Alpha

by Kim Faulks

  I swallowed hard. Something was eating him. His muscles were coiled. The air was tainted with a feral energy. He spun, welding a plastic turner and stabbed the air. “We have a deal, X?”

  This wasn’t the way I envisioned this afternoon. I nodded and watched him turn back to the stove.

  “Good, that’s good.”

  His shoulders seemed to sag. Food, weapons… This wasn’t like him at all. “Are…are you okay?”

  Wrenched his head to the right, cutting me a look of desperation. “I’m fine…just fine. In the fridge there’s a packet of steaks, grab them for me, will you?”

  I made for the fridge and yanked open the door. Two thick packets of steaks sat on an otherwise empty shelf. I expected cases of beer, leftovers piled on top of each other. I expected every cholesterol-laden meat known to man to be shoved into the corners and sticking out from the door. But the shelves were almost bare, fresh fruit and vegetables filled the lower part, a carton of eggs occupied the top and hunks of the thickest slabs of meat I’d ever seen in my life.

  My mouth watered at the sight. I grasped the top packet and shut the door.

  "I know you're worried about carrying a weapon. But I want you to remember, you're the outsider here, as much as I am. I need to make sure you're safe. You understand?"

  I held out the container and then answered, "Yes."

  He turned, and trapped my gaze. “I’m responsible for you now.”

  I followed the hard line of his jaw to where his chin dimpled.

  “I’m responsible and you…you belong here.”

  A spark flared in his brown eyes. He wet his lip with the swipe of his tongue.

  The plastic turner hit the counter. He gripped the edge and searched my eyes, then skimmed my head. His breath rushed over me.

  “Your damn hair, X. Why?”

  My fingers twitched. I wanted to touch, to feel. I wanted to trace the line of his brow and unburden myself. I wanted to tell him about Diamond, and the others.

  I wanted to tell him they were coming for me.

  Goosebumps raced across my skin. The warmth of my hand came back to me, cupping, pressing, touching those parts that ached when this man was around.

  “You can talk to me, you know.” His thick jaw flexed. “Tell me anything at all. I won’t judge, won’t get mad. I’ll just listen to anything you have to say.”

  My chest tightened, pulse picked up speed, pounding like a wolf’s paws in full flight. I opened my mouth to speak, to say something, and shoved the meat into his hand. “I’m fine.”

  "So that's all you gotta say? Nothing about what happened the other night? Nothing about what happened at Helen's? You just gonna stand there, lie to me, and tell me everything’s fine, when I know damn well it isn’t?"

  I sucked in a breath and broke his stare, heat rushed my cheeks.

  Say one fucking word to your boyfriend and I’ll come for you…

  My legs trembled, desperate for forward motion. But I left now and Alpha was as good as dead. I knew those mongrels, knew what kind of men they were, knew what they’d do to someone like Alpha.

  “You wanna know what I think?”

  Those brown eyes bored into mine. They picked apart the lies I told myself. They pulled at the edges of my resolve. I gave a nod.

  “See, I think something’s happening. Someone’s come into this place, someone the wolves don’t like. So some have left. Gone, just like that. I found a spent casing today and the place where I found it has really made me think. Know of any good reason why wolves would suddenly start arming themselves with guns?”

  He never waited for the answer, only leaned in close. He pursed his lips and narrowed his gaze. The bottom swell of his lip protruded a little more than the top, the hard edge riding high until it softened in the corners.

  I wanted to touch that edge, run my finger along the seam to feel more than this unfamiliar ache.

  "I'm here for you, X. In any way you need. I want you to know that.”

  His shoulders flexed as he curled his body to stare down at me. He was over twice my weight, but he’d barely scratch the surface of my strength, even as weak as I was. Still, warmth flooded my body, spreading out to those parts of me that I didn’t want to know.

  He made me feel safe. He made me feel protected.

  And he made me feel…

  “I was raised on a reservation,” I started, then stopped, found the counter, and dug deep for strength. “To me, that place was home, and the people there were family. It was just me and my grandfather. When I asked about my parents he told me they were killed, and for a while I believed him.”

