The Missing Sister

by Dinah Jefferies

  As she was thinking this she heard a knock at the front door and with a rush of excitement ran down the stairs to open up.

  A beautiful middle-aged blonde woman with amber eyes smiled back at her. Belle, so thrilled to finally meet this old friend of her mother, beamed at her and hurried down the front steps.

  ‘Welcome,’ she said, holding out both hands. ‘I can’t tell you how happy I am that you came.’

  Simone stepped forward and the two embraced, then Simone held her at arm’s length.

  ‘So, you are Annabelle. How like your mother.’

  ‘Am I?’

  The older woman nodded. ‘Look, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.’ She glanced to her left and, from just out of sight, another woman wearing an elegant pale-blue dress stepped forward.

  At first Belle thought this auburn-haired woman must be her sister, but the woman was too old to be Elvira. She hesitated, her mind spinning wildly. No. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t. It was impossible. Belle could not look at the woman, nor could she look away. Deeply shocked and feeling as if the whole world had shrunk, she froze. Was she dreaming? Had she hit her head on something? Was this real? The silence went on and Belle felt she might never breathe again, but then, with an explosion of sound, the blood rushed to her temples, pounding and pounding. As if awakening from a spell she gasped, took a step back and fell against Oliver, who’d appeared behind her. A lump grew in her throat and she tried to swallow it, but instead her eyes grew hotter and an avalanche of tears began to fall. Silent and devastatingly painful. She felt dizzy, but Oliver kept her steady and upright, then passed her a clean handkerchief. As Belle wiped her eyes she continued to gulp back tears. Now she became aware of the whole front garden, its delicious scents released by the heavy rain, the loamy smell of the earth, the fresh green of the trees and the fragrance of the flowers that had survived the downpour. Apart from the haze of insects hovering over the shrubs now heavy with water, it had turned into a crystal-clear afternoon.

  For a moment the woman angled her face to catch the warmth of the sun and Belle knew the familiar movement, oh so well. Then, unwavering, her expression calm, the woman gazed at Belle with bright clear eyes, looking as if she might be about to smile but was waiting for a sign. From me, Belle thought. Is she waiting for me? She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then stared back at the older woman and, in that moment, she fully comprehended.

  ‘Mother?’ she whispered.

  Diana nodded and took a step towards her daughter.

  ‘But you’re …’

  ‘Douglas decided it was for the best.’

  Belle waited to see the chaos of passion and obsession that had once raged beneath the surface of her mother’s deceptively calm exterior. But there seemed to be none and Belle felt confused. This mother … this mother with her hair so neatly folded in a smart chignon, this mother with her clear eyes and flawless complexion, this mother who stood so still and dignified – who was she?

  ‘But you never ever came,’ Belle burst out angrily.

  Her mother took a deep breath. ‘I came.’

  ‘When? When did you come?’

  ‘You were fifteen. I had recovered from my illness –’

  ‘You recovered? You recovered?’ Belle interrupted again, the overpowering anger and hurt catching in her throat. ‘But you didn’t come back to us.’

  ‘I wanted to see you, but your father thought it would be too unsettling for you, especially as he’d convinced you I’d died, and you had become used to that.’

  Belle’s tears came in a rush again and she swiftly wiped them away. ‘You let him send you away? I needed you, Mother. I needed you.’

  Her mother’s face fell and though Belle could see the devastation in her mother’s eyes she could not rein in her anger.

  ‘I am so sorry, my love.’

  ‘Sorry is not enough.’ Belle turned to Simone and felt her cheeks burning. In the past she had not known how to cope with the wasteland of her mother’s life. Was this really the same woman?

  She stared at Simone. ‘After I wrote to you, why didn’t you tell me my mother was alive?’

  ‘I almost did. She and I talked about it and I decided I would come to Burma to tell you in person. It was not the sort of news to deliver in a letter.’

