Heart of Ice

by Diana Palmer

  Kati pulled away, and he let her go with obvious reluctance. “And I didn’t poison you, either,” she murmured, trying to keep it light.

  “Didn’t you?” he returned, but there was a difference in him now, a strangeness.

  “No fighting,” Ada said. “It’s Christmas day.”

  “So it is,” Egan said. “Where’s my present?”

  “Not until morning,” Ada returned.

  “Damn.” He looked down at Kati. “I like presents. What did you get me?”

  “Not until morning,” she echoed Ada.

  He lifted an eyebrow. “I hate waiting,” he murmured, and only Kati knew what he meant.

  “All good things come to him who waits, though,” Ada interrupted; and then wondered why Kati blushed and Egan laughed.

  The girls went in to bed, but Kati didn’t sleep. She wanted Egan. And there was more to it than that. She was beginning to feel something she’d never expected. She thought ahead to the next day, when he’d leave for Wyoming, and the world went black. She couldn’t imagine a day going by without the sight of him. Just the sight of him.

  She sat straight up in bed and stared at the wall. She hadn’t known that it could happen so quickly. Of course, it could be just physical attraction. She did want him very much, and it was the first time she’d wanted any man. She knew nothing about him really, except bits and pieces. So how, she asked herself, could she be in love with him?

  “Love,” she whispered out loud. She licked her dry lips and put it into words. “I…love…Egan.” The sound of it made tingles all the way to her toes, and when she closed her eyes she could feel his mouth on hers; she could taste the minty warmth of his lips. Shivers went all over her like silvery caresses, and she caught her breath.

  You have to forget all that, she told herself. Because what Egan wanted was the limited use of her body, to sate his own hunger. And once he’d had it, he’d be off to new conquests. Like Jennie. Her eyes clouded with bridled fury. Jennie! She’d like to rip the girl’s hair out.

  She lay back down and closed her eyes. Well, that was his kind of woman, anyway. All she had to do was grit her teeth and bear it until he left. Then she could pull her stupid self together and forget him. Her eyes opened. It was over an hour before she could close them in sleep.

  Chapter Seven

  The thought of the condominium bothered Kati. She couldn’t help remembering that Egan had said Ada didn’t know about it, which meant he kept it for only one reason. If he was willing to take Kati there, he must have taken other women too. In the cold light of morning, she was glad she’d had the sense to resist him. Egan only wanted her. Someday, with a little luck, there would be a man who’d love her.

  But if she was inclined to be cool and collected, Egan wasn’t. He watched her covetously when she joined them for breakfast. His silver eyes roamed over the pretty red vest and skirt she was wearing with a long-sleeved white blouse, and he smiled appreciatively.

  “Very Christmasy,” he murmured.

  She smiled as coolly as possible. “Thank you.”

  She allowed him to seat her, expecting Ada to plop down beside her as usual. But instead, Egan slid into Ada’s usual place, so close that his thigh touched hers when he moved.

  “I can help,” Kati volunteered quickly.

  “No,” Ada said as she dished up everything and carried it to the table. “Just sit. We’ll both have enough to do later.”

  So she sat, nervously, hating the close contact because she could feel Egan as well as smell the warm, manly fragrance of his body. He was dressed up, too, in a navy pinstripe suit that made him look suave and sophisticated. And all the time she picked at her bacon and eggs, he watched her. It was as if he were launching a campaign, with her as the objective. And it was getting off to a rousing start.

  Ada noticed the tension and smiled. Kati flushed at that smile, because she knew her friend’s mind so well.

  It didn’t help that Ada finished early and announced that she just had to have a shower before she dressed.

  “Afraid to be alone with me?” Egan teased gently when the door closed behind his sister.

  “Oh, yes,” she admitted, looking up with fascinated eyes.

  His own eyes seemed unusually kind and soft, and he smiled. “Why?” he asked. “Because of last night?”

  She lowered her eyes to his smooth chin, his chiseled mouth. She remembered the feel of it with startling clarity.

