I frowned at her in genuine confusion. “What?”
“What happens if you’re caught? Don’t try to tell me the consequences aren’t that serious because they are.” she said fiercely
“I know they are Chara, but I-“
“But you love him?” she guessed, finishing my sentence with an uncharacteristic sharpness. “Do you really? Or is it just the idea of him. The thing is with Kieran is that he’s this gorgeous, untouchable guy that every girl wants or thinks they have but can’t actually reach him. Are you the same?”
My forehead creased, “What do you mean?”
“There are things he hasn’t told you, right? Things he should trust you with and yet he refuses to speak them aloud.”
My thoughts instantly went to how he never told me how he escaped Kariak, why he hates Jayson so much; why he doesn’t sleep at night.
Eventually I just said: “Everybody has secrets.”
Chara nodded seriously, “Yes, but everybody doesn’t hold their secrets quite as tightly as Kieran does. Every girl he’s been with, his family, his friends, even Adrian, isn’t trusted enough to know some of the things he keeps hidden. Has he told you why he runs at night? Has he told you about his job?”
I stared at her; my forehead creasing. When she continued her voice was gentler and less accusing; “What makes you think he loves you as much as you think you love him?” She looked at down at her hands, intertwined fingers clasped atop her lap. “I’m not trying to be mean,” she said honestly, “Though I probably sound like a bitch. I just want to protect you. I don’t want you to end up in heaps of trouble before you’ve even thought things through. There’s no going back if you’re found, so just…just think about it. Is it really worth it?”
I took a deep breath. When I looked up I felt decided; certain of my words. “It’s not something I’ve just decided overnight. And no matter what happens, as a friend, you should support my decisions even if they are crap.”
Chara laughed unexpectedly, wrapping her arms around my shoulder and hugging me tightly. “I never said I wouldn’t, chick, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make my opinions clear from the start.”
“Well you’ve certainly done that,” I mumbled against her shoulder.
“Nobody else knows, right?” she asked, pulling back.
I shook my head, “Not even Nik. He thinks we were arguing about Kieran healing me.”
Chara’s face hardened, “Now that is something that seriously needs to stop. I know it’s a completely different topic but promise me; no more healing.”
“I promise,” I vowed solemnly. “Nik already told me off about that.”
She laughed, “We must all sound like right downers to you.”
“Just a bit,” I muttered, but then smiled.
She smiled too, then looked down again uncomfortably. “I feel like I owe you an explanation about earlier… about me and why I needed to leave Kariak.”
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” I assured her.
“No,” she waved me off. “You might as well know. I needed to leave because I couldn’t stand the pressure in that sodding Palace.”
I looked at her quizzically. “The Earth Palace? You lived there after marrying Nik?” I guessed.
She nodded, “Yes. It was just temporary… while I was pregnant.”
My eyes widened. “You were pregnant?” I repeated.
“Yeah,” she sighed sadly; deflated. “But it didn’t last long. I miss-carried twice and when I finally carried to full-term my child was stillborn.”
I looked at her with utter sympathy. “Oh Chara, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”
She shrugged noncommittally. “It was a long time ago now. I know now it’s just something not meant for us. But I couldn’t stand it in that place any longer. There are so many rules… I couldn’t handle the constant attention, the eyes watching and judging me. Nik’s mother was awful, she’d never liked me, but when I couldn’t deliver a healthy baby she hated me. She tried to separate me and Nik and turned most of the house against me. I needed to escape from it all.”
“So you spoke with Kieran?” I wondered quietly after a pause.
One side of her mouth pulled up into a half-smile. “No, actually,“ she remembered. “Kieran came to find me. It was the first time I ever met him in person and he was everything I expected: strong, powerful, confident. He offered me a chance to escape so I took it.” She looked up, her face slightly guilty. “I guess he’s not all bad. He doubled the risk by letting us go with him, but he never once complained. I almost feel bad for yelling at him earlier.”
“Almost,” I repeated, smiling.
“Yeah almost,” she agreed seriously. “He’s still an arse.”
