The Sweet Edge

by Risa Peris

  Stella got home to her studio apartment shortly before 1:00 AM. She pulled off her clothes and rushed to put her flannel pajamas on. In bed, she rolled up in the blankets and hugged a satin pillow, thinking of Campbell and his tongue and lips. She squeezed her eyes shut as if closing them could blot out thoughts of him. She was scared. She admitted that to herself. Campbell had approached her with desire but Stella, deep down in her soul, did not think she was desirable. She had thought of Ben, sweet Ben, but the thought was foolish since he had never approached her beyond simple exchanges. In her dreams, Ben desired her. In life, Campbell had desired her and it made her skittish. Stella flopped onto her back and stared out the window. I'll sort this out tomorrow, she thought.

  On Monday, Stella bought two bagels and two coffees and brought them into the law firm. She walked down the long hall adorned with paintings of the partners and knocked on Ben's door. He was sitting at his desk littered with bulging file folders. He didn't look up.

  "Hello?" Stella's voice cracked.

  Ben’s eyes moved upward. He grinned. “Hi Stella.”

  “I brought you a bagel and coffee.” Stella extended her arms like she was offering up something to a deity.

  “Well, that was nice of you. Just what I need. This case is kicking my butt.”

  “You certainly work hard.” Stella wasn’t sure what to say to Ben. She felt nervous.

  “Have to if I want to make partner. Hey, what do I owe you for the treat?”

  “Oh, you don’t owe me. My treat.”

  “So nice. I’ll treat you tomorrow.”

  Stella smiled happily. “People might think we have something going on.”

  Ben laughed loudly. “Imagine. Maybe the demon boss lady will get jealous. That Gwen's something.”

  Stella blushed and Ben ran a hand through his thick hair. “Are you going to the firm cocktail party next week?” asked Stella.

  “Have to. Mingling makes you partner. Are you?”

  “Yes. Looking forward to it. Never been to Cafe Carlyle.”

  Ben smiled and nodded and then his eyes wandered to the window where the steel canyon of Wall Street buildings jutted up like monsters in a sci-fi movie. He looked distracted. Possibly bored, thought Stella.

  “I’ll let you get back to your work.” she smiled.

  “Thanks. Have a nice day. The bagel and coffee are much appreciated. I will treat you tomorrow.” Ben looked down at the file in front of him and sipped the mocha latte that Stella spent almost six dollars on.

  “Bye.” Stella waved but Ben didn’t notice. He was absorbed in his work.

  Stella walked to her desk with her head hung low. She had failed to impress him. For some reason, she thought coffee and a bagel might let Ben know she was interested, that she wanted a June wedding in the Hamptons and that she wanted to name their babies Raven and Thatcher. A delivery of breakfast meant an invitation to commitment. Didn’t Ben realize that? A delivery of breakfast meant, save me from the embarrassment and confusion of Saturday night. Stella sorted out nothing on Sunday. She woke late and went to the library where she meandered through the shelves. She wanted to find a book that would help resolve the tension inside her. Jane Eyre, Mrs. Dalloway, The Art of War, Goodnight Moon. Nothing could calm her. She wanted to be writing her grand romance. Dashing off pages. Writing for her financial independence. Instead, she was roaming the library hoping to understand what happened, why it happened and why she felt a zing of desire every time she thought of Campbell Royce. Campbell Royce.

  Stella squinted her eyes. Maybe if she squeezed her eyes her brain would shrink and Campbell and Ben would disappear from her conscious mind.

  “What are you doing?”

  Stella looked up. Gwen was standing in front of her desk. “I...I have a headache.”

  “Get some pain relievers from the receptionist. There is a ton of transcribing that needs to be done. Also, I have been told that you are doing a good job.”

  “Really?” Stella was genuinely shocked.

  Gwen nodded slowly. “We have a legal secretary position opening up. I am being told to invite you to interview.”

  “You are being told?”

  “Yes, never mind who. I will send you an email with interview times to select from if you are interested. Are you interested?”

  Stella thought. The position meant more money per hour, full time with overtime possibilities, an IRA, benefits and...more time with Ben. “Yes, I am interested.”

  “Good. Well, watch for the email.”

  Stella watched Gwen clack away. Who told her I was doing a good job, wondered Stella. Ben.

  “Ben!” Stella screamed in her head. “Ben told her. Ben wants me to work here full time because he wants to see me every day, for hours a day. Maybe we can even work on the same cases and travel together. Maybe he will knock on my hotel room one night and I will invite him in and we will...Oh, my god. We will have mad passionate love.” The thought was almost too much to bear. Stella felt hot and flush. She looked around the office but only saw diligent, over-burdened secretaries and paralegals straining at their computer screens. Nobody was watching her ecstatic meltdown.

