Any Way You Spin It

by Monique McDonell

  “Those lemon bars were awesome,” he said beside her.

  “Thanks. It was such a fun night.” She patted her belly. “I ate enough for an army, though.”

  “Me too. I’m going to have to ride a few miles extra tomorrow.”

  “You’re in great shape.” She hadn’t meant that to sound so, well, sexual.

  “Thanks. As are you.” She shook her head. She wasn’t really, but she’d done a lot of yoga in rehab. Actually, she should look for a class in town. Sarah would probably know of one. If she wasn’t teaching it. The woman seemed to be super woman, looking after two kids, one with a brain injury, and running a small business and working part-time at the paper. She really liked Sarah and Chloe, and it was nice to meet new people who didn’t know her from when she lived here or even when she was married. When she walked around town, she could feel the eyes of judgement on her, not that she blamed people, really, but fresh eyes were nice. “So, you dance, huh?”

  She was fairly certain he was referring to the pole dancing comment. What was it with men and women on poles?

  “Not really. A couple of friends showed me some moves. I expect Sarah can dance me out of the room.”

  “Who has a pole in their house? Were your friends firemen?”

  She let out a snort. This was ridiculous. They were neighbors, nothing more. She wasn’t having a relationship with him and she shouldn’t even if he was keen, which he definitely wouldn’t be, but even if he was, this wasn’t the time. “No. They were strippers actually.”

  “Yeah?” In the dim light that the streetlamps gave off, she could see his eyebrows rise.

  “Yeah, I was a waitress out in Reno. The bar had strippers and they taught me some moves. Happy?”

  “I’m neither happy nor unhappy. I guess, mainly, I’m surprised.”

  “That I was a waitress or that I worked at a strip joint?”

  “Mainly that you told me. Good for you.”

  “Good for me?”

  “Yeah. Not that I know you well but I’ve noticed you haven’t said much about your time away and I figured that was because you were embarrassed by it or something. I think you telling me is good, brave maybe.”

  That was not the reaction she’d been expecting. Was this guy for real?

  He turned into the parking lot outside the building.

  “That’s your response?”

  “I guess so. I mean, I know you had a drinking problem and I know you ran off on your kids. I didn’t think you spent that time saving whales or furthering your career. I figured it was a tough time for you.”

  “I wasn’t a stripper,” she emphasized.

  “And if you were, it wouldn’t be any of my business, and even it was, I wouldn’t think less of you.”

  Yeah, well, she felt less of herself for ending up in that dive. She felt less of herself for leaving her kids and for a whole lot of other things.

  “Right.” She opened the door. She was practically yelling. “Thanks for the lift.”

  She slammed the door shut and headed in.

  She heard the engine cut. “What did I do?”

  “You didn’t do anything, okay? You’re a good guy. I’m the screwup.”

  “So why are you yelling at me?” His face was neutral, but his body language and tone of voice said he didn’t get it.

  “Because I can’t yell at myself.” She felt her shoulders slump. “I screwed up, big-time. I’m so mad at myself I don’t know what to do. Every day I worked in that bar I wanted to come home, but then how could I after the choices I’d made? I’m not brave. I’m an idiot. One of my three kids is talking to me, maybe one and a half. I haven’t got a job, I’m in a borrowed apartment, and people I barely know have more knowledge of my kids’ interests than I do.”

  He let out a sigh and gave a one-shoulder shrug, and yelled back, “So, what are you going to do about it? Cause yelling at me won’t change a damn thing.”

  Chapter 6

  He hadn’t meant to yell but maybe that was what she needed. Mitch wasn’t a wallower or really one for extreme introspection. It was clear that Minnie was a smart, beautiful woman who’d lost her way, but she wouldn’t find it if she didn’t get up and start looking for it.

  “I don’t know.” She sighed.

  “Of course, you do. You look for a job, you make some money and get your own place or pay rent where you are, and in the meantime, you act grateful for the free room, you visit your kids and win them over, you don’t let them wriggle out of seeing you like you did today. You get up and get moving.”

  She blinked at him with those big watery eyes. “You think it’s that easy?”

  He took a step toward her so that he was right there in front of her, looking down into her sad, beautiful face. “No. I think it’s going to be really challenging work, but then, isn’t everything worth having worth working for?”

  “What if I fail?”

  He brushed a lock of hair over her shoulder. “What if you don’t?”

  She bit her lip. He could have leaned down and kissed that lip. He really wanted to but he didn’t. “I might.”

  “You know what they say, one day at a time, Min. Tomorrow will be better.”

  “Today was actually okay until you were nice to me.” She tilted her head up and gave him a watery smile.

  “Sorry about that. I’ll be a jerk tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, don’t do that, I tend to fall for jerks and I can’t afford to fall for you right now.”

  “Okay, nice guy it is, but I am pretty charming, you might fall for me anyway.” He was teasing but he kind of hoped she would, even though it was as she said, not a good idea.

  “I’ll try to resist.”

  “Do that,” he said, because he knew in truth he was already falling and one of them needed to be the model of restraint.

  “Good night, Mitch, and thanks. You’ve really made my return nicer.”