I laughed, “I don’t disagree with that.”
She was looking at me with a peculiar expression. “You really do like him don’t you?” she asked, her forehead creased and her voice worried. I didn’t say anything but she deciphered the answer from my eyes and bit her lip; evidently concerned. “You are so screwed.”
I sighed, “I know. Let’s head back anyway; I bet dinner’s ready.” I was hungry, but the thought of eating Thumper wasn’t exactly tantalising my taste buds.
“Yeah,” she replied; her thoughts blatantly elsewhere as she followed me back.
It turns out that rabbit was quite tasty; certainly better than anything I had eaten in the past week anyway. We were all sat around the fire. Night had fallen now and stars twinkled in their millions above; making the bitter breeze even chillier and the warmth of the fire more inviting. I was worried about the smoke and that people would find us, but Nik assured me we were safe and that no one had followed us so far. We would have to take it in turns to keep watch later on though.
I yawned as the flames danced before me; part of my head resting on Jayson’s shoulder. Kieran sat opposite us, content for the moment, but keeping a suspicious eye on Jayson.
“Well,” I commented. “I must admit, Nik, that was a good dinner.”
Nik smiled his usual crinkly smile. “Good. It’s your turn to fetch it tomorrow.”
I sat up tiredly. “Really? Me, hunt?”
He nodded, “You need to learn eventually.”
I shrugged, “Okay.”
“I think we should get some sleep,” Jayson suggested. “Who’s on first watch?”
“Well if we’re doing it in groups I’ll go with Nik,” Chara said, “You can go with Ruby, and Kieran and Adrian together. I’ll do first watch.” She offered.
Funny how pairing Kieran and I wasn’t an option.
“I suppose we’ll do the horrible shift,” Kieran muttered darkly. “Ruby can do the early shift with Jayson. He looks like he needs the beauty sleep.”
“Whatever,” I said, feeling utterly exhausted. “I’m going to sleep now.”
Shakily rising to my feet, I staggered my way into the tent. I moved quickly; hoping to avoid an awkward situation when people decided where to lie. I lay down on the fur-covered floor and snatched a few items of clothing from one of the wing braces to badly imitate a pillow; folding them delicately and pointlessly.
Jayson, Adrian and Kieran followed me in a second later.
I closed my eyes and made no suggestion as to where the others should lie. Luckily they filtered in and positioned themselves accordingly. When I opened my eyes, as predicted, I was sandwiched between Jayson and Kieran; with Adrian on the other side of Kieran. Everyone was silent; creating a drowsy, slightly-uncomfortable atmosphere. Do I say goodnight?
Eventually I murmured, “Night.”
“Night gorgeous,” Jayson answered immediately. I looked over at him and he grinned cheekily; his soft features darkened by the lack of light. “Sweet dreams.”
I frowned at him but I knew he was just messing about.
I gazed up at the tent roof, feeling eyes analysing me. Eventually I glanced over to Kieran. He was looking straight at me. There was fire in his eyes. I sighed heav
ily; did he have to get all intense and infuriated at everything Jayson said to me?
I closed my eyes. My body was pinned with exhaustion; like I was sinking into the fur I was lying on. It was soft in my fingers. I absently played with the strands, tugging and gathering up sections; letting it run through my fingers. I used play with my dog’s fur like this; when he’d lie beside me as I’d drifted to sleep in front of the TV. His fur had been warm though.
Someone caught my hand and my eyes shot open in surprise. Despite the darkness I could still see the unanticipated caution in Kieran’s expression; the strange, almost-nervous curiosity in his eyes. His fingers reached out from where they had tickled my palm, stretching out to lightly trail over my lips. I shivered as he delicately brushed my bottom lip; a gorgeous smile curving his own. My heartbeat stuttered excitedly. His mouth whispered goodnight; but his eyes hope and longing.
He stared once more into my eyes. I was hooked; fixated by the emerald of his iris, shadowed ever so slightly by his dark lashes. For another heartbeat he held my gaze and then he sighed in frustration; glowering at the tent ceiling without a word.