  Stella picked up the headset and happily started playing the board meeting minutes for Razor Edge Financial. It was boring, but she didn’t mind. She felt beyond happy. Like a wild bird released from a cage.

  Stella skipped lunch and finished all the transcribing for the day in record time. She felt energetic, hopeful and excited about the future. She logged off her computer and looked up just as Ben was walking down the hall. His head was down. He had a cobalt blue mug in his right hand. He looked up at Stella and winked and then continued to walk across the hen coop (the place where most of the secretaries and paralegals were pooled together in the office, a completely sexist term given the fact that there were several male paralegals) and into the bank of offices on the North side of the office. Stella could barely contain herself when Ben winked at her. She giggled like some playground diva.

  Stella was at Lola’s with fifteen minutes to spare before her shift began. She went into the locker room and brushed her hair and decided to apply makeup. She was twirling a blush brush across her cheeks when Kelly walked in, closed the door behind he, and locked it.

  “Alright. Spill.”

  “What are you talking about?” Stella was dumbfounded.

  “I get a call on Sunday from a man asking about you and then he hand delivers a note to me today. What am I? Your note bitch? Are you like sixteen? Why are you trading notes? Also, I got a call from some woman stating she was from the IRS. Why is the IRS calling you?”

  “The IRS?! What the hell is that about? What did they want?”

  “Employment information.”

  “Did this woman from the IRS leave a number?”

  “Nope. She was pretty snooty. But what about this man? Lola’s is not a dating service. I don’t want to Stella, but this is a warning. No more personal business at work.”

  “I’ll take care of it Kelly. It won’t happen again.”

  “It better not.” Kelly slid a hand into her pocket. “Here’s the note. Nice paper.” The paper was heavy cream like the first note.

  “I’m sorry Kelly.”

  “So who is this man?” Kelly’s eyes were wide with curiosity.

  “Just somebody that I met.” Stella was not about to tell her that she met him at Lola’s.

  “Well, good for you. But keep it outside the restaurant.”

  “I will.” Kelly unlocked the door and went out.

  Stella opened the note. It read:

  I want to taste you again. Please call me.

  Stapled to the paper was a business card with several numbers including a handwritten one on the back. The business card was emblazoned with the jagged print of Razor Edge Financial. Razor Edge was in all the business papers, nearly daily. Not that Stella paid much attention to business papers. But you couldn’t help noticing the headlines. Stella also knew Razor Edge from her wor
k at the law firm. It was their biggest client. The legal bills probably kept the office running year after year. Stella felt anger choking her.

  “Stupid Campbell! You almost cost me my job.” She yelled as she slammed her locker.

  Stella grabbed her phone out of her purse and called Campbell’s business number.

  “Campbell Royce’s office, may I help you?” The voice was even and clipped.

  “Yes, I want to speak to Campbell. I’m calling him at work because he called my work.”

  “Excuse me, who is this?”

  Stella took a deep breath. “Stella. Stella O’Malley. Campbell...”

  “Hold please.” The phone went quiet. Stella paced the locker room.

  “Hello?” The voice sounded anxious.

  “Campbell...”

  “Yes, Stella. I’m happy you called. I was just heading into a meeting though. Can I call you back?”

  “No. Actually, no. I will be working and...and how dare you bother me at work. I almost got fired. Well, not fired, but warned. Warned. I’ve never been warned at work before. Who do you think you are?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I will speak to your boss. I will make things right.”

  “No, don’t! Oh, silly pickles.” Stella collapsed on a chair.

  “Silly pickles?” There was a trace of humor in Campbell’s voice.

  “It’s what I say. OK?”

  “OK. When can I see you again?”

  “I don’t...” Stella hesitated.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you. What happened between us...when can I see you?”

  Stella felt her heart beating faster. She tugged at her blouse. Suddenly the locker room felt stifling.

  “Stella...” Campbell persisted in a low, hoarse voice.

  “I don’t work Saturday...I...”

  “I’ll send a car at seven. I can’t wait. I have to go now.”

  “Bye.” Stella’s voice was weak.

  The phone died. Stella breathed deeply. The call did not go as planned. But Campbell’s voice, his obvious desire and his insistence were more than she could fight against. For the first time, Ben felt far away and looked as faint as a cold star.