  “That’s me. Mr. Nice Guy, remember that.” Then he turned and got into the truck and drove across the lot to park it, hoping to put distance between them before he did anything that couldn’t be undone.

  Minnie stopped by the library the next day to use the computer and look for a job. She also wanted to check in with Marissa. Unfortunately, her visit coincided with story time, so Patty and her cohorts were there. She saw Sarah across the room with a small girl in a wheelchair. From what she learned last night that must be her daughter. She knew she couldn’t walk now but they were off to see a slew of specialists in the next week or two and maybe her prognosis would change.

  She watched Patty lean in and whisper to some woman before training her beady eyes on Minnie. When she reached the bank of computers, she very definitely sat with her back to the room so that if people were gossiping about her, which she was certain they were, she didn’t have to see them. She was going to have to develop a thick skin.

  She opened a job site and scrolled through to see what was available locally. Not that much, but an hour later, she had set up an account and earmarked a few local possibilities. None were in her old field of accounting and bookkeeping but perhaps that didn’t matter for now. The sound behind her had died out and she assumed story time was done.

  Marissa was behind the desk, checking out some picture books for a small boy. Only Sarah and her daughter were left to be processed.

  “Hey, Min.” Sarah gave her a warm smile. “You have bad timing arriving during story time.”

  “Hey, at least it was happy noise.”

  “True.” She turned toward her daughter. “You take those to Marissa, honey.”

  The little girl wheeled forward. She was a good reminder that Minnie had no business feeling sorry for herself.

  “So, Mitch drove you home, huh?”

  “Yep. “

  “He’s cute.”

  “Sarah, I’m not in the market for a relationship.”

  “That’s what I said about Todd.”

  She shook her head. It was obvious that this came fr
om a place of kindness, but it was misguided. “He’s definitely cute, but I need to work on me right now. I have a long way to go before I’m ready for anything like that.”

  Sarah gave her a cheeky nudge. “You can look, though.”

  She couldn’t help but look. “Oh yeah, I can look.”

  Her daughter was done and keen to go it seemed as she was already wheeling herself halfway out the door while they were talking.

  “Wait. I better go. See you later.”

  Marissa came around with a big pile of children’s books she clearly needed to shelve, so Minnie held her arms out to take half.

  “So, Mitch, huh?”

  “No Mitch. That’s just Sarah and her imagination.”

  “He’s cute,” Marissa said, heading to the children’s section.

  “That’s true, but I don’t think I’m his type.”

  “What type is that?”

  “Hot mess,” she said with a rueful smile. “And even if I was I am here to make amends and to rebuild my relationship with my kids, not to date.”

  Marissa gave her a careful stare, and paused. “Okay, good point. We’re just loved-up romantics is all.”

  “Which is great, for you, not so much for me. Anyway, I came to say thanks for letting me stay at your place, and I really feel like I should be doing something to repay you.”

  “I hear you can bake.”

  “So?”

  “I host a senior’s morning tea every Friday. I hate baking. You could bake a couple of things, and then we’d be even.”

  “We’d hardly be even.” She laughed. As if some cupcakes and some cookies constituted free room and board.

  “Well, it would be a start, right?”

  “Sure. Okay. Let’s start there.” After they’d loaded the books on the shelf, she headed out into the street. That was good. She felt better. Word of her baking had reached Marissa and she was doing something for someone else and she had hopefully squashed any pipe dreams the other women she’d met had about her and Mitch.

  She took a turn toward the town park, which housed the ball field, batting cages, gazebo, duck pond, and children’s playground. She hadn’t been there yet this trip. As she approached, she could see that some of the leaves were starting to turn even if it was a little early. This was New England, after all, the leaves turned when they were good and ready and not on anyone else’s say so.

  A path led down toward the rotunda and she followed it. There was a woman with a double stroller sitting on a bench near the end. As she got closer, she heard the distinct sound of crying. She was not good with crying, but the closer she got the more familiar the woman looked. Tori-something, she thought, and she was sure she was a friend of Lucy’s back at school. She was rocking a baby that began to fuss again, and she could see the one in the stroller flailing its legs. Being a new mother was so hard. She remembered being alone with Katie when Nick was on night shift and the child had suffered from colic. It was the stuff of nightmares. And twins, well, she couldn’t imagine that.

  “Can I help at all?” she said tentatively as she approached.

  The woman tried to brush a tear away. “No, I’m fine.”

  The baby in the stroller began to scream. “Really? I could get that one for you.”

  “That one is Henry. This one is Elliot.”

  She leaned in and picked the baby up. He was wet through. No wonder he was screaming.

  “Do you have a diaper?”

  The other woman nodded and busied herself rocking the other baby to calm it, so Minnie found what she needed and changed the baby before lifting him up to rock him. He calmed quickly, and she looked at the other woman properly. She looked exhausted. Her ponytail was askew, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she had a look of utter defeat.

  “Let’s swap,” she said, handing her the sleeping baby and taking the wriggling one.

  He wasn’t wet through, but she changed him anyway and he seemed to calm down. When she looked up, the woman was sitting on the bench staring at her. So, she picked up the infant and sat with her.