  I lifted the plastic container. The damn thing trembled in my hand. “But there comes a time you get a sense for things. Even as a kid, I knew something was off. I used to watch the other kids play and then go home to their parents. But they never really played with me…they never really liked me. But I had my grandfather, and when he looked at me he saw someone else. He saw the person I felt. The person who always fought the darkness in her. I’ve always had that other side, a side wolves sense like the scent of rotting meat, or that nauseating smell when someone you know is sick, or dying… I realized long ago that my parents saw that in me, even before I had a chance to take that first breath—and they left. So when you tell me your wolves are leaving, then you're looking at the reason right here. If you want me to carry a weapon, Alpha, I will, but you have to understand…you have to see me for what I am. I'm the one they don't want here, not Helen, not even Joslyn. I’m the dangerous one…I’m…”

  Hate.

  That emptiness resounded, the cold now had its name.

  I was Hate, in all its terrible, lonely forms, and Hate was me.

  He stilled for a moment, sparks dulled in his eyes. He gave a sudden shake of his head and muttered. “I don't believe that. I don’t believe that at all. Whatever it is you think others see in you, I’m here to tell you, you're wrong. I don’t see it, and I sure as hell don't smell it.” He bent, sniffed the air in front of me. “If anything you smell like damn peaches.”

  I bit my lips, but the skin slid from my teeth as a smile curled the corners of my lips. He grasped the steaks from my hand and dropped them on the counter. Massive paws grasped my shoulders and he pulled me close. I smacked into a wall of muscle…warm, hard, masculine muscle.

  I sucked in a breath. The bitter stench of gunpowder bit. My muscles tightened. I closed my eyes as my past smothered my present.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured in my ear. “It’s okay to be you, in whatever way you need to be. Hate, hurt, fucking scream and run riot if you need to. But just…just talk to me. Tell me to shut the fuck up, tell me to stay outta your damn business. Tell me you want to go hunting…I like hunting, have I ever told you that? I’m not bad at it either.”

  His breath blew hot against my ear. His deep voice turned needing and soft while my past stayed in my past. Alpha never touched me, never hurt me. His hands never wandered and comfort never changed.

  “Alpha…I…”

  He pulled away, searching my gaze. “Yeah?”

  I couldn’t hurt him…not now…not ever. I released the pent up breath and whispered. “Thank you.”

  His cheeks dimpled. Tiny creases cut deep from the corner of his eyes. “Sure. Now steak.” He dropped his hand and stepped away. “It’s getting late.”

  Darkness crowded the edges. Time had slipped away behind the guise of a broody rain-filled sky, and night was almost here.

  Alpha stabbed the plastic covering with a finger and opened the packet. “Two medium rare steaks coming right up.” He cut me a glance. “You can set the table if you want.”

  I nodded and moved to grab the drawer. Utensils clattered as I yanked. The hiss of searing meat filled the room like a deadly viper. I grabbed the cutlery and made for the tiny two-seater table just inside the door.

  My hunger was a beast; it stalked the boundaries, and tested my resolve, waiting for the opportunity to unleash. I ski
rted the round table and swallowed. The smell was both nauseating and delicious, rich and gamy. Fangs pierced the insides of my mouth in ravenous desperation.

  “I hope you like it medium rare, cause that’s how it’s coming.”

  I closed my eyes and felt the sway. Can’t eat the meat…never the meat.

  The plate hit the table in front of me. I stared at the glistening slab of meat that reached from one end of the plate to the other. I was just a kid the first time they gave me the meat…laced with an aphrodisiac, just a gangly, terrified kid who’d just witnessed the slaughter of her entire pack.

  They came for me that night, with their slick words and heavy breaths. I learned to survive. I learned to fight with teeth, claws, with whatever I could…and I learned to never eat the steak.

  Alpha dragged the chair out from the table and sat down with a heavy thud. He picked up his knife and fork, and then waited. One cutting glance and I sank into the seat opposite.

  “Don’t tell me you like the damn thing smothered with sauce?”

