Cicada Song
Page 22
Chapter 21
June 2004
“Annie’s Lodge,” answered the voice over the telephone.
“Hey, Annie, it’s me,” Sara replied into the receiver. “Has Ellis Barnes checked out yet?”
“He sure did, early this morning. It’s a shame, too. I liked having that piece of eye candy around.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“No problem, Sara.”
Sara nodded sadly as she hung up the phone. She already knew the answer, having seen that his car was gone, but now it was official. Ellis Barnes had left Anderson.
She had forgotten how nice it was to have someone to laugh with and feel attracted to, to have someone who hung on your every word. A sense of guilt came with these thoughts, however. She knew that she was tempting herself with an affair, but would it have really been an affair? What was so wrong about spending time with Ellis? Jake would have wanted her to move on, right? Then she remembered her time with Phil and sighed. She didn’t know the answers to these questions back then either.
“It’s better this way,” she whispered to herself. She took a breath and composed herself before heading downstairs.
She had planned on seeing Jake first thing that morning, but then her mother asked if she’d help in the library. With how busy they’d been all week, the J. Campbell Library had fallen into disarray and was in desperate need of cleaning. This was the first themed day of Cicada Song that neither of them was needed for, so Sara agreed to help. Besides, she liked the idea of visiting Jake later. Now she could get Ellis Barnes out of her head before visiting her fiancé. Jake deserved better than that.
“Did you find it?” Ms. Beverly asked from the historical section.
“Right where you left it,” Sara said, handing the old Anderson directory to her mother.
“Then what took you so long?”
“I got caught up reading is all.”
Ms. Beverly laughed and thumbed through the book herself. “It happens to me all the time, but not with town directories.” Sliding the book in its place, Ms. Beverly stood and stretched. Then she asked with a sly glance, “So, has Mr. Barnes left yet?”
Sara tried to feign confusion but gave up when her mother pointed toward a vent. She had forgotten that her mother was working beside one.
“He left this morning.”
“That’s too bad. Will he visit?”
“I don’t know.”
“I hope so,” Ms. Beverly said with a glance toward her daughter.
Sara didn’t respond. Her mother would have done anything to see her fall in love again, but it wasn’t that easy. Sara had spent the majority of her night thinking about Ellis; but, deep down, she knew it was wrong. She promised to be with Jake forever, and she intended to keep that promise for as long as he was still alive.
“Did he leave you his number?”
“No, Mother, he left it with you.”
“Yes, he did,” Ms. Beverly replied with a look of disappointment.
Sara finally sighed and said, “I took him to see Jake.”
This caught Ms. Beverly off guard.
“We were talking,” Sara said, “and I learned that, a few years ago, he’d lost someone he loved, as well—in a car accident. Her name was Mandy, and she was in a coma for three weeks. So I took him to see Jake. I thought maybe he’d understand my situation.”
“And did he?”
“Yes. He understood why we could never be together.”
“But you could have been,” Ms. Beverly said with a defeated shrug. “He was such a good man.”
“I have Jake.”
“Jake wouldn’t want you to be alone.”
“I’m not alone.”
“He wouldn’t want you to live like this.”
“He nearly died the last time I tried to move on, Mother, and I’m never leaving him again, no matter how amazing Ellis, or whoever comes after him, might be.”
Ms. Beverly studied her daughter. The scrutinizing silence between them bothered Sara more than anything her mother could have said out loud. Having had enough, Sara breathed a loud, frustrated sigh and left the room.
“Sara,” Ms. Beverly called after her. “You know I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” Sara said, forcing a smile. She knew it was a lie, even as she said it, and so did Ms. Beverly. The smile faded as she entered the kitchen. She didn’t like facing her mother with the lie fresh from her lips.
“I’m not happy,” she said after pouring herself a glass of sun tea, “but I’m not going to walk out on Jake. He might be a vegetable to you but he’s still Jake to me. I see him climbing trees and playing pranks on Stan. I can still hear him laughing. I remember his eyes when he used to look at me, especially when he was concerned.”
“Sara,” Ms. Beverly said apologetically. “I loved Jake. You know that. It’s just—the way you acted when you were with Ellis...”
“It was a mistake. It’s done now.”
Ms. Beverly didn’t reply because the conversation was over, and they both knew it. So they simply stood in silence as Sara finished her tea and washed the glass. Then Sara’s phone rang. Despite what she had just told her mother, she answered it hoping to hear Ellis’ voice.
“Why hello, Sara,” came a husky voice that sounded in no way like Ellis’.
“Hey, Sammy,” she said in an unmistakably deflated tone.
“Hey. I just wanted to tell you that your Cicada Song pictures are done. Sorry they took so long, but I got one for you and for your friend, Mr. Barnes. Will the two of you be able to stop by to pick them up?”
“Well,” Sara said, pained by having to say it again, “Ellis is gone, but I can pick his up for him. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“That’s fine. They’ll be waiting for you.”
She thanked Sammy and hung up the phone. The debate about Ellis had frustrated her, and she was relieved to have an excuse to leave, but then she noted the lingering concern on her mother’s face. She wrapped her arms around Ms. Beverly and squeezed warmly.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, dear. Tell Sammy I said hello.”