I looked away too and yawned. It was barely minutes before I was dreaming.
A little girl grasped the bannister with her porcelain fingers. Standing on her toes on the staircase she stretched upwards to see around the corner. She knew she wasn’t allowed in the Slave quarters, but her interest was overpowering. She wanted to know why her father forbade her access. She tucked her curling crimson locks behind her ears to listen.
Once she decided it was safe, she crept along the corridor. The walls were plain and undecorated, very unlike the extravagant furnishings in her rooms.
She headed towards a locked black door. It seemed different to the others down there; that were carved from a cheap cream wood. This one seemed mysterious. It looked almost burned, charred by blazing torches, and it smelt of ash. Curiously she reached forwards to take the handle; specifically to catch the rusty padlock chained across it. She trailed her tiny fingers over the lock; mentally willing it to undo.
Suddenly somebody clutched her shoulders. She jumped, startled, and turned around. A young slave stood before her with a frowning expression. Her lovely blonde hair cascaded down her back; strands sticking out like threads of gold.
“You shouldn’t be down here,” she said, and nudged her back towards the staircase.
The girl looked up at Evelyn. “What’s through that door?” she wondered innocently.
Evelyn sighed as the little girl stubbornly planted her feet. Reluctantly she explained, “I don’t know. We are not allowed to enter.”
“Why not?” She demanded quizzically. Evelyn could go anywhere normally.
“Because your father said so,” she said firmly, and shuffled her upstairs.
I awoke to find Jayson nudging me. I was barely awake, feeling like I’d been dragged from the depths of a deep ocean. I tried to force my eyes open, but it was a struggle I couldn’t muster the courage to persevere with.
“Just leave her,” I heard a beautiful, gravelly voice call. “I bet she hasn’t slept properly in days. I’ll stay up.” It offered generously.
In the darkness I felt Jayson get up and move away from me; when he spoke again his voice was quieter and more distant; he was outside the tent. “What about you?” He enquired sharply. “When are you going to sleep?”
I could hear the cruel amusement in Kieran’s voice, “At this rate, when I’m dead.”
“You’re not tired?” Jayson wondered; already accustomed to Kieran’s bitter attitude. I yawned, resisting the urge to instantly drop back to sleep.
I fought against my eyelids, interested in hearing the rest of their conversation. I was probably being nosy; but this was the first time I’d ever heard Kieran and Jayson talk to each other in an almost civilised manner.
“I’m always tired,” Kieran mumbled. It wasn’t an angry or grumpy mumble; it was more like he had something in his mouth as he spoke. “It takes a lot of effort being this gorgeous and brilliant simultaneously.”
“Sleep then,” Jayson said, ignoring his second comment. “I’ll be fine here.”
“I’ll sleep when they’re safe.” Kieran stated with a firm conviction.
There was a long drawn-out silence. I think I’d partially drifted off when Jayson spoke again. “You shouldn’t smoke that stuff. It’s bad for your body.”
“So are cake and biscuits,” Kieran retorted defensively; so loud I woke up properly again. “But it doesn’t stop your mum from eating them.”
“Nice.” Jayson said.
“To be fair, she is absolutely gigantic.” Kieran continued conversationally; his mood ostensibly brightening at the thought of annoying Jayson.
“She’s lost three stone actually,” Jayson grunted irritably.
“Yeah,” Kieran smirked. “But your mum losing three stone is like throwing a deckchair off the Titanic.”
“What’s the Titanic?” Jayson asked in blatant confusion.
“Aw damn it,” Kieran sighed. “That was a really funny comeback. I can’t believe that nobody with half a brain cell of knowledge about humanity heard that.”
“Sorry,” Jayson apologised insincerely. There was another short silence and then he continued, “What did you do about it when you left? Do they have it there?”
I didn’t understand what Jayson meant until Kieran responded, his voice gruff and agitated; so unlike Jayson’s casual chatter. “No,” was his curt answer. “They had similar drugs, but not the same.”
I was so tired. I glanced up at the ceiling and wondered how long it would be before I just collapsed into unconsciousness.
