Lieutenant Hotshot

by Julia North

  “Hey, Hotshot, you want to play?”

  “Deal,” I said, taking five silver shillings from my pocket and throwing them into the shining pile in the center of the log.

  Jabu gave me slit eyes but threw down an upside down card. I turned it over and smiled inside as the black king card showed himself to me. I kept my face tight and still.

  “Deal,” I said again, and Jabu slapped down another card. This time it was an ace. Ay, the spirits were smiling on me today. I put down my two cards and pretended to flick the insect from my trousers.

  Bilole stared and was quiet for a second then said, “Deal.”

  Jabu put his lips together and said nothing. Then he dealt another one for himself. I kept my body tense and still. I was sure they could not tell anything from my face even though they were looking at me with intense faces and inside I laughed at my jackal soul. They were fucking idiots compared to me. I waited until they were looking with serious faces at their two cards and then slapped over my black king and ace.

  “Ha, ha,” I said as I took the pile of silver coins and stuffed them into my shorts. “Come deal again.”

  “Fuck it,” said Bilole, getting up and kicking the log table with his brown boot. “I haven’t got time for this shit.”

  He marched away with a sour face towards the dining hall. Jabu scowled at me and also got up.

  “You’re idiots,” I shouted. “Just because I’m better than you.”

  “Fuck you, Hotshot –you’re just lucky. One day your luck will stop,” said Jabu, pulling back his top lip.

  “You’re just jealous because I’m better than you.”

  “Fuck you,” said Jabu. He turned and came at me with his fists up.

  I jumped up and darted from foot to foot, facing him with upturned fists. “Come, come,” I shouted, “you’re no fucking match for me. I’ll make your head spin with your blood. I’ll turn your eyes black and red so that you’ll be only good to be fed to the dogs. Come, you fucking bastard. Come, try me, try.”

  Jabu, he exploded like the grenade. He hit out his fists at me. I ducked to the side and rammed the side of his head with my fist so that my whole body vibrated and the bones of my hand shouted out. I ignored the pain and pulled my arm back and hit him again before I pummeled him with both hands.

  Jabu hit out like a wounded buffalo, roaring and pushing against me with his hands up, trying to hide his face. I jumped backwards and was ready to go in for the kill when all of a sudden I heard drums and David’s voice calling. I stopped and dropped my hands. Jabu too stopped and jerked around. David came panting up to us.

  “The great doctor has sent the diviner. Mobuto said we must all go to the river now.”

  Jabu and I exchanged glances and I nodded at him. He accepted the end of the fight and nodded back. His right eye was swollen and a big blue lump sat on his head. I grinned at David and lifted up my eyebrows. David frowned.

  “We must hurry,” he said.

  I patted down my uniform and tucked my shirt neatly into my trousers. The talk of the diviner made my belly flutter. A slow prickle of fear moved over me.

  “Do you know why she’s coming?” I asked David as we ran over.

  He shook his head.

  “Hey, Hotshot, Grenadelauncher, where the fuck you been?”

  Mobuto glowered at us with fierce eyes. He hit us both on the head as we saluted.

  “Get down to the fucking river now. You’re lucky you just made it. One second later than the diviner and you’d be dead!”

  I winced and ran down as fast as I could to the river. My squadron were lined up on the riverbank and they saluted smartly as I came down. Joshua stared with his big eyes and both Vincent and Bongi looked pale showing their fear inside, but I could see they were trying to stand stiff and look brave and they looked happy in their eyes to see me.

  “Good, you’re lucky you’re here,” I shouted, “otherwise I’d kill you fucking goats.”

  They saluted again with big eyes and chanted, “Yes, sah.”

  I snorted at them and walked proud over with David to join Scarecrow and Trigger standing on the riverbank.

  The high cries of “Ulaloo, ulaloo…” cracked the morning air. We tensed and turned to look at the thick green pine and willow trees on the far riverbank. A row of five women with white clay faces, jangling seedpods around their wrists and ankles and blowing skirts of green and red, came out from the deep greenness of the forest like a long viper. They wound their way down to the water. Behind came the “dum, dum, dum” of drums as strong men with glistening brown muscles appeared behind them holding tall drums of cowhide which they beat to the rhythm of the snaking women.

