. She smiles, and I realize the smile is touching her eyes in a way I haven't seen in a long time. "And how about you? Have you been having fun during your vacation?"
"I'm not sure I can technically call it a vacation," I say. "I've been helping Cade with the house every day."
She nods as she perches on the edge of the bed.
"You've gotten a lot done. It looks great." She looks at me for a beat and smiles. "It's so good to see the two of you together. It makes me really happy."
I feel tears stinging my eyes.
"Don't let it make you too happy," I say. "I have no idea what's going on."
"What do you mean?"
I let out a long breath.
"Exactly what I said. I have no idea what's going on. I was so mad when I first saw him. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn’t even want to be in the same room together. But then things started to change. I remembered our time here, and realized…" My breath catches in my throat, and I pause until the tight feeling in my chest disappears. "But it hasn't done any good. We aren't together, and we haven't talked about ever being together. He hasn't even asked if we're going to see each other again when I go back home. I don't know what I'm supposed to think."
"Have you said anything to Cade about it?" she asks.
I shake my head.
"I don't know what to say," I say. "I don't even know if I should say something. Maybe it's too much of an expectation that there would be anything beyond these few weeks. Maybe this was our chance to reconnect, heal the past wounds, and get some closure. It's just been too long, Grammie. We've both gone our separate ways and lived separate lives. Too much has happened."
"No," Grammie says. "I don’t believe that."
"I don't know if you have a choice. I don't know if either of us does."
"Yes, I do. Because I know that's not what's happening."
"How?"
"Some people in this world are just meant to be together, Fiona. It doesn't always happen. It's not guaranteed for everyone. Most people are going to find someone and fall in love because of the circumstances of their life. But not everybody. Some people, a few rare and lucky people, find their other half in another person – who they belong with. You and Cade have that, Fiona."
"Did you and Gramps?"
"Yes," Grammie answers without hesitation. "He and I were desperately in love from the first time I laid eyes on him and stayed that way until the last. I still love him. I know without even a second of doubt we were put on this Earth to be together, and to live our lives together. But I also know life doesn't always work out how we want it to. If it did, I would still have my husband here with me. He was the most wonderful part of my life, and I miss him with every fiber of my being. That doesn't mean I stop living or that I can't still enjoy myself and do other things. I know from the greatest depths of my heart Gramps would want me to be happy and make the most out of life. He will always be with me, and I will always love him, but I have a life ahead of me to live, and it's my job to live it.”
Grammie is rarely so calm and focused, and her words sink right to my heart. She leans over to kiss my forehead the way she always did when I was a little girl, and I lay down, resting my head on the pillow. I'm not aware of my body heading toward sleep as I think about our conversation over and over, but suddenly there is only darkness.
The next morning…
I suddenly snap awake rather than slowly rising out of sleep the way I usually do. There are no lingering effects of sleep making me want to stay in bed any longer this morning. Getting up, I slip on a robe and start down the stairs. I immediately notice the furniture throughout the living room and parlor is no longer draped with Grammie's friends, and just as I get to the bottom of the stairs, the front door opens, and Dr. Barnes comes in. The sweatband around his head has made his white hair stand up on end, and his festive windbreaker suit may be older than I am.
He grins at me.
"Just getting my morning walk in," he says. "I came back for Annie. She's going to take a second round with me."
A cheerful-looking woman in a peach jogging suit appears from around the corner, and they wave at me before leaving. I had woken up feeling like I had an early grasp of the day ahead of me, but now I feel like most of it has already happened without me.
Just like I've gotten accustomed to each morning, the smell of coffee lures me toward the kitchen. As I approach, though, voices coming from inside the room slow my steps, and stop me right outside the door.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Cade says. "I thought this whole plan was working out. I thought it was going to be fine. But then she just closed up."
"Don't worry," Grammie says. "You two are supposed to be together. You always have. Fiona will come around eventually. She's still trying to figure everything out. But I've seen in her eyes
that she still carries you in her heart. She always has."