“What did you do?” Jayson wondered.
I could hear Kieran becoming more and more agitated. “You know, just because we’re the only ones awake, doesn’t mean we have to talk.”
“We used to talk,” Jayson said quietly. “A long time ago we would have been up all night just talking.”
“A long time ago I trusted you not to try and kill me and my family.”
“So that’s it then?” Jayson wondered casually. “You’re never going to let it go, are you?”
“You betrayed me,” Kieran muttered darkly. “Threatened my family’s lives and on top of it all, you never even told me why. So why should I forgive you?”
“You know why,” Jason snapped abruptly. I forced my eyes open when they shut without my permission. Curiosity alone pried my lids apart.
“You didn’t think of me.” Jayson continued, “I never even crossed your mind. You and your stupid brother just assumed that everything would be alright if you just left without a word.”
I lay there, struggling to hear his angry voice over Nik’s obtrusive snoring. I felt bad for listening; but I couldn’t stop myself.
“How do you think that made me feel?” Jayson persevered. “We were like brothers once Kieran. Then Adrian came to me one day and told me you were both leaving. Just like that. Leaving. No reasoning. No apologies. Just: you were leaving. ”
“We had to.” Kieran said. “You knew what was going on.”
“All the more reason to stay and fight,” Jayson retorted. “Nothing will ever change him. Moving certainly didn’t.” I knew they were speaking about Adrian. Nothing would ever change Adrian from being human.
“You know I had no choice.” Kieran said.
“You never gave me a choice though, did you?” Jayson’s voice was flustered; all ruffled like a knotted ribbon. A loud, exhausted yawn escaped my lips without permission. I froze instantly; praying they didn’t hear me.
There was another brief silence and then Kieran spoke so quietly I barely heard him. “I didn’t want to drag anyone else into danger.” His voice was hardening like concrete in open air, “But I had no idea that you’d do what you did.”
“It’s not just that though is it?” Jayson enquired seriously.
“What do you mean?” Kieran asked; his voice sharp and thick with suspicion.<
br />
“There’s another reason, isn’t there?” Jayson said. “It can’t be just for what I did all those years ago. You’ve changed Kieran; you’ve grown bitter. You were always an idiot; but you also always had my back no matter how much I screwed up. Now you’re just as likely to stab me in it.”
“You’ve got that right,” Kieran muttered.
“But why?” Jayson said. “I made one mistake.”
“No,” Kieran snapped, “Your first mistake was to betray me to Lynk. Your second was to think that I would ever forgive you for doing so.”
I heard Jayson sigh. “No.” he said finally, “I know you better than that. The brother I once had would have forgiven me. There’s something else.”
There was another silence. I rolled over uncomfortably and sleep pinned me down again. I tried to ignore Jayson’s words, but I still heard them. “It’s to do with me isn’t it?” He asked quietly. “Me and the person I love.”
My eyes shot open again and my heart thumped dramatically in my chest. Oh my God. Surely he doesn’t mean me? No. He couldn’t mean me. We have barely known each other for a month. We only kissed once. Okay, maybe twice. But then again, who else had Jayson been with recently? No one, I realised.
Well this was awkward.
Kieran’s snarl was so animalistic he could have been mistaken for a wolf. “You don’t love her.”
Jayson laughed unexpectedly. There was genuine humour echoing in the sound; genuine but frustrated humour. As Jayson spoke I felt my tired eyes sting with dehydration, desperate to close for a long time. I stared to imagine things in my exhaustion; fields and hills. They beckoned me, but I still heard Jayson’s muffled response. “You are such an idiot Kieran. You are never going to click on.”
“I clicked on a long time ago,” Kieran snapped.
My eyes were closing involuntarily now. I could feel my head swim with dreams. I was half-awake, a cornucopia of thoughts overlapping across my eyelids; visions flowing over each other like diaphanous pictures. I wasn’t entirely certain which scenes were real and what was fantasy. Was I really listening to Jayson and Kieran, or was I walking my dog up a hill?
Risen (The Firebird Trilogy Book 2) Page 10