  ‘I insisted on coming too,’ Diana added. ‘I longed so much to see you but I didn’t believe you’d want to see me. That’s why I didn’t dare try again. And then Simone told me you were over here.’

  ‘I wanted –’ Belle stuttered. ‘I want –’ And the tears started again.

  Diana came straight to her daughter and Belle fell into her open arms. As both women sobbed, the world stood still and it seemed as if they might never stop weeping. When they eventually did, Diana smiled through her tears and wiped her daughter’s cheeks, just as if she’d been a little girl.

  ‘I am so proud of you,’ she said. ‘So proud. After you left school I sent letters to you in Cheltenham explaining everything. But you never replied, so …’

  Belle’s eyes widened. ‘I never saw any letters.’

  ‘Maybe Douglas –’

  ‘Thought he was protecting me?’

  Diana nodded.

  Then, as all three women had moist eyes, and as a silence had descended, Oliver took over. ‘I have champagne on ice. Who’s game?’

  Between laughing and crying, Belle managed to speak. ‘Mother, meet Oliver, your future son-in-law.’

  A month flew by and now it was the day before the wedding. The icing on the cake, if any more had been needed, was that a letter had arrived from Emily, and she was due in Rangoon today. Belle had already sent a brief letter explaining the wonderful news that Diana was in fact alive and also that she was currently in Burma. Oliver’s parents, meanwhile, had already arrived, and had taken a suite at the Strand Hotel. Belle and her mother had toured the garden every morning before the rains came in the afternoon, talking and sharing everything that had happened during their long separation. At times Belle had been angry with her mother, and then angry with her father, and explaining the hurt she’d experienced as a child felt painful. She couldn’t understand why her father had intercepted Diana’s letters. When Belle asked about it again, her mother had simply said she and Douglas had loved each other once but life had changed them both. The look of sadness in Diana’s eyes prevented Belle from pursuing it. The letters aside, and as far as she was able, Belle gradually came to accept things had been the way they had been for a reason. Diana had convinced her daughter that much of Douglas’s behaviour, though perhaps at times misguided, had been to protect Belle.

  ‘And you are really well, now?’ Belle had asked, looking into her mother’s green eyes when the rain had come and they had escaped indoors.

  ‘I truly am.’

  And when Belle had seen the wisdom and compassion in her mother’s eyes she had known it was true.

  Later on, as the rain abated and before darkness fell, Belle and Diana explored the fringes of the garden where roses clambered and cascaded in wild profusion. The whole garden, awash with moisture, shone from the monsoon rains. Diamonds of sunlight glittered on the wet grass and the sky shimmered in shades of lilac and pink. They breathed in the sweetness hanging in the air but neither woman spoke of Elvira. It was as if they dared not mention her name for if they did the magic of her being found alive might vanish and, with it, Elvira too. Instead they spoke of the wedding, the state of the country, what might happen in the future. Diana spoke of her path to healing and the gratitude she owed to Simone and Dr Gilbert, who had given her back her life. Belle talked about Oliver, and about her career. Although she’d initially come to Burma bright-eyed and hopeful for her career, things had turned out rather differently. She’d gained a mother and a fiancé, and was about to gain a sister. Singing was still an important part of her life and she hoped to continue but now she had a family too.

  ‘You get your voice from me,’ Diana said.

  ‘
And my green eyes and reddish hair,’ Belle added.

  Diana touched her daughter’s hair. ‘Yours is more golden than mine.’

  But now Belle wasn’t listening. She was gazing instead at the back door of the proud and lovely old house where Oliver stood with a woman Belle had never seen before. The woman was smiling and her hair, lit by the sun, was a brighter red than either Diana’s or Belle’s.

  ‘Elvira.’ Diana’s voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

  ‘Go on,’ Belle said very gently and gave her a little push.

  Diana turned her head, smiled at Belle, and then began to run, faster than she had ever run before, and with arms outstretched she reached the daughter she’d lost twenty-six years before and who she had believed was gone for ever. Belle followed behind slowly, wanting to give her mother those precious few moments alone with Elvira. She glanced back at the tamarind tree as she passed. Who would ever have thought it would turn out like this?