Something about the conversation makes me feel extremely uneasy. I don't like that they are talking about me, but I'm especially uncomfortable with the way Grammie is talking about me like I've had no part in this – like I'm just following along some master plan that's been in place all along.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. The two of you have finally figured out that you're in love with each other, and soon enough you will have the relationship you were always meant to have. You'll see. That was the whole point of having you two here, anyway."
The burst of anger exploding in my chest makes me storm into the room.
"How dare you?" I ask.
Cade and Grammie look up at me from where they sit at the table, both visibly shocked at my sudden appearance in the room. The pink fuzzy robe and unbrushed hair probably aren’t helping, but I don't care. I suddenly feel irrationally consumed with anger toward both of them.
"Fiona, what's wrong?" Grammie asks.
"How long has this been in the works?" I ask. "Just tell me that. How long have the two of you been scheming like this?"
"What are you talking about?" Cade asks, standing up and moving like he's going to take a step toward me.
I hold up a hand and take a step back.
"Stop. Both of you. I can't believe you would treat me like some little pawn. This is exactly what I told you about, Cade. You have both always tried to make decisions for me rather than letting me live my own life." I look between them and shake my head in disappointment. "I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I don't want to be manipulated and lied to just to fit in with some vision you two have for my future." I look at my grandmother. "I can't believe you would go to these lengths just to push Cade and me together. Why can't you just accept it didn't work out for us? We were kids, Grammie. It was a crush that we both got swept up in because it was somewhere for us to hide from the rest of the world. But it didn't work. It fell apart. You have to accept that and move on."
"It doesn't seem like either of you have. Not really."
I shake my head.
"I don't want a relationship that has been created. I don't need to be fixed up by my grandmother or forced into anything."
"No one is trying to force you into anything," Cade says.
"Stop," I say. "I left this town because I never wanted to feel like I had no options or opportunities. I went and started my own life so I could always make my own choices. I don't appreciate the two of you trying to take that from me."
I turn to leave the room, but Grammie stands.
"Fiona," she says sharply.
She looks like she's going to try to defend herself, but the back door opens, and her friends stream, laughing, into the room.
"Are you ready, Rose?" one asks. "We have your luggage in the car. We've got to hit the road if we're going to make it to the Heights before brunch. You don't want to miss their eggs benedict."
How appropriate.
Grammie meets my eyes, and I see her shoulders lower as she lets out a long breath.
"I only want what's best for you, Fiona," she says. "One day, you'll realize that."
She steps away from the table, looks at Cade for a brief second, and walks out of the house. Again, Cade and I are alone.
I walk out of the kitchen and stalk up the stairs toward my bedroom to get dressed. I hear Cade following me, but I slam the door before he can come in with me.
Cade
"Fiona, open the door!" I shout.
She doesn't answer, and I shake the doorknob. It's locked, and I slam my hands against the door angrily.
"Why do you have to be like this?"
The door opens sharply, and Fiona glares out at me, her eyes on fire, and her face red with anger.
"Excuse me?" she demands. "Why do I have to be like this?"
"Just talk to me," I say. "There's no need for you to overreact like this."
"You knew the entire time," she hisses. "You knew from the very beginning this was all bullshit."
"I told you, I knew Grammie wasn't really seriously hurt."
"No," she says, shaking her head. "No, that's not it. It was almost cute when you knew she wasn't badly hurt, but that she wanted to see me. But, it's more than that. You knew she wasn't hurt and was just manipulating me so she could force us to be in the same house together again. I haven't been back here in ten years, and she knew the only thing that would make me ever consider coming back here was if she really needed me. You knew that, too, so the two of you worked together to orchestrate this whole absurd scheme. You even hired another person to help you just so you could order him around, and then make a show of sweeping in and rescuing me from his creepy advances."
"That's not true."
"You already knew Grammie was going to leave in just a couple of days, leaving us alone together, and I'd have no choice but to help you with everything you'd promised Grammie you'd get done. Then you planned the big reveal of your assistant to impress me."
