The Line That Binds

by J. M. Miller

  “I knew you’d felt something.” She took a deep, shuddering breath then leaned back. Her fingers wiped a few tears from her cheeks, and the edges of her lips pointed up softly in a fractured smile. “I know this is a lot of information at once, but I noticed something else when I came down here.” She moved over to the paintings and waited for me to follow. “If Janine knew about it all, she had to have left some kind of evidence behind. That’s why I’m down here. There has to be something missing.”

  I let out a breath as I stared at her, knowing I should say something now. I needed to tell her that I’d been searching for the answers, too. I took a heavy breath as my stomach knotted and my lungs constricted, the weight of dread clenching all of my internal organs like a vice.

  “Look,” she said, pointing to the painting. “They all look the same, except for seasonal differences in the trees, right? But then I noticed something.” She ducked down closer to the base of the painting and placed her finger at the bottom of the well. “The stones are there.”

  I squatted next to her. The stones.

  “It looks like there’s something written on them. Were they there when you moved here?”

  “I don’t think so,” I replied, wondering what they said and why they were gone.

  “They have to be the answer. I wonder if Janine dug them out or if she found them.” LJ bounced up and moved back over to the boxes she’d been working on when I showed up.

  I stood slowly, still processing what she’d discovered. Maybe the stones were out there somewhere. We hadn’t groomed that area since Janine told us to stop years ago. She didn’t want to see the well from the house anymore even though she looked at it every day upon her walls.

  I walked over beside LJ and grabbed her hands, forcing her to focus on me.

  “Ben,” she said with an easy smile. “I’m sorry about all of this. Thank you so much for believing me. I thought I was going crazy.” Her smile dropped when she realized my face was serious. “I’m sorry. You wanted to tell me something too, right?”

  I touched one hand to her face, running my thumb along her cheek and cradling her jaw. I leaned down to her and touched my forehead to hers because I was afraid to speak. I couldn’t find the words. I needed to kiss her again. Her eyes closed at my touch and she held her breath. I brushed my lips lightly over hers, sliding my hands into her hair. She released her breath with a sigh and I pushed my lips to hers. I didn’t know how she’d react to my truth. My heart pounded and my hands began to sweat at the thought, but I had to say something.

  I broke the kiss hesitantly, lingering my lips over hers for another moment, then turned away from her toward the paintings. I couldn’t face her. “I knew.”

  “What?” she asked, her voice quiet.

  “I knew,” I repeated and turned back to her. “I knew about the well.”

  “What?” she asked again, more forcefully this time, her eyes narrowing. “You knew?”

  “Yes. But I need you to know that I didn’t know everything.”

  “You knew about it, and you didn’t tell me?” Her voice grew louder still, shaking.

  “LJ, I only knew because Janine was close to Pop. I never believed it, I swear. I always thought the well was a weird legend or something that Janine obsessed over, even after you moved here.”

  “You knew this whole time,” she stated, her voice dropped to nearly a whisper as she stared at the ground. “Was this some kind of sick joke?”

  “What? No, LJ, I─”

  “You what?” Her words sliced through mine. “You knew about it and you just wanted to use me? Was this some trick to find out if this ‘legend’ was true? Was this some twisted way to get your wish?”

  I walked back to her and tried to grab her hand. “No. Of course not. I’d never do that.”

  She yanked her arm away from my grasp. “Get out, Ben.”

  “Wait, no,” I pleaded. “LJ, I swear I didn’t know it was true. I tried to keep you away from the well just in case─”

  “You tried to keep me away from it? So, when I first asked you about it …?” Her lips twisted into a smirk riddled with tortured humor. “I remember now. You knew this whole time. I thought I was going crazy, Ben. I thought you’d hate me after I had to explain this, whatever this is. I was so scared to tell you. And you already knew!” She lifted her foot and kicked a box over, spilling papers all over the floor. “Get out!” she cried.

  “LJ?” Carson’s voice came from upstairs.