  After a few minutes she walked up to Emily and Diana and came to a halt. Her mother stepped back and now the two sisters remained motionless, eyes locked. Bewitched and wanting to move forward but frozen by something that would have seemed impossible not so long before, Belle knew she had done this. She hadn’t given up, not even when she had been terrified. Now, unable to do anything but drink her sister in, she felt her heart skipping a beat; it jumped and somersaulted until she had to put a hand to her chest. And then the spell was broken. Emily stepped forward and held out her arms and within seconds the two women were hugging each other, both laughing through the flood of tears.

  There was so much to say, so much to resolve, and yet Belle found it impossible to speak. Neither of the sisters seemed to know where to start. The moment went on until they both eventually turned to Diana and then the three of them walked arm-in-arm towards the house in silence. Belle felt the past twist and turn as if it had suddenly sprung alive again and knew that, for now, some things were too deep for words.

  At the door they all turned to look back at the garden, golden in the setting sun.

  ‘I loved this garden,’ Diana said in a whisper.

  Belle found her voice. ‘I knew that the first time I saw it.’

  Emily stared at the ground before glancing at Diana. ‘I’m so sorry for what happened here.’

  Diana reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘Plenty of time to talk. For now, I only need you to believe it’s all in the past.’

  There were a few moments of silence again.

  ‘Changing the subject,’ Belle said with a grin, ‘I know it’s rather short notice but, Emily, is there any chance you’d agree to be my bridesmaid?’

  After the wedding, Oliver and Belle chose not to go away. How could they with Emily so recently arrived and with only three weeks to spend in Rangoon and so much time to make up for. Early one cool morning when the day was fresh and full of promise, Belle and Emily were sitting on a bench beneath the tamarind tree, listening to a gentle breeze ruffling the leaves above them and watching the birds swooping from tree to tree.

  ‘This was where your pram was the day you were taken,’ Belle said. ‘Right here beneath the tamarind.’

  Emily nodded but didn’t speak.

  They’d had so little time alone together and Belle didn’t really know how Emily was feeling about everything. Was she truly happy to have been found or was a little bit of her begrudging having had her life twisted out of shape? Belle wanted to ask but wasn’t sure how and then Emily began to speak.

  ‘Marie was a good mother to me in her way, or as good as she could be,’ Emily said, interrupting Belle’s thoughts.

  ‘Diana, too,’ Belle said, tentatively. ‘Though I didn’t see it at the time. I didn’t understand. I judged her. Blamed her.’

  ‘You were a child.’

  Belle drew in her breath and closed her suddenly smarting eyes.

  ‘You have a chance to make up for it all now.’

  Belle nodded and exhaled slowly, blinking the tears away.

  ‘When I read about the way Marie had stolen me from this very garden, it was … well, I hardly have words. Nothing prepares you for a shock so life-changing.’

  There was a short silence as Belle tried to imagine how it had been.

  ‘I was so angry,’ Emily continued. ‘But I also felt sad and confused. My world had come crashing down around me and everything I’d thought about who I was had been a lie. Most of all I didn’t want to believe it. I don’t think I slept for a week. But it did make sense of the depressions and anxieties Marie had experienced throughout her life.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  Emily shrugged. ‘Guilt had been at the bottom of it.’

  There was a long pause before Belle spoke.

  ‘Diana was ill for years too. She was accused of harming you.’

  Emily shook her head and her voice broke a little as she spoke. ‘I’m so sorry for what Marie did and the way it affected your family. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to truly accept it.’

  Belle reached for her hand.

  ‘As it gradually sank in I realized Marie had been tortured by regret over what she’d done. That’s why she’d become so ill.’

  ‘Diana too, though I feel blessed she’s not only alive but well.’

  ‘We’ve both found her again, haven’t we?’

  Belle smiled as her mother’s image came to mind. ‘She looks wonderful, doesn’t she?’

