Wanting It All (The Passion Series Book 1)

by Livia Grant

  Turning away from the windows, Lukus sinks into the nearby oversized lounge chair. Kicking his feet up onto the ottoman, he takes a long drag from his whiskey, steeling himself. It takes longer than normal, but he manages to rein in his emotions.

  Logically, he knows Brianna is a dead end for him. He’s already failed his friend, and the sooner he can get her out of this building and back with her husband, the better off they’ll all be. He may be a ruthless bastard, but even he knows better than to fuck his friend’s wife unless they have some sort of prior arrangement. Lukus knows Markus would never want to share his wife with anyone, not even his best friend. That puts her off limits. Period.

  ‘So now what?’

  His first thought is to bundle her up and drive her ass home to her husband the very second she walks out of his bathroom. He could ring the doorbell and leave her on the front porch like an unwanted puppy for Markus to find and deal with.

  But Lukus knows he can’t do that. Not to Brianna and not to his friend. Lukus may have never been married, but he knows a little something about the delicate balance of successful D/s relationships and if one thing is clear to Lukus, Markus and Brianna are in desperate need of help navigating through the secrets they’ve obviously been keeping from each other. Markus may think he wants a divorce, but it’s just his wounded pride talking. He’s the stupidest man on the face of Earth if he doesn’t wake up and fight to save his marriage with Brianna.

  Finally feeling like he has a way forward, Lukus stands and heads to the kitchen, where he pours the rest of the whiskey down the drain. He’s going to need his wits about him today if he’s to navigate through the emotional minefield he’s about to enter. He may not be following Markus’ instructions, but if he does his job right, Markus is going to end up owing Lukus a hell of a lot more than Lukus ever owed him in the first place.

  e

  Brianna’s relief is overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. James had been right about experiencing an almost euphoric high as she finally purged the overflowing liquids from her body in a rush. It wasn’t exactly orgasmic, but it certainly stirred dark, submissive feelings within her. Her feeling of complete surrender turned into a form of joy at the prospect of being symbolically cleansed of her sins from the inside out.

  Now that the initial wave of relief has passed, Bri has the time to contemplate the gravity of what’s happened to her this morning since Lukus took her out of the cage. The complex emotions raging through her are beyond confusing. Her body’s deep desire to be submissive is at war with the part of her brain that wants to reason her way out of the situation.

  Lukus and James had been so harsh, and yet on some level she accepts that she deserved most of what they put her through. So why in the world did Lukus finally cave in and rescue her from the humiliation of having to expel out in the open in front of her husband’s friends?

  ‘Who cares why he did it, Bri? Just thank God he did.’

  Still, Brianna can’t stop herself from analyzing Lukus’ motives. He tries so hard to be the strict Master’s Master, always in control of his submissives, always in control of himself. But Brianna suspects she’s glimpsed a side of Lukus few others have seen - a vulnerable side he works hard to hide from the world.

  She’s also surprised at herself. Given her history with men, it amazes her that she is now calmly analyzing what has happened rather than being in a full mental meltdown. She just isn’t quite sure what it all means.

  It’s abundantly clear that Lukus is every bit as dominant as Jake has ever been, but in spite of all of the horrendous things he’s done to her in the last twelve hours, Lukus still seems somehow trustworthy. She’d seen him watching her carefully while James was punishing her. It was as if he were standing guard and making sure Brianna wasn’t actually hurt. Remembering his protectiveness makes her heart flutter.

  It dawns on her then that Lukus is exactly the kind of dominant man she’d hoped she was marrying in Markus. She sees so many similarities between the two strong men and has absolutely no trouble believing they are best friends. Hell, they even look alike. On a professional level, Markus is as alpha-male as Lukus any day. Only in private are they different. So why in the world has Markus completely hidden his dominant nature from her?

  ‘If he’d only been honest with me from the start, we might have been able to avoid this whole mess in the first place.’