  “You’re Tori, right, you’re friends with my sister, Lucy.”

  “We were friends, anyway. So, you’re Minnie, then?”

  “My reputation precedes me.” She tried to make light of it.

  “I remember you back when you went off to college. You seemed so sophisticated.”

  “Everything is relative.” She looked down into the cherubic face of the baby she was holding. “These two are gorgeous.”

  “These two are sucking the life right out of me.”

  “It gets better.”

  “Really, is that why you dumped your kids?” Ouch. “Ohmygod, I should not have said that. That was horrible. I’m so sorry.”

  Then, she was crying again.

  “It’s okay. I did dump my kids and it was easier then than when they were babies and I had Lucy. I’m an alcoholic, that had nothing to do with my kids.”

  “I still should not have said that.” She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “You’re helping me, and I’m being horrible to you.”

  “Really, it’s okay. You’re very tired and people say stuff, I know that’s what half the town is saying anyway. At least you said it to my face.”

  “Thanks for helping me. It’s really hard and my family isn’t around and Drew works a lot of extra hours to help with the costs of having the twins and my friends haven’t exactly rallied as I’d hoped.”

  “Really?” Her own experience of life in town this week belied that.

  “I’m friends with Patty, and so some other people kind of avoid me . . . like your sister for example and now even Marissa is as well. Patty makes it so hard. You’re either with her or against her.”

  “Oh, well, I’m sorry to hear that. It seems like if you’re one of the ones with her she should help more.”

  The woman just shook her head. “Apparently, motherhood is breeze for her.”

  Minnie let out a snort. “Seriously, if she’s telling you that, she’s a liar on top of everything else. I’m not saying it isn’t fun and exciting and joyous, but anyone who says every day is a breeze is just a big old fibber.”

  Tori offered her a watery smile. “Thanks.”

  “Seriously, find some moms with kids and hang with them. Do you know Sarah who is dating Todd, she has two kids?”

  “The pole dancer?”

  “The dance teacher,” Minnie corrected her.

  “Uh, yeah, but Patty will never go for me hanging out with her.”

  “Your choice I guess.” Minnie stood and slid the sleeping baby in her arms into the stroller. “I think everyone is calm now.”

  The woman reached out and grabbed Minnie’s forearm. “Thank you. Really, you have no idea what a difference you’ve made today.”

  She deflected the compliment before heading away. It reminded her how lucky she’d been to have Lucy in her life to help with her kids. She needed to think about a way to express her gratitude because she was certain that she’d always taken that kind of support for granted, even on the good days. She’d thought of them as a team, but it was clear that she’d been the one who had benefitted the most from that team arrangement.

  Over her shoulder, she glanced back at Tori. She hoped that she would grow a spine and find some people in her life to help her, but Minnie knew she wasn’t the person to be giving others advice on how to make good life choices. It was a shame because saying “do as I say, not do as I do” was really not that hard. She’d keep a look out for Tori around town and check she was doing okay. Marissa had told her to pay it forward and this was a small and easy thing to do.

  Walking back to the apartment, she was pleased to have been able to do something to help someone today and baking for the senior’s group would be good, too. She didn’t have her life together by any stretch and the people she most wanted back in her life weren’t exactly on board, but she was making connections and some progress, and as the warm sunshine hit her b
ack, she decided for now at least to be grateful for that.

  Chapter 7

  The knock on the door was unexpected. Minnie hoped it would be Mitch. She hadn’t seen him for a couple of days, except when she’d been peeking out the window like a love-starved teenager. She knew it was for the best that she kept her distance but that didn’t seem to be registering with her a hundred percent of the time.

  In fact, it was Chase standing there with a big smile on his face and her old guitar case in his hand. He was remarkably calm-looking for a man less than a month from his wedding day.

  “Surprise,” he said with a grin.

  “Hi. Is Lucy with you?”

  “No, she’s back in Boston. I came to get the kids for the weekend. It’s the final dress and suit fittings and all that wedding stuff I don’t really know much about.” He must have seen her expression change. “You knew about that, that the kids were coming down?”

  “No, but I am planning on going to Soph’s track meet in a little while, so I expect they planned to tell me then.”

  Of course, there’d been a whole week when someone might have mentioned it, and now she had an empty weekend looming before her. She gestured for him to come in. “Long drive, you want a coffee?”

  “Yes, please.”

  She headed to the kitchen and poured him a cup from the pot that she had bubbling away all day now. She liked the smell and the warmth it gave the place. She offered him cream and sugar, and he helped himself.

  “I take it, then, things are going slowly with the kids?”

  “It’s not bad and they’re not rude. Olly and I are working on his math, and Soph did invite me to the meet herself. I know I should be happy they have full lives and friends and that I’m really not that essential to them but . . .”

  “It still stings.”

  “Exactly. Which I know makes me a bad mother, yet again.”

  He gave his head a shake. “It makes you human, Minnie. It’s only been a little while.”

  “I guess. I’m sick to death of thinking about myself. Tell me, how are the wedding plans going?”

  So, for the next half hour he regaled her with wedding details and she sat there taking it all in. This wedding was going to like a fairy tale wedding.