  Shit. “LJ, please, just listen to me. I want to help you, please? Please, just let me help,” I pleaded again in a whisper, moving closer to her. I wanted to go back in time, seconds ago when her lips moved with mine. I needed her to know how I felt. If I could do anything in this world right now, I’d take away her pain. I’d take it all away. I reached for her, hoping she’d let me show her how I felt.

  She turned her head away from me and whispered, “Get out, Ben.”

  “LJ?” Carson called again, this time closer, from the door upstairs.

  I backed away from her body, moving toward the bookcase. “LJ, please?”

  “Yeah, Dad?” she called out as Carson’s feet smacked down on the first couple of stairs, still out of view.

  I looked into her green eyes, watching the first tears fall before I slid behind the bookcase. I didn’t want to leave. My chest tightened more, laboring my breaths. I just wanted to hold her and beg her to listen, beg for forgiveness. I waited in darkness behind the door, staring at the strips of light shining through the cracks, inhaling the thick smell of dirt around me, listening.

  “I thought I heard you yelling. Is everything all right?” Carson asked.

  “Yeah. I’m good, Dad. A box just fell.”

  “Oh, okay,” he said. “It’s looking great down here, but why don’t you take a break and come upstairs?”

  “Okay. Hey, Dad? I’m not really feeling well. Would you mind letting Simone know that I won’t be working tonight?”

  “Sure. I’ll go give her a call.”

  After his footsteps climbed the stairs, I grasped the door handle, ready to open it.

  “Go home, Ben,” LJ’s voice came from the other side of the door. “I really don’t want to talk.” She was silent for a moment then I heard her whisper, “I thought you were different.”

  I smoothed my hand along the door as I listened to her climb the stairs. When her soft footsteps disappeared and the basement light went out, I clenched my jaw, hard, and slammed my fist into the door. I should have told her a long time ago, even if I didn’t believe any of it to be true. But I didn’t. And now she may never forgive me.

  When I got back to my basement, I hit the heavy bag until I heard Pop walk through the front door. I got upstairs just as he pulled his work gloves off and set them on the entry table.

  “Hey. I was over clipping the hedges by the road and Simone came over to ‘chat,’ as she says. I prefer the term ‘bitch.’“ He shrugged. “Anyway, she asked me about Emily’s involvement in the school fight. You didn’t tell me she was involved too.”

  “Yeah, she was involved,” I said with a grunt.

  “Well, I guess Simone got an earful from Emily over the phone. She said she’s all worked up and might quit.”

  “So?”

  “She needs her in that office, Ben.”

  “What am I supposed to do about it?” I asked, stomping into the kitchen.

  “I don’t know. She’s under the impression that you and LJ ganged up on Emily or something,” he called from the other room.

  “Figures,” I said to myself. “Emily’s an effing liar. I hope she quits. And if she doesn’t quit soon, I’m sure LJ will fire her right after the papers are signed,” I said a little louder before I snatched a soda and returned to the dining room.

  “Ben?” Pop said, stopping me on the way out the door. He popped a toothpick into his mouth and sat down at the table. The creases along his forehead deepened.

  “Yeah?”

 
“I know we didn’t get a chance to talk about the fight since you had to ride your bike home, but it seems to be bothering you enough to matter. Care to tell me what happened?”

  “Some old friends finally noticed LJ today,” I replied.

  “Oh,” Pop said, reclining into the chair as he contemplated. “So how’d she handle it?”

  I smiled as I thought about the way LJ warned Emily. “She handled it. I was just there for backup.”

  “Good man,” he said.

  At those words, I felt like I’d been hit again, this time in the gut instead of the jaw. I wasn’t the man he wanted me to be. There was no way I could tell him about LJ and the well. I couldn’t handle another person’s disappointment. The look in LJ’s eyes alone was enough to crush me. But it sucked to lie to him. It’s not something I ever needed to do before. He always understood. Unfortunately, this time wouldn’t be the same as getting into a fight at school or stealing a few beers. This he’d never forgive.

