Twin Turmoil

by Vanessa Brooks

I giggled "Ooh, how very magnanimous of you, the little woman can go out to work to earn money for your chauvinist pocket and yet the poor little thing would have no say about running her own life!" Liam chuckled and gave my bottom a playful smack.

  "Stop, that's not what I meant and you know it! Hmm, let's say there was a decision to be made and neither person in a marriage can agree with the outcome, then the man should make that decision and his wife should back down and accept that he has the ultimate word. It is the best way to resolve conflict, especially in a marriage. The way I see it, it's kinda like a Chief Executive of a company, he has the final say."

  "Suppose the Chief is a woman, then what?"

  "In my marriage, I'll definitely be the Chief."

  "You are most definitely what is currently known as, a male chauvinist pig, Mr. Liam O'Donnell."

  He grinned. "And you, Miss Keedon, are what I currently call a brat. Now get up off your pretty and sore feminist butt. I'll walk you back to find your father; you owe him an apology, Miss." He stood me up and pulled up my panties. He then propelled me in front of him out of his room and across to where the party was winding down.

  I noticed Matt was dancing with the girl I had met in the J.C. Penny store, I couldn't for the life of me think of her name, Laura? No—something flowery perhaps—like Lily? I simply couldn't remember. At the end of the reel, we came face to face with Matt and the girl as they stepped in front of us. "Hi, Claire, you and Leanne must catch up soon, you've not met in ages," Matt said immediately. I was grateful, he didn't think I would know Leanne, and had given me her name. I leant forward and pecked her cheek.

  "How y'all doing?" I put my best drawl on. She nodded and clutched Matt's arm, giggling up at him. I cringed, she was being so obvious.

  "Just fine, Claire, I hope you don't object to my monopolising Matthew, after all, y'all split up now."

  I shook my head. "'Course not, we decided we weren't quite suited and broke things off a little while ago."

  She looked up at Matt reproachfully; obviously Matt had neglected to mention that part.

  "We're just going for a beer, want to join us?" Matt asked hastily.

  "No thanks." I replied, just as Liam also said, "No, thanks all the same."

  Dennis was standing drinking and chatting with a group of young men who I didn't know, there was a whistling, whining sound and a rope dropped over his head. His beer fell to the floor with a shattering of glass. Dennis grabbed the rope and pulled it hard towards him, there was an outburst of applause from the laughing crowd as Kate was pulled into sight, holding the other end of the rope. She had a big grin plastered on her pretty face as Dennis pulled her in for a big smooching kiss.

  I turned to Liam, "Didn't you tell me that Kate was rehabilitated here on the ranch?"

  "Yeah, she works for me in season, helping other wayward kids to reform, why?"

  I stood and watched the horse play between Dennis and Kate thoughtfully. "No reason, I just wondered about her that's all."

  We turned and wandered away to find my father so that I could eat some humble pie.

  In the small hours of the night, I lay sleepless in my bed thinking about the evening and Liam. Why would such a gorgeous hunk like him be interested in me? He obviously hadn't been interested in Claire up until now—or had he? Was he held back from coming forward, so to speak, by Matt? It wasn't that I wasn't confident about myself, although I was realistic enough to know that I was pretty, but not beautiful. Was Liam after position, to marry the boss's daughter and improve his career prospects? I thought about the goodnight kiss we had shared and my reaction to him physically. No one had ever affected me like this before. Oh, I had enjoyed sex with both my previous boyfriends, but I had never experienced that kind of raw physical desire before. With Liam, my own existence seemed to only be possible from now onwards through the existence of him, I needed him now. I was frankly terrified of myself because I was putty in his hands and yet, he could be my sister's killer. No! My inner self screamed. You silly fool I argued, it could be your own murder next time around. I was just making it so easy for him. I tossed and turned, finally falling into a troubled sleep in which I dreamed of Liam spanking me and making erotic love to me. I awoke damp, sweaty and extremely frustrated.

  Chapter Thirteen - Relaxed

  It was with some relief that I climbed into the car the following morning. I felt as if I were leaving all my troubles behind me and I was really looking forward to a break from the ranch with my dad. It was such a relief not to have to whisper or drawl; I was entirely me again. The dogs chased us off the ranch, running behind us for a couple of miles, barking at first and then simply chasing the car. Eventually they grew bored and turned back towards the ranch.