  Emily nodded but Belle caught something in her look and felt suddenly nervous.

  ‘Can I be frank?’ Emily asked.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Well, the trouble is I don’t exactly know what to say to Diana. I feel terribly torn. I want to get to know her and I can’t tell you how much it means to have met her. But on the other hand, and perhaps I shouldn’t, but I somehow still feel protective of Marie too. What she did was inexcusable but, you see, she did love me.’

  Belle nodded and thought about it before speaking. ‘Diana’s been through so much herself. I’m sure she’ll understand.’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘What about your father? What happened to him?’

  Emily inhaled sharply. ‘Sadly, my father put a bullet in his brain about a year after leaving Burma. I was too young to remember anything about him but for some years my mother was beside herself with grief. I’m sure she blamed herself.’

  ‘So much guilt.’

  ‘Yes, but as I said, she did her best, and after she remarried a few years later, I ended up with a wonderful, caring stepfather and he made all the difference.’

  ‘And now you have a little boy.’

  ‘Yes. The light of my life. Truly. I can’t wait for you to get to know him. I hope you and Oliver will come to New York soon? We live in a lovely old brownstone. There’s bags of room.’

  Belle grinned. ‘You bet!’

  Emily laughed. ‘Goodness, I think you might be turning into an American too.’

  Belle raised her brows in response and then laughed as well. ‘You never know, there’s a chance we might end up living there – though I’d be sad to leave here.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘I’m sure your feelings about what Marie did will eventually settle. I can’t help but think her mind must have been terribly disturbed at the time.’

  ‘Yes. She wasn’t a bad person. Not really. Just a sick and misguided woman who did a terrible thing and then paid for it all her life. The awful thing is, I still can’t forgive her.’

  ‘You will. In time.’

  Emily hung her head. ‘It hurts, Belle.’

  ‘I know.’

  There was a long silence and then Emily squinted at Belle as if she was considering something.

  ‘What?’ Belle asked.

  ‘I wanted to say thank you.’

  ‘For?’

  ‘For all this. For finding me.’

  ‘You’re truly glad?’

  Emily’s eyes glittered. ‘I always wanted a sister.’

>   ‘But there’s something else, isn’t there?’

  ‘I still have so much to come to terms with. A lot to resolve, you know?’

  Belle could see the sadness in Emily’s eyes and understood. Of course, it couldn’t all be plain sailing. Her sister would have to reframe her entire life, much as Belle had also had to do.

  ‘You can always talk to me,’ Belle said. ‘I promise.’

  ‘Yes, I’ve never had that before.’

  As they smiled at each other Belle felt she would treasure this time for ever. It was a pause, this moment, a single beat in the crazy tide of life, that might permit the past to shift and fade as they sat together in the garden. Despite Emily’s mixed emotions, it was special to share the newly rain-released scents of the profusion of flowers still blooming in the undergrowth, and watch the birds dipping in and out of the trees. Her sister was alive, and that meant everything. The gift of a sister. How lucky she was. How lucky they both were to have found each other, and she hoped they would have years ahead of them to become the best of friends. Years to get to know each other’s hopes and dreams. Years to find out their flaws and fears. And years to support each other through whatever might lie ahead, even – given the uncertainty of things – the possibility of another war. Nothing could eradicate the loneliness they’d both experienced in the past, or the horrors Belle had witnessed, but she knew that in the marvellous way life gave as much as it took, the years stretching before them might eventually compensate for the ones they’d lost.

  They would be a family and, given how fractured her childhood had been, Belle could ask for nothing better. She was a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt, and if everything went to plan, although Oliver was the only one to know so far, she too would be a mother … in about seven months’ time. And it made her ache for Diana, finally dispelling any remaining reservations she might still harbour about the past. She already loved her unborn baby and could truly begin to glimpse the agony her mother must have felt at the disappearance of Elvira. She sighed deeply and then, lost in her thoughts, began to sing to herself.