  “Don’t hide.” He tilted her face back up to his and studied it quietly. “I can wait. At least, until you’ve had time to break it off with Asher.”

  So that was what he thought! That was why he’d been so patient last night. He assumed that she was sleeping with Jack and had to end the affair before…

  She caught her breath. “But I can’t—”

  “Yes, you can,” he said. “Just tell him how it is. He doesn’t seem to be so unreasonable to me. In fact—” he laughed shortly “—he hardly touches you in public. A man who’s committed to a woman usually shows a little more warmth.”

  “I don’t like that kind of thing, around people,” she murmured.

  “Neither do I, for God’s sake,” he bit off. “But when people get involved, it happens sometimes. A look, a way of touching, a hand that can’t let go of another hand—there are signs. You and Asher don’t show them.”

  “He’s…very reserved,” she returned.

  “So are you. Even alone with me.” He leaned closer and brushed his mouth over hers like a breath. “Ada won’t be gone that long. And then we’ll be surrounded by people. And I won’t be able to do this to you….”

  His hand contracted behind her head, catching her hair, tangling in its fiery depths to press her mouth to his. As if passion were riding him hard, he bit at her closed lips and shocked them into parting. And then she was his. Totally his, as he explored the soft warmth of her mouth expertly, possessively.

  When he stopped, her hands were clenched in his thick hair, and she moaned when he lifted his mouth.

  “No more, baby,” he whispered huskily. “We don’t have the luxury of privacy, and I had a hard enough time sleeping last night as it was. A man can only stand so much.”

  Her eyes opened slowly and she looked up at him drowning in the silver of his eyes. “I didn’t mean to tease,” she whispered. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “I know that,” he replied quietly. “You were with me every step of the way, from the first second I touched you. Circumstances have been the problem. I need to be alone with you. Completely alone.” He drew in a slow breath. “Come back to Wyoming with me, Kati.”

  Her eyes dilated. “What?”

  “You said you had to research that damned book. All right. I’ll help you. Fly out with me in the morning, and I’ll show you everything you need to know about ranch management.”

  She studied his hard face. She knew exactly what he was saying: “during the day.” His eyes were telling her that he had different plans for the night, and she already knew exactly what they were.

  “Still afraid?” he asked thoughtfully, watching the expressions change on her young face. “Let’s get it out in the open. Why? Do I strike you as a brutal man? Do you think I’d be kinky in bed or something?”

  Her face burned and she looked down. “I’ve never thought about it.”

  “Liar. You’ve thought about it every second since yesterday morning, just like I have.” He bent his head and kissed her quickly, roughly. “It was just the way I told you it would be. We touched each other and exploded. I wanted you, and it made me rough at first. But it won’t be that way anymore. I promise you, Kati. I’ll be as tender a lover as you could want.”

  “You…you never seemed gentle,” she said involuntarily. “And you’ve been so harsh with me…”

  He brushed a lock of hair back from her cheek and frowned as he looked down at her. “It’s the way you write, damn it,” he said. “So…openly.”

  “Egan, I don’t make love with
strange men in bathtubs,” she said. It was one of the ironies of her life that she could write torrid romances at all. But the writing never embarrassed her. It was as if the characters did what they wanted to, taking over as the words went onto paper. The situations arose from the characterizations, not out of her own personal experience.

  He shrugged. “That may be. But no man likes to think he’s being used for research.”

  Her eyes opened wide. Her eyebrows went straight up. “You don’t imagine that I…that I’d even consider—” She felt herself puffing up with indignation. “Oh, you monster!”

  She jerked up from the table, glaring down at him as she fought tears of pure fury. “What do you think I am, damn you, an exhibitionist? What I write comes out of nowhere! The characters create themselves on paper, and their own motivations produce the love scenes! I do not write from personal experiences with a multitude of lovers!”

  “Now, Kati,” he began, rising slowly.

  “But you just go on thinking whatever you please, Egan,” she continued. “You just go right ahead. I don’t care. I don’t need you at all!”