  I sat quietly absorbing and admiring the passing scenery. My father glanced sideways at me a couple of times but left me to my contemplation without so much as a word. After an hour or so of driving, I turned to him and asked, "Do you honestly believe that Liam could have killed Claire?"

  He kept his eyes straight ahead and thought for a moment. "Hmm, do you mean could, or would?"

  "How do you mean?"

  "Well, he could have but would he have?"

  "Um… I dunno… would he have?"

  "Personally, I don't think Liam is our killer. Is that what you meant by the question?"

  I ignored him and asked another question. "Why don't you think he killed Claire?"

  "He liked her."

  "Oh." My heart sank. "As in fancied her?"

  "Nope, more like a kid sister."

  "Ahhh." I fell silent, after a mile or two he looked around at me.

  "You okay, hon'?"

  "Yeah, I think so."

  "So you like Liam, huh?"

  "Is it that obvious?"

  "Did he kiss you last night?"

  "Dad!" I flushed bright red.

  "Did he?"

  "Uh huh."

  "Did you enjoy it?"

  "Enough already!"

  "Nicola, did you enjoy Liam's advances?"

  "Oh, all right then. Yes, look I-I like him a lot okay! I'm just worried that he's… well, you know, pretending to like me, or something. That it's about liking Claire, not me… now d'you get it?"

  "Yeah, I understand. If it helps any, hon, Liam never showed the slightest attraction to Claire. Hell, poor man must wonder why he does now!"

  I looked at him sharply. "You think he's guessed?"

  "Oh no, no, I think he must be questioning himself as to why; he must be one confused cookie about now." My father chuckled. "Perhaps he put it down to your road accident with the truck, throwing you both together. I mean, he's not likely to think, hey, there must be a double who is taking Claire's place, now is he?"

  "Noo, I guess not." I went back to my silent gazing. My father glanced at me a couple of times but he let me brood in peace.

  We pulled into a diner for lunch and I was able to relax the vegetarian rule now that we were so far from home. "How does Molly feel about you taking off for a few days without her," I asked my father while we ate.

  "She's fine about it. Den is driving her back to Vegas today. She misses her friends and she likes a little flutter now and again." I must have looked disapproving because he laughed.

  "Hey it's okay, Molly's no hardened gambler. She has a little play each week with her friends and that's it." He sipped his coffee and watched me for a while. "You sure you want to carry on with this charade?" he asked me finally.

  "What, run back to Liam already—no way!"

  "I didn't mean that charade, I meant of you becoming Claire."

  "Oh, I see. Well, I'm all right. I'm glad to be away from the ranch though, the strain is awful and I am so afraid all the time." He reached over and covered my hand with his own.

  "You don't have to do this anymore if you don't want to. I must have been crazy to think of it. I have just found you, Nicky, and I can't stand the thought of losing you too. I am devastated to say goodbye to my Claire but I will le
t her go in peace, because we must build a life together you and I, as father and daughter."

  "Thank you, but I want to carry on with this and see it through, for Claire's sake as well as for you too. I'll be okay. This is what I need, a break from the strain and worry and a chance to get to know my father without the stress of being my twin." I smiled at him.

  "I'm looking forward to having you all to myself as well and getting to know more about you. Although, we have come such a long way in such a short time don't you think?" I assured him that I did and settled back, determined to enjoy my meat meal. After finishing our coffee, I went to the restroom while he paid the bill. On the road again, I noticed that we were climbing and it was getting much colder.

  "Where exactly are we going?" I asked.

  "I don't suppose I'll be able to keep my secret much longer because there'll be signs up giving it away soon. Okay, Nicky, we are going to the Grand Canyon." I stared at him delighted.

  "Wow, that is just amazing, so cool!"

  You're really pleased?"

  "Absolutely. I've always wanted to go there—well, who wouldn't? I never believed that I would though. Wow, when will we get there… is it much further?"

  He gave a bellow of laughter. "You sound so like Claire when she was six, I bet you were exactly the same! Only another hour or so of driving to go, I'm so glad you're pleased."