  The women reached the brown foamy water and suddenly stopped their loud wailing. We stood silent and still, staring at their white faces and red eyes. The air around was thick with spirits. Ay, my body was too full with the fear. Even the kingfishers and honeyguides were afraid and stopped their chirping. The only sound in my ears was the beat of the drums and the whooshing of the brown river water.

  I looked sideways at David and Scarecrow. Their faces were frozen. Then the diviners entered the water. The chief diviner threw up a fountain of brown, foamy water and shrieked to the spirits of the sky.

  “Ulaloo,” she screamed. “Ulaloo.”

  My ears went numb at the sound of her scream. It was that of a witch not a woman and my heart leaped in my chest. I heard David take in a sharp breath and saw Jabu wobble on his feet.

  Memories of Sipho flooded my brain and I shook my head and tensed my stomach as the stink of burning came back to my nostrils. No, there was no fire here. They could not burn us.

  My chest grew tight and stiff as I watched the diviners hit and splash the water. My mind saw me going under and being held there by the white witch faces as they laughed at my drowning lungs. I shook my head to try and make the pictures go away.

  “Attention!” shouted Mobuto.

  We jerked upright and saluted as he sauntered in front of us.

  “The General is pleased with our battle,” he shouted. “The great doctor has heard of our victory and sent the diviners to bring the spirits to lead us on to greater kills. Now line up. You will enter the water to meet with the spirits. You, Hotshot –go!”

  My breath stuck in my chest and I saw Jabu smirk. Fuck him. Why did I have to be first? I looked with big eyes at Mobuto, saluted and marched quickly down to the river. I kept my head up straight and my eyes staring ahead.

  The cool water seeped into my uniform and stuck it like mud onto my flesh. The five diviners had made a semi-circle in the water. They glared at me with their small, red eyes and white clay faces. My heart beat harder and my breath came out in short, sharp pants.

  The one in the middle came at me with her arms in front. I could see long yellow nails on the ends of her hands and small rotten teeth, which peeped out from her fat lips. She grabbed my hair and pulled me into their circle. I bit down hard on my teeth to stop any sound and clenched my eyes tight.

  I drew a sharp breath as I felt the cold water close over me. The fear ate me as they held me down. There were hands all over me, pushing, pushing me down, down until I felt the hard stones of the riverbed against my back. Inside my lungs were burning and screaming for the air. My head started to swim and I felt my muscles go weak.

  Then all of a sudden I was pulled hard up and slapped across the face by the one diviner, then another, then another. My head spun. I opened blurry eyes to see five white faces screaming at me. The chief diviner held up long green strings of weeds, which stunk like sick, and rubbed them all over my head. My stomach jumped. I gulped the bitterness back down.

  “Let the spirits lead you to kill. Make rivers of blood for the L.R.A. Fill the graves with the flesh of the enemy. Kill, Kill, Kill,” she shrieked as she rubbed the stinking weeds across my face and body.

  The other four diviners joined in, clawing me with their long nails and grinding the curses deep into my spirit. My mind gre
w black. I felt the power of the spirits move strong through me. I breathed deep before being pushed from the water by the diviners.

  I turned to see David, waist deep in the water waiting his turn. I leered at him. “Good –this is what he needed. The spirits would help to grow the blackness of his soul.”

  Chapter 32

  Christmas morning is already hot even though the yellow sun has only moved a small way across the empty blue sky. We have to go to church today Dr. Zuma says, even me. Caterpillars gnaw at my belly. These church spirits scare me and part of me wants to run away but the other part wants to go so I can see Tula.

  I get up and pick out my best clothes.

  “You are looking smart this morning, Modetse,” says Trigger, lifting his eyebrows at me as I put on a clean white shirt with black buttons and new khaki shorts, which feel nice against my skin. I pretend I haven’t heard him and take out some red and black beads I’ve made to go around my neck. I wish I could also braid my hair and have some Nike trainers but at least my leather sandals look okay.

  “You look better than Bengu,” says Richard, giving me a thumbs up.