  I needed to find the answers. LJ would get my help whether she wanted it or not. She was going to have to accept that I wasn’t going away.

  “Thanks,” I replied to Pop then opened the door to escape. “I should get to work.”

  “Oh, another thing. Simone was also upset because she’d just got off the phone with Carson. I guess LJ is sick again and she’s not coming to work tonight. She wanted me to let you know so you weren’t expecting her. Think she’s okay?”

  “I’m sure she’s just a little stressed about the fight. It’s probably nothing,” I lied. “I’ve got it covered without her.”

  “Randall and I weeded today. The tractor needs an oil change, though. Also, we’ll need to start cutting back the vines and perennials soon, but we have to check with Simone about the scheduling first so she doesn’t rip our heads off.”

  “Right.”

  “I guess the suspension opens you up all next week. Just remember you have an appointment with Mr. Upton next Friday.”

  “How could I forget? That’s my first day of adulthood.”

  “Indeed,” Pop smirked. “It also means any new fights at school could leave a more permanent mark.”

  “Point taken,” I said. The cops were always called if the person was of age. So, in a way, it was good Ryan and Adam discovered LJ sooner than later.

  “I won’t hold you up any longer. Just keep me posted.”

  “Sure.”

  I didn’t go to the barn right away. My first stop was the well. I trampled the low brush, following the partial path that LJ had hacked a couple weeks ago. Even after the storms last week, some of her blood still stained the stones. I ran my fingers over the smears, silently cursing Janine again. Was there an answer? A way to fix this? If there was, I was determined to find it.

  The well’s wooden roof was old, but not the original. Thick moss coated the top, covering gaps from missing shingles and sections split from dry rot. Its true age was more apparent on the base where moss and ivy clung to stones weathered with thick chips and mortar cracks. I bent down and searched the three holes missing their stones. There were no clues, nothing written or hidden. I scanned the rest of the area, digging up soft roots and moving broken branches.

  I searched for another half hour, and found nothing.

  If the stones were out here, they were buried. And if all other options led us nowhere, I’d dig.

  The sky turned dusk while I finished working in the barn. I ended the day by changing the oil in the tractor and the mowers, then topping off the weed whackers with 40:1 mix. Even though I wanted to go out for a trail ride, it was a little late, and it wouldn’t clear my mind anyway. I’d probably think of LJ the entire ride, imagining the warmth of her body behind me. There was no way I could get her out of my head now, even if I wanted to.

  I stared up at her window as I walked back to my house. The dim bedroom light shone through the glass, lacking the silhouette I wanted so badly to see.

  My room was dreamy when I woke. The hazy morning light seeped into the windows like my house was wrapped inside a warm cloud. I yawned and stretched, happy to know that there was a wedding today and I wouldn’t have to work. I planned on spending all day in the basement, to keep my mind off Ben and to search. I had to find something. Anything.

  After a quick bowl of cereal, I set off for a long day of digging. And it was long. I searched and searched, only finding more holiday junk and unimportant papers.

  I quit close to dinnertime, exhausted and disappointed. When I drug my tired feet past the kitchen, Dad caught sight of me. “Hey, I’m ordering a pizza.”

  “Great. I’m just going to get cleaned up,” I replied as I started up the stairs.

  Ripping chainsaws, rapid-firing guns, and loud screaming spilled out of Gavin’s bedroom, filling the hallway with sounds of post-apocalyptic chaos. Usually he’d play games with his headphones on to save Dad and me the headaches and horror, but not today. Hopefully, my own door would muffle some of the noise. I passed his open door, not bothering to yell at him. I was too tired to argue.

  “LJ,” Gavin’s voice called out through the mix of gunfire. “Ah! C’mon!” he screamed at his game.

  I turned around and stepped through the door, not fully wanting to engage in a one-sided convo while he focused on annihilating an alien nation. “What’s up?” I asked, taking in the scene.

  Gavin was sitting on the edge of his bed, bouncing as he pounded buttons on a controller, his mind lost within the TV in front of him. And sitting in the desk chair beside the bed was Ben.