  "I can't wait; this is so groovy thank you so much!"

  "Honey, you're very welcome and we're gonna have a great time!"

  I leaned over to kiss his cheek, before settling back into my seat hugging myself with glee. To relax and enjoy myself free from the choking fear that had become so much a part of everyday life seemed an impossible treat, and it was one that I fully intended to relish.

  We began to climb and as we did, the temperature dropped. We stopped to pull jackets on over our sweaters and drank hot coffee from the flask, walking about and stamping our feet to keep warm. The car heater was somewhat temperamental.

  I noticed that there was still snow lying on the ground between the trees and I wondered if there would be more snow higher up. There was. Not a huge amount but the ground was covered in white with just the odd dark patch of ground here and there.

  I loved this wild country, so different to the safe and tame picture postcard prettiness of the English countryside. Here the beauty was uncultivated, capacious. Land as God had intended it to be.

  I asked if the forest we were travelling through had a name, "Yup," replied my father, "this here is the Kaibab National Forest and it covers the land all the way to the Grand Canyon rim."

  "Cool."

  I must have nodded off because when I awoke, we were slowing at a sort of check point manned by a man wearing a uniform. My father lowered his window.

  "Good afternoon, sir, welcome to the 'Grand Canyon National Park… Oh, it's you, Mr. Keedon sir, hello!"

  I realised that the man must be a Park Ranger.

  "Hi, Joe, how's things?" my father asked him.

  "I'm just fine thank you, sir and yourself?"

  "I'm very well thanks, Joe. My daughter and I are taking a little vacation together."

  "Staying at the C.K.?"

  "Nope we're staying right in the Village this time, having ourselves a real break from the office."

  "Well you have a great time, sir. Just so you know, sir, North Canyon Road is still closed… snow."

  "Yup, I thought it might be, well, be seeing you, Joe."

  The Ranger tipped his hat and stepped back from the car allowing us to drive on through the check point.

  The road continued to climb and then levelled out. I gazed about me hoping to see the canyon but there were spruce trees lining the road edge obscuring the view.

  There were signs up, North Canyon pointing in one direction and South Canyon the other. The North Canyon sign had a large red 'closed' sign stuck over the top. We drove on until buildings appeared and my father turned off. I was surprised and disappointed at the number of cars and buildings, it was much more commercial than I had expected. When I voiced my surprise at this, my father merely smiled and nodded saying, "Just wait and you'll see why people come here, hon."

  We checked in at the reception area of the El Tovar Hotel and dumped our suitcases inside with the bellboy before returning to the car once again. My father pulled off and drove slowly to another parking area. "Right, hop out." I did as he bid and followed him through trees onto a wide and well-trodden pathway. The trees fell away suddenly and a wave of warm air rushed over my face.

  Staring at what lay before me, I sucked in my breath and gasped, "Oh my God!"

  Beside me my father chuckled delightedly. "D'you know every single person says that when they see this amazing view for the first time."

  I didn't doubt it because before me lay another world. A world of light and dark pink striped rocks laced with green shadows, a space so huge it simply beggared belief. The rock face fell away steeply at our feet and dropped downwards well over a mile below. On the chasm's floor, a pink Colorado River snaked its sinuous and curving way along the bottom of the ravine. Large birds hung suspended above the enormous space, floating on thermals of warming air as it rose high above the canyon. This ancient prehistoric place had its own characteristic smell and quality of being. I was simply spellbound. It took some time for my brain to accept the vastness of the space involved. Awe made me speechless after my first exclamation of amazement. I dropped to my haunches on the ground and simply sat, staring at the phenomenon that is the Grand Canyon.

  After a while, my father placed his hand on my shoulder. "Nicky?"

  "Mmm."

  "Time to go, hon, there will be plenty of time to see more later. Let's go see our Lodge and get settled."

  I sighed, reluctant to tear my eyes away from the beauty before me, but when my father offered me his hand I took it and rose to my feet following him reluctantly back to the car.

  "Is the canyon as you expected it to be?" he asked eagerly once we were seated in the car.

  "Crumbs no, I never expected it to be pink for a start and it's so huge! The drop down to the bottom is so deep and so sheer! I thought it would be yellow and like a desert, y'know, all sandy and beige looking."