  “It’s Christmas. We must look smart,” I say, keeping my eyes turned away but his words warm my stomach.

  Trigger comes close to me and whispers. “I think you’re looking good for Tula not Jesus.”

  “Think what you like. I don’t care,” I say, and pull a face at him before making for the door. He draws back but gives a small smile.

  “Come on, boys,” said Nurse Sophie outside the door of our hut. “We can’t be late.“

  I finish combing my hair as we walk along in the hot sun. I open the top button of my shirt so that a bit of my chest shows. I’ve brushed my teeth well and they are shining white against my brown face. My muscles have grown stronger. They show through my white shirt. Tula will be impressed.

  “Right, in we go,” says Nurse Sophie as we reach the wooden steps of the chapel.

  We go inside. It’s cool and dark with rows of wooden benches. There’re already many children here and it’s alive with noise and chicken chattering. I look at the big wooden cross behind a red covered table. It’s very big and hangs high from the ceiling. It gives me a funny feeling in my stomach as I look at it and I turn away. On the side is a long wooden stand with an open big black book on it. In front and near it is a small wood table covered with a white cloth. On it sits a small manger filled with straw and a doll who is baby Jesus.

  I stare at the little statues of sheep and cows. There’re three little men wearing long cloaks. They must be the wise men that Mama Zuma told us about. There are also little shepherds. I glance at Trigger. He is staring at those.

  “I used to look after the cattle,” he says. “My father was the tribal leader and we had many cattle.”

  “I hope they were not small like those,” I say, and he laughs.

  “It was a good life,” he says. “One day soon I will try and find them again. Dr. Zuma says he will help me.”

  I feel jealous inside that he has hope but then I push it away. He has become weak. He is not like a strong soldier anymore. My eyes search through the rows as I look for Tula. My eyes find her. She’s sitting next to Mama and Doctor Zuma in the front row. They are dressed very smart and Mama Zuma has a red and black scarf on her head. I walk like the proud one to sit on the bench behind and she turns around and gives me a big smile. I smile back and wave. Trigger and Richard squash up next to me and Richard digs me in the ribs and shows me big eyes. Trigger leans forward and grins. I ignore them and look around the benches. I can’t see Bengu anywhere. Good, he’s not here yet and will have to sit somewhere else.

  Tula’s braided her hair with red and green beads and silver tinsel and is wearing a red dress with little white dots on. I look sideways at Richard and Trigger who’re grinning at me.

  “She looks good,” whispers Richard, and pokes me again in the ribs. I poke him back and make a face to tell him to shut up. I stare at the braids of her hair. The silver tinsel makes her look like an angel. She must feel my eyes on her head because she turns around to smile at me. My legs go weak.

  “Maybe she’ll give you a Christmas kiss?” whispers Trigger, seeing her smile.

  “Shut up,” I hiss.

  We start to sing “Away in a manger.” I’ve a good voice and I sing loud so that Tula will hear me. After that we sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” Mama Zuma has made us learn all these words at school. Then Dr. Zuma stands up and we hear the story of baby Jesus and how he was born to save us from our sins, and how the power of his blood can do that. He tells us that no matter how bad we’ve been in the past God still loves us and will forgive us, and he points to the big wooden cross. He understands the evil which makes us do things because it comes from the devil. I feel a knot in my belly at his words and my heart starts to beat fast even though I try and stop it. Faces of the people I killed flash before my eyes and I try to push them away. I can’t think about them. I don’t want to remember their blood.

  Richard takes a sharp breath next to me and I turn to look. He’s staring straight in front and his eyes are wet with tears. Maybe he’s also feeling the guilt inside like me? I look at Trigger. He’s got his eyes closed and his hands together praying to this God. His face is calm and smiling. There is something different with him now, ever since he had that baptism. Why does he not have the guilt? I feel angry inside that he can be okay and not me. Maybe these other spirits are real.

  Dr. Zuma thanks Jesus again in a loud voice for our forgiveness and the mystery and power of his blood. There is a fierce churning in my belly and my heart is beating fast. This talk of the devil has caused fear to grab my mind. What if these dark spirits come from him? What if they are stronger than these other spirits of Jesus? If that is true the Jesus Spirit will not be able to stop the dark spirits. They will kill me. They will eat me and throw me to this devil and I will burn in his fire.