  And she turned, tears in her eyes, and ran from the room, colliding with Ada.

  “Hey, what’s the matter?” Ada asked gently.

  “Ask Dracula!” came the broken reply, and she threw a last accusing glare at Egan before she went into her room and slammed the door.

  It was a bad start for the day. And it didn’t help that when she got herself together and came back out, Egan had vanished. She’d overreacted, and she was ashamed. But his opinion of her had hurt in unexpected ways and brought home how he considered her widely experienced.

  Wouldn’t he be shocked, she thought miserably, to know how innocent she was?

  In fact, the love scenes in her books were mild compared to those in other genres. They were sensuous, but hardly explicit. That was why she was able to write them. She didn’t have to go into a lot of explanations that she’d have to dig out of anatomy books anyway—because she didn’t know the first thing about fulfillment, except what she’d learned second-hand.

  “Will he be back?” Kati asked miserably when Ada told her that Egan had walked out.

  Ada lifted her shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know. Things were going so well this morning. What happened?”

  “He accused me of doing my own research for the love scenes,” she muttered. “In bathtubs with strange men.” She hid her face in her hands. “You can’t imagine how it hurt to have him think so little of me!”

  “Then why not tell him the truth, my dumb friend?” Ada asked. “He doesn’t read minds, you know.”

  “Because…” She clenched her fists and hit the air impotently. “Because,” her voice lowered, “the only thing about me that attracts him at all is my ‘experience.’”

  Ada gaped at her. “You’re in love with him,” she said half under her breath.

  Kati smiled sadly. “Doesn’t it show? Hasn’t it always shown? Ada, I’d walk over a gas fire just to look at him.”

  “And I thought you hated him.”

  “I did. Because he hated me, and I knew it would never be more than that.” She smoothed her hair. “And now it’s worse, because he’s like a bulldozer and I’m terrified of him.”

  “I warned you,” Ada reminded her. “He’s utterly relentless.”

  “He wants me to go home with him,” she said.

  Ada’s face brightened. “He does?”

  “Don’t be silly, I can’t go! If I do, he’s bound to find out what an absolute idiot I am, and then where will I be? He’ll throw me out on my ear!”

  “And then again, he might not.”

  “I’m no gambler, Ada. Losing matters too much. I’d rather stay here and pull the pieces together. Maybe it’s just a physical infatuation and I’ll outgrow it,” she added hopefully.

  “If you’d walk through fire just to look at him, darling,” Ada said gently, “it’s got to be more than physical. And you know it.”

  “But what can I do?” Kati wailed. “Ada, I’m not the kind to have affairs. I’m too inhibited.”

  “Not when you write, you aren’t!”

  “That’s different. When I write, I’m a storyteller, telling a story. In real life, I get too emotionally involved, and then I can’t let go. And Egan hates even the idea of involvement.”

  “He looked pretty involved to me this morning. He could hardly take his eyes off you long enough to eat,” Ada remarked.

  “You know why, too.”

  “Men are attracted first, then their emotions get involved. Look at Marshal and me! He liked my legs, so he called me. And now here we are almost engaged!”

  “And here it is Christmas and I’ve ruined it again,” Kati moaned.

  “No, you haven’t. Egan will be back when he cools down. He’s mad at himself, I’ll bet, not at you.” She smiled. “He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes and she turned away. “I never meant to hurt him, either.”

  “Then cheer up. It will all work out, honest it will.”

  “So you keep saying. I’ll try to listen this time.”

  They had everything ready just as Marshal and Jack arrived, and the four of them stood around and talked until noon.

  “Should we wait for Egan?” Marshal asked.

  “Well,” Ada said, biting her lower lip. “I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

  Even as she said the words, the front door opened and Egan walked in. He tossed his Stetson onto the hall table.

  “Waiting for me? I got held up at Jennie’s,” he added, glancing toward Kati with pure malice in his eyes.