  Acid rose in the back of my throat. We sat in silence, me staring at the meat and Alpha staring at me.

  “For fucks sake,” Alpha snapped. “Here…look.”

  He dragged my plate across the table and then stabbed the meat with his fork. He wielded the knife like a savage, slicing, sawing until he coughed a hunk from the middle. Juices dripped as he heaved the piece into his mouth.

  A weight settled between my thighs, warm flames licked my insides. I clenched my legs, watching his jaw bulge and then relax. His lips glistened with meat juices. A drop hovered on the edge…I swallowed hard and fought the need to lick my lips.

  “See!” he snarled. “The meat’s not bad, there’s not a damn thing wrong with it.” He swiped his mouth with the back of his hand, shoved the plate in my direction, and gave me a nod. “Go on.”

  I dragged my hand to the table, skirted the edge of the plate, and watched Alpha. If the meat was tainted I’d know by now. His pupils would be blown. He’d be sweating, fidgeting…he’d be a mess on the ground—until the desire kicked in.

  I stabbed the meat with my finger and picked up the edges.

  “That’s it, take a sniff. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

  Juices dribbled down my fingers and raced across my palm. I leaned in, sniffed. The pungent scent of fresh meat filled me. My body trembled, desperate to feel the flesh against my lips. The trickle crested my thumb and ran down my wrist. I dipped my head and licked.

  The trail was warm, salty…my body trembled, fangs cut into my mouth. My hands shook.

  “Eat it, X. That’s the way, honey. Eat.”

  I opened my mouth and struck, fangs carved through, opening the hole wider as I bit. I chewed, and swallowed, then savaged the meat once more. The room narrowed in. I heard a woman weeping two doors down, a car turning the corner somewhere in the distance. And above all this Alpha filled my head.

  He never moved. Held his hands where I could see them. I curled my body around the table. My top lip curled. Male invaded my senses. Food slid down my throat.

  “Easy now, I’m not going to take it from you. Eat, X. Eat…”

  I chewed and swallowed, then strangled the other half in my grip. The steak disappeared in four bites, and then I sat there, sucked in hard breaths and stared at my plate. “More.”

  “That’s my girl,” Alpha growled.

  He hadn’t eaten, just sat there the entire time…watching, waiting. He speared his steak with a fork and hefted it across the table and onto my plate. “You eat that and we’ll see about more. You had me worried there for a moment. I had no fucking idea how I was going to tell the others we had a vegetarian wolf living under our roof.”

  I never answered, only snatched the meat from the plate and attacked. I chewed, and then swallowed, every mouthful became slower. My jaw ached. My belly bowed until I stared at the last mouthful in my hand and sank back against the chair.

  “You done, little wolf?”

  Juices dribbled down my chin, my fingers and my hands. I gave a slow nod and heaved a sigh of relief.

  “Good, that’s real good.”

  He had a strange look on his face, half pride, half contentment. I gave a weak smile and probed my bulging belly with my fingers. The chair scraped, Alpha rose and moved to the fridge.

  I closed my eyes, listening to the floor groan under his feet as he moved. The scrape of the turner dragged my focus, and the gas knob clicked on the stove. Something heavy hit the pan, minutes later the slow hiss of sizzling meat filled my ears.

  The sound lulled me, dragging me deeper until the clatter of a plate hit the table and Alpha’s soft growl echoed in my ears. “I’m going to pick you up, okay? Come on little wolf, time for you to get some sleep. There’s no running through the woods for you tonight.”

  I tried to answer, but there was nothing but a dull slur. Sleep pinned me down, and kept me there. His hands slipped under my legs, strong arms cradled my back as he lifted. Thoughts slipped in and memories mingled. My grandfather was the only one who ever called me little wolf.

  “Did he?”

  Light slipped in as I cracked my eyes open. I curled into the warmth of Alpha’s chest and nuzzled against his neck. So safe, just like home.

  “Ah, X.” Alpha murmured against my ear as he took a step.

  “Hmm?” The vibration raced, filling me with a soft caress.