  For the first time since she left the hotel the day before, she allows herself to direct some of her frustration towards Markus. She never would have cheated on her husband if he’d shown his true dominant nature to her from the beginning. She never would have needed Jake to scratch her itch for subservience if Markus had been doing it all along. Bri’s anger towards her husband starts to brew.

  e

  Bri spends over fifteen minutes alone in Lukus’ private bathroom before she finally feels ready to face him again. When she tentatively opens the bathroom door, Lukus is waiting just a few inches away, leaning casually against the door jam. He has a tall glass of ice water in his hands.

  He hands her the glass. “Here. Drink this. You haven’t drunk enough.”

  The water is like heaven and she drinks it all.

  For the first time since arriving at the club, Brianna feels a small sense of relief. She still has no clue how she’s going to convince her husband to forgive her, but she knows she can’t give up trying yet.

  “So now what?” she asks, tentatively.

  “Now, I take you back into the bathroom and run you a hot bath. Then we’re going to talk and you’re going to explain to me why the hell you cheated on Markus. It’s abundantly clear to me that you love him very much. I have my suspicions, but I need you to hear it from you.”

  “Why do you care?” she asks. “Why not let me call Tiffany and have her pick me up? You could just get rid of me.”

  “As tempting as that might be, I really do owe Markus. He pulled my ass out of the fire this week so I’m not just going to shirk my responsibilities. He entrusted you to me, so you’re stuck with me.” For the briefest of moments, Lukus’ face softens before his dominant mask returns. “Don’t think just because I’ve gone all soft all of a sudden that I’m any less pissed that you hurt my best friend. I was there. I saw his face when you broke his heart. You still have a lot of explaining to do and, mark my words, if I don’t like the answers, your punishment will continue indefinitely until you sign the fucking divorce papers. You understand, sweetheart?”

  Brianna breaks into her first smile since meeting him. “You talk big, but you really are a pretty nice guy, you know that Lukus?”

  Lukus snorts and is about to answer, but Bri cuts him off, holding up her hand to silence him. “Oh don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I promise not to let anyone know the Master has a heart.”

  Her gorgeous smile appears to knock the breath right out of him. Recovering, Lukus grabs her by the elbow to tows her back into the bathroom. “Come along, little girl. Time is a wasting.”

  Lukus marches her to the sink and roots around in the cabinet below, coming out with a brand new toothbrush. He digs in his drawer for his toothpaste and leaves her behind to brush her teeth while he heads to an oversized whirlpool tub in his luxurious master bath. The tub is on a raised platform and Lukus kneels on the marble steps and leans in to start the water filling. He reaches into the nearby cabinet for what looks and smells like feminine bath oils. Bri wonders just how many other women have enjoyed a bath in Lukus’ private haven.

  Brianna has joined him next to the bath by the time the tub is full. A lilac scent wafts up from the warm steam. Lukus turns on the whirlpool jets before reaching back to assist Brianna. She self-consciously allows the robe to drop to the floor as she climbs the steps and lowers into the bath.

  A groan of unadulterated bliss escapes Brianna’s lips as the warm water begins to soothe her sore and weary body. She immediately sinks back, closing her eyes and laying her head against the soft bath pillow conveniently
waiting for her tired head. She loses track of time as she enjoys the feel of water from the powerful jets pulsing over her aching muscles.

  She snaps back with a jolt, surprised to see Lukus still sitting on the side of the tub, his eyes watching her intently, an unreadable expression on his face.

  Bri is embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. It just felt so good I kind of lost it for a few minutes.” Suddenly self-conscious, she lifts her knees enough to try to hide her pussy while raising her hands to cover her exposed breasts. “Are you going to sit there and watch me? It’s kind of creeping me out.”

  Lukus’ face breaks out into a broad smile. “Really? After all we’ve experienced together in the last twenty-four hours, it’s having me watch you bathe that has you creeped out?”

  Bri chuckles. “Well when you put it that way, it does sound ridiculous. But still, I really can take a bath by myself, you know.”

  “Of course I know. But it’s been my experience that women open up better in the comfort of a whirlpool tub. Of course, I usually like to climb in with them and, well, encourage them, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the smartest of ideas today so I thought you could start answering some of my questions while I soap your back and wash your hair.”