  On Saturday, Stella met Jane in Central Park. There was a concert by multiple local bands. Jane was mad about musicians. Every concert was about scoping out future boyfriends, on stage and in the audience. The weather was beyond chilly. Stella stared at the park with its bare branches, crushed and dried leaves and wispy, straggling grass. Stella loved Central Park in the spring, but generally stayed away as winter approached. There was a band on stage playing rock music. Each member of the band was swaddled in knits. It was an odd sight looking at rock musicians bundled up like retirees.

  “This is weird.” Stella pulled her scarf tighter around her neck.

  “It’s called Extreme Music. Playing music in crazy weather.” Jane was tapping her foot. She pulled a long drag on her cigarette.

  “What’s next? Marathon concerts in Death Valley in August?”

  “That’s not a bad idea. Not bad at all.”

  Stella listened to the music. The band was mediocre. “When can we go?”

  “I’m not leaving until the concert ends.”

  Stella sighed. “I’m not staying that late.”

  “Why did you come?” Jane was eyeing a blonde man in leather.

  “I wanted to see you and...”

  “And what?” Jane was still gazing at the blonde man’s backside. “Talk about what?”

  “Campbell.”

  Jane averted her gaze and looked at Stella. “What about him?”

  “I’m seeing him tonight.”

  “What!” The blonde man looked at Jane, but Jane didn’t notice.

  “I know. Crazy, right?”

  “This is so amazing. Are you ecstatic?”

  “Not really. More confused.”

  “Confused about what?”

  “Ben.”

  Jane rolled her eyes. “Forget about him. He’s not even into you.”

  “Not true. He suggested to Dragon Lady, Gwen, the bitch at the office, that I should apply for a legal secretary position. I think he wants me to be his secretary.”

  “You’re better than that, Stella.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You have talent. You don’t need to be anyone’s secretary.”

  “You’re missing the point. Ben wants me to be closer to him. I think it’s an invitation. A subtle one.”

  Stella blew smoke rings. “I say stick with the men who are more obvious in their desire for you. If you want my opinion, which you obviously do, let yourself swoon with Campbell and forget Mr. Uptight Ben.”

  Stella crumbled a dead leaf in her hand. “I hate winter.”

  “You hate desire.” Jane blew more smoke rings and went back to staring at the muscular buttocks of the blonde man.

  The hired car showed up five minutes early that evening. It was a different driver. The new driver was tall, thin and white haired. He smiled graciously at Stella. He stuck his head into the backseat after Stella had climbed in.

  “Are you comfortable, lovely lady?”

  “Yes, yes. Thank you.” Lovely lady huh, thought Stella with a smile. She had tried on nearly every outfit in the closet until she had settled on a floral print dress, red silk scarf and red ballet flats. Stella looked like the sweet confusion of spring, bright against the dullness of winter. She leaned back and enjoyed her second chauffeured ride through the city.

  Chapter 7

  Campbell was nervous. He stood on his balcony, bracing against the cold and was gazing down at Park Avenue. He was waiting for Stella to arrive. He couldn’t understand why he was so jittery. He had had plenty of women walking through his condo. Beautiful women. Models. Actresses. Women with supreme sexual confidence. Women with lineage. Women with power careers. And then there was Stella. A woman who had set something deep inside him on fire. She was struggling to be someone, to find her way in life, to accomplish something with the talents she was given. She obviously wasn’t experienced in passion. She intrigued Campbell. She wasn’t technically his type. Not physically perfect. Not a woman who would trigger envy in other women and lust in men. Not like Krissie, the ex-girlfriend who dumped him for his boss. She was ravishing and as fierce as a leopard. But she hadn’t truly wanted Campbell despite her eagerness to ride him into oblivion each night. She wanted his things, his money. No. She wanted more than what he had and what was in his bank account. She wanted a man like Devin Roberts. There were a billion reasons why she wanted Devin over Campbell.

  “I love your cock,” she had whispered to him over and over again. Despite the athleticism of the sex, Campbell held back.

  “You’re a bitch goddess,” he told her over and over again. He knew she was more hungry for money than him. He knew and he allowed her to take from him. But not everything. He held back. There was something he held back. He even held back with Skye, the brilliant red-headed, mermaid like beauty of his youth. There was something at the core of him that he held back from all women. Until Stella walked into his home and a crazy tenderness mingled with desire took root. He remembered her very clearly the night he was drunk. She was sitting at the bar, with an upright back and she kept massaging her right ear lobe. She had taken off her large earring and massaged her ear lobe like it was a purring cat. It was an ordinary act but it caused a fissure in Campbell’s stoic demeanor. He wanted to kiss her at that moment but instead he jabbered about vodka.

  The bellman buzzed. Campbell closed the balcony door and pressed the intercom.

  “Yes?”

  “A Stella O’Malley is in the lobby for you, sir.”