  So much for Ada’s helpful optimism, Kati thought as she took off her apron. She didn’t even look at him again, and her entire attitude was so cool and controlled that she felt she deserved an Oscar for her performance all the way through the holiday meal. The turkey was perfectly browned, the ham beautifully glazed. Egan, at the head of the table, carved, and Ada passed the plates down. He said grace, and everyone was far too busy to talk for the first few minutes.

  Kati was just bursting with fury about Jennie. She could imagine what Egan had been doing and why he’d been held up. She was rigid with the effort not to get up and fling the turkey carcass the length of the table at him.

  “The cherry pie is delicious,” Jack offered as he finished his last mouthful and followed it with the rich black coffee Ada had made.

  “Thank you,” Kati said with a smile.

  “Kati does all the desserts,” Ada told Marshal. “I’m no hand at pastry.”

  Egan hadn’t touched any of the pies or fruitcake. He barely seemed to eat anything, like Kati. Her eyes found his across the room, and it was like lightning striking. She felt the longing she’d been fighting down all day coming to life again. It was incredible that she could look at him and go to pieces like this.

  “Well, I hate to eat and run,” Jack said, “but I promised my cousin I’d stop by and see him and his family this afternoon. There are so few of us left these days.”

  “Yes, I know what you mean,” Ada said quietly, and her face showed the loneliness Kati knew she must feel this first Christmas without her mother.

  “I’m sure you do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up such a sad subject,” Jack apologized.

  Ada smiled. “Don’t be silly. Happy Christmas, Jack. I’m glad you could come.”

  “Me, too,” Kati said, avoiding Egan’s eyes as she got up to walk Jack to the door.

  “I enjoyed it,” Jack said. “Merry Christmas!”

  Kati saw him out into the corridor. “I’ll see you later, then.”

  Jack stared down at her quietly. “Do you realize how that big cattleman feels about you?” he asked unexpectedly.

  Her face paled. “What?”

  “He watched you as if he’d bleed to death looking. And the one time I smiled at you, I thought he was going to come over that table to get me.” He laughed self-consciously. “If yo
u get a minute, how about telling him that we haven’t got anything serious going? I’d like to keep my insurance premiums where they are.”

  She laughed too, because they were friends who could ask such things of each other. “I’ll do my best. Want to spend New Year’s with us?”

  “As far as I know, I don’t have a thing planned. But,” he added with a wink, “you might. So let’s leave it alone for now, and I’ll call you. All right?”

  “All right. Merry Christmas,” she added.

  “You, too.” He bent and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He was just lifting his head when Egan appeared in the doorway with eyes that glittered dangerously.

  “You’re taking a long time just to say good-bye,” he muttered.

  “Discussing the weather,” Jack said quickly. “Damned cold outside! In here, too. Bye, Kati!” And he took off for the elevator with a grin.

  Egan caught Kati’s hand in his, holding it warmly, closely, and pulled her just inside the door. They were out of view of the living room, and when he closed the outside door, they might have been alone in the world.

  “I can’t stand it,” he ground out, gripping her arms as if he were afraid she’d fly out of his reach. “You’re driving me out of my mind, damn it!”

  “You started it,” she bit off, keeping her voice down.

  “I didn’t mean it, though,” he returned in a harsh undertone. His hands loosened their grip, became caressing, burning her even through the blouse’s long sleeves. “Kati, I’m so used to hitting at you…but this morning I didn’t mean to.”

  Her lower lip trembled as she looked up at him. “You went to her,” she said shakily.

  Every trace of expression left his face, and only his eyes showed any emotion at all. They glittered at her like silver in sunlight. “I didn’t touch her,” he said huskily. “How could I? All I want in the world is you!”

  Her lips parted, and before she could speak, he bent and caressed them slowly, sensuously, with his own. His breath was suddenly ragged, uneven, and the hands that were on her arms moved up to cup her face and hold it where he wanted it.

  “Are you going to fight me every inch of the way?” he asked in a strained tone.