  Bri’s heart flutters at the thought of Lukus helping her bathe. While it’s true he’s inspected her most intimate body parts, having him wash her back and hair seems more intimate, somehow. She feels like she should say no, but when he grabs a bath sponge and lathers it up with body soap, the objection dies in her throat. She tells herself he’s still the Master, and that she’s just following orders as she’s agreed to do. But deep down, she fears they are both feeling the same dangerous tug of something she’s afraid to acknowledge.

  “So, why don’t you start at the beginning,” Lukus begins. “Who the fuck is Jake and why the hell did you feel the need for the touching reunion?”

  “Seriously. We’re really going to have this very personal discussion here… now… while I’m naked in the tub?”

  “You bet. Like I said, I suspect you won’t be able to hide the truth from me here.”

  “Honestly, Lukus. I don’t want to hide anything. Not anymore.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, Markus has done his share of hiding secrets too. For two people who love each other so much, you both seem to be very good at lying to each other.” His tone is hard.

  “I don’t feel like I lied to Markus,” she replies. “At least, not in the beginning. Only later, after I’d healed did I start having to hide my feelings from him.”

  “Healed? What the hell does that mean? Were you sick?”

  Bri fears discussing her private sexual experiences with Lukus, but she pushes it down. He is, after all, the Master of a private sex club. If he can’t understand what she’s been through, she has no chance of helping Markus understand. Brianna closes her eyes and starts her story as the jets of water continue to relax her body.

  “Not sick the way you think.” She takes a deep breath and starts from the beginning. “I knew by the time I was halfway through college that there was something wrong with me. Most of my friends were pairing up with nice boys who were complete pushovers. And they were happy with these guys. After all, it’s the twenty-first century. Why should men call all the shots? But all I saw when I looked at these guys were total wimps. Of course, my friends all kept trying to set me up with guys like they had and so I’d date perfectly nice, normal guys to make them happy. But the more I dated normal guys the more frustrated I got.

  Do you know how exasperating it is to verbalize your submissive needs to a guy too clueless to figure it out and too weak to fulfill them even if he knew? It kind of defeats the purpose to spell it out, not that it mattered. Just the mention of the word ‘spanking’ had the ones I did tell bolting faster than a race car driver at Daytona.”

  “Bri, look at me.” His sternly issued interruption startles her into instant obedience.

  “Sweetheart, there’s nothing wrong with you or these feelings you have. You know that, right?” He doesn’t give her a chance to answer. “I don’t ever want to hear you say there’s something wrong with you again.” He nods. “Go on.”

  Bri settles back against the tub and continues.

  “I guess an important part of the story is that I loved romance novels, but over time I realized the normal-boy-meets-normal-girl-happily-ever-after stories were just not cutting it with me. I gravitated to the edgy romances where the woman was always the submissive to a dominant, strong man. You know - the naughty princess is captured by the rogue pirate and ravaged at sea until he admits he loves her and they live happily ever after. Or the naughty young socialite who marries the older Duke who spanks her into becoming a well-behaved young wife while loving and cherishing her till death do they part. Over time, I found a lot of spanking and domestic discipline sites on the Internet and that lead to more aggressive BDSM sites and before long, I knew I wasn’t going to be happy unless I was with a strong man who would not only love me, but protect me, discipline me, and basically want to master me - at least in the bedroom.

  For years I kept those desires pushed down. Then I met my best friend Tiffany. She not only understood, but shared many of my same… well… hang-ups.”

  Bri opens her eyes to look into Lukus’ eyes for the rest of the story. “I know we were stupid, but after college, Tiff and I started hanging out at some of the BDSM clubs downtown. We were smart enough to always stick together and at first; we just went to watch. I was still too timid to actually cross over from a voyeur to a player and honestly, I was happy enough keeping it that way for a long time. But then I met Jake. He was my first and I guess my only BDSM relationship.”

  “How old were you when you met him?”

  “Twenty-two. A baby really.”

  “So what happened?”