  Dr. Zuma talks more about this devil. How he has brought sin on everybody; how only the blood of Jesus can set us free. My skin is alive. My head is spinning. Inside the dark spirits are attacking me. “Lies,” they are shouting. “Don’t listen to the lies of Dr. Zuma. I stare at Dr. Zuma but his eyes are shining. His voice is strong and full of power.

  “There is power in the blood,” he shouts. “Redeeming power. Power no devil can stand against. Call on the name of Jesus. All authority in heaven and earth lies in his name. Call on it and the devil must flee. He must. The choice is yours. It is your free choice to make.”

  Dr. Zuma is shouting out these words. His head is thrown back and his eyes are full with tears. My heart is beating so hard I feel it will jump from my chest. Inside I want to pray to this Jesus and his blood and scream, “help me, help me” but the words won’t come out.

  There is a strong power all around me. It is a buzzing power, which feels good, but I don’t know what to think. I shake my head. Is this true? Can I call on the power of Jesus? Is that what I feel or is my mind just playing tricks? Can this Jesus really hear me and save me from the devil? Is he true or is this all just a story like the ones I can tell? Is he stronger than the devil? Inside something is telling me deep inside that it’s true but there is still darkness in my mind that says “No.”

  I shake my head. I cannot think anymore. I don’t know how to make this choice. What will it do to me if I do? Will it make me weak? I stare at the back of Tula’s head. I will just think of her. I hope she’s listening to the words of Dr. Zuma. I hope she believes him that Jesus can forgive me so that I can be good enough for her.

  Mama Zuma goes to the piano and everyone starts to sing “O Come All You Faithful” and then Dr. Zuma gives us his blessing and tells us to go in peace. I let out a sigh and look down at the floor. My hands are shaking.

  Then everyone starts to shout, “Presents. Presents.” Richard and Trigger start shouting too and jump up.

  Richard turns and grins at me. “I hope I hav
e a good present,” he says.

  “Me too,” says Trigger clapping his hands. “I want some new clothes.”

  “They’ve made things not bought them,” I say. “You’ll probably get an ugly belt.”

  “That’s okay,” says Trigger with a shrug. “I wonder who’s made one for you.”

  “Maybe it’s Tula. You’d kiss it all night if she’s made it.” Richard laughs.

  “He’ll make love to it,” sniggers Trigger, jiggling his backside forward and back.

  “Shut up, you idiots,” I say hitting Trigger hard on the back. “It doesn’t matter who’s made it as long as it’s good.” But secretly I hope that they’re right. It’d be good if her hands had made me something nice.

  We go into the big hut which has many tanned straw mats around the edges. In the middle is a big branch of a pine tree. Its sweet pine smell fills the hut and it’s shining with lots of red, blue, silver and green tinsel all over. There’re also many sparkling colored balls and at the top sits a big silver angel with wide wings. The little children have put on the decorations. The shaking in my body stops. I’m glad all the talk of spirits is over.

  “Ay, it looks good,” says Richard. “I’ve never had a tree like this.”

  “It is good,” I say. “I bet that Tula’s helped them to make it because it is so beautiful.”

  We sit down on the mats around the back. The small ones sit in the front. I see the two little girls called Lily and Zinzi that Tula looks after. They’ve big eyes and are staring at all the colored presents wrapped around the bottom of the tree. The Pineapple girls Patience and Grace run up like the small children to join the group. Their eyes are wide with excitement and they all squeal together, even Tula. I shake my head at them but inside I’m excited too. I’ve never had a Christmas like this before.

  Tula turns and looks around with her eyes like the almonds and I quickly look down. I wonder if she’s looking for me or just looking around the hut. I wish I could’ve drawn her name instead of Bengu’s. I’ve made his belt very ugly with that buckle and a horrible pattern. I don’t feel bad about that. He doesn’t deserve anything good. He’s my competition and I know he loves Tula and he’s better than me. I’ll beat him up if he touches her. I frown and my body tenses with anger. I hate him. He’s even spoiling Christmas for me.