"You absolutely had a choice," I say. "Just like you just said in the kitchen. You left here so you could have all the choices you wanted. You didn't have to come out here to help Grammie, but you did because you feel as loyal to her as I do. And when she left, you didn't have to stay. Who cares if I promised her I'd get work done around the house? That's my responsibility. You had the choice of just walking away, but you didn't. Why is that, Fiona?"
"Don't try to turn this around on me, Cade. This is you. This is you and my grandmother. It was all for show."
"Listen to me," I demand. "That isn't true. Yes, I knew Grammie wasn't hurt, but that's only because I walked into her bedroom and found her running across it to get the TV remote. I made her tell me what was going on, and she asked me not to tell you because she didn't want you to be upset and wanted to spend more time with you. So, yes, I didn't tell you. It had nothing to do with some big scheme. I didn't tell you because she didn't want me to, but also because I wanted to spend time with you, too. I've missed you for so long, Fiona, and it finally seemed like things were starting to get back to normal with us. You weren't happy to see me at first, but I could see it. There were flickers of what used to be. I hoped if we had the chance to be near each other again, all those old feelings would come back. Like I've said before, it probably wasn't the best choice. I should have told you. But that doesn't change why I did it."
"I don't like being lied to, Cade. You lied to me, and you manipulated me rather than just coming back for me."
"I never meant for you to feel that way. I swear."
I walk toward her, wanting to gather her into my arms, but Fiona steps away. She holds up her hand, stopping me from drawing any closer to her. Our eyes meet, and I see the fury has drained away, leaving behind pain and sadness.
"Even if you didn't, I just can't do this. It's been too long. Too much has happened. Right now, I am just too angry and frustrated. I'm too hurt by everything that's happened between us to even try. I wanted to think I could put all these years behind us, but I just can't. I can't handle this anymore. I need you to leave."
"What?" I ask, not believing what I just heard.
"Leave, Cade," Fiona repeats. "I need you to go. Go home. Go back to your billionaire life and do whatever it is you've been doing for the last decade. I don't need you anymore, and it's obvious you don't need me."
"How can you say that? I have never stopped needing you."
"Spare me, Cade. You don't need anything but yourself. You said as much. You live your solitary life in your obscene Clue-board mansion, telling people what to do for a living. You say you're doing what Gramps taught you to do, but that's not true. He never would have acted the way you do. He got his hands dirty. He worked hard every single day. He never would have dressed himself up and raked in money by getting people to do his bidding. You've forgotten where you came from, Cade, and I can't deal with that."
"I have never forgotten, Fiona. I carry that with me every
day. Just because I'm somewhere different doesn't mean I don't remember where I started. Gramps would have told me to do whatever was right for me, and to find as much success as I possibly could. That's what I did. I told you why I did all of this."
"I know you did. But it's not enough, Cade. I thought it was, but it's not. You can't just disappear for all that time and then come back, expecting your money and power to just sweep me off my feet and make me forget about everything else. I have my own life, and that's the one I'm going to live. You need to go now. It's over between us. Finally, it's over."
I feel completely gutted. Everything that has been building inside me had been torn out, and I'm a hollow shell as I step back into the hall and Fiona closes the door behind me. I don't want to leave. There isn't a single part of me that wants to walk out of this house without her again. But if there is nothing else in this world I know, I know Fiona. And I know that nothing is capable of changing her mind right now. I won't be able to get through to her, and if I keep trying, it will only make it worse. For now, I have no choice but to go.
17
Fiona
Three days later…
The house feels like it's echoing around me as I walk through it. In the days since Cade left, my anger has eased enough that I can look at what happened more honestly. I know I overreacted. I shouldn't have responded to my grandmother the way I did, and yesterday, I called her to apologize. I told her I'm still upset at her for lying and trying to manipulate the situation rather than just letting me lead my own life, but that I know she did it because he loves me, and wants me to be happy. Grammie admitted that having me come to the house was a way to force me to see Cade again, but that she did it because she thought it's what I needed. The phone conversation we had a couple of weeks before I came out here worried her, and she wanted to do something to bring the spark back into my life.