  "I know. Did you know this is the only place in the world that you find pink rattle snakes?"

  "No, really… pink?"

  "Yeah, amazing isn't it?"

  We looked at each other, our eyes shining and laughed. "Thank you for bringing me here to this truly amazing place," I said simply, and leant towards him.

  We embraced and he groaned, "Oh, Nicola, I am so sorry about everything, darlin', how can you ever forgive me for this mess."

  I drew back and looked at him. He had tears in his eyes. "Hey, Dad, it's okay, really it is."

  "No, Nicola, I've wronged you all… Claire, your mother and yourself. I insisted on the parting of the two of you as babes. I was arrogant and selfish and terribly wrong, I shall never forgive myself, not ever."

  "I forgive you for both of us, Dad," I told him quietly. "We won't talk about it anymore, let's just enjoy our special time together and forget the past for a while."

  "Nothing you say can change how I feel, just as I can't undo what has already been done." He sighed and nodded curtly to emphasise his point then started the car, saying as we pulled away, "We still have more to talk about and I want to know why you are so angry with your mom."

  I nodded and sat back resigned, wondering how to put that question's answer into words. I was so angry with my mother that articulating my fury seemed an impossible task. How to explain her interference in my life? The controlling, the manipulation and finally the deception. She was a selfish woman, a beautiful woman, one used to getting her own way all of the time. I glanced at my father, he was a handsome man, a strong willed man and, I knew, a ruthless man. How else had he built up a multimillion dollar business? Yet he saw and regretted his mistakes in a way that my mother did not. How to explain any of this to
him, so that he understood the raw wounds that ran deep and painful within me? My thoughts were interrupted by the visual stimulus of the canyon village. There were rustic log lodges with parking areas, a restaurant and shop. We pulled up outside the El Tovar Hotel lodge and went inside.

  A wide foyer decorated with buffalo horns and Indian artefacts greeted us, while a ceiling fan hummed overhead, stirring the air pleasantly. We collected our keys and made our way up a large central staircase to our room. We had a suite, comprised of a large central sitting room with a bedroom off each end of the room and ensuite bathrooms off each bedroom. I gasped with delight when I saw the views from the windows. Our rooms faced the canyon and looked right over the enormous ravine.

  A young man appeared with our bags and my father tipped him before turning to me and asking, "Okay then, which bedroom d'you want, hon?"

  I ran from room to room delighted with both rooms and finally decided on the one with a spectacular picture of the canyon at sunset placed above the huge bed. There were pictures of the canyon in all its facets dotted around the suite but the sunset was glorious.

  "You just wait 'till you see a sunset for yourself. That picture on the wall is only a taste of what you'll see," my father assured me.

  We ate in the hotel restaurant and returned early to our rooms. It had been an exhausting day and we were both so fatigued, that we said our goodnights and turned in early.

  I awoke early the following day and sat curled in a chair watching the mists clear from the canyon below, the bright rays of golden sunlight chased away the shroud that hid the Grand Canyon's ancient magnificence beneath.

  I turned and smiled as my father appeared by my side, his hand lightly squeezing my shoulder in greeting. Silently we watched the magic unfold; companionably we drifted away to shower and dress when the dazzle of the sun streaming into the room made it impossible to withstand the glare any longer.

  After breakfast, my father wanted to visit the Watch Tower at Desert View Point and I agreed to go with him, although I really wanted to walk the rim and savour the place on foot.

  We drove along the East Rim towards the Desert View point and to the Watch Tower, I was thrilled to be able to spot the Colorado River twisting its pink migration along the depths of the gorge. At the Watchtower, we parked and walked, agreeing to meet up at the View Point after looking around on our own. I loved the way the Tower fit in so well with its environment despite being only a re-creation of the unusual towers built by the Indians so long ago. I was following a group of people up some steps when my eye fell on the back view of a man standing below. My breath caught in sudden shock. I was certain; it was him. He was wearing one of the chequered shirts that he favoured so much. The woman in front of me turned to stare and I realised that I had spoken aloud the chant which was swelling in my head. "Oh God no, not him, please lord don't let it be him," but I knew in my heart that it was.