  “The first few months or so things were okay. I can’t say I was truly happy. Not in the way I am with Markus, but I certainly was having fun exploring all of the darker sexual experiences I’d been reading and fantasizing about. And Jake was happy helping me explore them. Eventually, though, things started to change. I’d pretty much plateaued and was happy with the spanking and the sex a little on the rough side. Jake, on the other hand, had decided he wanted to keep pushing the envelope.”

  “It truly is one of the hardest parts in a D/s relationship,” Lukus said. “The figuring out each other’s limits and understanding if the Dom and sub are compatible.”

  “Well, that assumes that both people actually want to discover each other’s limits.”

  Lukus’ face hardens. “He was a new Dom. I gather he didn’t take it slow enough for you. I try so hard to take new Doms under my wing to help them out. So many assholes think that being a Dom means you just get to be a domineering jerk 24/7. They don’t realize the great responsibility that comes with taking care of a submissive. Subs are to be protected… nurtured… cherished.”

  “Well, Jake must have missed getting that memo,” Brianna says with a mirthless laugh. “He had no interest in understanding my limits. On the contrary, he wasn’t happy unless he was pushing me well past them.” Bri takes a break, hating to say the next words, but knowing she can’t stop. “I should have left the first time he raped me, but the lines between submission and abuse were so fuzzy for me at first. He said all of the right words to keep me confused. ‘You told me you like to submit, so you’ll submit.’ Or my all-time favorite - ‘subs have no right to say no… ever.’”

  “The fucker. I thought I was pissed at him yesterday. Today, I think I’m going to kill him. Did Markus know about him?”

  “Yes, he knew. By the time I finally left Jake, he’d pretty much beaten me within an inch of my life more than once, all in the name of punishment mind you. I think the worst thing I ever did to deserve a punishment was forget to pick up his dry cleaning before one of his business trips. I left him for a couple months after that session. But then he came around
with a big bouquet of roses, begging for another chance just before Valentine’s Day. He was always so apologetic, swearing he’d learned his lesson and that he would never let his anger get the most of him ever again. That time he booked us a weekend away at a bed and breakfast to prove he could be as romantic as the next guy. Like a fool, I went away with him.”

  Bri stops the story here. Her eyes are closed again and Lukus can’t help but notice that she is visibly shaking. “Is the water getting too cold? You’re shivering.”

  Her eyes remain closed as if to shut out her memories. “The water is fine. I was just deciding how much I was going to tell you. I made the mistake of telling Markus everything and I think it’s a big part of what went wrong between us.”

  “Sweetheart, you need to tell me what you told Markus. I need to know where his head is at right now.”

  Brianna turns to gaze into the eyes of her husband’s best friend. “Why do you call me sweetheart?”

  Her question seems to catch Lukus by surprise. “I don’t know. I guess at first I was using it to get your attention. Now… it sort of just fits. Does it bother you?”

  “It should… but oddly it doesn’t.” She gives him a pained smile. “It’s just that Markus calls me sweetheart, too.”

  Their eyes are locked. The energy in the room is shifting. Lukus forces himself to look away. “I think you’re stalling.” Reaching into the water, Lukus lifts her left leg and begins to lather her with the soapy bath sponge. “Back to your story.”

  Brianna looks away from Lukus, her mind wandering back to the weekend that would forever change her life. “I should have known when we arrived at the remote cabin in the woods that something was wrong. Jake made out that he just wanted us to have a romantic getaway all alone. But what he really wanted was to get me miles away from civilization so no one could hear me screaming. We weren’t in the cabin ten minutes before he had me stripped naked and tied down. There was nothing romantic about it. The sole purpose of the weekend was for him to beat me until I promised never to leave him again. I’ve blocked out a lot of the details. I only remember that he used every punishment implement he owned on me. He only took breaks from beating me to get something to eat or rape me. Before we left on the trip, he’d promised me he would finally let me have a safe word, but of course the first time I tried to use it, he laughed and said no one knew my limits better than he did and that he’d only stop when he thought I’d had enough.”