  I slipped my hands under his arms, lulled with the slow rock as he carried me down the hall.

  “Honey, you’re…”

  His voice was deep and husky, turning the warmth into need. I dragged open my eyes and pressed my lips to his neck. I could smell the forest in his hair, taste the sun on his skin, feel the need in his veins with every throb.

  He stilled in the middle of the hallway and tightened his hold, dragging my mouth harder against his skin. His growl vibrated my lips. “Jesus, X. You’re killing me here.”

  The desperation in his voice pulled me closer to the surface. My eyes shot open. I stiffened and wrenched my mouth from his skin.

  He turned his head to stare at me. A hunger echoed from his gaze, deep and ravenous. But there was torture as well, an ache that cut just as deep as it kissed.

  A knowing passed through us, one unspoken, and one unanswered. He made the last few steps along the hall to my room and eased me onto the bed. "You should try to get some sleep.”

  Alpha broke his gaze and searched the floor as he slipped his arms free. “I’ll…ah, be in the kitchen, or my room if you need me.”

  I nodded, was that an invitation, or some kind of panicked response? He straightened and took a step back, hovering between the bed and the doorway as though he didn’t want to leave.

  I closed my eyes, holding tight to the fantasy for a little longer and turned to face the wall. The warmth of his body lingered, pulling me deeper where dreams of Alpha lay waiting.

  In my dream, Diamond came for us, slipping through the shadows like the spineless predator he was. But we weren’t in the house…we were in the forest with the hulking trees all around us.

  Alpha had his back to me, hunched over, focused on something I couldn’t see. I tried to call out, tried to move, but I was stuck. I wrenched my feet ensnared in thorny vines.

  No saving your boyfriend now, Diamond growled and crept forward, hands raised with claws. You shouldn’t have touched him, X, but it’s too late now…

  And it was too late…it was far too late…

  Something warm slid over me. I turned my face into the blanket and the floorboards groaned. I could still feel him there, solemn, watchful, tortured, just like I was tortured.

  “This can’t happen.” His words were barely a whisper. “She’s just a damn kid.”

  I lingered between sleep and a waking dream, listening for the sound of his steps as he left the room, but they never came…only the remnant of the nightmare stayed with me, pulling me under, calling to that primal part of myself.

  The one th
at answered to one name…Hate.

  Hate smiled. Hate rose. Hate filled me with a bloodthirsty purpose.

  I wouldn’t let them hurt Alpha.

  I wouldn’t let them hurt anyone…ever…ever…again.

  8

  Alpha

  The black suburban stood out like a neon sign. It turned the corner as I strode across the front yard of the empty house. I scratched my chin and raked my hair from my eyes, even behind the dark shades the sun still stung.

  X’s excuse sat like a stone in my gut. She wasn’t the damn reason Raven left. No wolf I knew would turn tail and run because of a girl…no matter what sad fucking story she sang.

  I’d tossed and turned half the damn night thinking about what she said, and what I did—neither sat well with me.

  I wanted to talk to her, to explain that I was here for her, to support her…to be a damn brother. But that’s all I could be…that’s the only thing I could be—a brother.

  She needed time to heal, time to understand what happened to her, and time to figure out who she was. She didn't need someone like me fucking things up.

  I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be happy so much, it ate away at me, and that was what I thought about after I stood in her room and watched her sleep.

  The kid needed someone to care for her…not want her. Not like that. Never like that.

  I dragged myself from the house at first light, even then, the breeze rubbed my nerves and the sun stung my eyes. I needed to move, to work. I needed to get away from her, because if she looked at me with those brown eyes filled with need…I didn’t know what I’d do.

  I grabbed the log and checked the houses, I wanted a physical check on those who remained and those who’d left. I wanted a pattern. I wanted details, but so far, everything seemed normal…until now.

  The chrome bumper gleamed as the car turned and headed my way. I didn't need to see the plates to see who was behind the wheel. My clothes were tight…hell, everything felt tight. Even my damn skin itched, like some disease. Sweat ran down and I yanked my collar, stretched the fabric, and headed for my Jeep.