  My heart jolted at the sight of him. Why was he here?

  “Damn!” Gavin yelled, tossing the controller into the air.

  Ben held a controller in front on him with his elbows resting on his knees. “I guess you need to stop texting that girlfriend of yours and start boning up on your sniper skills.” His eyes left the TV and met mine.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Gavin responded as he typed something into his phone.

  I tucked some stray hairs that had fallen from my ponytail during the day behind my ears as anger flushed my face. I glared at Ben. “What do you want, Gav?”

  “Oh, hey,” Gavin said, dropping his phone and crawling up his bed to retrieve the controller that had landed on his pillow.

  “Hey,” Ben said, still staring at me. He leaned back casually and propped his arms on the chair’s thin rests.

  I didn’t respond. I was afraid of what I might say.

  “Since Ben cancelled my lesson last week, I told him he had to come over for a game before we rode today. You used to be a good shot. Wanna play a challenge?” Gavin asked, glancing briefly in my direction and raking hair out of his eyes.

  “No. I’m not feeling so great so I’m going to pass,” I said, backing up a bit, preparing to leave.

  Ben sat up a little straighter at my words and his brow creased. He mimed, “Are you okay?”

  I didn’t acknowledge his silent question.

  “Well, you should come out later and watch me ride if you feel any better,” Gavin offered.

  “I’ll think about it,” I replied to appease him. I’d say whatever I needed to just to get out of his room. I couldn’t be around Ben right now. It was too soon. I backed out through the door and walked quickly to my room. Apparently, I wasn’t fast enough. Ben’s arm slipped around my waist, stopping me outside my door.

  “Please, LJ. I just want to know if you’re okay.” He backed up and leaned his shoulder against the wall, his hand lingering on my waist, barely touching.

  I tore my eyes from his and dropped my face. “Physically, just tired. Emotionally, well that’s a different story.”

  “Did you find anything?” He pulled his hand from my waist and lifted my chin. His eyes roamed my face before settling on my eyes. His gaze was so intense my eyes began to water.

  “No,” I said, reaching my hands up to his chest and feeling his muscles tighten beneath my fingers.

  “Please, don’t cry. God, I’m such an idiot,” he said, c
overing my hands with his own. “I’m so sorry. Just let me help you find the answers.” His voice was a gentle whisper.

  I couldn’t think when I was this close to him. Everything seemed to melt away whenever I felt the warmth of his breath and the comfort of his arms. I couldn’t let that happen this time. I was still mad at him for hiding the truth from me, which was basically lying as far as I was concerned. He could’ve warned me, but he didn’t. Now, I was hearing voices, granting wishes, and going insane without information. I didn’t know why it was happening or how it was possible. And I had no idea what I was supposed to do with the power the well had given me. The fear from all of that was more than enough to deal with; I didn’t need to handle the heartache of someone lying to me, too.

  I tensed my hands against his chest as my mind battled a decision that grew more difficult every time his heart beat beneath my palms. Finally, I found the strength to push him away. “I don’t need this right now, Ben. Please, just leave me alone,” I whispered. I slipped inside my room and watched his head fall as I closed the door.

  Sunday morning I journeyed into the basement again. Thankfully, Ben had enough respect to let me work in peace without coming through the tunnel; though, that didn’t stop me from being paranoid about it. Every time I heard a noise, I expected to see him standing in front of me.

  I took a late lunch break after Dad left for a Sunday shift. When I returned to the top of the basement stairs, prepared for another round of excavation, the doorbell rang. My stomach turned flips as I walked the hall. I leaned my face close to the peephole, fully expecting to see Ben’s brown eyes in the doorway, with the same brooding look that nearly leveled my defenses yesterday. But the eyes were Izzy’s dark blues, shifting out toward the front yard while she waited for me to answer. Her overgrown bangs weren’t hanging in her face today; they were pinned and gathered back into a high pony with the rest of her long brown hair. She bounced her petite body, foot to foot, like she was a boxer ready for a fight.